But some people are wicked sha . This is your own side of the story and I'm still weeping for the lady. Imagine what will happen if I hear her own part of the story.

Tochukwu1099:

The girl knows all these and allowed him to bleep her. So it’s not his fault

Don't get me wrong. I'm not absolving the woman of blame. Naa. Just saying since op wants to move on without the mother, he should learn to move forward without the child too. It's a two-way street.

Noblefirstlady:
But some people are wicked sha . This is your own side of the story and I'm still weeping for the lady. Imagine what will happen if I hear her own part of the story.

You hit the nail on the head. This is what I've been trying to communicate but couldn't find the right words. I commend the lady though. Such a strong woman. I like how she sent the upkeep money back to the sperm donor. At least, sperm donor can't lie that she's a gold digger. That's a line irresponsible men like to use.

Born2Breed:


You mean you didn't contribute towards the hospital bill after the birth of your daughter?

Of course i did

Apeshy101:


Insultive is not an English word.

---

Go get your kinsmen, they are in the best position to deliberate on this matter.

In most case, when you take legal action, you will still be referred to your kinsmen and hers.

Yeah I know "Insultive" is not an English word.

Its Nigerian English if you will

The best people who can can understand exactly what your wife went through are married folks who have had to take care of their pregnant wives. Even for a normal pregnancy, it is not easy for them. For a first time pregnant woman, it's terrifying for them and only takes our support as the husband to get through. There r a lot of hospital visitations, with bills to pay. Then on the d day, you have to pray because mortality rate during pregnancy is high and she might not make it. Then after birth, they take time to heal, if it is via CS, a very long and painful time. Sometime the CS cut becomes infected and leads to life threatening situations for the woman. Taking care of a new born baby is tasking. For a new mother even so. The bills are crazy, there is sleepless nights, there are sleepless nights involved and it us usually easier with the support of us the husbands and also family members but most especially. The usually like lights so u have to run generator for almost 4 months straight on the night. Then they have to deal with post-partum depression.Just a tip. In her case, she had a horrible pregnancy, without the support of a husband. All the emotional and psychological support a husband is supposed to offer was missing, which means she had a horrible pregnancy. You were not in the theatre to offer again emotional and psychological support. She had to go it all alone. She came out of the hospital and had to also be alone through the healing phase. If it was CS it compounds her issue. Then the numerous hospital visits to battle infection etc.100% of women will do exactly what she did to you especially as I am quite sure that she must have been undergoing post partum depression which is default even for happily married women. Her circumstances would have made it even worse. Going by experience, the lady has not acted out of place and has even right to be pissed especially going by your write up above. You have 2 options: be truthful to yourself. She must have had some qualities that you want in a woman to even have risked fucking her without a condom. If those things are still there, then truly reconcile with her and works towards making the union legal. If they are not, then forget about the child and move on. From the above,you can tell that you have done absolutely nothing really both as a father and the guy that knocked up the chick and therefore in no position to dictate nada. Even If You were married, those arguments about skl where, when and how still abound and most times we usually leave it to the women to handle afterall we are mostly out chasing money. That is why it Is always advocated that only married couples have sex cuz the consequence of pregnancy and the realities of brining up a child is usually crystal clear and is more appreciated in that mode. Disregard any advise coming from non married folks or married folks without kids. They will not be able to relate. Coming from a fellow anambra man, u have no rights over that child until you marry the mother. That is our culture and has always been.

iloputaife:
It’s a long story but I will try to keep it brief.
About 6 years ago I dated a lady from Delta State from the Urhobo tribe. Along the line she got pregnant.
Although the relationship did not end in marriage I did not at any time deny responsibility for her pregnancy and I went with my mother to see her father when he requested a meeting

Due to a serious medical condition she had the pregnancy was a very difficult one but she eventually had a beautiful healthy baby girl. She spent a total of 32 days in the hospital and run up a bill of over N1 million which was eventually paid with some help from her family.
Due to her prolonged stay in hospital she was forced to resign from her job but she was lucky to get another job several months later.
After the baby was born she continued living with her parents cos I was still adamant I was not going to marry her however, I was seriously willing to give it serious reconsideration.

What made me suspend the decision to formalize our relationship was that I noticed that she was becoming unnecessarily rude and insultive to me.
I will give an instance, there was this one time she called me on a Wednesday while I was at the library preparing for a professional exam to tell me that the baby’s provisions had finished and that I should send some money and I said I wasn’t going to send any money cos I had previously sent money about 2 or 3 days before; the next thing she did was to start raining insults on me on the phone.
Later that weekend on Saturday I went to visit her and our baby at her parents house and after I had sat down in the living room her mother accosted me and said “I no like the way way you dey talk to my daughter” and just as I was getting ready to defend myself this lady flared up and started shouting “you’re crazy, You’re crazy, stupid man” etc.
I immediately stood up and made to take my leave and much to my surprise this lady followed me out of the house into the compound raining insults on me.

While all this was going on her mother was present but she did not make any effort to ask her to stop. I found this very intriguing and shocking at the same time cos I am from the eastern part of Nigeria, Anambra state and where I come from no woman will stand by and watch her daughter insult her husband or father of her child.
This happened about 6 months after our daughter was born and she was lying on the sofa in the living room when it happened.

I should emphasize here the lady in question is a well spoken and relatively well exposed graduate and not some lay about but it just so happens that for some reason pigin English is the lingua franca in most Niger Delta homes.
I stayed away for over 3 months after this incident happened but I was surprised when I eventually went back and her father did not bother to ask me why I stayed away for so long.

Things continued this way until our daughter was a little over 2 years old and was about to start school.
We had a discussion and agreed that she should start school in September of that year, however, I was surprised when all of a sudden my baby mama’s mother came out of the blues and said that our daughter should be enrolled to start school in April and I kicked against it since it was not the original plan and I was not ready to let her dictate to me how to run my affairs.
They enrolled her in April and paid the fees since I said I would stick with the original plan.

From then on our relationship soured further and I stopped visiting altogether but my mother who incidentally is quite fond of the lady continued to visit them until eventually she too stopped cos they made her feel unwelcome through subtle body language.
Please note that prior to the breakdown in our relationship I had always been involved in my daughter’s life, I went to the hospital the day she was born, I participated at her christening, then her first and second birthday parties.
One of my mother’s complaints was that whenever she visits they will be making comments in their language while she’s seated there with them.
Much later after our daughter started school I sent some money for the payment of my daughter’s school fees and my baby mama sent the money back to my account and as a result I just ignored and left her to her own devices.
Much later after I had stayed away for a while I decided to open an education fund account for our daughter and I was told to bring her passport photograph and a copy of her birth certificate.

I asked her mother to send me a copy of her birth certificate and she refused and as a result I could not open the account.
About 2 or 3 months after this incident when schools were on a long holiday she decided to take our daughter on holidays to the United Arab Emirates and part of the requirements was that the father must sign a Consent Form cos our daughter bears my surname; when she called and told me about it I agreed to sign it on the condition that she would give me a copy of our daughter’s birth certificate.
I went to their house, gave them a copy of the bio data page of my international passport and signed the forms on the assumption that I was dealing with someone with integrity.

After about 1 week she still had not sent me a copy of the birth certificate as agreed so I sent her a reminder on WhatsApp and she blocked my number immediately.
As a result of this I suspended all communication with her until I was about to leave Lagos for an engagement which lasted about 2 years.
Before I left I bought some cartons of biscuits and packs of Ribena fruits drinks which our daughter would take to school as refreshments.
When I got there her parents were very hostile and almost refused accepting the stuff but I left them in their compound after they had been offloaded from the car.

There are some other incidences which I have omitted for brevity.

Now the issues is that want to see my daughter but I have no desire to visit them at home.
I sent a text message to my baby mama to request to see my daughter in a public place of her choice and she ignored it.

I want to further pursue this matter legally but I want to know if there are further remedial actions I can take before I resort to this.

I am willing to explore other means first cos if I go the legal route then there is no turning back for me no matter the cost or inconvenience.

Once I start legal process on the matter I will not look back until we get to the logical conclusion of this matter.

I want people who are experienced in child custody cases to give me their opinion.

Please move this to front page:-

Don't lie you bast@rd!
Just say the truth that the REAL REASON you don't want to marry her is because she's not " onye Anambala and not for those flimsy excuses you gave...and the ONLY REASON you want that child is because they don't care if you accept paternity or deny it, that is why you keep going back despite all they've done to you ( if they had begged you to accept responsibility, I'm sure you would have run away )

You knew you were not going to marry her from the very moment you went into a relationship with her, you deceived her, led her on, got her pregnant and made her a baby mama you bast@rd!

You come here to type an epistle telling us your side...what about her own side of the story you bast@rd ??

You go about ruining lives and crushing dreams !
Nonsense !
What you have done to her someone else will do to your sisters and daughters !

Lexusgs430:



Not all fathers are daddy's ...... You contributed 0 to her hospital bills, and you are claiming rights ? Be prepared for a long battle, which would involve lots of solicitors feeding large ........

You did not contribute school fees, but you provide biscuit and ribena ? Did you actually say this ? You also attended the christening and birthday celebrations ? Did you actually say this ?

When it gets to big expense, you seem to either want to run or have it your way ..... Your way or the highway ........

You are now claiming rights ?

You should be more sober and put your ego to one side ...... It's the child that is the important factor here ..............

I paid a significant part of the hospital bill if you must know.

I bought all the baby food and clothes the girl has been wearing from when she was born till she was about 3 years old

What I wrote up there is mainly a very short narrative so as not to make the story unnecessarily long

I'm well aware that the child is the most important factor that is the reason why I am threading very caefully

cococandy:
OP the thing you could have done to avoid conflict is to let them make the big decisions since they have been taking care of her since she was born.

You don’t have to have your way. Since you didn’t want to marry the lady, you should have realized you won’t have a great deal of access to her life. Go along with their plans and support as much as you can.

You are very wicked.

Op.. Please ignore

This really got me lool

I had always been involved in my daughter’s life, I went to the hospital the day she was born, I participated at her christening, then her first and second birthday parties

Lemme not say whats on my mind @ the bolded today is sunday abeg.

Hes also claiming that where he is from the mother wont watch the lady disrespecting him, I want to ask if he would have any rights on that child as he didnt marry his mother if she was from his side not delta.

Bros go and find a peaceful resolution with your baby mamas family, its obvious they can take care of your daughter without your help.
Work on that ego of yours too.

iloputaife:
It’s a long story but I will try to keep it brief.
About 6 years ago I dated a lady from Delta State from the Urhobo tribe. Along the line she got pregnant.
Although the relationship did not end in marriage I did not at any time deny responsibility for her pregnancy and I went with my mother to see her father when he requested a meeting

Due to a serious medical condition she had the pregnancy was a very difficult one but she eventually had a beautiful healthy baby girl. She spent a total of 32 days in the hospital and run up a bill of over N1 million which was eventually paid with some help from her family.
Due to her prolonged stay in hospital she was forced to resign from her job but she was lucky to get another job several months later.
After the baby was born she continued living with her parents cos I was still adamant I was not going to marry her however, I was seriously willing to give it serious reconsideration.

What made me suspend the decision to formalize our relationship was that I noticed that she was becoming unnecessarily rude and insultive to me.
I will give an instance, there was this one time she called me on a Wednesday while I was at the library preparing for a professional exam to tell me that the baby’s provisions had finished and that I should send some money and I said I wasn’t going to send any money cos I had previously sent money about 2 or 3 days before; the next thing she did was to start raining insults on me on the phone.
Later that weekend on Saturday I went to visit her and our baby at her parents house and after I had sat down in the living room her mother accosted me and said “I no like the way way you dey talk to my daughter” and just as I was getting ready to defend myself this lady flared up and started shouting “you’re crazy, You’re crazy, stupid man” etc.
I immediately stood up and made to take my leave and much to my surprise this lady followed me out of the house into the compound raining insults on me.

While all this was going on her mother was present but she did not make any effort to ask her to stop. I found this very intriguing and shocking at the same time cos I am from the eastern part of Nigeria, Anambra state and where I come from no woman will stand by and watch her daughter insult her husband or father of her child.
This happened about 6 months after our daughter was born and she was lying on the sofa in the living room when it happened.

I should emphasize here the lady in question is a well spoken and relatively well exposed graduate and not some lay about but it just so happens that for some reason pigin English is the lingua franca in most Niger Delta homes.
I stayed away for over 3 months after this incident happened but I was surprised when I eventually went back and her father did not bother to ask me why I stayed away for so long.

Things continued this way until our daughter was a little over 2 years old and was about to start school.
We had a discussion and agreed that she should start school in September of that year, however, I was surprised when all of a sudden my baby mama’s mother came out of the blues and said that our daughter should be enrolled to start school in April and I kicked against it since it was not the original plan and I was not ready to let her dictate to me how to run my affairs.
They enrolled her in April and paid the fees since I said I would stick with the original plan.

From then on our relationship soured further and I stopped visiting altogether but my mother who incidentally is quite fond of the lady continued to visit them until eventually she too stopped cos they made her feel unwelcome through subtle body language.
Please note that prior to the breakdown in our relationship I had always been involved in my daughter’s life, I went to the hospital the day she was born, I participated at her christening, then her first and second birthday parties.
One of my mother’s complaints was that whenever she visits they will be making comments in their language while she’s seated there with them.
Much later after our daughter started school I sent some money for the payment of my daughter’s school fees and my baby mama sent the money back to my account and as a result I just ignored and left her to her own devices.
Much later after I had stayed away for a while I decided to open an education fund account for our daughter and I was told to bring her passport photograph and a copy of her birth certificate.

I asked her mother to send me a copy of her birth certificate and she refused and as a result I could not open the account.
About 2 or 3 months after this incident when schools were on a long holiday she decided to take our daughter on holidays to the United Arab Emirates and part of the requirements was that the father must sign a Consent Form cos our daughter bears my surname; when she called and told me about it I agreed to sign it on the condition that she would give me a copy of our daughter’s birth certificate.
I went to their house, gave them a copy of the bio data page of my international passport and signed the forms on the assumption that I was dealing with someone with integrity.

After about 1 week she still had not sent me a copy of the birth certificate as agreed so I sent her a reminder on WhatsApp and she blocked my number immediately.
As a result of this I suspended all communication with her until I was about to leave Lagos for an engagement which lasted about 2 years.
Before I left I bought some cartons of biscuits and packs of Ribena fruits drinks which our daughter would take to school as refreshments.
When I got there her parents were very hostile and almost refused accepting the stuff but I left them in their compound after they had been offloaded from the car.

There are some other incidences which I have omitted for brevity.

Now the issues is that want to see my daughter but I have no desire to visit them at home.
I sent a text message to my baby mama to request to see my daughter in a public place of her choice and she ignored it.

I want to further pursue this matter legally but I want to know if there are further remedial actions I can take before I resort to this.

I am willing to explore other means first cos if I go the legal route then there is no turning back for me no matter the cost or inconvenience.

Once I start legal process on the matter I will not look back until we get to the logical conclusion of this matter.

I want people who are experienced in child custody cases to give me their opinion.

Please move this to front page:-

Are you sure that daughter belongs to you. If not save your stress because your baby mama has made it plain that you move on with your life

Melian:


You hit the nail on the head. This is what I've been trying to communicate but couldn't find the right words. I commend the lady though. Such a strong woman. I like how she sent the upkeep money back to the sperm donor. At least, sperm donor can't lie that she's a gold digger. That's a line irresponsible men like to use.

Seriously I'm still finding it surprising why some people find nothing wrong with what the op wrote. Imagine if this lady was your sister.
someone even said, the op should never marry the lady because she had difficulties when giving birth to the posters child, how inhumane can one be.

iloputaife:


I paid a significant part of the hospital bill if you must know.

I bought all the baby food and clothes the girl has been wearing from when she was born till she was about 3 years old

What I wrote up there is mainly a very short narrative so as not to make the story unnecessarily long

I'm well aware that the child is the most important factor that is the reason why I am threading very caefully

Rather than go down the legal route, creating more enemies along the way...... Your best bet is to seek a mediator (not a family member & not a pastor)..........

This bit you did not mention, you said was paid for by members of her family ......

Africanness:


GOD bless u for this. This op's whole write up sounds more like someone dt does the bare minimum & expects to be applauded for the bare minimum. He even goes weeks and months without communication.

@iloputaife, childcare is a lot more dn what u think. It puts pressure even on husbands & wives. And it's a huge change for new mothers. Do u know how it feels for ur child to need or want sthn & u cant do it? Youve already caused a wound in dt womans heart, dont keep adding salt to it by talking to her harshly.

She couldnt handle the emotional pressure and dts why she had dt outburst the first time. You have now taken offense at this outburst and used it as a backdrop for all ur communication wt her. You need to be empathetic, put urself in her shoes and have a conversation based on love. For her as the mother of ur child, and for ur child. Talk plainly about both of ur past faults, tell her the reason u didnt marry her (be straightforward without judging or insulting her and let her accept ur reason for this) and u should both come up with a plan for ur future relationship. For the sake of ur daughter. You can both do this alone without outside involvement. Difficult conversations must be had.

What I wrote up there is merely what I consider a brief summary so as not to make the story unduly long...

I will have you know that I paid a significant portion of the medical expenses despite the fact that she knew of the medical condition she had but chose to hide it from me.

You certainly do not expert me to give you a rundown of all the moneys I spent on my daughter but if you must know I bore the costs of her diapers, naming ceremony, birthday parties, clothes, shoes etc.

Please do not make hasty assumptions and refrain from calling me names otherwise you would find out that this forum is not as anonymous as you think!

faithfull18:
Why do you men always do this, you think the woman isn't good enough for you to marry but she is always good for you to have sex with.


Even if you start a court process, I doubt you will win the case.

From all indications, she can duly take care of the child without your input.

I don't know how to advise you because I don't even support premarital sex to start with.

Na So..

Coming out here to seek for good advise shows you are not a retard,I commend you for that.Furthermore I would like you to do this for me cos I have also gone thru similar situation. At this point do not seek legal redress you would further worsen the situation. This is a mother to your child no matter what.secondly stoop to conquer,sell your ego and follow peace with her,try to play your role as a responsible man and if you are not buoyant pls politely let her know and seek for assistance.Thirdly don't ever call her a baby mama except that was your initial agreement,how will you feel if your own sister or daughter is called or treated like a baby mama.fourthly do not make any attempt to sleep with her again except you do the right marital things.my fifth point is try to visit and make her happy,but don't do anything emotional,when she notice that you are emotionally stable,she will ask if you are still interested, if you are not she will use her hand and position herself for another man,women are very powerful.but pls do not abandon your responsibility over your daughter else posterity will go against you.Above all surrender your life to Christ,ask him for help,mercy and favour and also pray for Gods will to be done in this situation,my Good God will surely help you,it is well.

From the onset of the child's entry into the world, unknowingly to you, they've started watching how responsible you are.. seeing as you didn't meet up to expectations, it's only natural that they will start yo dislike you.

Imagine this, from a difficult pregnancy which you weren't there for her, to a difficult delivery which gulped 1 million naira, her family paid the bills, you didn't contribute 1 Kobo. You see that? From day 1, You already set a bad impression of the kind of father you would be. How do you expect the mother and her family not to be bitter. How?

Simply because they enrolled the child in school at a period you didn't want, you refused to pay your child's first school fees. Because of a few carton of juice and biscuits, you think that makes you a responsible daddy that has the right to demand full custody when you please.

In fact I read a part that you refuse to send her money because you just sent her two days ago. Jeez.. do you know how expensive it is to take care of a child You'd be surprised to know that 10k is hardly enough to cater for a baby for a week.

Oga, you fccked up abeg. You don't necessarily have to marry her if you don't want. You need to stop being proud, come down from ypur high horse and do more for your child emotionally, financially and physically.

So how does this help op?

Cyberleets:
I have lived in delta state since I was born,urhobo is not a tribe an igbo man can just go and marry Becos we have different culture.
In urhobo land, if ur wife dies...the family will come and carry her body. It doesn't belong to u anymore. Even if u paid full bride price. In some case u will carry the responsibility of the girl's family cos they will claim they only feed Through her.

While igbo culture requires u to bury ur wife in ur home compound Becos its urs. So u see? The two tribe can't mix


Urhobo is a no for me...moreover their men are lazy

ogawisdom:
Op u sound foolish

The child is not yours because you didn't marry the girl, u are just a stupid sperm donor, move on already.

If u want the child to be yours then you must first marry the girl like every responsible man does.

If u had married the girl u will now have the impetus to call the baby yours until then the baby is not yours

You want him to marry a rude lady? Can you marry the lady described there?

Tellemall:



His problem is simply that the woman isn't dependent on him. He's finding it difficult to accept that.

They're not married but he wants to be treated as a husband.

He sounds like he was not there

If she was broke he would not want them.

But because she doesn't need him he wants to be involved.

Solid points

Bonjelomo:
Bro!

Na u get ur pikin, according to Naija's Child Rights Law!
B'olode o ku, ojude re o le wu koriko..l'ai ku egiri, ko si baba eni to le f'awo e se gbedu!

I don't understand how your state manages child's welfare issues. But over here in Lagos, the odds are in YOUR FAVOUR.

The case is called Access Denial. It is usually handled at ZERO COST. You don't even need any damn lawyer.

Walk down to the Child Rights/Welfare office. Make a case.

Dem no born dem well make them no show up with ur pikin.

You will be given ACCESS RIGHTS at your desired venue. Most likely 2 hours, 2ce every months, u go just gatz buy Jedi for the Officer wey go dey in charge. lols.

But be ready to pay the regular monthly upkeep, cos the office of child's welfare office doesn't play with that.

As a female child, when the child is 5, she will start following u home for weekends.

Baba u are the winner here.

When ur child is 7, u will apply to get her Custody. All you need to prove is Responsibility. Lobatan!

I swear, just negodu...na u get ur pikin.

welfare office in ikorodu is crap,I confided in them when I wanted child support and after sending letter of invitation 2wice to him.he Neva showed up.only to be told I av to wait till whenever he decides to show up or I settle tins wit him in peace cos there is nothing they can do since he refused to show up.i got relly pissed off and dissapointed.

as long as the man isn't responsible and contributing anytin then he has no business asking me to agree with him on when to see his child.he shuld wait till the child is 18yrs then the child decides.

( I agree only responsible father's shuld be allowed access to their kids peacefully. Both parents shuld reach an agreement concerning the child's welfare not feelings between them)

dejavuh0007:
this is not america. under the Nigerian constitution, d child belongs to d father.

I guess u mean a RESPONSIBLE father. not an irresponsible and violent abusive one

TEYA:

I fail to see how a court can deny a man the right to see his child, she may have custody of the child but she will be compelled to let him see his child and contribute towards her upbringing. If the baby mama tries any nonsense she will be dealt with.

it's a big fat lie.not when there are evidences of neglect ND domestic abuse. u think it's a man's world abi? or the 5,000 per month for child support that wil takia of the child? this is 2019 bro.

Melian:


Hilarious. You've been dating women with low sense of self worth all your life. Time you stepped up your game. No woman with a good sense of self will let you bed her, impregnate her the second time before marriage.

Love is the key word here. If you love one another, I see absolutely nothing wrong with it. Marriage is overrated.

iloputaife:
It’s a long story but I will try to keep it brief.
About 6 years ago I dated a lady from Delta State from the Urhobo tribe. Along the line she got pregnant.
Although the relationship did not end in marriage I did not at any time deny responsibility for her pregnancy and I went with my mother to see her father when he requested a meeting

Due to a serious medical condition she had the pregnancy was a very difficult one but she eventually had a beautiful healthy baby girl. She spent a total of 32 days in the hospital and run up a bill of over N1 million which was eventually paid with some help from her family.
Due to her prolonged stay in hospital she was forced to resign from her job but she was lucky to get another job several months later.
After the baby was born she continued living with her parents cos I was still adamant I was not going to marry her however, I was seriously willing to give it serious reconsideration.

What made me suspend the decision to formalize our relationship was that I noticed that she was becoming unnecessarily rude and insultive to me.
I will give an instance, there was this one time she called me on a Wednesday while I was at the library preparing for a professional exam to tell me that the baby’s provisions had finished and that I should send some money and I said I wasn’t going to send any money cos I had previously sent money about 2 or 3 days before; the next thing she did was to start raining insults on me on the phone.
Later that weekend on Saturday I went to visit her and our baby at her parents house and after I had sat down in the living room her mother accosted me and said “I no like the way way you dey talk to my daughter” and just as I was getting ready to defend myself this lady flared up and started shouting “you’re crazy, You’re crazy, stupid man” etc.
I immediately stood up and made to take my leave and much to my surprise this lady followed me out of the house into the compound raining insults on me.

While all this was going on her mother was present but she did not make any effort to ask her to stop. I found this very intriguing and shocking at the same time cos I am from the eastern part of Nigeria, Anambra state and where I come from no woman will stand by and watch her daughter insult her husband or father of her child.
This happened about 6 months after our daughter was born and she was lying on the sofa in the living room when it happened.

I should emphasize here the lady in question is a well spoken and relatively well exposed graduate and not some lay about but it just so happens that for some reason pigin English is the lingua franca in most Niger Delta homes.
I stayed away for over 3 months after this incident happened but I was surprised when I eventually went back and her father did not bother to ask me why I stayed away for so long.

Things continued this way until our daughter was a little over 2 years old and was about to start school.
We had a discussion and agreed that she should start school in September of that year, however, I was surprised when all of a sudden my baby mama’s mother came out of the blues and said that our daughter should be enrolled to start school in April and I kicked against it since it was not the original plan and I was not ready to let her dictate to me how to run my affairs.
They enrolled her in April and paid the fees since I said I would stick with the original plan.

From then on our relationship soured further and I stopped visiting altogether but my mother who incidentally is quite fond of the lady continued to visit them until eventually she too stopped cos they made her feel unwelcome through subtle body language.
Please note that prior to the breakdown in our relationship I had always been involved in my daughter’s life, I went to the hospital the day she was born, I participated at her christening, then her first and second birthday parties.
One of my mother’s complaints was that whenever she visits they will be making comments in their language while she’s seated there with them.
Much later after our daughter started school I sent some money for the payment of my daughter’s school fees and my baby mama sent the money back to my account and as a result I just ignored and left her to her own devices.
Much later after I had stayed away for a while I decided to open an education fund account for our daughter and I was told to bring her passport photograph and a copy of her birth certificate.

I asked her mother to send me a copy of her birth certificate and she refused and as a result I could not open the account.
About 2 or 3 months after this incident when schools were on a long holiday she decided to take our daughter on holidays to the United Arab Emirates and part of the requirements was that the father must sign a Consent Form cos our daughter bears my surname; when she called and told me about it I agreed to sign it on the condition that she would give me a copy of our daughter’s birth certificate.
I went to their house, gave them a copy of the bio data page of my international passport and signed the forms on the assumption that I was dealing with someone with integrity.

After about 1 week she still had not sent me a copy of the birth certificate as agreed so I sent her a reminder on WhatsApp and she blocked my number immediately.
As a result of this I suspended all communication with her until I was about to leave Lagos for an engagement which lasted about 2 years.
Before I left I bought some cartons of biscuits and packs of Ribena fruits drinks which our daughter would take to school as refreshments.
When I got there her parents were very hostile and almost refused accepting the stuff but I left them in their compound after they had been offloaded from the car.

There are some other incidences which I have omitted for brevity.

Now the issues is that want to see my daughter but I have no desire to visit them at home.
I sent a text message to my baby mama to request to see my daughter in a public place of her choice and she ignored it.

I want to further pursue this matter legally but I want to know if there are further remedial actions I can take before I resort to this.

I am willing to explore other means first cos if I go the legal route then there is no turning back for me no matter the cost or inconvenience.

Once I start legal process on the matter I will not look back until we get to the logical conclusion of this matter.

I want people who are experienced in child custody cases to give me their opinion.

Please move this to front page:-

You should have toed the line of honour and married her. Good enough to fūck (unprotected) is good enough to marry. She's fighting you back with the only weapon at her disposal which is denial of access to your daughter's life.

It's a battle you can't really win because even if you get custody rights, they will condition your child to hate you. Women are manipulative creatures. If you so much want to be a part of your daughter's life I would suggest you beat her at her own game. Woo her all over again, marry her and raise your daughter if she is that important to you. Of course you would keep your heart with other women, if you know what I mean. Ladies like your baby mama don't deserve one iota of love.

Tochukwu1099:

Leave the girl to her and let her continue taking care of her alone. When it’s time for much bigger expenses, no one will tell your baby mama before she bring the girl to you. And besides, why you dey allow 1 girl dey turn your head upside down, dey manipulate you anyhow

Free the baby mama and forget about them

Still looking for that fearless in igbos as they made us believe

in as much as am not totalluly supporting the op's baby Mama's behaviour because she also has her own side and story to tell for the reason for her actions.it will shock u that she is capable of the MORE BIGGER expense that comes up and wunt ask the op for support. women are maning up and hardworking these days.

the lady is just being resentful cos u did not marry her but then u cant blame her.its not every lady's dream to become a babymama.but u sef u know say u no wan marry her why enter dat place without condom. anyway dis matter complex o.

realtalk19:


it's a big fat lie.not when there are evidences of neglect ND domestic abuse. u think it's a man's world abi? or the 5,000 per month for child support that wil takia of the child? this is 2019 bro.

And who mentioned domestic abuse here? Or are you naturally wired to believe every woman is a victim of domestic violence? Lol no court will deny a man the right to seè his child. Even where the father is violent, he will still be granted the liberty of meeting the children in a secure environment. She may have custody but it is his right to see his child. Dey there dey decieve yourself.

Bro,

Amma keep it real with you.

Going by your story, you are proud and near-domineering. Even though this is your side of the story, one can deduce your one-sidedness and inability to put self in the woman's shoes. You have an Anambra-man attitude. I should know. I am too.

You failed to give that woman everything she wanted at every turn (save travel consent). You didn't give her marriage or money or emotional security. Why do you expect her to remain docile and patient with you? Either naivety or a stronggggg sense of entitlement... I suspect the latter.

Bro, as long as that woman doesn't need you, and as long as you have conceded every remaining leverage you previously possessed, forget about that child... For now.

If you can send money, do so, and record it.
Open an email account and send letters addressed to your daughter regularly. Look for her when she is an adult and give her the password. She will know you never stopped thinking of her. And she "may" understand your plight.. if you can replicate your eloquence and writing prowess (alongside a very necessary tone of humility and love)

I may not understand the love of fatherhood since my pull-out game is still strong, but I feel if a woman tried to use a child to frustrate me, i would laugh and ignore them completely, ego be damned. But maybe that's naivety talking.. or the Anambra in me.

Good luck.

jieta:
don't worry when the child grow up she'll come looking for you.

not if d mother and grandmother spoil her mind about d father.