MiddleSpot:



Scare..... Insecurity.



Always monitor and confront what motivates your behavior each time you want to act that way. By telling yourself the motivation of my behavior is the fear of this person not that that person has done anything,you can begin to be more lenient.


Remember Paul said something about capturing every thought that exalts itself above/against God. This is capturing your very thoughts that motivates and produces action in you

Mmmm. Deep thought.
Thank you

MiddleSpot:



Smh. Find Donald Harvey his books addresses your concerns it's the ministry God gave him. Forget about finding his books in Nigeria though. You've got to buy them online
. His information is golden. You will not forget this day if you read his books. Oh, he's a psychiatrist

Really?? How do I get this book?

UyaiIncomparabl:


Wow. Lucky you then!

For myself, I just keep going back and forth, that is acting irredeemable. May God hep us all.

Amen ooo.
Thanks so much

QueenSekxy:

Really?? How do I get this book?

Google it. Any store willing to ship to Nigeria will sell. Easy beezy.

MiddleSpot:



Google it. Any store willing to ship to Nigeria will sell. Easy beezy.

No problem thanks alot.

QueenSekxy:

No problem thanks alot.

K. Remember the title


Talk your way to an intimate marriage

MiddleSpot:



Perfect. She's been avoidant.



And it destroys marriages and relations.



It forces people to assume the worse can happen even when nothing is wrong. It also forces its victim to function in a crisis mode. I need to be detached so I can be free to run if problem arises.


It's a default flight mode personality that's forming in her. It's like wooo I don't have time once any shiitty start, I go japa.

Even i struggle with it from time to time. Being an introvert no easy at all

MiddleSpot:



K. Remember the title


Talk your way to an intimate marriage

Alright dear.

Maverickking1:


Even i struggle with it from time to time. Being an introvert no easy at all

Follow the instructions. Read on how to become ambivalent

Maverickking1:


Even i struggle with it from time to time. Being an introvert no easy at all

Follow the instructions. Read on how to become ambivalent.

How I faced my fear of starting an intimate marriage conversation


Author Maggie reyes

QueenSekxy:

Greeting people has a way of connecting you with them or making them become friends with You, cos, they will always get to talk to you when greeting starts coming.
That's what I try to avoid.

This is a very strange way of thinking. I greet everyone around me and we never go beyond that. What is the connection between greeting and friendship? You share the same geographical location with the people around you, so whether or not you greet, you are already connected on a level.

I am introverted myself, and am even getting more reclusive as time passes, but that doesn't stop me from functioning withing the confines of social etiquette. How do you hope to be productive member of society if a simple thing as salutation is hard for you? You will run into problems in the future if you don't make an effort to be civil, and from what I am reading from you, you want to live like a hermit.

UyaiIncomparabl:


I don't think you know what being an introvert entails. For an introvert, publicly expressing him/herself is draining, and will find every possible means not to relate with the public if chances present it/themselves.

That's quite incorrect. Don't let my jaguda on Nairaland fool you. I am introverted so I know what I talking about, 100%.

QueenSekxy:

Shut up.

What if I say lemme be kind for once and grant you that favor

QueenSekxy:
Lol. Thank you. I like you already

I know

QueenSekxy:
Goodmorning all.
Please, I have this character of avoiding people in real life. I avoid talking to people or even greeting people.
I'd prefer taking a longer path than meeting someone I know through a route that's closer to where I'm headed.
Last two week, I changed route from my normal routine path of reaching the destination of where I work cos, someone said I always pass him without greeting
I'm kind of worried cos it might affect me in the future.
I'd stay indoor and pretend to be sick rather than see a visitor at home.
How do I stop this? Thank you.

See a psychologist

Good evening the Lady with a good heart.
We are designed to be social beings. Though we have exceptions. And as a human being here on earth you can't do without your fellow humans.
In dealing with people, you will come across the good ,the bad and the ugly. While for relationship aspect ,kissing of frogs before meeting one's prince charming/adorable queen is a normal thing.
But will this stop one from associating with his fellow humans? No of course.
There is always a principle behind every thing/system that works .This also applies to us as human beings
One of the Principles of Social Interaction is Love. Why do I say so,people must hurt you. Your family members are not exempted. But with love in place,you will overlook the hurts.
Another Principle is Being Friendly. That is having a likeable personality.
In this your case,how can you overcome this challenge? After all,every challenge is meant to be overcome.
If you attend a church, why not join a service unit,for example the ushering unit. This is an area where you can develop your interpersonal skill. Remember what I said earlier on. You must be hurt,but your principle of love will make you over look hurts.
If you are a professional, you can be active in your professional association. This will greatly increase your interpersonal skills.
Remember the Principle of being Friendly,with that principle imbibed ,saying hello to folks in your neighborhood and visitors to your house won't be an issue.
That you greet someone hi doesn't mean you guys are friends, but is an attribute of a person with friendly personality.
You are a lady with a good heart,so show it to the world.

QueenSekxy:

Thanks, I will be putting this into practise.

I have the same personality. I lived in school hostels during my university days but cannot tell the names of my roommates.

I was forced to relate with my roommates in year 1 and the result afterwards made me cherish my isolation lifestyle and I carried that on until I graduated. Even when I went to off campus in my final year, same thing.

Where I am living presently, outside the landlord and his wife and my immediate neighbors (elderly people), I don't greet or talk to anyone.

About the fear of how to cope in a team working environment, that might be an issue because people will hate you for keeping to yourself at work which can lead to your co-workers conspiring against you which may eventually lead to your sack (I'm not wishing you bad, just typing from experience).

The first teaching job I took pre-NYSC, the teachers conspired against me with several allegations ranging from inability to control the class, to the students not understanding me,etc. I was sacked after the first term.

Guess what? I am doing very well today as a Freelancer that I can employ the principal of that school and pay him.


My opinion - it's a behavioral disorder. Sadly you may not be able to come out of it completely as your happiness will be jeopardize if you force it.

My suggestion - find a job that does not require physical contact with people.

QueenSekxy:

Lol. Attention isn't my problem cos I get loads of it each time I step out.
I just find it difficult to relate with people.
I belong to a church society and I was still doing that.
I Sometimes, stopped going cos it was energy demanding. Talkng and greeting people.

how old are you?

With age , time and exposure your shyness will reduce.

Apart from greetings do these people ask questions about your personal life which you don't want to reveal?

I do this too. I avoid routes where I know people who love small talk and like asking stupid personal questions. They ask not because they like me but because they want to know how far you have gone in life to gossip about and compare with their kids.
Even my facial expression when passing their shops makes them know they shouldn't ask me anything stupid other than "Good morning "

However you must know that while there's absolutely nothing wrong with being an introvert you might find yourself in situations where you will have to overcome shyness to succeed
Eg if you are a business woman or you work in an industry where you meet people daily and your social intelligence is required.

I'll advice you to start reading books on charisma .
Never eat alone is one. You can look for the free PDF on google

There are tons of videos on YouTube that you can watch.

They will teach you confidence, how to make eye contact etc.

Make sure you practice what you read or else its not worth it at the end of the day

QueenSekxy:
Goodmorning all.
Please, I have this character of avoiding people in real life. I avoid talking to people or even greeting people.
I'd prefer taking a longer path than meeting someone I know through a route that's closer to where I'm headed.
Last two week, I changed route from my normal routine path of reaching the destination of where I work cos, someone said I always pass him without greeting
I'm kind of worried cos it might affect me in the future.
I'd stay indoor and pretend to be sick rather than see a visitor at home.
How do I stop this? Thank you.

you have a mental illness called social anxiety a byproduct of depression.

QueenSekxy:

Exactly.

Lol, I remembered when I was in school, nobody knew me till 300level when the result was pasted and I was second best in GP.
That was how I got noticed in dept.
I had only one friend in school till I left

look at now


You are chatting with uya and talking about personal stuff

Its all about finding people you relate well enough with ? Then the conversations flood in

Acidosis:


You only see this as a problem because you live in one of world's most extroverted countries. You are in a country where people believe they have the right to your greeting. You are not responsible for another man's insatiable greed to your greetings. What the future holds depends on how much effort you make to feed your ego, not another man's ego.

And this is one of the reasons a lot of people are commuting suicide
They want to conform to the expectations of society on how to act to prove they are confident and happy.

QueenSekxy:
Goodmorning all.
Please, I have this character of avoiding people in real life. I avoid talking to people or even greeting people.
I'd prefer taking a longer path than meeting someone I know through a route that's closer to where I'm headed.
Last two week, I changed route from my normal routine path of reaching the destination of where I work cos, someone said I always pass him without greeting
I'm kind of worried cos it might affect me in the future.
I'd stay indoor and pretend to be sick rather than see a visitor at home.
How do I stop this? Thank you.

My dear, I am exactly like u, and now that I'm married, I sometimes have issues with hubby because he is a peoples person. We'll get invited and I will not want to go because I don't want to meet anybody. When hubby even succeed in convincing me to come along, I want us to return almost as soon as we get there. Worst part is I'll exchange no with people because they ask but when they are calling me, I feel like they are irritating, sometimes I don't pick and I never call back. At work, I am just in my room. I don't go to the staff room at lunch because I don't want to meet people. I can go on and on but what I know is that to me, I need my space every time. My only interesting person whom I don't get bored chatting with is my husband. It's not the best way of life but interestingly I'm enjoying my life this way. Maybe it's just our own way of life. Atleast we are not hurting anyone are we?
Don't worry my dear, if u can change then fine but if u cant, no worries, U are good the way you are. We are all unique.

PuZZyNegro:



I have the same personality. I lived in school hostels during my university days but cannot tell the names of my roommates.

I was forced to relate with my roommates in year 1 and the result afterwards made me cherish my isolation lifestyle and I carried that on until I graduated. Even when I went to off campus in my final year, same thing.

Where I am living presently, outside the landlord and his wife and my immediate neighbors (elderly people), I don't greet or talk to anyone.

About the fear of how to cope in a team working environment, that might be an issue because people will hate you for keeping to yourself at work which can lead to your co-workers conspiring against you which may eventually lead to your sack (I'm not wishing you bad, just typing from experience).

The first teaching job I took pre-NYSC, the teachers conspired against me with several allegations ranging from inability to control the class, to the students not understanding me,etc. I was sacked after the first term.

Guess what? I am doing very well today as a Freelancer that I can employ the principal of that school and pay him.


My opinion - it's a behavioral disorder. Sadly you may not be able to come out of it completely as your happiness will be jeopardize if you force it.

My suggestion - find a job that does not require physical contact with people.

Still as an isolanist. Still lacking people skills

henmaris:

My dear, I am exactly like u, and now that I'm married, I sometimes have issues with hubby because he is a peoples person. We'll get invited and I will not want to go because I don't want to meet anybody. When hubby even succeed in convincing me to come along, I want us to return almost as soon as we get there. Worst part is I'll exchange no with people because they ask but when they are calling me, I feel like they are irritating, sometimes I don't pick and I never call back. At work, I am just in my room. I don't go to the staff room at lunch because I don't want to meet people. I can go on and on but what I know is that to me, I need my space every time. My only interesting person whom I don't get bored chatting with is my husband. It's not the best way of life but interestingly I'm enjoying my life this way. Maybe it's just our own way of life. Atleast we are not hurting anyone are we?
Don't worry my dear, if u can change then fine but if u cant, no worries, U are good the way you are. We are all unique.

What happens the day we need help but since we lack social bond with people, how do we get the help we will very much need in our day of need.

generationz:


And this is one of the reasons a lot of people are commuting suicide
They want to conform to the expectations of society on how to act to prove they are confident and happy.

Doesn't validate the lifestyle of an hermit. Excessive self indulgence leads to mental problems too

Dolphin01:
Good evening the Lady with a good heart.
We are designed to be social beings. Though we have exceptions. And as a human being here on earth you can't do without your fellow humans.
In dealing with people, you will come across the good ,the bad and the ugly. While for relationship aspect ,kissing of frogs before meeting one's prince charming/adorable queen is a normal thing.
But will this stop one from associating with his fellow humans? No of course.
There is always a principle behind every thing/system that works .This also applies to us as human beings
One of the Principles of Social Interaction is Love. Why do I say so,people must hurt you. Your family members are not exempted. But with love in place,you will overlook the hurts.
Another Principle is Being Friendly. That is having a likeable personality.
In this your case,how can you overcome this challenge? After all,every challenge is meant to be overcome.
If you attend a church, why not join a service unit,for example the ushering unit. This is an area where you can develop your interpersonal skill. Remember what I said earlier on. You must be hurt,but your principle of love will make you over look hurts.
If you are a professional, you can be active in your professional association. This will greatly increase your interpersonal skills.
Remember the Principle of being Friendly,with that principle imbibed ,saying hello to folks in your neighborhood and visitors to your house won't be an issue.
That you greet someone hi doesn't mean you guys are friends, but is an attribute of a person with friendly personality.
You are a lady with a good heart,so show it to the world.

Flatter her too much and she may cave in. People in this spot most terms don't want to be called by their good attributes. If you know, you know

UyaiIncomparabl:
You're very normal. I'm like that too.
I even hate seeing people around me or want to visit me because I feel they disturb my peace and it annoys me a lot.

I can even pretend not to see someone so I don't greet that person. I think I have mental issues.
Anyone who comes to oppose my point will be thrown into the fiery furnace.

You said the bolded at the begining and you contradicted yourself at the end, what do you mean by telling her she is very normal because she is like you and later on you said you think you have mental issues?

crunchyg:

You said the bolded at the begining and you contradicted yourself at the end, what do you mean by telling her she is very normal because she is like you and later on you said you think you have mental issues?

Learn how to mind your business.

UyaiIncomparabl:


Learn how to mind your business.

So calling your attention to your contraction now is me not minding my business, is that how you used to do??

QueenSekxy:
Goodmorning all.
Please, I have this character of avoiding people in real life. I avoid talking to people or even greeting people.
I'd prefer taking a longer path than meeting someone I know through a route that's closer to where I'm headed.
Last two week, I changed route from my normal routine path of reaching the destination of where I work cos, someone said I always pass him without greeting
I'm kind of worried cos it might affect me in the future.
I'd stay indoor and pretend to be sick rather than see a visitor at home.
How do I stop this? Thank you.

I suspect this group of people you are Ignoring are Yo-luba people, not to be tribalistic but these set of people always want greetings.
Once you pass by them & you don't greet, you will hear " Efe ki wa ni" -- Very disgusting attitude.

Please there is nothing wrong with you, those people you don't greet are not feeding you, they can all get lost.