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Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by ststyreal(f): 6:11pm On Sep 12, 2018 |
ClassicQueen:Yeahhh, you have done well. Just be nice to all. Take care and may the good lord grant you a blissful home amen 3 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Eketem: 7:29pm On Sep 12, 2018 |
Please don't be frustrated with those accusing you of all sorts, a,child of 11 should be with her mother being a child, helping the mom with a business is best. Those pre teenage and adolescent years are so tough a child should be with the parents grow and decide as an adult if they want to be a help. Your husband can pay fees while the child stays with her mother 8 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by JoannaSedley(f): 7:57pm On Sep 12, 2018 |
Wilfredpat22:You must be out of your blood.y mind to single Igbo women out. Be careful 7 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Meringe(m): 8:08pm On Sep 12, 2018 |
ClassicQueen:I think differently from what others here have posted. 11 years old girl can back a baby very comfortable and help with with little house chores. If you are a good person and a positive person at that, you wouldn't be thinking this way but you seems very difficult. See, no matter how bad people are or unappreciative they might be, it can never stop a 'giver' from giving . Take this girl in and train her like your own child and she will in turn train your child. Unless you have observed that the girl is not a good girl, then you can be justified. 4 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by ImaIma1(f): 1:24am On Sep 13, 2018 |
mrblessed: Calm down na!! The owners of the child are responsible for their child and are in the best position to care for her but instead they have decided to keep having kids that they cannot take care off and trying to inconvenience someone else all in the name of helping. OP should make arrangements with her hubby to pay school fees directly to the school for the girl while she stays with her parents. When they share the children they have reared, they will make more babies since they can easily look for who to burden and send the children to for care taking. 10 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by ImaIma1(f): 1:29am On Sep 13, 2018 |
Wilfredpat22: Why do you always have to sound insultive when giving advice? There is nothing wrong with having children according to your income. We get too sentimental about helping and it usually backfires. 7 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by ImaIma1(f): 1:36am On Sep 13, 2018 |
Op i do not even agree with you sending money to the mum to start a business or whatever. She might end up depending so much on the business to care for the kids and still coming back to ask for school fees. I say that because i know a woman with 3 sons and another one on the way, who started a business but is still not able to sustain it because she eats into more than the profit. Please find out about the girl's school fees and make arrangements with your husband to pay the fees directly to the school to avoid the funds being diverted. 5 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Eketem: 4:13am On Sep 13, 2018 |
Meringe: When you have your own daughter send her off at 11 to go and be a Nanny to another person's child since you feel so strongly about an 11 year old child working for somebody instead of enjoying her childhood 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by cococandy(f): 5:51am On Sep 13, 2018 |
Why should she do that? So easy for you people to say someone should take another person’s child and raise as their own. How many people’s children are you raising? Or you don’t know know anyone in this world who needs help raising one of their extra kids Meringe: 8 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by cococandy(f): 5:53am On Sep 13, 2018 |
Your brain is obviously located in your anus Onye apari Wilfredpat22: 7 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by cococandy(f): 5:54am On Sep 13, 2018 |
She doesn’t even owe them school fees. People are so fvcking entitled. it pisses me off ImaIma1: 8 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Mizwisdom(f): 6:19am On Sep 13, 2018 |
For the sake of the child born into poverty, take her and give her a better life. If you change her life, people will know and even if the parents are ungrateful, other people watching things will commend you, the favor may be returned in future 1 Like |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by mrblessed(m): 6:49am On Sep 13, 2018 |
ImaIma1:The job of attorney perfectly fits you very well. Someone asked the Op a question that emanated from her unguarded and needless comments, which she couldn't answer: that if the table is reserved, would hold such opinion about her relatives that are surviving? Nobody has the power to force her to do what she doesn't want, but we should be alert when implausible narrative is employed to justify what is wrong. I am being caution to "calm down" while your vindicating defence ignores the stereotype which compels the Op to profile her husband's relatives she barely knows. I am not surprised you fail to mildly chastise the Op, while pointing out many options available to Op. Maybe it is one of the ways of defending the womenfolk. |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Pearl05(f): 6:53am On Sep 13, 2018 |
There is nothing wrong in 11yrs old staying with another family. It depends on how she is being treated. Assuming you have a girl of 9 yrs as daughter and also have 2 younger kids, won't the 9 yrs be able to look after her younger ones while you are out? Can't she sweep the floor, wash plates, play with her siblings, separate fight, wash their lunch box, socks, or even run all errands such as to buy something across the street? Does doing all these makes the 9 yrs old a help in the her father's house? I think these and more are part of training the child. Now we have 11yrs in question. Please if your instincts is against taking her in, then don't but she will be helpful to you when you treat her like your child . Enroll her in the same sch your kids will attend. 3 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Janelle08: 7:38am On Sep 13, 2018 |
Op, follow your instinct. Don't let anyone push you into doing what you don't want to. I have similar issue here. My marriage is barely a year old. Hubby's sister had a child out of wedlock. The family want to send their daughter away from her boyfriend. Now hubby want to bring in the little boy ( 1year and 6month) to live with us. I am really skeptical about In-laws and kind of misunderstanding it might bring in our marriage. More especially this in-laws that keeps me out of family discussions and keeps unnecessary secret from me like I'm a stranger. Besides, why will I have to suffer for someone else promiscuity? The girl will go far away living freely. While I will turn nanny. 7 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Winter4: 7:51am On Sep 13, 2018 |
cococandy: :Dthank you cococandy. I knew she was going to meet her match here. Seeing her posts in other topics just made me shake my head. 4 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Winter4: 7:54am On Sep 13, 2018 |
Pearl05: In her house...with her parents. And thats the point here. Send her errands while she's with you, you become a slave master. Discipline her as you would your child, you become a witch. These things are way more complicated than we see. 14 Likes 1 Share |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Exponental(m): 7:57am On Sep 13, 2018 |
Suggest he places her on scholarship while you get a househelp. I don't approve of this cos you will definitely maltreat her. You're already disconnected with her. 1 Like |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by UjuJoan2: 8:01am On Sep 13, 2018 |
Allow your husband to bring the girls, but also employ a nanny for your baby. That way no one will say you are a using her for your own gain. Consider her charity and do the best you can for her. And God will bless you for it. 1 Like |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Meringe(m): 8:23am On Sep 13, 2018 |
cococandy:I have a life outside here. I don't need to tell you my life. I know your kind will quote me but be rest assured that life is not just about you alone. It's not just about your immediate family. You do your best to accommodate others unless the person(girl) does not deserve it. You actually can't say if she will be the one to accommodate you or your kids tomorrow. @op, bring in the little girl and make her your family. |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Meringe(m): 8:25am On Sep 13, 2018 |
cococandy: I have a life outside here. I don't need to tell you my life. I know your kind will quote me but be rest assured that life is not just about you alone. It's not just about your immediate family. You do your best to accommodate others unless the person(girl) does not deserve it. You actually can't say if she will be the one to accommodate you or your kids tomorrow. @op, bring in the little girl and make her your family. |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Acidosis(m): 9:28am On Sep 13, 2018 |
It's so funny how we judge people before we even get to know/meet them. According to you, you and your hubby are still getting to know each other, so how come you've already known a far away in-law, a young and innocent kid you haven't even met and the possible outcome of your hubby's request? This is one of the things I so much dislike about marriages. Most women these days just go into marriage with an already-made mindset about in-laws. These stereotypical mindset is passed down from their grandmom to their moms and now to them. There is no greater form of witchcraft than this nonsensical mindset. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by ImaIma1(f): 9:57am On Sep 13, 2018 |
mrblessed: Firstly, i will ignore the cheeky comment. Whether relative or inlaw, i do not subscribe to people sending off their children especially underage for other people to look after them. The parents are trying to shift responsibility to someone else who has her own responsibility. And when it is an inlaw, it is more complicated because she will be put in a difficult position. Op has a right to refuse. Taking in another person's child should be a choice and not something that should be imposed on her because someone somewhere feels entitled. 4 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by ImaIma1(f): 9:59am On Sep 13, 2018 |
cococandy: Really it is annoying when people feel they are entitled to your help. 1 Like |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by ImaIma1(f): 10:12am On Sep 13, 2018 |
Acidosis: Marriage is less complicated when relatives and inlaws keep their distance. They can visit and spend a few days but not to come live with you. Any little thing can become an insult especially with some inlaws(whether the man's inlaws or the woman's inlaws) And in the home, it is the woman that usually feels the brunt of such decisions for someone to come and stay in the house. It is better to have a neutral person come stay and act as a care giver or help. Someone you can easily ask to leave when they mess up without a family meeting being called on your head. It is wise not to start what you cannot finish. 9 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by LadySarah: 10:14am On Sep 13, 2018 |
ClassicQueen: |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by LadySarah: 10:19am On Sep 13, 2018 |
ClassicQueen: NNE,don't agree at all.Help her from far unless you want to start babysitting another child.The regrets will surely outweigh the pros 7 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by mrblessed(m): 1:16pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
ImaIma1:I called you an "attorney" because of the unassailable manner you presented your case, something obviously lacking in the Op's emotion-laden categorisation. If the Op had done this way, we won't ever get to this point. |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by cococandy(f): 1:20pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
Meringe: Oh please. Stop your silly guilt tripping. No be today. Nobody owes anyone a duty to raise their kids. Charity should be done out of free will. Never pressured or guilted into. Whether she helps or not does not mean that if she needs help tomorrow, any member of that family will help if they could. Life doesn’t work that way. I don’t know what you mean by my kind But I want to assure you that MY LIFE is about ME. And others lives are about them. No one owes it to another to make their lives all about the others. It’s a good thing to give when it comes freely and not expected or forced. 4 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Nobody: 2:01pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
.. 22 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Winter4: 2:22pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
Clarathomp: And look at him calling it witchcraft. Women generally respect their husband's family. And thus, these family members take advantage of it by behaving in ways they would not in their homes. And when the woman says "peem", there is a family meeting. I saw it happen so many times too. He calls her "innocent"...hmmm...this child is mature enough to tell her parents of how often your family eats chicken...and that she saw you counting plenty money one-day, even though the money was the one you collected from your neighbors for the repair of the transformer. Funny thing is, you would not be there to defend yourself. Husband's family will begin to see you through the "innocent" girl's eyes. That isn't fair to any man or woman. This is why most marriage counselors ask that you discuss relatives with your fiance before you marry. God help us all sha! 5 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by TonyeBarcanista(m): 3:39pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
Jesus! So Naija women are this wicked? I just saw display of witchcraft and evil towards in-laws. No wonder.... Meanwhile, @OP just thank your God that your husband is even seeking opinion from you. If I was the one I will simply inform you and bring the girl. My niece is also my child! You married into my family and must accept my family as yours. As for her cheerleaders, may God not bring your kind to my way... Even if He does, I will tame that person! 3 Likes 2 Shares |
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