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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Travel / Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant (2041704 Views)
Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant Part 2 / Living In The Uk/life As A UK Immigrant / Living In Australia/life As An Australian Immigrant (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by sunvick(m): 2:59pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
When most are married already!!! Canadachi: 2 Likes |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by Nobody: 2:59pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
I can’t wait to be surrounded by Caucasians and Asians. The years I’ve spent with you guys is enough. 14 Likes |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by DadR: 3:04pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
I didn't really intentionally omit verse 21 but since you have assumed so and tagged me an hypocrite, no froblem ![]() Peace! Ndukaezennia1: 3 Likes |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by joo2018: 3:07pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
Lol! Issorai! SkyWalk12: |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by sunvick(m): 3:09pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
What a dramatic thread since yesterday!!! Please guys to each Aboki him kettle. We need more landing stories please. 16 Likes |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by Nobody: 3:10pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
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Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by Nobody: 3:12pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
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Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by Nobody: 3:14pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
Guitarlife: And I assume from your analogy here that the man automatically is the driver. Pray tell, is that because he is the better driver? May I ask why if it happens he is not, he cannot be confident enough to hand the steering wheel over to his wife, knowing she is able to handle this situation better than him while he supports? I believe that is the crux of AZeD1's post about partnership. A man must be confident to know when he should hand over the reins to his wife to lead, knowing that it does not mean she is usurping his position as the 'head' as you insist he is, but that as a leader, he identifies the strengths his wife possesses and supports her. That includes supporting where she is unable to attend to 'homely' duties that unfortunately some have decided belong to the woman alone. With respect to the submission you say the 'Holy Book' instructs women, I believe it is only a mad woman that will be 'loved' by her husband and will not 'submit'. Note that the love referred to here must be Christlike as instructed of the men as well. So you as a man must be able to do anything for your wife, lay down your life for her, protect her from the 'mouths that will wag when they see she is not the one doing the cooking and so on'. Love her enough to allow her to be herself - whether she knows how to cook and clean or not (afterall Jesus loved us exactly as we are). Help her (with patience) to develop and better herself and excel at whatever she chooses to do. When you are able to show that kind of love, without judging and without pre-set expectations, then you can expect submission. On the other hand as well, it is only a mad man that will have total submission from his wife and won't love her. Submission is this sense for me is the respect the wife has for the husband as a 'head' as you have chosen to call it but not as a slave-master relationship. Ensure that even if you are making the decisions as a wife, you get his buy in and make it collective. Women who are wise know how to get their stuff done while making the man believe it is his decision. Ensure you do not bruise his ego. Make him happy while making yourself happy. My conclusion again goes back to AZeD1's comment that marriage is a partnership and believe me, you can't wait for your wife to be what you want before you love her. Love her irrespective. Just as she can't wait for you to be the loving husband before she submits to you. Both must happen concurrently. 28 Likes |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by salford1: 3:21pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
It is good to have this argument or better still discussion so people can be prepared. We can quote bible and cultural proverbs from now till tomorrow, truth is that some women will change when they come under stress or feel empowered. What type of stress am I talking about? Immigrants face a list of major life changes including adjusting to a new family dynamic where men are often no longer the sole providers. Many have to face being unqualified for jobs, while facing major financial pressures. Back home men were responsible for major finances, the wives were usually just supplementing the family income. Now both major finances and expenses will be bourne by both husbands and wives. The role reversal is causing a lot conflict, parenting problems and domestic violence in immigrant families, because the whole family dynamic is changing. For some men, it's going to be a huge blow for self-esteem, self-confidence and for their masculinity as can be seen by some commenters on this thread. The stress of adjusting and creating a new life in a new and strange country can push families and relationships to boiling point. Some are working survival jobs at least till they get something better, and they're working different shifts and they may not even see each other many times. House chores would be left undone. Kids can easily be neglected too. There are also stresses when it comes to parenting, with children quickly adapting to life in Canada, often abandoning traditional values and norms. Kids are integrating much faster than parents. When you add all this mix together, common chores will become overwhelming for the women. In Nigeria, alot of us have families around us to help, nannies, drivers, etc. Once you get to Canada, there would be no one to assist. We are often not prepared well for this. Keeping the family as one will now depend on how well the man can adapt to these changes by deviating from cultural norms and traditional beliefs. May God help us all. 48 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by Nobody: 3:21pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by Cherokee(m): 3:22pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
SkyWalk12:Funny fellow. Ever heard that birds of the same plumage flock together ? Not only you can't suddenly turn a Caucasian by mere association, you will always be the outsider you are. 17 Likes |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by Nobody: 3:29pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
vcole: HI @vcole, I guess we are saying the same thing as I believe that's what was meant as private - pay out of pocket for services. Especially if you want to beat the waiting times. 1 Like |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by salford1: 3:30pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
SkyWalk12:Asians are not too different from Africans lol. 3 Likes |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by Cherokee(m): 3:31pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
The black man in a bid to sound politically correct and appear more west than the westerner has continually made himself a joke. The black man will never take a cue from the Asians or the Arabs, your way of life is your way of life and the whiteman's way of life is his way of life. You can never be him no matter how hard you try. To each his own, Guitarlife fret not to air your opinion. Someone up there wants to be equal in all ramifications but doesn't want a man who strikes back when he gets hit by a lady. @Guitarlife, although I am of the school of thought that marriage should be a partnership. I respect your choice. 33 Likes |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by Cherokee(m): 3:33pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
salford1:She wants to be treated better and at the same time wants to be surrounded by Asians. Talk of putting side by side two opposite things. 3 Likes |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by Nobody: 3:34pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
Bsbabe: Babe did you see the bolded ? I guess we are on the same page then. Guitarlife: 5 Likes |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by Godsfavouredone: 3:35pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
uchepixy: Pls I sent to a message request |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by TheCongo2: 3:39pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
salford1: Lol... funny dude ![]() ![]() ![]() You had cracked me laughing and rolling on floor 1 Like |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by Nobody: 3:42pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
Okay guys lets just get back I dont want us to spend 24 hours dragging these issues, apparently both sides are misunderstood to some extent by either sides which is understandable. But I am not happy with the aggressive and abusive manner some people have taken this arguement, we are humans and will never completely agree on all issues, thats okay. Its not a big deal so why do we need to start disrespecting people with the manner of our expressions ? This is the time for us to start counting our blessings in the year 2018 and invoking those of 2019 down lol. ![]() Imagine me , who never cross the boundary of Naija even Ghana sef I never reach God just carry one of the most sought after Visa's in the world give me without going to see any Visa officer, I hear dem dey humble people for Walter Carrington but right now Trump got norrin on me ![]() ![]() Is God not wonderful ? ![]() ![]() ![]() 41 Likes |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by TheCongo2: 3:47pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
Guitarlife: God is wonderful. But too bad that you have dumped your fiancee after been blessed. And this is what prompted the discussion on family Issue to start on this thread. 18 Likes |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by Nobody: 3:47pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
Guitarlife: @Guitarlife, I don't think I am on the same page with you at all o. No vex but I beg to differ. For me, marriage is a partnership in which both have their roles which are very much interrelated. For you it is a hierarchy where the man is the head and the woman is a lower mortal. All i was saying here is that let's even assume like you said, he is the 'head', can't the head be confident enough to know that he doesn't have the 'required competence' to lead at all times? 4 Likes |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by adewa1980: 3:48pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
maternal: Some people come in through provincial nominee programme which they need to stick with their province unless there are compelling reasons why they need to move otherwise it can affect their citizenship application in the future. That is just opinion... 5 Likes |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by salford1: 3:51pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by Majesticniyi(m): 3:55pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
Guitarlife: Bro, you lost from the very start of the conversation. There is absolutely no way you would win an argment about equality of genders online. These ladies and supporting men live 'politically correct' online but are the most submissive to their husbands (the men, demanding submission) in the real world. And if the conversation swings to your favour....gbam, they call you stupid! #SubmissionIsNotSlavery 28 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by vcole: 3:56pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
@vascey I did not use any profanities or insults in addresssing guitar life. However, your admiration of his “conduct” or candour May be pretty skewed, don’t you think? He made the choice to make comments on an online forum and he made statements in generalizations that can be passed up as offensive. Nevertheless his opinion is his and his choices are his to make regardless of what anybody says. However, this is a forum for discussion and conversation and as educated people, having sparring sessions on topics that actually do matter using logical arguments is vital. We do not need to always agree. @salford you are spot on at the need for meaningful conversation. You know most people live life without questioning their decisions. Both my spouse and I were lucky enough to have been raised with gender equality as a priority. So, getting married while in Nigeria saw us deciding to take on duties in our home based on capabilities and not gender. He is the better cook and has been the cook in our home from the outset. This includes family gatherings and when we host. My kids would hardly come to me for meals unless they are literally starving to death or he is not home. I do not like cooking and I have no qualms admitting that. I am better at cleaning and organizing and I do this to OCD perfection. I am also super hands on and DIY. I washed cars growing up and would take my folks cars for servicing or repairs so in our home I service the cars or take for repairs and we do them interchangeably. I also fix stuff around the house cos I know how to. We switch up tasks as necessary and this has never been a problem. Whoever is capable and available handles it. So relocating to Canada even 34 weeks pregnant and with a toddler, we got our house furnished with IKEA and you know how that goes, we bought a power drill and literally set up everything together and it was done in half the time it would have taken just 1 person if we were following gender roles and waiting for the husband to fix alone. My spouse can be a fantastic daddy daycare or take the kids out alone and their personal care or grooming is no issue since he has always done this from birth and I have no qualms getting our cars fixed, tires changed or rotated and all what not. Chores are not an issue. In fact, chores are not the reason technically why a marriage will break up. It is the mindset and reasoning and perspective that informs a certain kind of behaviour that is the real issue. Everyone has their choice to make in their home in the interest of what is best for them. But when we make personal choices we should not forget that they indeed have ripple effects with unintended consequences. When some black lady sat on a bus in far away US of A and challenged segregation, it was a personal choice with a ripple effect that led to challenging racial discrimination and eventually we can draw an undulating line towards our ability to even migrate today. 39 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by Nobody: 4:01pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
salford1:Lovely discussion, folks. I qouted this to correct an anomaly most of us have regarding women in Nigeria being only financially supportive. It's a very big lie. I don't know where u guys always dig up this from. In every house of 20 in Nigeria presently, more than 10 are run by women. Some women earn more than their husbands. Today, millions are laid off work and u know what, go to the national statistical bureau and u will find out majority of them are men. Cos the affected areas are mostly constructions. Now the women that are laid off can survive anyhow by stopping low. Some fry groundnuts, play hair, mama put and some other menial things that men will never think of doing just to put food in the house. Most of the men will wake up and go for job hunt as usual. There are thousands of them in abuja. Some are so ashamed to tell their people and still go about with their big cars fuelled by wifey. It's not everything that women open up to people. The reason we see lots of them in church looking for solutions for their husbands. Any landlord in abuja will attest to this. These days, it's the wives that pay house rents. Gone are the days women will simply stay at home in the present day Nigeria. There is so much hunger in the land and the motherly instinct will not allow the mothers watch the children go hungry. Up Nigerian mothers! ![]() What they tolerate in the name of religion and culture at home, no woman from any civilised society will endure that without running mad. They are indeed the foundation of all homes. Give them their due respects please. Thanks. 36 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by Nobody: 4:03pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
TEECANN: Responded. 1 Like |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by Nobody: 4:16pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
vcole: @vcole, are you sure you guys are not us? My least loved room in the house - the kitchen. Where will you find my husband when he is off the sofa? The kitchen. Meanwhile, he doesn't know how to hold a drill. In fact, I have a date this weekend to set up the treadmill while he says 'well done' ![]() 19 Likes |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by keni: 4:16pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
maternal: I need to know how you escaped posting this with your shirt intact, In Nigeria its not so, they said you must not hit a woman no matter what (thats what they said o) 2 Likes |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by Nobody: 4:19pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
Bsbabe:While I respect your opinion , yet again I am stating that the bolded already addresses that area of your concern. Have you thought that the man can ask the woman to take the key and drive ? But one person has to lead, even a pack of wolves is not led by 2 it never works. This clearly shows my position , I wonder why people intentionally choose to twist my position. The man is the head of the home but from this statement you'd see that the wife is welcome to take initiatives too. This concept is learned over a lifetime for many and at times never learned for some so I won't expect that it'd be so easy for you to comprehend if you haven't already. I have decided not to comment on this again but you have forced me now, let me explain something. Now A man his wife and 2 kids, an armed robber comes into the house and their is gun that the family can use to defend themselves and a place to hide for 2 people . Which 3 people do you think will hide ? The wife and the 2 kids Which person do you think will carry the gun and face the robber ? The man, he will put his life down for his family. Now we have a situation where some one must carry the pregnancy while someone must wait and pray eagerly for safe delivery , who does what here ? The wife carries the pregnancy (An heroic thing and grossly underrated feat in this part of the world) Now from my analogies you will see that the man and the woman are not equal but rather unique in their differences. The inability of western countries to acknowledge this uniqueness and accomodate it is responsible for the dysfunctionality of marriages over there. For all their education and exposure marriages hard last 2 years and this should tell you there is something wrong somewhere, I am not saying the African approach is entirely perfect but the foundation has to be well laid to prevent problems. Lastly, I will tell you something that should drive this home, this happened with my former babe and this was one of the major pointers for me that made me run. We were both travelling - a public transport, so what happened the car broke down in the middle of the road and the driver needed to give us part of the money we paid so we can board another vehicle to our final destination. So lets just say we paid 10 naira and the journey had only gone 50% so technically the man was supposed to give us 5 naira right ? Well I told my bae to wait for me in the car, I went to meet the driver and after some back and forth the driver gave me 3 naira, I protested but I didnt get ahead so I came back to her and told her I got 3 naira and altho it was not fair we could just overlook the 2 naira. My bae became irate went to meet the driver and got into a fit or rage long story short she succesfully retrieved 2 naira and came back to me grinning from ear to ear with a sense of accomplishment visibly written on her face. That moment I knew I had made a mistake being with her. Why ? (Please note I paid for the journey 100%). 1. The rage and anger displayed was something I had never seen in her, I could never have imagined she was capable of such. 2. The audacity to go and re-negotiate with the driver was not only insensitive to me but showed a lack of respect for my judgement. 3. The reason I choose to allow the driver get away with the 2 naira was because I felt this illiterate drivers sometimes could be violent and dangerous and there was not point risking my life over 2 naira - now her decision to proceed to wrestle for the rest of the money to me showed a lack of proper orientation in value system. So I had to type this much to put some things in perspective for you, like I said earlier relationship issues are quite tricky and this event I narrated was only the last straw the broke the camels back as I had seen some traces of this kind of behaviour at some time earlier. 8 Likes |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by Nobody: 4:29pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
Guitarlife: I also did not want to respond anymore as respectfully, it appears we have deep divergences on this topic but with this your last example, I can only say a big wow! I don't even know where to pick it up from so I will just leave it at the fact that I am wowed at your decision and the reason for it, especially the bolded. With respect to the armed robber example you gave, I will also give you a real life example. I have an ex-colleague who's house was attacked in Lekki. Her husband scaled the fence and left his wife (with only a sheet around her), a pre-teen daughter and a baby boy with the armed robbers so go figure. 12 Likes |
Re: Living In Canada/Life As A Canadian Immigrant by Ifeoma77(f): 4:30pm On Dec 21, 2018 |
SkyWalk12: We are definitely best friends, I like your style joor ![]() 2 Likes |
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