OP the thing you could have done to avoid conflict is to let them make the big decisions since they have been taking care of her since she was born.

You don’t have to have your way. Since you didn’t want to marry the lady, you should have realized you won’t have a great deal of access to her life. Go along with their plans and support as much as you can.

Melian:


It's not fair. It's not just fair. I don't think you understand the emotional trauma the said lady must have been through. That said, I don't understand how educated women have premarital sex without condom. It's stupid. Silly. Some will have premarital sex and wail that the man dumped them. While the the rest of that category will get pregnant, and get dumped for getting pregnant. I'm sure if pregnancy had not come, the stupid op would still have been fucking her. And she too go still be open legs believing it'll end in marriage. Women need to wise up.

How exactly is he stupid?

Did he force her into sex?

Earthbound:

I think Nigerian women need to be orientated on birth control use. Like most guys, I would almost never Fûck anyone I'm dating with a condom, it's just wrong. That said, haven't you been in a relationship you just know isn't for the long term but you keep enjoying the perks of staying in the relationship? The OP is not at fault for wanting to have a relationship with his offspring. The babe sef no know say that child can reignite what was lost between them. Na impatience kill both of them. Luckily for the kid, it seems both of them are financially stable.

I'm not sure I got you right. Did you say you won't use a protection with your S.O?

ednut1:
. Na u sabi. From wetin he write na him dey at fault jor. She said food had finished and u refused to send money cos u sent 2 days ago. Nawa

Off course you don’t know the amount he sent earlier . If it was huge , his thoughts would’ve been how can such amount be used within 2days?

Don’t turn anybody into a cash cow.

faithfull18:


Hahahah, stupidity runs in your bloodline, I am not surprised.

Your kind lacks attention in the real world, you therefore come online to get it.

I don't converse with senseless persons like you.

This is officially the last response you will be getting from me.

You can keep talking to yourself for all I care.

I pray sense be restored to you this year.

Today x Sunday, with ample time on my arms. Dont run away, i have a cartload of expletives for ya.

You're still a dumb as fvck imbe.cile with that your hopeless comment on the fellow's comment.

Dont run away Dumbo... Dumb as a fvcktard.

Kidaholic:


Wasn't his mom visiting back then when they (parent and child) would be side talking with their language and giving his mom awful body language? As a matured parent that they ought to be, couldn't they have told her what the problem is?

Honestly, its very disappointing from the lady's parent and I think that pursuing this legally is the best

Pls let's take it easy. Everything isn't war. Moreover two wrongs don't make a right.

Op, i ll advise you go with the proposal from @ifyalways and let's pray and hope for the best before talking of court case.

You’re wrong, any child that’s above 6 years old will be placed in the father’s custody provided he can carter for her needs.

faithfull18:


Nobody said dating must lead to marriage, will you tell me the OP didn't know he wasn't going to marry her before making her a single mother?

I also blame the lady for opening her legs for a man who didn't pay her bride price.

Situations like this will keep coming up if ladies don't start setting their priorities right.

You also expect her family to give him a pat on the back for a job well done too.

You are the one with no brain at all, let him go the legal way, the highest he will get is visitation time.

One doesn't have to be a feminist to see things and say it the way they are without sugarcoating it.

You should give the advice you would give the OP if the babymama in question was your sister.

tzoracle:


LOL

I am a 'kid' quite alright but no 'adult' would quote me two times just to throw tantrums, see oponu who wants to train someone on civility

Is it a must that op must marry the girl ? they fvcked, she got pregnant and gave birth but op does not like her again, shikina
All this stupid feminists

You are really dumber than I thought.

At the bolded, you just told the world the family you are from, dumb kid with nothing upstairs.

At least you have learnt a lesson or two, which is to come into a thread, attack the issues being raised, state your views and take your leave. It's that simple.

Nobody has a monopoly on insults, once a while I give your kind the attention you are desperately searching for , I am that kind.

Elder0001:


How exactly is he stupid?

Did he force her into sex?

I didn't make reference to the Op in that context. I meant women who don't use protection during sex have taken leave of their senses.

faithfull18:


Nobody said dating must lead to marriage, will you tell me the OP didn't know he wasn't going to marry her before making her a single mother?

I also blame the lady for opening her legs for a man who didn't pay her bride price.

Situations like this will keep coming up if ladies don't start setting their priorities right.

You also expect her family to give him a pat on the back for a job well done too.

You are the one with no brain at all, let him go the legal way, the highest he will get is visitation time.

One doesn't have to be a feminist to see things and say it the way they are without sugarcoating it.

You should give the advice you would give the OP if the babymama in question was your sister.

A million likes to this comment
...and I thought I was the only one against pre marital intercourse

RobinHood147:
You’re wrong, any child that’s above 6 years old will be placed in the father’s custody provided he can carter for her needs.

Alright , noted.

Too many immature comments here. OP there is nothing much you can do. You may tow the line of Child Welfare as someone earlier suggested, but you won't win if you go to court. Just make sure you document every effort you are making to be a part of your child's life that was rebuffed. This will serve as evidence to your daughter in the future. Then sit back and watch how things unfold. You will be needed.

And finally, get a life! Don't put another woman through this mess again. Make sure you get married properly before you have kids. If this one comes around then, it's a bonus. You are simply lonely.

Melian:


I'm not sure I got you right. Did you say you won't use a protection with your S.O?

I'm not sure I know what S.O means but I mean my girlfriend, fiance, (or anyone I'm fùcking that I wouldn't mind being the mother of my child). You feel me? I've had FWBs that I go in raw with and those that I would never. If I'm fùcking you raw, best believe I'm cool with you carrying my child.

Melian:


I think it's foolhardy, no offense, to use the U.S as a case study here. This is Nigeria not US

Nigeria is close to a jungle society bt not totally one. We still have a fairly working justice system and Sm sane and civilized people here.

keepingmum:
Your chikd has been supported since birth by her grandparents.
They provide shelter, feeding, clothes and education for her yet you are on a sosha media doing instagram daddy, buying ribena, biscuit and indomie once in 2 years and you think that makes you a daddy??


Whether you are in good terms with the mothet or not, your child will eat everyday, her diapers will be changed everyday, the house will need electricity and she wikk use water to bath, drink , for her clothes to be washed.
She ll need vaccines, coughs and colds which children often contract need to be treated yet you are sitting on your high horse, as a proud anambra man: complaining that they didnt respect you.
Please does respect pay those bills above?

Why didnr you use your highly regarded state respect to pay her delivery bills in hospital? Or use it for her feeding?

Did you take over paying her tuition in the Sept following thr April she started sch since your gross is the timing?

Have you bern supporting financially with bank records to proove it monthly since she was born? Or because the mother didnt dance to your tune as the self crowned Anambra Prince that you are , a child you call your own should starve and be homeless cos daddy aint happy with mummy and her grandparents?

Oga go and see your lawyer ohh, cos you have a long way to go and proof before you ll be considered fit enough for joint physical custody

Best comment ever. Bitter truth. Oga OP your problem is ego. But you meet your match..

Your answers are objective and to the point!

ifyalways:

That was what his mom told him.

You don't know what they were discussing in their language, if actually that incident happened as the OP's mom narrated to him

Mothers are not the best representatives when it comes to a child outside wedlock issues. We get emotional and act out; both parties.

Best believe.

Pursuing it legally without utilising all avenues for peaceful resolution is a long, windy road. He'd get 24 hours a week visitation right which might be revoked the month he fails for any reason to pay child support.

Seek peace first,OP. A child is involved, be wise.

Did u at any point in time promise to marry her?
-Did u deliberately got her pregnant( ignoring protection)?
- Do u love ur child?
- Would u go any length other than the windy legal way to have access to ur child?
- Are u in good terms with her dad? Meet him if u do.
......All these would make u ignore her bitterness and go the calm way to make things work. In sum, I suggest u approach her close friend, one with much influence on her. As well as the pastor of her church...
I believe it will work.

OP, your fluent style of writing is 10/10.

I can't remember the last time I read such lengthy epistle from begining to end and with a desire to read again.

That being stated, i kind of understand the frustration of your baby mama.

You have wronged her big time so try to make amends.
No lady desires to be baby mama for any man. Even you, you wouldn't want your said daughter to be a baby mama for a man in the future.

You seem exposed but you weren't smart when you made the decision to make love without condom thus putting yourself in this plight.

You are a simple definition of " men think with their dick instead of their brain" in some situations.

Keep your pride aside and make amends with your baby mama and if you don't succeed initially, keep trying.

Act the fool in some situations, stoop to conquer.

This is all the advise I have for you.

I also have my own issues- although different and not as serious as yours but again - issues are issues

Good luck.

ifyalways:
Communication break down. All this problem started because of how you told her you don't have money . Since the child stays with the mother, there are some concessions you'd have to make (even if you don't really like it) just for peace to reign. example, the incident of starting school much earlier than agreed. You could have handled it better by either sending them a token of whatever u have or gently tell her you are broke for now but will send whatever u have later as opposed to sticking your feet down and insisting on September. It's not stupidity, it's called wisdom aka stooping to conquer.

From your story, the lady and/or her family can comfortably take care of the toddler. I don't know any court that will grant you custody of the child but you'd get visitation rights for sure if that's what you're fighting for. And also the mandatory monthly child support that you'd have to pay.

Im not sure going to court now is the best idea. Can you take a back seat from visiting and communicating with the lady directly and have either or both of your parents visit hers and have a chat with her parents( not her) i believe your parents will be calm and handle hers well no matter the level of provocation,if any, by the girls Mother. Please don't send only your mom o, we women are known to be petty.

No mother will like you or support you after you knocked up her daughter and refused to marry her so don't be surprised the mom did not caution the daughter while she was exchanging words with you. If you married her properly, her reaction to that incident would have been the opposite. I'm not making excuses for her moms behaviour Please, just trying to see things from a typical Naija moms angle.

If that fails then head to court. Since they stay in Delta, I presume the issue can only be sorted at family welfare courts in Delta state. Obviously,The lady wanted marriage from you and since that is not forthcoming, she's acting out.

And you think you made any sense with what you wrote??
Smh

faithfull18:


Nobody said dating must lead to marriage, will you tell me the OP didn't know he wasn't going to marry her before making her a single mother?

I also blame the lady for opening her legs for a man who didn't pay her bride price.

Situations like this will keep coming up if ladies don't start setting their priorities right.

You also expect her family to give him a pat on the back for a job well done too.

You are the one with no brain at all, let him go the legal way, the highest he will get is visitation time.

One doesn't have to be a feminist to see things and say it the way they are without sugarcoating it.

You should give the advice you would give the OP if the babymama in question was your sister.

You are being judgemental here. He didn't have premarital sex with himself, did he? No, they both did. The deed has been done already. Now advise OP how to give his daughter fatherly love that she deserves even though he doesn't want to get married to her mum.

And for the records, I don't support premarital sex either.

Earthbound:

I'm not sure I know what S.O means but I mean my girlfriend, fiance, (or anyone I'm fùcking that I wouldn't mind being the mother of my child). You feel me? I've had FWBs that I go in raw with and those that I would never. If I'm fùcking you raw, best believe I'm cool with you carrying my child.

I get it now. Alright, s.o means significant other.

That said, I do respect the way you handle your women, it's your choice but I wouldn't advise it. What if something happens along the way, she got pregnant and you couldn't marry her? Remember that relationships do not necessarily have to end in marriage but if pregnancy sets in, you would have no choice than to commit to her and you may be doing yourself a disservice by marrying her.

Or what if the said lady uses pregnancy to trap you and you really don't want to marry her?

What about STIs? There are a million and one reasons to not have sex without protection. It favours both sexes.

Saffi, would you do me the honors and let me rent your womb for 10 months?



Shebi you are seeing all these weird Nairalanders?

Melian:


I get it now. Alright, s.o means significant other.

That said, I do respect the way you handle your women, it's your choice but I wouldn't advise it. What if something happens along the way, she got pregnant and you couldn't marry her? Remember that relationships do not necessarily have to end in marriage but if pregnancy sets in, you would have no choice than to commit to her and you may be doing yourself a disservice by marrying her.

Or what if the said lady uses pregnancy to trap you and you really don't want to marry her?

What about STIs? There are a million and one reasons to not have sex without protection. It favours both sexes.

You're right about the STI part. Also it is not compulsory to marry the mother of your child immediately. If she proves to be a good partner and even a better mother, I'd knock her up for the second time and marry her after childbirth.

iloputaife:


She spent a total of 32 days in the hospital and run up a bill of over N1 million which was eventually paid with some help from her family.

You mean you didn't contribute towards the hospital bill after the birth of your daughter?

faithfull18:

You are really dumber than I thought.

At the bolded, at least you just told the world the family you are from, dumb kid with nothing upstairs.

At least you have learnt a lesson or two, which is to come into a thread, attack the issues being raised, state your views and take your leave. It's that simple.

Nobody has a monopoly on insults, once a while I give your kind the attention you are desperately searching for , I am that kind.

Quit contradicting yourself so as to sound smart and grown up
What is paining you is that he didn't marry her hence your stupid generalization
I will still say it, you are dumb, shallow and lack comprehension
Keep living the illusion that all adults are intelligent, those like you are just senile

ogawisdom:
Op u sound foolish

The child is not yours because you didn't marry the girl, u are just a stupid sperm donor, move on already.

If u want the child to be yours then you must first marry the girl like every responsible man does.

If u had married the girl u will now have the impetus to call the baby yours until then the baby is not yours

your name should be ogafoolish. For your mind you don talk better thing. Now shove your stupid comment up your ass

Tochukwu1099:

What’s your problem? Why are you calling op lunatic?
Seems you’re mad abi

You're still speculating? Me I'm certain op is a mad man. Only a mad man will impregnate a lady and dump her like a piece of furniture. "I don't want to marry her but I want access to my daughter". He's mad o. Is this how his mother brought him up? Without a father? If op is from a broken home, perhaps I'll empathise with him. Otherwise, he doesn't deserve to use his eyes see pussy ever again, let alone touch it.

You don't impregnate a woman and dump her. It's evil. Single mothers face stigmatisation. If you know she isn't worthy, don't Bleep it. If you must Bleep it use a condom.

Earthbound:

You're right about the STI part. Also it is not compulsory to marry the mother of your child immediately. If she proves to be a good partner and even a better mother, I'd knock her up for the second time and marry her after childbirth.

Hilarious. You've been dating women with low sense of self worth all your life. Time you stepped up your game. No woman with a good sense of self will let you bed her, impregnate her the second time before marriage.