I don't have a nairaland account of my own so i decided to make do with a friend's. This might be long so bear with me. I brought this here cos i was told I'd get mature feedback .


So, i recently started seeing this guy.... a little bit more than averagely good looking, rich and has his stuff going for him. Tbh, the only reason I agreed to date him was because of his persistence, he asked me out 4 times (in the space of 2 years) before i finally said yes. While i didn't really feel any attraction towards him until recently, i just thought there'd be no harm in trying. The thing with him is, he can be very shallow and childish sometimes, I often wonder what I'm doing even with the prick. I'll not bore you with the details but it can be really exasperating... He's a great guy, and i really do like him but i can't help thinking of the relationship as a ticking time bomb waiting to explode, as patience is not a virtue i possess.



Which brings me to option number 2


This other guy... who also wants me and is 4x the man my boyfriend is, way more attractive too. He's so mature although he's a little bit older, but i know for a fact that being with him would definitely make me a better person. I honestly can't find any fault in the guy, maybe it's because I don't really know much about him or I'm carried away by the looks. But i KNOW he's generally a better guy, and I'm a pretty good judge of character so i trust my guts. But the thing is, he's struggling financially... even though i don't exactly want his money (you'd literally have to twist my arm to get me to accept stuff from guys), i don't think i can date a broke guy.
been there (twice), done that, never happening again.

But I also can't help thinking I'll eventually lose on both sides. Sigh, call me selfish but it's what it is.



Then there's the ex i never really got over . He says he wants me back and i can literally feel myself losing my grip already. Thing is, it takes a whole lot of effort and time to get me to come out of my shell. It's something I'm still struggling with even in my present relationship. But with the ex who i was friends with long before we even started dating, i wouldn't have to go through the tortuous phase of letting someone else in as he already knows his way in. But then, there's a reason we broke up, reasons we haven't fully addressed, reasons that will most likely still be a problem if we ever get back together. I know it's a terrible idea and the only reason why it's even an option is because it's convenient...i guess. And i really do miss him





Sigh. I'm a huge fuckình mess right now, so many things running through my head. I have no idea why I'm even posting it. Maybe i just want to know what you'd do if you were in my shoes or have someone tell me what to do


Pardon any blunders, too lazy to proofread

Your problem too plenty

Briee:
Your problem too plenty

Her problem is a problem. What a confused lady!

You have a rich boyfriend; he's immature.

You have a besty who's mature; he's broke.

You have an ex you're still into and confused about.

Truth is; you care about money, and that's why you can't date your broke besty. What you want is a rich and matured guy and maybe; if you start telling your boyfriend to adjust when you spot his flaws; he may grow to be the kind of man you want.

nah only dey see dey chase up/down.Ur jazz strong

Thou this might sound harsh truth is you don't really know what you want from your relationship you aren't really different from your rich boyfriend who you claim seems childish.
You need to look beyond the now and gaze into the future who amongst them seems capable of giving you that dream home you desire.

First thing I have to tell you, no one is perfect, nobody is a complete baggage. There are always defects and flaws. The question now is, can we live with those flaws?
Like someone posited up there, you do care about money period!
You can't change people. And marriage (time) amplifies people's character. So if someone is a jerk before marriage, he is gonna be a bigger jerk in marriage with time. You can take that to the bank. Before marriage there is so much dizzy feelings but after a lot of years, all those rush have died down, what is left is just that basic feeling of fondness, duty and commitment.
You seem fixated on looks. That also is a wrong parameter. Looks fade. Sometimes when I look at my self now and some pix of my undergraduate days, I just laff. Life has happened to me. I'm still good looking but...I'm no more that dashing athletic Guy lol
You need a man with a wonderful attitude not looks. Looks fade. So when the handsome look has been watered down by age and time what keeps u going?

U didn't mention the issue with ur ex so I can say anything. You best bet is the second guy. Most made men you see around started broke. What you should look out for is a man with drive and ambition. Someone who has plans and is a goal getter. enuf said.

Something tells me you are going to lose all three cos I don't see u going for the broke guy. All the same,. Best of luck!

I'll keep praying everyday never to meet such a confused, selfish and self-centered lady like you.

Your pussay wants your EX.
Your pocket wants your current boyfriend.
While your heart wants another broke man.

What a confused lady who can't adjust herself to tolerate and make things work.

Spits

Hey babe, if I were to be in your shoes, I will never consider trading my peace of mind for money. We are talking about a lifetime companion here. Though I get that financial freedom should also be considered when thinking of settling down but that to me is something that could be worked on, so far you are financially free yourself and he's also not the lazy type, things will turn around for good.

No 2 get my votes

1StopRudeness:
There's no how this babe will not clock 35 with this her indecision problem, only u, 3guys for this men-scracity period...babe..na time oooo, e get time wey dem dey rush, small time now, u go dey look mirror say wetin dey happen naa
. There's no perfect guy anywhere...anytime u see a perfect guy don't deceive urself....someone molded him to that state..he's either married or likely to have woman behind him....
and throw away this ur I cannot date a broke guy mentality...broke is not a genetic trait or family name...it's a state that will pass....one can be broke now and the next minute he's not....so far he's not a layabout and aimless fellow with no ambitions or effort.
Take your own man and mold him..to what you want with paitience, good character and love....
No say I no tell u oooo...Shiloh no dey end for Otta oooo

I'm pretty young though, but i guess you're right.

UmmuFareed:
Hey babe, if I were to be in your shoes, I will never consider trading my peace of mind for money. We are talking about a lifetime companion here. Though I get that financial freedom should also be considered when thinking of settling down but that to me is something that could be worked on, so far you are financially free yourself and he's also not the lazy type, things will turn around for good.

No 2 get my votes

Thanks

Glay:
I'm pretty young though, but i guess you're right.

Because you are pretty young is the reason why you are self centered, confused and suffering from indecision. Wait till you are 28 years and above, you will be matured and know what you want.

Only you have 3 boyfriends! Heigod

Glay:
I'm pretty young though, but i guess you're right.

Define young.....

Are you 20?

yettymuse:
Only you have 3 boyfriends! Heigod

That's what I said...she should come and give my sister one that has not gotten a toaster since 2017

IamD18:
I'll keep praying everyday never to meet such and confused, selfish and self-centered lady like you.

Your pussay wants your EX.
Your pocket wants your current boyfriend.
While your heart wants another broke man.

What a confused lady who can't adjust herself to tolerate and make things work.

Spits

Lol! My pocket has nothing to do with this.

1StopRudeness:


Define young.....

Are you 20?

Yep

You are one heck of a confused person.

And I thought I had issues. Phew!

Glay:
Yep

So you're 20? No wonder.

Stay away from men until you're more emotionally mature to handle relationships.

Glay:
Yep

You are free to be confused for another 6 years...

Your can't date a broke guy though.Does he have a job,a skill or still in school trying to get a certificate?Does he show signs of hardwork,focus and commitment?
That's what you need in a man.


Anyway,you say you are young.Enjoy your confusion then.

1StopRudeness:


That's what I said...she should come and give my sister one that has not gotten a toaster since 2017

Jeez!

Na wa o



Then op, choose number two. Be patient with him, you are just 20 years old.
Relax on the second guy jare. Before u clock 25, he go blow

Dump number one, I hate rich annoying guys
Dump your ex forever! I hate underlying issues thats been ignored deliberately.

I go for number two! if I were still 20years old.

1StopRudeness:


You are free to confused for another 6 years...

Thanks for your valuable input

victorian:








Jeez!

Na wa o



Then op, choose number two. Be patient with him, you are just 20 years old.
Relax on the second guy jare. Before u clock 25, he go blow

Dump number one, I hate rich annoying guys
Dump your ex forever! I hate underlying issues thats been ignored deliberately.

I go for number two! if I were still 20years old.

Haha. He has unrealistic ideas. He says music is his passion but the genre of music he makes is not exactly popular demand in these parts.

Olalan:
Thou this might sound harsh truth is you don't really know what you want from your relationship you aren't really different from your rich boyfriend who you claim seems childish.
You need to look beyond the now and gaze into the future who amongst them seems capable of giving you that dream home you desire.

1.Be sure,very sure of what you want that's the first step

2. Decide what are the most important, the attributes you can forgo or adapt with, because there's no perfect guy anywhere
Don't fall into the pit of someone I know who had no idea of what she wanted and also thought she could cope with anything. wasted over a decade of her life with the wrong guy all in the name of marriage.
there's marriage of convenience and marriage of love the latter is usually better, more interesting and fulfilling.
And as someone said don't find love let love find you. Refuse to be under any form of pressure

Glay:
Haha. He has unrealistic ideas. He says music is his passion but the genre of music he makes is not exactly popular demand in these parts.

Am just laughing here, although anyone can blow but music really.
it's not just about the kind of job Sis it's about who he is. There are doctors or engineers with terrible character flaws making good money yet their wives are crying silently.
yes you think he has potential but what can he show so far that proves that this is a man who has the ability to bring to fruition his dreams. what are the steps that he has decisively and persistently taken to show the workability of his plans to make his dreams a reality

Forget them all and start again

You're young, and there are so many good men out there. Just take some time out and focus on yourself. Love is easy, when it's complicated like this, it's not love... #Press the restart button

Glay:
Haha. He has unrealistic ideas. He says music is his passion but the genre of music he makes is not exactly popular demand in these parts.

Then dump his assz!

He is not ready to hustle and make it. Except he changes that music line and work on something real.

I was once confused too when i was about 21 , i had three guys i didn't know whom to choose, fast forward to 10years after, i didn't marry any of them.
You will be alright.

Youre 20yrs old. You currently have 3 guys who are head-over-heels in love with u, and you've been there done that in past with broke guys who are also in the 'ex' factor. Tell, how old were u when u started dating guys? If I were one of those guys and I happen to know some these things you've said here, omo, i go jejely waka give u space.. E don tey wey u spoil and u still got a very one way to go.

Go for the rich guy and bear with his poor/childish character. Women always want financial security in a man.


Goodluck.