Acidosis:


So the new job is going to give her and her kids the best things of life? What the father couldn't offer? The father ever begged you for feeding money? The father begged you to train up his kids?

It doesn't bother you that the man would be alone, lonely and unable to bond with his seed?

You lots are extremely lousy and selfish! Just a little pay rise, some of you would tear your marriage certificate.

She should concentrate on her kids. They are her future. If a man could be very comfortable with a job that may not even pay him a month, and doesn't wanna hustle to see how he could double his hustle and create multiple streams of income, then, the wife should take up the lead and give her children the best she could offer. If he's lonely, he should relocate with the wife since his income isn't even adding up. He could also try and get another job in that state. That's how to reason diversifiably.

QueenSekxy:

She should concentrate on her kids. They are her future. If a man could be very comfortable with a job that may not even pay him a month, and doesn't wanna hustle to see how he could double his hustle and create multiple streams of income, then, the wife should take up the lead and give her children the best she could offer. If he's lonely, he should relocate with the wife since his income isn't even adding up. He could also try and get another job in that state. That's how to reason diversifiably.

Do you realize you're in family section, not baby mama forum?

ibkayee:

You people are really reaching. Her use of ‘I’ wasn’t to exclude him from the family equation or leave him out, if that were the case she wouldn’t be asking for her husband’s input in the first place, she would’ve just taken the job.

Abegggiii. The lady was clearly being egocentric here.

Acidosis:


Do you realize you're in family section, not baby mama forum?

Oga, I've seen people move from one location to another. I know couple who are living in different states ever since they got married till now. The wife has a federal job somewhere in the west while the husby works from South. If you are complaining of her moving out to search for greener pasture or you calling it a baby mama ish, what will now say to those guys that stays abroad while they marry here and keep their wives in Nigeria? Will you call them baby fathers? Stop having a lopsided judgment on this. Guys do it more So long the money is coming.
Many of my friends that got married to abroad based guys are all here in Nigeria while the men are abroad, comes back, impregnate them and goes back again. Are they baby mamas? Keep up with the double stance.

Fyi0:

Abegggiii. The lady was clearly being egocentric here.

From her write up, you can tell she takes her husband’s opinions into consideration, but small wording is what you’re fixated on.

Perfect example of men perceiving everything a woman does as pride when she’s in a certain position.

QueenSekxy:

Oga, I've seen people move from one location to another. I know couple who are living in different states ever since they got married till now. The wife has a federal job somewhere in the west while the husby works from South. If you are complaining of her moving out to search for greener pasture or you calling it a baby mama ish, what will now say to those guys that stays abroad while they marry here and keep their wives in Nigeria? Will you call them baby fathers? Stop having a lopsided judgment on this. Guys do it more So long the money is coming.
Many of my friends that got married to abroad based guys are all here in Nigeria while the men are abroad, comes back, impregnate them and goes back again. Are they baby mamas? Keep up with the double stance.

Unfortunately, I don't have people like you and your friends in my cycle, so I wouldn't understand. I would not leave my spouse behind while I live permanently in another country for any reason.

As per children ish, you probably won't love kids more than I do. My heart literally melt when I see cute babies, girls especially, but I know too well never to prioritise children over my spouse.

It is the number 2 quality I look for in any woman. If I won't sacrifice you for my kids, then no one should do same to me. Children are not the essence or reasons for marriage, anybody can give birth without marriage.

You won't understand my view when you do not read between the lines.

Let's rest the matter

lol it’s just 3 hours away. There are some families that the couples are continents apart and they still make it work. She and her husband are the adults in the family, most adults will sacrifice so children will have the best/better than they had growing up. Will the man allow 3hrs to get in the way of a good life for his children? I don’t think so that’s why he is on the fence, I am sure with further talks he would come around.

Acidosis:


So the new job is going to give her and her kids the best things of life? What the father couldn't offer? The father ever begged you for feeding money? The father begged you to train up his kids?

It doesn't bother you that the man would be alone, lonely and unable to bond with his seed?

You lots are extremely lousy and selfish! Just a little pay rise, some of you would tear your marriage certificate.

If you husband is a reasonable man, he will quit his peanut job and move with you. I know it's a hard thing to do especially when a man has a not so good wife who may end up being so disrespectful.

For the sake of your kids, you guys really need that new job, I don't fvcking care how you guys are gonna do but do it.

O ye people who are ready to cause divorce.. Please just still reason with your husband, at the end of the day, if you both part ways, nobody here will give a fcvk about you

liberalchick:
lol it’s just 3 hours away. There are some families that the couples are continents apart and they still make it work. She and her husband are the adults in the family, most adults will sacrifice so children will have the best/better than they had growing up. Will the man allow 3hrs to get in the way of a good life for his children? I don’t think so that’s why he is on the fence, I am sure with further talks he would come around.

I would come around if I were in his shoes honestly. But if I stumble on this thread by any means, I certainly would have a rethink about the purpose of marriage.

Acidosis:



Unfortunately, I don't have people like you and your friends in my cycle, so I wouldn't understand. I would not leave my spouse behind while I live permanently in another country for any reason.

As per children ish, you probably won't love kids more than I do. My heart literally melt when I see cute babies, girls especially, but I know too well never to prioritise children over my spouse.

It is the number 2 quality I look for in any woman. If I won't sacrifice you for my kids, then no one should do same to me. Children are not the essence or reasons for marriage, anybody can give birth without marriage.

You won't understand my view when you do not read between the lines.

Let's rest the matter

I should be playing lovey dovey with you whilst hunger wipes us from the surface of earth. I bet you didn't even read where she said the husby most times doesn't even earn 'shi shi ' a month.
If he's not beclouded and enshrouded in ego, they should discuss on how to relocate to the wife's new city; including him and their kids. I never advocated for her to separate with the husby, instead they should look for a way to settle and earn meaningfully please.
The key notes here are their kids
I won't be happy to play lovey dovey with you when hunger and deprivations are order of the day in my home.
Take care, you too.

J111333:
If you husband is a reasonable man, he will quit his peanut job and move with you. I know it's a hard thing to do especially when a man has a not so good wife who may end up being so disrespectful.

For the sake of your kids, you guys really need that new job, I don't fvcking care how you guys are gonna do but do it.

Thank you. We are just saying exactly same thing.
But some folks here think it's all about love and loneliness.

Thank you!! These responses are funny! In this economy, who rejects any opportunity for more money? It’s just three hours away, some people’s commute in the same Lagos is more than that sef.

J111333:
If you husband is a reasonable man, he will quit his peanut job and move with you. I know it's a hard thing to do especially when a man has a not so good wife who may end up being so disrespectful.

For the sake of your kids, you guys really need that new job, I don't fvcking care how you guys are gonna do but do it.

Theglobalman:



may the evil you wish the man befall on you and all the men in your family. so unfortunate that most of you do not have good plans for your husbands and wives.

as for the main owner of the thread, i pray your husband sees reason to support you to take the job since he is not in better position to provide enough for you and kids.

Well said...

ibkayee:

From her write up, you can tell she takes her husband’s opinions into consideration, but small wording is what you’re fixated on.

Perfect example of men perceiving everything a woman does as pride when she’s in a certain position.

If you're qiute unbiased you would have noticed her undertone. There is no debate here.

Fyi0:

Of you're qiute unbiased you would have noticed her undertone. There is no debate here.

Undertone indeed lol some people’s insecurities are leaking

QueenSekxy:

I should be playing lovey dovey with you whilst hunger wipes us from the surface of earth. I bet you didn't even read where she said the husby most times doesn't even earn 'shi shi ' a month.
If he's not beclouded and enshrouded in ego, they should discuss on how to relocate to the wife's new city; including him and their kids. I never advocated for her to separate with the husby, instead they should look for a way to settle and earn meaningfully please.
The key notes here are their kids
I won't be happy to play lovey dovey with you when hunger and deprivations are order of the day in my home.
Take care, you too.

Lol, says who? You?

Biglittlelois:




Mister man, what is wrong with what she said, she said her own mind, do you know her husband's mind and what he can sacrifice above his children's well being

Lois pls reply me

Bossjakande:
Lois pls reply me

Biglittlelois:

I said am sorry pls not here I will mention u dere.

See question! You are taking the job, getting set up while the husband comes to join you later and get a job to settle with over there...be wise madam.

Acidosis:


I would come around if I were in his shoes honestly. But if I stumble on this thread by any means, I certainly would have a rethink about the purpose of marriage.

The prioritizing of a spouse above kids is not mainstream.

He might also feel the same way.

talk to your husband where he listen in Lagos alone some people spent more than 3hrs going to work with sikini salaries pls go if you stay that doesn't stop your husband not to cheat I pray God touches his heart

If you don't take the job, you will resent him when he can't provide things that job would guarantee, hence, possible marital problems.

He probably doesn't want you to leave because he's unsure you'll remain faithful and respectful, maybe he's worried about himself going lonely as well.

I say take the job and work out a visiting schedule with your husband. More importantly, he needs to start looking for a better job or line of business he can start now that you guys can raise capital.

bukatyne:


The prioritizing of a spouse above kids is not mainstream.

He might also feel the same way.

If that's the case, then the two fit perfectly together.


But there's something about the op and her marriage though I'm sure she understands.

Acidosis:


Lol, says who? You?

I would advise if you're not ready to put the needs of your underage children first before that of your spouse not to have children.
Children are not miniature adults. They are just developing physically, emotionally, educationally, socially, etc.ally.
Their needs are real with real consequences if not attended to on time, and they're not just wants.
You might happily drink plain gari with your spouse and not develop kwashiokor, but that's not so for kids. You might not get influenced by external forces wherever you find yourself, but not so for kids (talking about schools and environment you raise your children),
Being a parent is a lot of responsibility and hardwork. It's not an easy path, so think hard and long before you embark on the journey.
Of course, once you're able to raise children who can stand on their own and you've equipped them with the wherewithal (not just cash but education/morals/sense), let them fly out of the nest as soon as possible and you allow them make their decisions and chart their own path knowing you have raised them well regardless of their decisions.

Op is it possible for your husband to quit his job and move with you to the new place? Then look for a job there?
If it was just you and your husband it would be different, but you have kids and you need to take care of you kids. Steady fixed high salary will always be greater then irregular (both in pay and frequency) salary.


Or do you feel you can get a job like the one out of town in your present location? Do you want to take the risk and pass on this job? I think taking this job and moving is the better option.

yeyeosoronga:


I would advise if you're not ready to put the needs of your underage children first before that of your spouse not to have children.
Children are not miniature adults. They are just developing physically, emotionally, educationally, socially, etc.ally.
Their needs are real with real consequences if not attended to on time, and they're not just wants.
You might happily drink plain gari with your spouse and not develop kwashiokor, but that's not so for kids. You might not get influenced by external forces wherever you find yourself, but not so for kids (talking about schools and environment you raise your children),
Being a parent is a lot of responsibility and hardwork. It's not an easy path, so think hard and long before you embark on the journey.
Of course, once you're able to raise children who can stand on their own and you've equipped them with the wherewithal (not just cash but education/morals/sense), let them fly out of the nest as soon as possible and you allow them make their decisions and chart their own path knowing you have raised them well regardless of their decisions.

A strong marriage is the healthiest and most precious thing you can give your children. Let them watch you drink that garri together with smiles on your faces. That you give them preferential treatment at certain developmental phases doesn't necessarily mean they come first.

Don’t you want your children to grow up, and be with someone who puts them first? Or you want to be a troublesome waka waka mother in law who wouldn't stay in her home in peace?

If my spouse and I do not put each other first, who will? Kids that will grow up to marry someone who wouldn't want you disturbing the peace in their homes?

Take that job and he should start looking for a job in that area to join you. 200k job offer and you are still here asking questions?

nahzyla:


He is undecided. Earlier on he said he doesn't want me to go but some time ago he started talking about it like he is completely fine with it. His opinion is yoyoing. He hasn't concluded.

What exactly is your purpose here then?

Your husband has not decided, in fact you just admitted that he seemed fine with your move from the last conversation.

I ask again, what exactly is your purpose here?

Do you wish to find out how to convince him, which would be really easy since he's already considering it?
Or do you wish to find out how best to just leave him, which is what your entire language is suggesting?

The overwhelming use of personal pronouns to describe your notion of marriage and the place of your husband says a lot about this woman and her ambition. Fortunately, she has find the validation she passionately seeks on a silver platter. Congratulations!

Take the job offer.

Since his own job has no fixed income, he and the kids should move to the new state with you, or you go first and they come later.