Family matter.... Not my concern

Ugosample:


you have raised another valid point

but that MAY not be the case wirt the OP

Yes u may be right too.

But I want u to understand that women cause 70% of their problems most of the time

They always go for flashy things and forget all that glitters are not gold

Let me give u an example

When I was in medical school, some of my class gals had guys that was dying to marry them when they finished school.but they didn't want those regular guys.they wanted people overseas.it was like a competition. Like they all wanted their husbands to be Americana.if u understand me.they started leaving the guys they were with and started marrying people from America and Europe they barely knew

Tomorrow,same people will come and tell us their husbands cheated and was not remorseful

robinsoncrosoe:

Yes u may be right too.

But I want u to understand that women cause 70% of their problems most of the time

They always go for flashy things and forget all that glitters are not gold

Let me give u an example

When I was in medical school, some of my class gals had guys that was dying to marry them when they finished school.but they didn't want those regular guys.they wanted people overseas.it was like a competition. Like they all wanted their husbands to be Americana.if u understand me.they started leaving the guys they were with and started marrying people from America and Europe they barely knew

Tomorrow,same people will come and tell us their husbands cheated and was not remorseful

I get your point

I was once a uni student too...

Besides the biggest enemy to a lot of women today is HYPERGAMY

it was useful back in the day

but in the 21st century

it is a HANDICAP....

just saying

@op...please don't leave him for the sake of your kid,Before you quit make an effort don't just be a loser to that useless girl.
my advice...
1.Have faith in God(prayer)
2.Be dressing nice and don't be dirty forget about be a nursing mother.
3.Work on your self(sex,romance,care,etc)
4.Talk to any of his family or friends(good one pls) let him know the implication of what his doing and how you are feeling.
Lastly...please be very careful and watchful of him and the neighbor they can kill or harm.
Note:This is part of marriage challenges and by the grace of God you will surely overcome it.

A four month baby and the baga is cheating to your face and even body shaming you... Madam I am an advocate of divorce, better leave d idiat and please do whatever you can to get your pound of flesh (no killing involved Sha)

If this is really what he said

He no even apologise

I am thinking he is from a particular tribe, we all know them.
They only people that brag in polygamy

Haunty biko kick his ass and concentrate and build up ur life and little child's .

breakerofchains:


Then what's the solution, suffering and dying slowly..

Some of you are just too wicked but you don't even know it.

Please don't quote me again.

OP I repeat, leave that marriage.

There's happiness in this world. Leave that your crusty husband.

Temporary separation...she should move out Yes for now...But keep her kneels on the ground for him...There battles in every man's life, so advising a person to run away from his battles are not right. She should stay away, get busy and focus on other things but should see this as her prayer point....Simple...

This approach of everything divorce is not and will never be a solution...You people seem to forget the children suffers for this divorce. Separation comes first and in event, there is no repentance, then divorce can be considered.

Olakinsdotcom:
@op...please don't leave him for the sake of your kid,Before you quit make an effort don't just be a loser to that useless girl.
my advice...
1.Have faith in God(prayer)
2.Be dressing nice and don't be dirty forget about be a nursing mother.
3.Work on your self(sex,romance,care,etc)
4.Talk to any of his family or friends(good one pls) let him know the implication of what his doing and how you are feeling.
Lastly...please be very careful and watchful of him and the neighbor they can kill or harm.
Note:This is part of marriage challenges and by the grace of God you will surely overcome it.

How can I downvote this.... Shey d man get six packs ni, someone is a victim and all you can talk about is dressing nice and not being dirty... Walahi women dey suffer ooo.

Madam I beg on you don't do anything stupid if you don't want the marriage again just walk out

This African man thing is sickening. Same guy will literally kill you if he finds out that another brother is "charging your phone"!
Hit the gym, dress well..... socialise, do your thing!

sisisioge:
4ks!

He did that! 4kssss! Blowdyfellow!

What do you want to do without getting in trouble? Chai! Can you arrange to travel out of the country while liquidating all his assets while at it? As in, you will sell his properties at ridiculous rates, spoil all the unsellable, send a picture of him and the girl to his work place, then call his family to tell them on your way out. Remember not to tell him where u are going o.


Pele...pull yourself together though. Do not let them see your anger.

Unless she knew where those documents are kept...he might not give her an hint and truly, husband's like this always keep secrets from their wives...

Needtolove:
Hi nairalanders this post is going to be quite disorganized, as I am not such a good writer. Just need an avenue to let our some steam. No advise needed too. The only way forward for me is to quit my marriage.

The reason for this write up is to ease the pain of betrayal that comes from my husband cheating on me with a our neighbor,what really hurts is that after I investigated and found out her identity, I presented him with hard evidence ,instead of an apology he said he is an African man o and polygamy is allowed. He says I should better mind my business as the said girl is not disturbing me. He further stated that the girl is crazy o, so I should not even think of confronting her

Just this morning she had the nerve to come to my apartment with her room mate to clarify some house issues. The nerve of all of them. Really want to make them pay. Really want to make my husband suffer.
This guy body shames me at any chance he gets. (I have a four month old baby) he says am ugly and shapless, and my breast are flat

I want African men to know that women have feelings too, am expected to bottle up my pain and be a woman. When I react violently he calls me mad woman. He is still with her and I am still expected to mind my business.
I will though, but they will both get it.

OK, I have a few questions.

1. When did the body shaming start? Were there traces of it before the marriage?

2. Do you have anger issues? Have you taken an anger issue test before?

3. What do you intend to do when you wrote that they will both get it

I am after the solution rather that complicating it.

When you were persuading him to pay your bride price ,you didn't know it comes with the mentality that he owns you and can do whatever he wants.

Na so I catch Papa precious dey cheat on Mama Precious with Sarah for my Area.....Some House wives dey suffer

I think the best revenge is to hit the gym and get your shape back. trust me, he will rethink again and this will boost your self confidence....you shape might make you look ugly but I doubt if you are ugly...

ejibaba:


Temporary separation...she should move out Yes for now...But keep her kneels on the ground for him...There battles in every man's life, so advising a person to run away from his battles are not right. She should stay away, get busy and focus on other things but should see this as her prayer point....Simple...

This approach of everything divorce is not and will never be a solution...You people seem to forget the children suffers for this divorce. Separation comes first and in event, there is no repentance, then divorce can be considered.

the father of the child should have thought about that too...
why does it always have to be the women struggling fighting and praying and miserable trying to save marriage ?


It baffles me that women who are even the ones who get the short end of the stick largely support this Fvckery

Needtolove:
Hi nairalanders this post is going to be quite disorganized, as I am not such a good writer. Just need an avenue to let our some steam. No advise needed too. The only way forward for me is to quit my marriage.

The reason for this write up is to ease the pain of betrayal that comes from my husband cheating on me with a our neighbor,what really hurts is that after I investigated and found out her identity, I presented him with hard evidence ,instead of an apology he said he is an African man o and polygamy is allowed. He says I should better mind my business as the said girl is not disturbing me. He further stated that the girl is crazy o, so I should not even think of confronting her

Just this morning she had the nerve to come to my apartment with her room mate to clarify some house issues. The nerve of all of them. Really want to make them pay. Really want to make my husband suffer.
This guy body shames me at any chance he gets. (I have a four month old baby) he says am ugly and shapless, and my breast are flat

I want African men to know that women have feelings too, am expected to bottle up my pain and be a woman. When I react violently he calls me mad woman. He is still with her and I am still expected to mind my business.
I will though, but they will both get it.

Just walk away and divorce him like you said. Trying to hurt them might hurt you more. But naturally your husband will receive his pay cheque.

PapaAdanna:
If this is really what he said

He no even apologise

I am thinking he is from a particular tribe, we all know them.
They only people that brag in polygamy

Haunty biko kick his ass and concentrate and build up ur life and little child's .

To think you are a fool is an understatement but you are just a bigot who can't think except diverting his talk towards another tribe......you are typical example of a dimwit

i would've told you to cheat on him back to teach him a lesson. for the mean time.

The sad thing is almost everyone cheats, u had to dig deep and comfirmed ur suspicions. I pray God helps you out.

My advice to everyone male or female don't look for what you cant handle.

Needtolove:
Hi nairalanders this post is going to be quite disorganized, as I am not such a good writer. Just need an avenue to let our some steam. No advise needed too. The only way forward for me is to quit my marriage.

The reason for this write up is to ease the pain of betrayal that comes from my husband cheating on me with a our neighbor,what really hurts is that after I investigated and found out her identity, I presented him with hard evidence ,instead of an apology he said he is an African man o and polygamy is allowed. He says I should better mind my business as the said girl is not disturbing me. He further stated that the girl is crazy o, so I should not even think of confronting her

Just this morning she had the nerve to come to my apartment with her room mate to clarify some house issues. The nerve of all of them. Really want to make them pay. Really want to make my husband suffer.
This guy body shames me at any chance he gets. (I have a four month old baby) he says am ugly and shapless, and my breast are flat

I want African men to know that women have feelings too, am expected to bottle up my pain and be a woman. When I react violently he calls me mad woman. He is still with her and I am still expected to mind my business.
I will though, but they will both get it.

Your husband doesn't love you. He's an idiot! Your plan to end the marraige is great.

When he is out, pack your stuff and run with your baby.

Needtolove:
Hi nairalanders this post is going to be quite disorganized, as I am not such a good writer. Just need an avenue to let our some steam. No advise needed too. The only way forward for me is to quit my marriage.

The reason for this write up is to ease the pain of betrayal that comes from my husband cheating on me with a our neighbor,what really hurts is that after I investigated and found out her identity, I presented him with hard evidence ,instead of an apology he said he is an African man o and polygamy is allowed. He says I should better mind my business as the said girl is not disturbing me. He further stated that the girl is crazy o, so I should not even think of confronting her

Just this morning she had the nerve to come to my apartment with her room mate to clarify some house issues. The nerve of all of them. Really want to make them pay. Really want to make my husband suffer.
This guy body shames me at any chance he gets. (I have a four month old baby) he says am ugly and shapless, and my breast are flat

I want African men to know that women have feelings too, am expected to bottle up my pain and be a woman. When I react violently he calls me mad woman. He is still with her and I am still expected to mind my business.
I will though, but they will both get it.

pls my dear,

if by any reason u wish to rather pray to God for your marriage ordeal. Just leave the house first, pls pls pls leave the house. After leaving, then u can pray till eternity

trapQ:
Allow me to enlighten you. When you marry a woman in the church and according to Christian doctrines, you lose the right to marry other wives while she's still your wife. Ask any lawyer you know.

In that case a woman can even see her husband for doing so but most people don't know this.

Moreover, contrary to what you said, African culture doesn't permit fornication, it permits polygamy, not sleeping around without marrying the person you're frolicking with.

Well, the truth remains that she never mentioned they had church wedding, even if they did, it still does not legally stop the man from having another wife.

I know lot of families that are happy with 2-3 wivies leaving together.

To be candy ladies should ease there pain and move on if the situation become so difficult to contain,instend of causing body damage on there husband or competitor.

This is not as complicated as we make it look.

Let her just be easy when taken discussions, it's either going to make or break you.

Ugosample:


Why don't you present yourself as a polygamist upfront instead of just coming out of the blues

Madam am not, just a realist and by the way what's wrong with been a polygamist.

Pray for him if you can bcuz many side chicks can use JUJU ( Black Magic) to be controlling someone's husband . We can't tell if the lady in question used juju for him to be misbehaving to this extent. While praying, U can equally leave the house for him to avoid him harming you . God will protect and bless you as you do so

I wish you well with whatever step you take

Sanchez01:

Stupidity on all sides...

You well?

ibkayee:

Some Nigerian men act like cheating is their birthright so the OPs story isn't farfetched in my opinion

this is a one sided story what if the husband come with a different one, why do we judge so easily

trapQ:
Mumu. Let your wife cheat on you with your neighbor and call you pot bellied so you can take your own advice and try to win her love back.

Ewu

merahki:



I know you are typing from a good place
But, is this what you would tell your daughter or sister or cousin should they, “God forbid”, find themselves in a situation like this?
Answer this honestly
Then come and modify this post accordingly
Cheers

too much sense.

Marriage no be by force o. The marriage is Still young , while all these issues?
if you are not convinced about the person you are joining yourself to, abeg no marry him/her.

I dey enjoy my single life at 42 yet no fornication...no stress. Though I be born again o! No take yourself compare me o if you no fear God.
You that you are living a worldly life, no take yourself compare me o! We are different o....

kennygee:
Dear woman, I can imagine the emotional and psychological pain you're going thru, however, making a decision right now might not be wise cause it will be an emotional one.

Just keep praying for him and ask God for strength to overcome. It is only when there's a crack in the wall that a lizard can enter.

Start working out the little way you can, start dressing really nice, so nice you'll get compliments outside. It will improve your self esteem, wear make up, smell nice. It might not stop him from cheating but it will build up your self esteem and confidence so much that you'll see you're not the problem.

You'll be in a better place to decide if you want to stay with him or leave.

All the best.

I hope you have a job or a business sha?

Cause the best security a woman can have is her own money.

@Op.
This is probably the best advise u can get here. I am a man and I am a husband. Men are naturally enticed by what they see. But real men are able to control their wandering lust. Its a pity ur husband can't.
However, It is not ur job to pray that lust out of his life. You can dress anyway u like. Its ur body and not anyone's property.
BUT if u want to stay married and have a stable home or a semblance of one for ur kids, you have to make those things ur business. You must dress to impress and u must pray for him and u shud get fit both for him and ursef.
I married a shy woman who believed sex shud be in a certain way(a won 'deeper life" style). I told her that a man can have sex with a single woman in different ways for many years to come without the passion waning. Or he can have sex with different women in d same way. Essentially, men crave variety and u shud find a way of spicing things up. It takes time to overule our religious and social conditioning but u shud give it a go. And at four months, u shud be able to have sex unless ur doctor advise otherwise. The painful thing is that most women let go after marriage especially those who do not work in corporate settings. Please change if u are one.

Now, I am going to get bashed for this advise, but I won't mind cos those who are going to do so are not married or haven't been for long, have a long list of broken relationship/marriage behind them or are just naive. I pray things work out for u.