From the writeup its clear the op has some ego issues. If we hear her side now we go open mouth. She stayed in the hospital for over a month. U did not pay bt said her family did hmmmmm

ogawisdom:
Op u sound foolish

The child is not yours because you didn't marry the girl, u are just a stupid sperm donor, move on already.

If u want the child to be yours then you must first marry the girl like every responsible man does.

If u had married the girl u will now have the impetus to call the baby yours until then the baby is not yours

You lack wisdom.

don't worry when the child grow up she'll come looking for you.

ednut1:
From the writeup its clear the op has some ego issues. If we hear here side now we go open mouth. She stayed in the hospital for over a month. U did not pay bt said her family did hmmmmm

With help from her family side.

Seems like you have comprehension issues

I hope you know the law leans to the side of the mother in cases like this..

You have not proven a case of negligence or poor care from the mother to child.

I think you can forget about total custody except you want to "onnoghen" the judge.

But you can get partial custody which wont bring any fulfilment I can guarantee you.

If you want have access to that child since you refused to marry her mother you are going to have a be an obedient dog to the mother for a while.

No other way.

Beg her, send her money, put up with her nonsense. Just make sure the fact you didn't marry her doesn't pain her anymore because as long as that pain is there, no picking for you.

Listen to yourself? *You never intended to marry her but you can f u c k her with no condom* pls are you serious at all? So N100 pack of condom too much for you to buy and save yourself all these mess?

Mr man pls go and look after your baby or simply get full custody of the baby via court order or forget you have baby anywhere just choose one.

All these davido, Wizkid, Timaya and Flavour baba mama madness is very annoying. So pls free us from those madness.

Good luck.

lol, Nigerian laws maybe different BUT in my place OP would NEVER get custody of the child highest would be monitored visiting days, hell if the lady in question has proof of neglect and abuse (which can mean even raising ones voice by 3 octaves) your visitation rights can even be refused.


The lady in question is very unhappy that marriage wasn't forthcoming,probably op deceived her to enjoy her cookie and fortunately she really seems well to do also so no begging the op for nothing, we weren't there when the going was good, neither do we have both sides of the story, you made your bed, enjoy. I pray the baby grows up strong

this is not america. under the Nigerian constitution, d child belongs to d father.

this thread is hilarious

I think you should take a step towards reconciliation and marriage first. Even if it means I taking drink there first.. urhobo people love their tradition and love their drink.

A bribe here, a bribe there will go a long way in that family.

For your child's sake if you can apologize and plead with your wife even if she is very wrong and you are right.

iloputaife:
It’s a long story but I will try to keep it brief.
About 6 years ago I dated a lady from Delta State from the Urhobo tribe. Along the line she got pregnant.
Although the relationship did not end in marriage I did not at any time deny responsibility for her pregnancy and I went with my mother to see her father when he requested a meeting

Due to a serious medical condition she had the pregnancy was a very difficult one but she eventually had a beautiful healthy baby girl. She spent a total of 32 days in the hospital and run up a bill of over N1 million which was eventually paid with some help from her family.
Due to her prolonged stay in hospital she was forced to resign from her job but she was lucky to get another job several months later.
After the baby was born she continued living with her parents cos I was still adamant I was not going to marry her however, I was seriously willing to give it serious reconsideration.

What made me suspend the decision to formalize our relationship was that I noticed that she was becoming unnecessarily rude and insultive to me.
I will give an instance, there was this one time she called me on a Wednesday while I was at the library preparing for a professional exam to tell me that the baby’s provisions had finished and that I should send some money and I said I wasn’t going to send any money cos I had previously sent money about 2 or 3 days before; the next thing she did was to start raining insults on me on the phone.
Later that weekend on Saturday I went to visit her and our baby at her parents house and after I had sat down in the living room her mother accosted me and said “I no like the way way you dey talk to my daughter” and just as I was getting ready to defend myself this lady flared up and started shouting “you’re crazy, You’re crazy, stupid man” etc.
I immediately stood up and made to take my leave and much to my surprise this lady followed me out of the house into the compound raining insults on me.

While all this was going on her mother was present but she did not make any effort to ask her to stop. I found this very intriguing and shocking at the same time cos I am from the eastern part of Nigeria, Anambra state and where I come from no woman will stand by and watch her daughter insult her husband or father of her child.
This happened about 6 months after our daughter was born and she was lying on the sofa in the living room when it happened.

I should emphasize here the lady in question is a well spoken and relatively well exposed graduate and not some lay about but it just so happens that for some reason pigin English is the lingua franca in most Niger Delta homes.
I stayed away for over 3 months after this incident happened but I was surprised when I eventually went back and her father did not bother to ask me why I stayed away for so long.

Things continued this way until our daughter was a little over 2 years old and was about to start school.
We had a discussion and agreed that she should start school in September of that year, however, I was surprised when all of a sudden my baby mama’s mother came out of the blues and said that our daughter should be enrolled to start school in April and I kicked against it since it was not the original plan and I was not ready to let her dictate to me how to run my affairs.
They enrolled her in April and paid the fees since I said I would stick with the original plan.

From then on our relationship soured further and I stopped visiting altogether but my mother who incidentally is quite fond of the lady continued to visit them until eventually she too stopped cos they made her feel unwelcome through subtle body language.
Please note that prior to the breakdown in our relationship I had always been involved in my daughter’s life, I went to the hospital the day she was born, I participated at her christening, then her first and second birthday parties.
One of my mother’s complaints was that whenever she visits they will be making comments in their language while she’s seated there with them.
Much later after our daughter started school I sent some money for the payment of my daughter’s school fees and my baby mama sent the money back to my account and as a result I just ignored and left her to her own devices.
Much later after I had stayed away for a while I decided to open an education fund account for our daughter and I was told to bring her passport photograph and a copy of her birth certificate.

I asked her mother to send me a copy of her birth certificate and she refused and as a result I could not open the account.
About 2 or 3 months after this incident when schools were on a long holiday she decided to take our daughter on holidays to the United Arab Emirates and part of the requirements was that the father must sign a Consent Form cos our daughter bears my surname; when she called and told me about it I agreed to sign it on the condition that she would give me a copy of our daughter’s birth certificate.
I went to their house, gave them a copy of the bio data page of my international passport and signed the forms on the assumption that I was dealing with someone with integrity.

After about 1 week she still had not sent me a copy of the birth certificate as agreed so I sent her a reminder on WhatsApp and she blocked my number immediately.
As a result of this I suspended all communication with her until I was about to leave Lagos for an engagement which lasted about 2 years.
Before I left I bought some cartons of biscuits and packs of Ribena fruits drinks which our daughter would take to school as refreshments.
When I got there her parents were very hostile and almost refused accepting the stuff but I left them in their compound after they had been offloaded from the car.

There are some other incidences which I have omitted for brevity.

Now the issues is that want to see my daughter but I have no desire to visit them at home.
I sent a text message to my baby mama to request to see my daughter in a public place of her choice and she ignored it.

I want to further pursue this matter legally but I want to know if there are further remedial actions I can take before I resort to this.

I am willing to explore other means first cos if I go the legal route then there is no turning back for me no matter the cost or inconvenience.

Once I start legal process on the matter I will not look back until we get to the logical conclusion of this matter.

I want people who are experienced in child custody cases to give me their opinion.

Please move this to front page:-

Lalasticlala

Mynd44

Dominique

Not all fathers are daddy's ...... You contributed 0 to her hospital bills, and you are claiming rights ? Be prepared for a long battle, which would involve lots of solicitors feeding large ........

You did not contribute school fees, but you provide biscuit and ribena ? Did you actually say this ? You also attended the christening and birthday celebrations ? Did you actually say this ?

When it gets to big expense, you seem to either want to run or have it your way ..... Your way or the highway ........

You are now claiming rights ?

You should be more sober and put your ego to one side ...... It's the child that is the important factor here ..............

faithfull18:
Why do you men always do this, you think the woman isn't good enough for you to marry but she is always good for you to have sex with.


Even if you start a court process, I doubt you will win the case.

From all indications, she can duly take care of the child without your input.

I don't know how to advise you because I don't even support premarital sex to start with.

@Bolded. That's how Linda Ikeji started. We know the rest of the story.

Bro I feel ur pain.play her by her own game.be a man and ignore her as well.i guess ur sperm is still active.get married and have a happy family.i bet you she ll come begging.beat her to her own game.no need for court. Life is too short to b unhappy

faithfull18:
Why do you men always do this, you think the woman isn't good enough for you to marry but she is always good for you to have sex with.


Even if you start a court process, I doubt you will win the case.

From all indications, she can duly take care of the child without your input.

I don't know how to advise you because I don't even support premarital sex to start with.

I fail to see how a court can deny a man the right to see his child, she may have custody of the child but she will be compelled to let him see his child and contribute towards her upbringing. If the baby mama tries any nonsense she will be dealt with.

iloputaife:


What made me suspend the decision to formalize our relationship was that I noticed that she was becoming unnecessarily rude and insultive to me.

Insultive is not an English word.

---

Go get your kinsmen, they are in the best position to deliberate on this matter.

In most case, when you take legal action, you will still be referred to your kinsmen and hers.

I'm going through the same, OP let her be, this a battle you can never win, just visit your daughter whenever you are free to and do things father do. As long as you are a responsible one, no one can deny for you to see your daughter, it because they see you as cool headed, they never jam better craze. You must miss your daughter, i know how that feels, this is the sacrifice you have to make until she comes to age where she would understand.

What they want is a wedding and since that's not on the table, there's nothing you can do to make them happy. Let them know you're going to take legal actions if they persist in their foolishness

I have lived in delta state since I was born,urhobo is not a tribe an igbo man can just go and marry Becos we have different culture.
In urhobo land, if ur wife dies...the family will come and carry her body. It doesn't belong to u anymore. Even if u paid full bride price. In some case u will carry the responsibility of the girl's family cos they will claim they only feed Through her.

While igbo culture requires u to bury ur wife in ur home compound Becos its urs. So u see? The two tribe can't mix


Urhobo is a no for me...moreover their men are lazy

SUPERPACK:
A pack of condom would have saved you from all this grammar, move on pls

You are a Fool, did the OP require any financial aid from you

Op is slow...you are allowing her to play you like ping pong.... that lady is smarter than you... when she needs something from you, she got it, but when you need something from her... did you get it?
.my advise.. move on.... unless you want a .messy court case, you won't win set... cut your loss.. in the future, your daughter will look for You

Make peace. That’s your best bet. You just need to change your approach, please note that you cannot be in charge when you are not there. You are not Her husband and you seem to want to enjoy husband perks and authority. You said it yourself that She had a terrible birth experience; you should expect Her to be extra emotional when it comes to Her baby.

Go and visit with your parents if possible, let go of your ego and APOLOGIZE first, then ask for suggestions on ways to ensure peace among the two families for the sake of your baby.

AFONAMARO:


Hello Op,
I feel your plight. Your best bet would be consulting a lawyer for professional and accurate information.

But on the flip side, I am quite aware that almost all Anambra communities do not recognize kids that their father did not pay the bride price of their mother as legitimate kids of the man.

You lack wisdom.

Rebornhombre:
I'm going through the same, OP let her be, this a battle you can never win, just visit your daughter whenever you are free to and do things father do. As long as your a responsible one, no one can deny for you to see your daughter, it because they see you cool headed, they never jam better craze. You must miss your daughter, i know how that feels, this is the sacrifice you have to make until she comes to age where she would understand.

Probably you provide and step up, OP doesn't, at least not in important things, flip the table on yourself and imagine if in your case the only contribution made by the mum was splitting pampers, caprisonne and crackers how would you feel.

Elder0001:


With help from her family side.

Seems like you have comprehension issues

. Na u sabi. From wetin he write na him dey at fault jor. She said food had finished and u refused to send money cos u sent 2 days ago. Nawa

Biscuits:


Probably you provide and step up, OP doesn't, at least not in important things, flip the table on yourself and imagine if in your case the only contribution made by the mum was splitting pampers, caprisonne and crackers how would you feel.

I understand.

ifyalways:
Communication break down. All this problem started because of how you told her you don't have money . Since the child stays with the mother, there are some concessions you'd have to make (even if you don't really like it) just for peace to reign. example, the incident of starting school much earlier than agreed. You could have handled it better by either sending them a token of whatever u have or gently tell her you are broke for now but will send whatever u have later as opposed to sticking your feet down and insisting on September. It's not stupidity, it's called wisdom aka stooping to conquer.

From your story, the lady and/or her family can comfortably take care of the toddler. I don't know any court that will grant you custody of the child but you'd get visitation rights for sure if that's what you're fighting for. And also the mandatory monthly child support that you'd have to pay.

Im not sure going to court now is the best idea. Can you take a back seat from visiting and communicating with the lady directly and have either or both of your parents visit hers and have a chat with her parents( not her) i believe your parents will be calm and handle hers well no matter the level of provocation,if any, by the girls Mother. Please don't send only your mom o, we women are known to be petty.

No mother will like you or support you after you knocked up her daughter and refused to marry her so don't be surprised the mom did not caution the daughter while she was exchanging words with you. If you married her properly, her reaction to that incident would have been the opposite. I'm not making excuses for her moms behaviour Please, just trying to see things from a typical Naija moms angle.

If that fails then head to court. Since they stay in Delta, I presume the issue can only be sorted at family welfare courts in Delta state. Obviously,The lady wanted marriage from you and since that is not forthcoming, she's acting out.

Good talk.....this just about ego, and defending ur ego here will only worsen matter.

dejavuh0007:
this is not america. under the Nigerian constitution, d child belongs to d father.

Fa slap you...

Who dey lie give you?

Lexusgs430:



Not all fathers are daddy's ...... You contributed 0 to her hospital bills, and you are claiming rights ? Be prepared for a long battle, which would involve lots of solicitors feeding large ........

You did not contribute school fees, but you provide biscuit and ribena ? Did you actually say this ? You also attended the christening and birthday celebrations ? Did you actually say this ?

When it gets to big expense, you seem to either want to run or have it your way ..... Your way or the highway ........

You are now claiming rights ?

You should be more sober and put your ego to one side ...... It's the child that is the important factor here ..............

even refused to send money cos he sent 2 days ago. I weak for this OP.

Hmmmm

What a lengthy story

I suggest you continue to visit her until she calms down

She is highly annoyed with you and until she is lucky to get married to another man you remain an enemy to her

She is your daughter no doubt and continue to play your role on her

If she refused to accept money sent to her account or she returns the same money back to your account, use the money and buy provisions for her and take to your daughter

Meanwhile plan and move on with your life and anytime they call you for financial help for your daughter, so what you think you can do.

Her family can take care of her without your inputs but still do something

Since her pregnancy and delivery was grace of God, I won't advise you to marry her and she will want to keep that child because she might be scared of another pregnancy

It's not easy to control girls from rich or girls that are independent

What happened have happened, learn your lesson and date girls you think you can handle

Sincerely why are you bothering yourself op, give it time, in due time, mother, child or circumstance will call for you again, then make a stand. Never marry any woman who disrespects you.

If you so much love that child or want custody or whatever is pushing you towards running into all that reasons you wrote up the, go legal.

For me, it's option 1,but congrats on not marrying the lady you described!

Not all that glitter is gold, you probably fell for beauty, good sex, or societal standing else what are you doing with someone not worthy of marriage so much as getting her pregnant.