Gratia:
The worst thing that can happen to any woman is being jobless house wife. You will look older than your age.

Since you are stay at home mum, what exactly do you need a maid for? Don't you think it's high time you let her go so that you will have less mouth to feed.

ImaIma1:


Believe me...doing all the chores...cleaning bathrooms, toilets, kitchen, rooms, cooking and taking care of kids is not child's play. You just wake up one day and see that you have aged or are unkempt. Everyone needs some support.

Gratia:


I have kids too.
You don't keep maid where the family is struggling to survive.
Do u clean bathroom and toilet daily? I know it's not easy but one have to live according to resources available.

jessca048:
so people still play the role of full time house wife in this age.

cococandy:
1) No. other men don’t act like this. Or maybe they do. I don’t know. However, Your husband is very stingy. His sister probably knows. that’s why she always gives you money. Bless her kind heart. Please always remember her in your prayers and give her due respect.

2) did you discuss with your husband the type of financial arrangement both of you will have? If he agreed for you to be a housewife, then he’s indeed very ungracious. However if that wasn’t the plan and you decided on your own to be a housewife, then you need to do better. Have fire and a burning desire in your heart to do better for yourself.

Put your kids in daycare and go get a job. Let him use his money to pay for the daycare since he won’t provide for the person taking care of his kids. (I’m almost sure your maid is a child so let her go to school please).

Most people believe bringing money for food and paying rent is the end of provision. That’s why no one can truly provide for another person unless they are very rich and very very generous.

Provision goes beyond needs such as food and shelter. Wants are also important for your mental health. Can you ever buy something that you don’t need but truly want? Can you ever see something that you feel is overpriced but you feel like spoiling yourself so you buy it anyway?

That’s why you need to wake up and do something for yourself. Go learn a new skill if you have to.

shegsrules:
Anty Susu good morning, please help me post this and hide my ID.
Please is it normal for my husband not to drop money at home when leaving for work everyday? there are some food stuffs at home,not all, so sometimes we still need to buy something else 2 cook,or things 2 use and cook d one at home like fish, vegetables or so, smtimes we wud need to buy bread and there wud be no money, sometimes i wud like 2 eat spag or something different but there wont be money, we eat almost the same food everyday, once there is soup at home he feels he has done evrything he would for us, so we eat garri everyday, am tired of evryday swallow bt no money to cook other food. anytime i ask him for money for food he tells me he dint come back with 10 kobo, and we have 2 kids plus my house help, please is that how other men do in their homes? He doesnt even gv me money for my personal needs, cloths, kids cloths, my hair, cream, every damn thing i buy myself, iam always begging people for money wheneva am stucked in need, even the ones i dont know personally, and sometimes his sister do dash me money,so i use it sometimes for my personal needs. He would buy an iphone, come to my face and flex it,tellin me how a big man he is, dat he bought it 100+k, and then ask me to bring money so we could go change my andriod phone to a higher andriod phone, which money? When i dont work. There was a time he saw my torn pant and was like all my pants are torn, cant i buy another pants, i begged him for money for pants (2k),he said i shouldnt worry that he would buy it for me, months passed he did not, until his sister dashed me money and i changed my pants from the money. He always buys meat for soup by himself, he buys tomatoes, things for stew by himself, or he gives my house help and tell her what to buy, the day he wud give me at all, he wud give me 1k and tell me to cook 2 soups wit it, 2 good soups, if i refuse he wud now add 500 naira 2 it and say i shud manage it. Since i married him (4 yrs) he havent given me money for hair (now am goin to barb d hair cos of lack of money 2 take care of it, which i have told him several times and he dint say a thing), my cloths, cream or anything, wheneva i complain he wud tell me his sister do dash me money and its becos of him, so i shudnt conplain. He buy shoes 4 himself steady, but dont care if i hv any, wen i needeed shoe badly for church i have to beg his sister 4 money 4 shoes, she knws about all dis, but she keep saying i shudnt bother him, dat i shud be asking her 4 money, like seriously? Am i married to u? Not like her brother doesn't have, hes a business man, And am not dat kind of person dat demands alot 4rm people, it wud look like am a burden to u. i take care of myself by myself,i buy my phones myself, when my hot 3 spoilt, he knows and brought his nokia touch for me to be using, not even money 2 repair my phone, before someone bought an infinix note for me, i wonder if he isnt concern about where i get my money or things from, he doesnt care, as long as u dont ask him for it, get it anywhere you want. Sometimes i beg him not 2 feed me but atleast feed the kids. If i ask him for money 4 bread, he would say we should manage anyhow that when hes coming back d next day that he would buy bread himself. The day his change (200 naira) remained from water dispenser he asked my girl to buy, he remembers and called from work that we should use dat change and buy bread for him (he likes eating bread), i told him we used the change for bread dis morning and he was angry.... So many things that i cant type now, i am dat type of lady that hate demanding, so i always let him be wheneva he says he doesnt have just for peace to reign, we manage anyhw, or i look for someone to borrow from, then wait for his sister to dash me money again, then i will pay my debt. And becos iam dat independent girl i neva asked him 4 money wen we were dating and he neva gave me so it dint occur 2 me he wud be like this wen we are married and have kids. Am meant to be sending money for my people but no source of income, i always feel bad anytime my mom tells me they dont have rice again, that she buys local rice by cups wheneva they want to cook rice, i feel bad because i cant help her. Honestly i dont know if this whole thing is right, asin if that is how other men behave, i thought men make money to be able to take care of their wives and kids and keep them happy, i have heard so many men say they wont marry until they are financially ok becos they wudnt want their wives and kids 2 suffer or lack. Sometimes i do regret my marriage. Please is this his actions right or wrong? And please tell me anywhere you guys think am expecting too much from him. Hes in this group so he might see the post, though its ananymous, but he should know its from me cos dats evrything he does.

Acidosis:


Nothing is wrong about playing the role of a full time house wife.

Many people won't get jobs. More would go into business to avoid what people like you would say, but end up with losses. To avoid closing shop, more will pump more money to the business and continue to lose, just to "keep body and soul together".

With understanding, playing the role of a fulltime house wife at some point of a woman's life can be mutually beneficial. If staying at home will enable families save cost, then I'm in total support. Most of the time, staying at home save costs.

ImaIma1:
When a man is even buying the meat, tomatoes, etc to avoid dropping money...hmmm. Stingy alert!!

The husband may have been the one to say she should stay at home and be a house wife but it is better to get a job or source of income.

Money brings power. He has the money and he is wielding power. Have your own money too.

cococandy:
1) No. other men don’t act like this. Or maybe they do. I don’t know. However, Your husband is very stingy. His sister probably knows. that’s why she always gives you money. Bless her kind heart. Please always remember her in your prayers and give her due respect.

2) did you discuss with your husband the type of financial arrangement both of you will have? If he agreed for you to be a housewife, then he’s indeed very ungracious. However if that wasn’t the plan and you decided on your own to be a housewife, then you need to do better. Have fire and a burning desire in your heart to do better for yourself.

Put your kids in daycare and go get a job. Let him use his money to pay for the daycare since he won’t provide for the person taking care of his kids. (I’m almost sure your maid is a child so let her go to school please).

Most people believe bringing money for food and paying rent is the end of provision. That’s why no one can truly provide for another person unless they are very rich and very very generous.

Provision goes beyond needs such as food and shelter. Wants are also important for your mental health. Can you ever buy something that you don’t need but truly want? Can you ever see something that you feel is overpriced but you feel like spoiling yourself so you buy it anyway?

That’s why you need to wake up and do something for yourself. Go learn a new skill if you have to.

Acidosis:


Nothing is wrong about playing the role of a full time house wife.

Many people won't get jobs. More would go into business to avoid what people like you would say, but end up with losses. To avoid closing shop, more will pump more money to the business and continue to lose, just to "keep body and soul together".

With understanding, playing the role of a fulltime house wife at some point of a woman's life can be mutually beneficial. If staying at home will enable families save cost, then I'm in total support. Most of the time, staying at home save costs.

Hanseel1:


What I denoted from this is that the man has been giving her money and she'd divert the money to buy personal needs.

Most Nigerian women have this bad attitude, they'll say the stuff is 10k and the real price is 4k just to purchase personal things with the money left and buy inferior stuffs for the home.


The man will be left with no choice but to purchase the stuffs by himself.

Hanseel1:



What you need is a job and not this unnecessary long article.

ImaIma1:


But don't you think she has personal needs. Everything cannot be about the children and the house especially if they agreed she would be a stay at home mum.

If the man is neglecting her own needs, she will inflate what she gets from him for other things.

And it is not a "Nigerian womam" thing...it is a general thing. Even guys used to inflate prices of handouts and books in school to get more money from their parents.

It is only a stingy man that purchases things himself like that not because he is trying to please his wife or he had the opportunity to buy it but because he doesn't want to give her extra money. It is his wife not a stranger.

Hanseel1:



Madam what do you mean by it's only a stingy man that purchases stuffs by himself?

You are in 2018 but you speak like someone living in 1985.

ImaIma1:


I repeat...it is a stingy man that will go to the market just because he doesn't want to give his wife the money. It is a different case if he just decided to help out or had the opportunity to buy the things.

I never saw my dad entering the market to buy foodstuffs to avoid giving my mum money...neither did i see my uncles or family friends do it. So it is not about the century or time zone oga.

Acidosis:


Nothing is wrong about playing the role of a full time house wife.

Many people won't get jobs. More would go into business to avoid what people like you would say, but end up with losses. To avoid closing shop, more will pump more money to the business and continue to lose, just to "keep body and soul together".

With understanding, playing the role of a fulltime house wife at some point of a woman's life can be mutually beneficial. If staying at home will enable families save cost, then I'm in total support. Most of the time, staying at home save costs.

Hanseel1:




2) did you discuss with your husband the type of financial arrangement both of you will have? If he agreed for you to be a housewife, then he’s indeed very ungracious. However if that wasn’t the plan and you decided on your own to be a housewife, then you need to do better. Have fire and a burning desire in your heart to do better for yourself.

I'm sure she's an educated woman.

How a lady who acquired a certificate through intelligence will voluntarily choose to become a housewife is beyond me.

The husband might not necessarily want his wife to be an housewife but there are some women who are so lazy that they'll choose to become an housewife than to do business (Godforbid, I can't deal with such women)

Put your kids in daycare and go get a job. Let him use his money to pay for the daycare since he won’t provide for the person taking care of his kids. (I’m almost sure your maid is a child so let her go to school please).

Are you kidding me? “his kids”?
The kids were produced by both of them and if taking care of your own child means you should be paid then something is wrong. You can't be paid for taking care of your own child.

cococandy:
Sometimes being a house wife is the most profitable option for the family at that time. If the children are still small then it most likely is the best option for them financially depending on where they live and if he makes more money than her.

I don’t necessarily go by this principle, but it make sense to me when people choose it. However I always advice otherwise unless they truly don’t have other options.

She said they have been married for 4 years. If they had none of their kids before marriage, then the kids are probably 3 and 1 years old. Do you believe it would be easy to keep a job and still provide full time care for those children as needed?

If she keeps a job to the detriment of their children’s care, he will still be the one to call her a bad wife. I doubt he would be willing to change diapers when she’s at work. Please be realistic.

Yes the kids belong to both of them. she’s spending the majority of her time taking care of them and she should be adequately provided for since the money he makes should belong to both of them.

cococandy:
Sometimes being a house wife is the most profitable option for the family at that time. If the children are still small then it most likely is the best option for them financially depending on where they live and if he makes more money than her.

I don’t necessarily go by this principle, but it make sense to me when people choose it. However I always advice otherwise unless they truly don’t have other options.

She said they have been married for 4 years. If they had none of their kids before marriage, then the kids are probably 3 and 1 years old. Do you believe it would be easy to keep a job and still provide full time care for those children as needed?

[s]If she keeps a job to the detriment of their children’s care, he will still be the one to call her a bad wife. I doubt he would be willing to change diapers when she’s at work. Please be realistic.

Yes the kids belong to both of them. she’s spending the majority of her time taking care of them and she should be adequately provided for since the money he makes should belong to both of them.[/s]

Hanseel1:



What if he's providing for her but still choose to purchase house stuffs by himself?

The earlier you realize this is the 21st century, the better for you.

Hanseel1:



Do you know what is called “daycare” or “nanny”?
If they can't afford those, either of their mothers ,fathers or any immediate relation can come and stay with them for the purpose of taking care of the kids till they're about 4 years old each.