bryanarchie:


It's not about this quarrel but I guess it was a trigger...

I took a salary advance of 70,000naira with my husband s knowledge to get us a generator because ours was bad and then made a trio to see his dad and on getting there, I asked he please support us with our transport back home and he said because he said he never invited me there but I begged and he considered it.

With the salary advance I will be getting 25,000naira as my December salary and he still had his full salary of 95,000naira and I was asking for 15,000naira support...

Later, he came again to me and said no that he won't and then I got angry and we quarrelled.

He recorded our quarrel and played it for the family and his mom went all out on me saying a lot of things against me and my child.

My purpose of leaving was to avoid responding because I have that tendency to do that...

Note I said a lot of abusive words to him...

Cc: cococandy

Only your husband knows for sure what game he's playing. You need to be careful.
I'm not sure what he aimed to achieve by recording your conversation and then playing it for his parents. I personally think he's tired of the marriage too, and of course wants his family to support him.
Why hasn't he played his parents the conversation of you agreeing to support with your earnings while he spends his on his MSC? It's the bad side of you he remembers to record
Meanwhile why isn't your own family putting mouth in this brouhaha before you even packed out?
Anyway, if you lose your job today and can't support him anymore, will he still be with you?
I've not heard he came back because he loves and misses you guys, only that he can't afford rent.
Anyway, I hope you resolve your issues, just be careful. Avoid debts as much as possible and plan your finances

Assist23:
Madam, together or alone you need to plan your life.

You have a right to be upset with how your husband set you up and how your mother in law reacted, family is supposed to settle matters not escalate it, however I warn against verbal violence, shouting and being abusive is a form of violence.

As for your expenses, you need to organise yourself and stop spending without a budget. 200K rent on a 95k salary was too much, 150k or 100k is okay.

Now I advise you start a sterling bank savings investment account, you have to start with 50k but every month you can put 10k and you get 13 percent interest, that helps with some discipline and the interest helps, at the end of the year you cash in and pay rent and fees without sweating.

Now divide bills, If you are buying 6000 light units let him pay for water and fuel for gen, he should do foodstuff 25k monthly so you buy in bulk.

Write down every single thing you spend money on and budget for it, both doing your share.
This plan is if you decide to stay together even if you decide to stay alone it will help.

I don't like the kind of man he seems to be.

OP, you have been duly advised. Cut your coat according to your cloth o. Remember to save o

Any marriage the man leave responsibility for the wife is a time bomb

Op don't you have parents?

Assist23:
Op don't you have parents?

I do have parents, a lot has happened in about three years and they've intervened severally...

I guess they are just tired and I don't want to disturb them anymore...

Why do you ask please

Oblongata:


You guys are really childish or let's just say you are kids.

Look at the stupid reason you want to destroy a marriage blessed with a kid for?

You my dear is too hot tempered and proud and the usual end result is single motherhood.

Your husband is yet to realise he is married and now a man, many new marriages are like this and I can bet the marriage is 3 years and below

You guys need a marriage counselor or invite pastor to come and preach better sense into your heads

My marriage was like that almost 10 years ago, we no wise that time, just like you guys now

My wife left the house because I went to watch football match in the night

I begged but she no gree, she said I must come to her parents house to beg them

Me way I no gbadun b4, i just dusted my bachelor hood certificate

Nobody told her to come back after weeks.

It saddens me to see a woman leave her matrimonial home because of trivial stuffs

Shey edi mue ni? (Are you under a spell?)

Where there are lots of women out there fasting and praying for husband

When we decided to find a wife for my father that is 75+, that is when I know that husband is scarce

We announced in church, too many women called my number

25 year old sef applied...dey do anyhow for there shogbo?

Why you dey lie

bryanarchie:


I do have parents, a lot has happened in about three years and they've intervened severally...

I guess they are just tired and I don't want to disturb them anymore...

Why do you ask please

If they are tired it should tell you something.

I am asking because his family bullied you and you are acting like you fell from the sky. I am sure your family suffer to advise you and you ignore them and return to drama

Assist23:


If they are tired it should tell you something.

I am asking because his family bullied you and you are acting like you fell from the sky. I am sure your family suffer to advise you and you ignore them and return to drama

My dear you won't understand...

bryanarchie:


My dear you won't understand...

Nothing to understand, it is obvious from your responses, you ignore the practical advise and pick the ones that adds to drama. People have given practical financial advise you haven't acknowledged or responded

Assist23:


Nothing to understand, it is obvious from your responses, you ignore the practical advise and pick the ones that adds to drama. People have given practical financial advise you haven't acknowledged or responded

I have seen it all, I'm sorry I can't respond to everything...

I will definitely work on my finance...

Get back together for the love you have for each other and not because of financial commitments.

[quote author=bryanarchie post=75277833][/quote]

stay on your own and take care of urself and child till he is able to take full responsibility be of u and child or your child alone.

don't compromise or else he will take advantage and turn it against u.

Ranchhoddas:
Why you dey lie

My brother i wish it is a lie

But it is not!

bryanarchie:


We used to do that and everything was fine, no issues at all but he changed and started bringing in what he felt like.

Yesterday, I reminded him of back then that we should go back to that way but he said no way...
He has refused to let us budget but Im 100oercent open to him financially...

I've requested counseling and he rejected...

I can't talk to anybody about this...

I'm sincerely tired of all this...

Why is he refusing counseling? I think it helps open up so much discussions and also, brings deeper understanding to underlying issues and thought processes.

ifyalways:
Are you not the lady that sorted her child support wahalajust the other day?

Are these blog stories aka figment of your imagination or what

This one shey? https://www.nairaland.com/4966258/childs-welfare..we-need-advice

I taya

This thread is very painful

Op

Op I wish you the very best, take care of your finances and your child. And make sure you love yourself and put yourself first all the time.


You won't see all these useless fools who run around on FP saying how all women are leeches, how they only care for a guy because of his pocket, how men are the ones who always provide while the woman says my money is my money here. You won't see the goats here at all

GboyegaD:


Why is he refusing counseling? I think it helps open up so much discussions and also, brings deeper understanding to underlying issues and thought processes.

I don't no why, he just said he does not believe in that and it will make no effect..

bryanarchie:


I don't no why, he just said he does not believe in that and it will make no effect..

Don't argue that with him. Tell him you understand but you would appreciate you guys still go through it. Many atimes, we reject counseling because we do not know its importance and it will be nice he discovers it himself.

Thank you so much for your show of concern and responses...

I appreciate it all both the good and harsh words...

I must not fail to add that I own a baby boutique and so my monthly income is a little bit higher...

I don't actually have a problem with the way the monthly expenses is been shared but I strongly believe it's unfair to me to pay the yearly rent too...

I appreciate the financial advice and I've made it mandatory to start saving for me and my child...

GboyegaD:


Don't argue that with him. Tell him you understand but you would appreciate you guys still go through it. Many atimes, we reject counseling because we do not know its importance and it will be nice he discovers it himself.

I don't know how else to convince him because I have tried every means possible I know...

bryanarchie:


I don't know how else to convince him because I have tried every means possible I know...

You could try discuss with the counselor you intend using if s/he is open to counseling online. If yes, discuss this with your husband to get his buy in, create a what's app group for the 3 of you and have your counseling that way.

bobobooge:


I love to ignore issues like this but I guess I will chip this in.

1. Why did you go to your in-laws house when your husband asked you not to go?

Are you not wise enough to have known to stay away?

They clearly do not like you and will never support you, hence even if your husband may have his own issues, they are the major cause of your marriage problems because your husband would rather dance to their tune and will reflect their distaste towards you.

You should learn to distant yourself from them except when it's inevitable. Rallying round them will never help your cause.

2. Your husband is tires of you. He doesn't really like you anymore. You are abusive, unsubmissive and arrogant. You don't respect him. He's clearly hanging on just for the sake of finances and the child. If he had his way he would have done away with you since.

3. Now this is the saddest part. How did you find yourself in this mess? Did his parents accept you initially and then changed?

Many women in the grave now are a product of bad marriages. The rollercoaster of emotional distress, the teary burdens and the heart rendering pains, many cannot handle and as such many women have been made lifeless with the greater part of their essence crushed and broken in bits.

It seems your own challenges is already turning you into a monster.

I do not want you to tow that line like others. You are too young to go under that hammer because these issues only get worse.


Conclusion: You need to make better choices next time and not just act on emotions or impulses.
E.g. moving out (this cannot be undone anyway, plan your way forward),
taking an advance (you very well know your husband that he won't bulge when it comes to paying back so why such a foolish move?),
Visiting your in-laws (if you haven't learnt now, well....)

What's this one saying sef? Abeg stop speaking trash. Respect is reciprocal.

Oblongata:


You guys are really childish or let's just say you are kids.

Look at the stupid reason you want to destroy a marriage blessed with a kid for?

You my dear is too hot tempered and proud and the usual end result is single motherhood.

Your husband is yet to realise he is married and now a man, many new marriages are like this and I can bet the marriage is 3 years and below

You guys need a marriage counselor or invite pastor to come and preach better sense into your heads

My marriage was like that almost 10 years ago, we no wise that time, just like you guys now

My wife left the house because I went to watch football match in the night

I begged but she no gree, she said I must come to her parents house to beg them

Me way I no gbadun b4, i just dusted my bachelor hood certificate

Nobody told her to come back after weeks.

It saddens me to see a woman leave her matrimonial home because of trivial stuffs

Shey edi mue ni? (Are you under a spell?)

Where there are lots of women out there fasting and praying for husband

When we decided to find a wife for my father that is 75+, that is when I know that husband is scarce

We announced in church, too many women called my number

25 year old sef applied...dey do anyhow for there shogbo?

Trivial things when she's the one responsible for the financial upkeep? You dey mad ni?

And to the sis, you're married to yourself. You have got no husband yet.

Roland17:
I can only see 2 problems with your situation and that is inflated egos and the selfish sense of entitlement which breeds the need to be glorified as being right in every situation.

Even if you end this one and enter another relationship which I strongly advise against especially since it’s a marriage, you will both suffer similar predicaments.

Na the husbang get self entitlement here. He's simply a gigolo. Let's speak the truth here.

bryanarchie:


I do have parents, a lot has happened in about three years and they've intervened severally...

I guess they are just tired and I don't want to disturb them anymore...

Why do you ask please

Tell him you want to apply for your master too and you don't have money to feed a grown up like him let alone a husband who can't take care of his wife and son.

As for you, cut down your financial expenses which includes cutting down your financial responsibility of a grownup husband. Save a lot and if possible, try to improve yourself also. If you don't want to do it for yourself, you at least owe it to your child. Also, You aint married yet. Ciao.

Kagawa10:

What's this one saying sef? Abeg stop speaking trash. Respect is reciprocal.

It's too early for this.

GboyegaD:


You could try discuss with the counselor you intend using if s/he is open to counseling online. If yes, discuss this with your husband to get his buy in, create a what's app group for the 3 of you and have your counseling that way.

What part don't you get? This man doesn't want her but her money.

Kagawa10:

Trivial things when she's the one responsible for the financial upkeep? You dey mad ni?

And to the sis, you're married to yourself. You have got no husband yet.

No sir I am not mad!

You were not there when they made financial arrangements, and hence we should not judge.

Me and my wife has attained a fair stage of understanding and love, comman divorce us we dey house

Oblongata:

No sir I am not mad!

You were not there when they made financial arrangements, and hence we should not judge.

Me and my wife has attained a fair stage of understanding and love, comman divorce us we dey house

A man should be responsible for his family. Always. If at all the woman is to contribute, 60-40 should be the maximum.

If you're one of those men mooching off your wife, you're nothing but a gigolo and should be ashamed of yourself.

Kagawa10:

A man should be responsible for his family. Always. If at all the woman is to contribute, 60-40 should be the maximum.

If you're one of those men mooching off your wife, you're nothing but a gigolo and should be ashamed of yourself.

Brother when I am broke, my wife supports me, it is called mutual understanding and not gigolo. ..

We invest and take decisions together, she manages my salary and we run joint account 2geda

I wanted to get a new ps4 last December from our money and she scolded me... the poor jumia guy went back disappointed I was crossed but had to understand her part that there were more pressing issues

Bottom line is that basic mutual understanding is attained in marriage with time, perseverance and determination.

There is no particular formula that works in marriage, everyone is peculiar.

Have a nice day

Kagawa10:

A man should be responsible for his family. Always. If at all the woman is to contribute, 60-40 should be the maximum.

If you're one of those men mooching off your wife, you're nothing but a gigolo and should be ashamed of yourself.

Mr Garawa.
You are sha looking for who to make trouble with this morning.

You wanted to start with me but being wiser I dodged you.

I see you have finally drawn this dude into the dirt fight this morning.

Oya continue.

Kagawa10:

What part don't you get? This man doesn't want her but her money.

.

Exactly

Sugar mummy