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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples (10954 Views)
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Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by cococandy(f): 5:43am On Sep 14, 2018 |
Oh The things the naive and ignorant say with authority Acidosis: 2 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by ImaIma1(f): 5:48am On Sep 14, 2018 |
TonyeBarcanista: Sounds like you did her a favour by marrying her. I understand the situation. Carry on. 2 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by TonyeBarcanista(m): 6:36am On Sep 14, 2018 |
cococandy:My first love remains my family, any woman that is interested in marrying me must accept the reality that she is also married to my family. This doesn't in anyway mean she will be maltreated or whatever! Meanwhile, denying any member of my family from accessing any benefit accrued to me is witchcraft and I will NEVER give room for such evil. Same way I won't be happy with my brother/sisters should they refuse to see my kids as their own. A woman that can't accept my family as hers (like the OP and her bunch of comrades) should better consider not even agreeing to settle down with my kind because this evil spirit of isolating "husband's people" will be greatly tamed. Finally, in my home I make the final decision! My family is my own and they have right to enjoy every benefits accrued to me same as my wife but she must realise this fact. My family is free to visit, live and stay as long as they want in my house but I will be fair to inform/notify my wife for the sake of it. Her family members are also free as long as she seek approval from me (which I will grant anyway). I value family more than anything in life!!! 1 Like |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by TonyeBarcanista(m): 6:39am On Sep 14, 2018 |
ImaIma1:It is not by force for me to marry. It is simple and straightforward! I set ground rules before even proposing, if you like agree, if you don't like you have the choice to reject! It is not by force but FAMILY will never be treated like strangers. Never! |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by toyeem(f): 10:29am On Sep 14, 2018 |
There is nothing we won't see on dis nairaland. See people still sucking mama's breast claiming rights as if marriage is a place to show off ur skills... Dear Op.pls and pls,don't bring a girl of 11years into ur home because shes too young to help with chores and also too fragile and can be easily manipulated by anyone outside to cause unintentional problems for u. If u have to help,do from afar,she can come to Visit only during holidays. Anything u do to dat girl even if it's with good intentions,it will be termed wickedness and maltreatment and d same pple pressuring u to take her now will still say why did u take someone's child into ur home wen u know u cannot accomidate her. 3 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by ImaIma1(f): 10:57am On Sep 14, 2018 |
TonyeBarcanista: Who said anything about treating your family like strangers? As i said, you probably did your wife a favour by marrying her. How you run your own marriage is your kettle of fish. Good luck 3 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by ImaIma1(f): 11:40am On Sep 14, 2018 |
TonyeBarcanista: Let me tell you one truth...if you fall sick and are incapacitated, those family members especially extended will not be the one to stand by you and run helter skelter to make sure you are well. My mum spent 7yrs of her life taking care of my sick dad. His FAMILY that always came to take and take with their entitled mentality kept their distance. Thank God my dad treated my mum well and gave her liberty in their home when he was fine. Not the type of man that thinks that he is BOSS and can do anything he pleases. 5 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Nobody: 11:51am On Sep 14, 2018 |
... 7 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by TonyeBarcanista(m): 12:05pm On Sep 14, 2018 |
ImaIma1:I don't know your family but in mine we stick for each other. Injury to one is injury to all, success of one is success of all, failure of one is failure of all. I have a sister who is married with 4 kids. She knows I and my siblings have her back anytime. Her husband know that our family got their back, the kids are treated like my/our own kids. Her husband's family are closely knitted as well! They got each other's back and the kids from all sides are more like siblings than cousins. That is family! This tradition will and must continue in my own end and it would in those of my other siblings. Those of you that see nothing good in husband's family are on your own. Family over everything as long as I breath! Family remains my first love, either the wife integrate herself or she prepare to find her way out of my life because I will not give room for my family division, and I know the kind of family I come from! 1 Like |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by ImaIma1(f): 12:10pm On Sep 14, 2018 |
cococandy: It is a pity that many mature men do not understand anything about marriage. It will shock them when they go for marriage counselling and they tell them to keep inlaws from all sides at bay. |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by TonyeBarcanista(m): 12:15pm On Sep 14, 2018 |
Acidosis:You are a great man! You are a man of valour! You see how these ladies already have negative mindset towards anything in-laws? Yet they will create hundreds of threads to nag about in-laws whereas they are the problem. This set of people will develop into the infamous "wicked" mother in-laws in decades to come simply because they wouldn't be able to stomach from the DiLs what they dished out to their own in-laws as new wives. These people will get angry if the wife of their second son refuse to accommodate the child of their first son, yet they are doing same thing. These are the people that scatters a happy family immediately they get married into the family. God knows that I will continue to advice men (guys) to always do what is right. 1 Like |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by NoToPile: 12:17pm On Sep 14, 2018 |
Pearl05: Nope, one should only try this with your own 9year child, try this with another person's child they will say you are maltreating the girl. Let every child grow with their parents shikena. If the OP takes that child in a lot of brouhaha will occur, any little thing they will say it's because it's not her child. Help them from afar abeg. 2 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by ImaIma1(f): 12:18pm On Sep 14, 2018 |
TonyeBarcanista: And i am sure your sister's husband doesn't treat her like a subordinate and takes decisions without having her in mind. And doesn't treat her like his family is more important than her right? That is one thing you should learn from them. 1 Like |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Winter4: 12:26pm On Sep 14, 2018 |
ImaIma1: Even when they are told, they would not adhere. Women should really choose their spouses well o..making sure you discuss issues like this before any wedding. |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by NoToPile: 12:27pm On Sep 14, 2018 |
TonyeBarcanista: Oh really!!! 1 Like |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by TonyeBarcanista(m): 12:33pm On Sep 14, 2018 |
ImaIma1:You don't know them and you should ask questions next time. Her husband is the BOSS of their home, being a boss doesn't mean he won't "consult" or seek opinion of the wife (OPINION) especially when he finds her sensible but he makes the decision. As a man, his home is also open to his family, they can show up at any time without his permission (quote me) and he can show up at any time in their own houses without their permission. All he had to do is to notify them of his coming ditto them. My Sister (his wife) can show up at the houses of any of her in-laws and stay as long as she wishes if her husband permit and if necessary, all she has to do is to notify/inform them and that's it. If I want to visit my sister's house, I don't even call her husband! I only tell my sister, she informs her husband and (unconsciously seek/get permission- which she always get), and I go there and stay as long as I desire if I wish and if necessary. That is family! The kids are so free with each other that you won't even know which kid is for which parent. My Dear, I don't know the kind of family you have or your mentality but I just showed you a picture of my own family. In my family we have each others back. We are one! My wife is not starting a new family with me, she is integrating into mine while I accept hers as mine. OP and her comrades should stop exhibiting witchcraft towards in-laws 1 Like |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by TonyeBarcanista(m): 12:34pm On Sep 14, 2018 |
NoToPile:Before nko |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Winter4: 12:46pm On Sep 14, 2018 |
TonyeBarcanista: I like the "integrate" term... I want to ask you-Have you never seen a situation where it went wrong? Have you never seen families where the elder brother is trying to sabotage the younger? If you haven't then I'll understand. 2 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Acidosis(m): 12:46pm On Sep 14, 2018 |
ImaIma1: It is not about imposition, but doing the right thing. |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Winter4: 12:48pm On Sep 14, 2018 |
Acidosis: I want to ask you also...what is this "right thing" you talk about? |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Acidosis(m): 12:50pm On Sep 14, 2018 |
mylove4him: Jesus! So loving ones in-law has even become a thing of "if you could"? How do you guys do it? Marry a man whose family you dislike/hate? Any marriage built on that foundation is going to crumble. You guys go around marrying men with the intention of hating their families. This is evil honestly. 1 Like |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by NoToPile: 12:52pm On Sep 14, 2018 |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Winter4: 12:54pm On Sep 14, 2018 |
Acidosis: I think you intentionally misunderstand her concerns. Have you never seen cases where accepting to train someone else's child backfire? |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Acidosis(m): 1:00pm On Sep 14, 2018 |
Winter4: The right thing is refusing to apply the terrible and bad experiences of e.g. cococandy, in your relations with in-laws, especially those you haven't even met. |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by cococandy(f): 1:00pm On Sep 14, 2018 |
ImaIma1: Umm |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by NoToPile: 1:01pm On Sep 14, 2018 |
Acidosis: Acidosis you can't understand, you are a man Yeah best thing is to love them from afar,it has nothing to do with hate be nice, courteous, polite, respectful but avoid too much closeness and see-finish. It is the day gbege will happen you will know 'you are just a wife' 2 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by cococandy(f): 1:03pm On Sep 14, 2018 |
Acidosis: I didn’t know I’m the same person with that lady up there. Well I haven’t tried to raise anyone’s kids yet. I have my own responsibilities. Each to their own. Come back and have a leg to stand on after you marry and raise kids borne by your wife’s siblings and cousins in addition to your own kids. Na mouth una get for nairaland. Y’all know what everyone else should be doing except when you’re the ones in the situation. 4 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Acidosis(m): 1:04pm On Sep 14, 2018 |
Winter4: Yeah, and I have also seen cases were such events paid off |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Winter4: 1:04pm On Sep 14, 2018 |
Acidosis: What is the right approach to avoid problems when I discipline the girl? |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Acidosis(m): 1:08pm On Sep 14, 2018 |
NoToPile: Well I get the points. Perhaps women, unlike men, fear the unknown on matters relating to in-law affair. |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Acidosis(m): 1:12pm On Sep 14, 2018 |
cococandy: Well that was a subtle response to your previous comment about me. No hate feelings 1 Like |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Acidosis(m): 1:21pm On Sep 14, 2018 |
Winter4: Your in-laws should be ready to accept whatever discipline, food, clothe, and anything you so decide to do with the child. There is no right or wrong approach. When a child comes to live with you, the parents automatically lose the right to dictate what to do with the child in your home. If they're not satisfied with the way you and your hubby run your home, just leave the door open for them to walk away. 2 Likes |
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