LewsTherin:
Blanket plenty for house.

How does a woman BUILD A MAN without bringing in money tori olorun.
I keep hearing this all the time and it baffles me really.
With advise ABI motivation
If na so then make we too start motivating women to become Alakija na.
Why start a business for her when we can just MOTIVATE her?

Op,
Talk to your husband about all your feelings here. He truly should not change plans without discussing it with you. Honestly, he should have waited till after the arrival of the baby before chasing the masters. After he may have convinced you that purchasing the car can wait if course. Don’t worry, everything will be fine. Make sure you talk to him. A married man making impulsive decisions which can affect the finances of a family is not a good thing. Especially when one person is earning the income.

A car is a necessity. Ideally, no man should get married without a car, it's too stressful in a country like Nigeria. As for OP, she is quite young and so she finds it hard to understand the bigger picture. Your 37 year old husband is much wiser and it would be wise if you follow his lead. He is building himself for a time when he can afford variety of cars. Having education is for a life time, a car is for a few years, trust me you do not want to know the cost of maintaining a car.
Your husband strikes me as a wise man, please support his dream, it's for the good of the family. Cars will come, na you go tire. You sef, make sure you put in your all in that business so that you sef go fit buy car. What I see here is delayed gratification yet you say the man is not good at spending....lol. Women will always be women ^{akara sense}.

Gaggi:
A car is a necessity. Ideally, no man should get married without a car, it's too stressful in a country like Nigeria. As for OP, she is quite young and so she finds it hard to understand the bigger picture. Your 37 year old husband is much wiser and it would be wise if you follow his lead. He is building himself for a time when he can afford variety of cars. Having education is for a life time, a car is for a few years, trust me you do not want to know the cost of maintaining a car.
Your husband strikes me as a wise man, please support his dream, it's for the good of the family. Cars will come, na you go tire. You sef, make sure you put in your all in that business so that you sef go fit buy car. What I see here is delayed gratification yet you say the man is not good at spending....lol. Women will always be women ^{akara sense}.

you deserve a bottle of henny from me.
Good one!

Gaggi:
What I see here is delayed gratification yet you say the man is not good at spending....lol. Women will always be women ^{akara sense}.

She has not forgiven her man for buying Italian suit and shoes


But come o, wetin the man for wear na? Ankara or akpoche suit? "Italian" suit wey full Ikeja underbridge and Yaba market from 15k. Women ehn!

calgaryFriend:

You guys are still struggling to survive, and you still want to buy car. Do you think it is paper they use to service a car ?
A car maintenance cost money, instead of buying a car that will still make you spend money on the maintenance why not invest that money in getting another degree that will help your husband to get a better job in future.

That man is a man of vision, most poor people are poor because they live in the present, the fact there is no job now does not mean after he gets the degree it will remain the same.

You dont rush to get a degree when you see a vacancy, you get your degree and wait patiently so when the vacancy for that degreee comes you can use it.

I just feel very sorry for your husband, you are not complaining that he is womanising, or smoking or drinking. You want to turn your marriage up-side down because he wants to pursue a degree rather than buy a car.

Did your own parent have a car when they were pregnant with you ? Did they not survive ? Are you telling me all the families around your location all have cars ?Are they not surviving ?

YOu want to follow all the old women on this forum who are still begging God for husband at almost 40years old, those are the people you want to be listening to ?

Oya recieve sense......

... well said.

Excesslove222 i do understand how you feel, but take time and give some thoughts to this from his perspective though, no matter how selfish they may seem to you... maybe you will see reasons too.

Its sad he is deviating from the plan, but its for a good cause i believe, Best wishes.

shebi na family car be wahala now no worry e go come

SilentBang:


... well said.

Excesslove222 i do understand how you feel, but take time and give some thoughts to this from his perspective though, no matter how selfish they may seem to you... maybe you will see reasons too.

Its sad he is deviating from the plan, but its for a good cause i believe, Best wishes.

shebi na family car be wahala now no worry e go come

Thank you

crackhaus:

I'll be honest with you, your husband probably believes it's in his right to do what he wants with the savings since he alone contributed to it. I'm not implying this is exactly what is making him change his mind, but you should consider that possibility.

As for plans, plans can change and he should have carried you along from the start.
If he considers a masters degree more important than a car, ask him when & how he intends to get the car then.

Another thing I might need clarification on is where he intends to do the masters. Although I have not gone through every comment, I did see some talking about the masters being in Nigeria. If this is the case, then I honestly don't see this as a big set back.

The cost for the masters will not take up all the savings for the car right?

Its to be done in Nigeria... Thank you for the advice
I guess moving forward, ill have to start looking out for myself and my kids "selfishly".

Trusting him too much may just be why I'm so hurt.

Acidosis:


She has not forgiven her man for buying Italian suit and shoes


But come o, wetin the man for wear na? Ankara or akpoche suit? "Italian" suit wey full Ikeja underbridge and Yaba market from 15k. Women ehn!

Yea...somehow I haven't forgotten it but forgiven him for my own piece of mind tho.
The suit and shoes were worth way over 100k.

calgaryFriend:
@Op you need to first acknowledge the fact that he worked for his money and he has every right to decide how to spend it.

He does not have to listen to you , majority of the people here advising you are kids . Your husband is someone majority of the ladies will be praying for. And you sound a little more entitled and ungrateful than you should.

That man is not wasting money on alcohol, drugs or women, he is spending money to do a masters degree which can help him to upgrade.

Instead of wasting money on a car, a liability why not allow him educate himself so that he can start looking for better opportunities. I am disappointed that you will advise your husband to buy a car rather than fund his own education, what is in a car.
Are you going to die if you dont have a car ?

You need to start thinking of the future and not just the present. Thant man is a hero and he is thinking and acting with the future in mind, you are too short sighted and unfortunately you have started frustrating him with your increased demand for money.

You appear to have a beautiful and peaceful home, something most people on this forum do not have so dont allow any toxic person here poison your mind against your husband.

You dont have to always have your way, trust your husbands decision making and respect them.

Lastly, you are angry and bitter with your husband that he went into debt for marrying you ? This is just a terrible thing on your path, you do not know the kind of burden men carry and I love that your husband had a plan and now he has paid the debt why are you still agonisiing over that.

You sound like someone who is very lazy and ungrateful, if you make your own money then you can say how you want to spend it, but as far as that man is working hard and planning you have to respect him.

Yes I spanked you and drew you close and spanked you again, thats how to talk to people like you, cos you are almost loosing your sense of reasoning.

too bad. I am sorry that’s not how marriage works.

Your family first before masters or whatever, that is selfish.

Who will pay the hospitals for delivery, who will buy the nappies and baby food. This isn’t the right time to do masters.

He isn’t dying, he can do masters next years, next 2 years. But she can’t carry that baby pass nine months. His priorities are very off and he isn’t really a responsible man.

Excesslove222:



Yea...somehow I haven't forgotten it but forgiven him for my own piece of mind tho.
The suit and shoes were worth way over 100k.

Excesslove222 I understand your plight and I know how it hurts to have a change of plan but actually car is a necessity at the same time a liability, A necessity in the sense that the said car brings in income and satisfaction and a liability if all the car does is take money out of your purse, you will understand this when the car start demanding. Masters shouldn't have much effect on the purchase of the said car, for example University of Ibadan and other federal universities don't pay that much, acceptance and tuition fee for we science student (Agric) is around 170,000 and the next payment is half of what you paid as tuition fee for the first time, which is not even upto the 500,000 loan he took before the wedding, other faculties pay less and some higher. Support his ambition, cars can be stolen, damaged e.t c but his masters degree might fetch the family more cars later in life, truly Nigeria is not encouraging at the moment but people are still making it with their certificate and moreover you will be surprise that after purchasing the vehicle your husband might not always be around to take you out, which might cause another argument especially whenever he is out with the car and you needed to go somewhere with the kids, you might resort to using public transport. Just try and understand him and keep supporting him who knows his certificate might found it purpose after his masters degree.

zeb04:
too bad. I am sorry that’s not how marriage works.

Your family first before masters or whatever, that is selfish.

Who will pay the hospitals for delivery, who will buy the nappies and baby food. This isn’t the right time to do masters.

He isn’t dying, he can do masters next years, next 2 years. But she can’t carry that baby pass nine months. His priorities are very off and he isn’t really a responsible man.

Sorry did you read from the first page because if you do, you won't be arguing the Op is not angry because her husband won't be able to provide all you listed above, she is angry because the husband did not stick to the initial plan of buying a family car or starting a family business. You said his masters can wait for the next 2 years and who told you responsibilities won't be pilling up in 2 years time? Masters won't stop him for providing for the family according to the OP.

Excesslove222:


Its to be done in Nigeria... Thank you for the advice
I guess moving forward, ill have to start looking out for myself and my kids "selfishly".

Trusting him too much may just be why I'm so hurt.

It hurts to plan with someone and have them break your trust repeatedly. Like someone said, it is his money and so don't have much say on how he spends it. When you depend on someone for something, you don't really have a choice on what they give you, you take whatever you get.
To gain the kind of financial freedom that you want, you need to pull your weight as far as bringing income to the home is concerned. This may not be the way marriage is supposed to work, but unfortunately this is the reality of your situation.

jay7:


Excesslove222 I understand your plight and I know how it hurts to have a change of plan but actually car is a necessity at the same time a liability, A necessity in the sense that the said car brings in income and satisfaction and a liability if all the car does is take money out of your purse, you will understand this when the car start demanding. Masters shouldn't have much effect on the purchase of the said car, for example University of Ibadan and other federal universities don't pay that much, acceptance and tuition fee for we science student (Agric) is around 170,000 and the next payment is half of what you paid as tuition fee for the first time, which is not even upto the 500,000 loan he took before the wedding, other faculties pay less and some higher. Support his ambition, cars can be stolen, damaged e.t c but his masters degree might fetch the family more cars later in life, truly Nigeria is not encouraging at the moment but people are still making it with their certificate and moreover you will be surprise that after purchasing the vehicle your husband might not always be around to take you out, which might cause another argument especially whenever he is out with the car and you needed to go somewhere with the kids, you might resort to using public transport. Just try and understand him and keep supporting him who knows his certificate might found it purpose after his masters degree.

Thank you...if he has sat me down and clearly explained things the way "he" should I'm sure I would have understood, but acting like I don't even have a say when he knows the sacrifices I've had to put into the union is why it got to this level.

Thanks a million.

elektra:


It hurts to plan with someone and have them break your trust repeatedly. Like someone said, it is his money and so don't have much say on how he spends it. When you depend on someone for something, you don't really have a choice on what they give you, you take whatever you get.
To gain the kind of financial freedom that you want, you need to pull your weight as far as bringing income to the home is concerned. This may not be the way marriage is supposed to work, but unfortunately this is the reality of your situation.

Thanks a lot...I appreciate.

Hmmm... Broke guys are loyal.... That line got me. I can't help but to agree

elektra:


It hurts to plan with someone and have them break your trust repeatedly. Like someone said, it is his money and so don't have much say on how he spends it. When you depend on someone for something, you don't really have a choice on what they give you, you take whatever you get.
To gain the kind of financial freedom that you want, you need to pull your weight as far as bringing income to the home is concerned. This may not be the way marriage is supposed to work, but unfortunately this is the reality of your situation.

thank you!!
Logic over sentiments

Excesslove222:



Thank you...if he has sat me down and clearly explained things the way "he" should I'm sure I would have understood, but acting like I don't even have a say when he knows the sacrifices I've had to put into the union is why it got to this level.

Thanks a million.

You are welcome, just keep encouraging him and always know that plans can change anytime, once you have this at mind, you won't be hurt whenever such happens.

nwanneni:
thank you!!
Logic over sentiments

Will you have the same ideas if the woman was the one bringing in the money? I ask because you lot are quick to change it up and ask her to 'submit' her money to her husband, since he is the 'head' he gets to decide how the money is spent.

zeb04:
too bad. I am sorry that’s not how marriage works.

Your family first before masters or whatever, that is selfish.

Who will pay the hospitals for delivery, who will buy the nappies and baby food. This isn’t the right time to do masters.

He isn’t dying, he can do masters next years, next 2 years. But she can’t carry that baby pass nine months. His priorities are very off and he isn’t really a responsible man.

Typical response from a lady, very shortsighted.
This may sound like pride but I built my own house before I was 32 years old.
I had some girlfriends then who would look at me and querry why I was driving a much lower car than my colleagues , I just laughed.

My colleagues were blowing money on cars I got a 1996 honda bullet manual and that was what I was driving, and saving up and investing, I also did a masters by the way.

Are you saying , a family cannot exist without a car ?

The bolded speaks to your level of comprehension, the option is between buying a car and investing in a masters degree.

Try and argue within context in future.

Lastly, we live in a very materialistic society therefore it is not surprising most women are supporting the wife in her choice of buying a car than to allow her husband invest in education.

I live in North America now by the way and I dont have a car, I use the transit, I can drive yeah and also I can afford the best cars, but I use the transit and so do thousands of wealthy people here CEOS and Billionaires.

You guys need to emancipate yourselves and think the future not the present, the woman does not go anywhere but stay at home to sew clothes so is it the sunday driving car to church that is so heavy on OPs mind that she must sha buy a car ?

The OP is not even talking of buying a piece of land, you are in a rented apartment and you think a car is the next thing.

THINK.....

elektra:


Will you have the same ideas if the woman was the one bringing in the money? I ask because you lot are quick to change it up and ask her to 'submit' her money to her husband, since he is the 'head' he gets to decide how the money is spent.

I never support broke men to marry,hence you are with with your assumptions.
I personally will never take any money from any woman that ain't family!
The ones that know me here knows that

calgaryFriend:

Typical response from a lady, very shortsighted.
This may sound like pride but I built my own house before I was 32 years old.
I had some girlfriends then who would look at me and querry why I was driving a much lower car than my colleagues , I just laughed.

My colleagues were blowing money on cars I got a 1996 honda bullet manual and that was what I was driving, and saving up and investing, I also did a masters by the way.

Are you saying , a family cannot exist without a car ?

The bolded speaks to your level of comprehension, the option is between buying a car and investing in a masters degree.

Try and argue within context in future.

Lastly, we live in a very materialistic society therefore it is not surprising most women are supporting the wife in her choice of buying a car than to allow her husband invest in education.

I live in North America now by the way and I dont have a car, I use the transit, I can drive yeah and also I can afford the best cars, but I use the transit and so do thousands of wealthy people here CEOS and Billionaires.

You guys need to emancipate yourselves and think the future not the present, the woman does not go anywhere but stay at home to sew clothes so is it the sunday driving car to church that is so heavy on OPs mind that she must sha buy a car ?

The OP is not even talking of buying a piece of land, you are in a rented apartment and you think a car is the next thing.

THINK.....

@Bold,

The issue is not what they plan to do; the issue is the husband going against the plan at the last minute.

If he thought masters was important and thought that the new plan was better, he should have won her over.

I wonder how difficult it is to understand.

Would you have supported the wife if she had the money and decided last minute to enroll into masters instead of buying a car as they earlier agreed?

Let me break things down now, I have some time on my hands.
This is a struggling family, they even had to save up to furnish the house, I suspecting the average monthly total family income is far less than 100k.
So for this kind of monthly income, how will someone think of buying a car ?

I am amazed at how people are insisting that this family needs a car , which kind of breeds of people are these ? The car will not run on water, how can a family that saved for months to furnish a house now be thinking that the next thing to do is to buy a car, does that make any sense ?

By the time you buy a car, your family and neighbours will assume you guys have arrived and start demanding for things from you, if you dont give them money you will start making enemies for yourself.

Before you can buy a car ideally, you should already have a piece of land, you should have atleast double the price of the car saved up as savings somewhere.

How can you now say with your financial status as a family the next thing is a car.

I dey vex here gan ni, as in I can't believe people are so eager to impress others and will not be able to organise themselves.

This is simple financial literacy, you do not buy a car while the family is still strugling to make money.

Lastly, a masters degree in Nigeria costs far less than the money for a car. A masters degree is just 2 years at about 100k fee per session, so how technically the poster is misleading people with her narrative.

Your husband is not using the car money to do masters, he has probably insisted that the next thing in your life as a family is not a car which actually makes a lot of sense.

lemme rest here, hopefully people have gotten more insight, if I see any one still support op in her car dream I will vex sha .........

bukatyne:


@Bold,

The issue is not what they plan to do; the issue is the husband going against the plan at the last minute.

If he thought masters was important and thought that the new plan was better, he should have won her over.

I wonder how difficult it is to understand.

Would you have supported the wife if she had the money and decided last minute to enroll into masters instead of buying a car as they earlier agreed?

I have statee before and just did ini my post above that there plan does not make sense. A family struggling to furnish a house should not be thinking of a car, and have you heard from the husband ? How sure are you that the husband agreed to that suggestion, what if it is the poster that brought the idea and the husband rightly made her know car is not the best thing for the family.

That man has earned my respect with his decision making so far, you would not expect the poster not to add some lines to make her look perfect right ?

calgaryFriend:
Let me break things down now, I have some time on my hands.
This is a struggling family, they even had to save up to furnish the house, I suspecting the average monthly total family income is far less than 100k.
So for this kind of monthly income, how will someone think of buying a car ?

I am amazed at how people are insisting that this family needs a car , which kind of breeds of people are these ? The car will not run on water, how can a family that saved for months to furnish a house now be thinking that the next thing to do is to buy a car, does that make any sense ?

By the time you buy a car, your family and neighbours will assume you guys have arrived and start demanding for things from you, if you dont give them money you will start making enemies for yourself.

Before you can buy a car ideally, you should already have a piece of land, you should have atleast double the price of the car saved up as savings somewhere.

How can you now say with your financial status as a family the next thing is a car.

I dey vex here gan ni, as in I can't believe people are so eager to impress others and will not be able to organise themselves.

This is simple financial literacy, you do not buy a car while the family is still strugling to make money.

Lastly, a masters degree in Nigeria costs far less than the money for a car. A masters degree is just 2 years at about 100k fee per session, so how technically the poster is misleading people with her narrative.

Your husband is not using the car money to do masters, he has probably insisted that the next thing in your life as a family is not a car which actually makes a lot of sense.

lemme rest here, hopefully people have gotten more insight, if I see any one still support op in her car dream I will vex sha .........

You are not getting the OP's point.

Her husband deviates from their joint plan last minute.

It is not car dream or show off. Afteral, same OP said they planned not to borrow money for their wedding and while she sewed her wedding gown to save cost, hubby borrowed N500k and bought a suit of N100k.

The plan could be anything tomorrow.

It has nothing with what they want to do at the moment. She is addressing the character of not sticking to plan.

bukatyne:


You are not getting the OP's point.

Her husband deviates from their joint plan last minute.

It is not car dream or show off. Afteral, same OP said they planned not to borrow money for their wedding and while she sewed her wedding gown to save cost, hubby borrowed N500k and bought a suit of N100k.

The plan could be anything tomorrow.

It has nothing with what they want to do at the moment. She is addressing the character of not sticking to plan.

My responses are these :
1. The family should not be thinking of a car yet, they have too little income to purchase a car.
2. How sure are you that the husband agreed with her in the first place, have you heard from the husband ?
3. What does someone that spends all her life at home sewing need a car for ? She nor dey go work na, so why does she need a car ?

Lastly if the OP husband was your brother, would you advise him to get a car in his situation ?

calgaryFriend:

I have statee before and just did ini my post above that there plan does not make sense. A family struggling to furnish a house should not be thinking of a car, and have you heard from the husband ? How sure are you that the husband agreed to that suggestion, what if it is the poster that brought the idea and the husband rightly made her know car is not the best thing for the family.

That man has earned my respect with his decision making so far, you would not expect the poster not to add some lines to make her look perfect right ?

You obviously did not read the OP.

They agreed to the plan shortly after their wedding like milestones new couples set.

They planned to have a furnished house - car - next thing.

They furnished the house and started saving for the car. Hubby even assured her per milestone that their target amount is almost met. They meet the goal and when wifey is thinking of the car, hubby 'suddenly' realizes that he wants to do his masters.

By the way, the decision to do masters is not a hasty one or quick one. Why didn't he hint his wife that he thought doing masters in XYZ would boost his financial chances in future therefore they should delay the car?

bukatyne:


You obviously did not read the OP.

They agreed to the plan shortly after their wedding like milestones new couples set.

They planned to have a furnished house - car - next thing.

They furnished the house and started saving for the car. Hubby even assured her per milestone that their target amount is almost met. They meet the goal and when wifey is thinking of the car, hubby 'suddenly' realizes that he wants to do his masters.

By the way, the decision to do masters is not a hasty one or quick one. Why didn't he hint his wife that he thought doing masters in XYZ would boost his financial chances in future therefore they should delay the car?

hOW SUre are you that everything the wife wrote is correct, do you expect her to be objective in her narrative ?

bukatyne this is for you to answer

My responses are these :
1. The family should not be thinking of a car yet, they have too little income to purchase a car.
2. How sure are you that the husband agreed with her in the first place, have you heard from the husband ?
3. What does someone that spends all her life at home sewing need a car for ? She nor dey go work na, so why does she need a car ?

Lastly if the OP husband was your brother, would you advise him to get a car in his situation ?

calgaryFriend:

Typical response from a lady, very shortsighted.
This may sound like pride but I built my own house before I was 32 years old.
I had some girlfriends then who would look at me and querry why I was driving a much lower car than my colleagues , I just laughed.

My colleagues were blowing money on cars I got a 1996 honda bullet manual and that was what I was driving, and saving up and investing, I also did a masters by the way.

Are you saying , a family cannot exist without a car ?

The bolded speaks to your level of comprehension, the option is between buying a car and investing in a masters degree.

Try and argue within context in future.

Lastly, we live in a very materialistic society therefore it is not surprising most women are supporting the wife in her choice of buying a car than to allow her husband invest in education.

I live in North America now by the way and I dont have a car, I use the transit, I can drive yeah and also I can afford the best cars, but I use the transit and so do thousands of wealthy people here CEOS and Billionaires.

You guys need to emancipate yourselves and think the future not the present, the woman does not go anywhere but stay at home to sew clothes so is it the sunday driving car to church that is so heavy on OPs mind that she must sha buy a car ?

The OP is not even talking of buying a piece of land, you are in a rented apartment and you think a car is the next thing.

THINK.....

oh no Mr man. You are the short sighted emotional dingbat here.

She mentioned buying a car and starting a family business first before getting his masters because she doesn’t think he needs one for the kind of work he does. But Oga wants too because “all his friends are getting one”. Getting a masters and still back to square one.

Right now. The Op’s Husband can only afford 5k as housekeeping money. This is barely enough for the family talk more of the arrival of a new born.

Shouldn’t he be thinking of how to improve his situation before the arrival of this child.

you either have selective reasoning or as irresponsible as the man child we are talking about.

I am not going to address getting a car much because Op, that isn’t the most important thing for now.

zeb04:
oh no Mr man. You are the short sighted emotional dingbat here.

She mentioned buying a car and starting a family business first before getting his masters because she doesn’t think he needs one for the kind of work he does. But Oga wants too because “all his friends are getting one”. Getting a masters and still back to square one.

Right now. The Op’s Husband can only afford 5k as housekeeping money. This is barely enough for the family talk more of the arrival of a new born.

Shouldn’t he be thinking of how to improve his situation before the arrival of this child.

you either have selective reasoning or as irresponsible as the man child we are talking about.

If the bolded is true, and the husband currently drops 5k as housekeep (For someone that does not contribute anything to the home, the OP sounds like an ingrate), is a car the next thing ?
I said earlier, a masters degree is not as expensive as a car. So saying the husband wants to use the money for a car to do masters does not make sense.

Why are you closing your eye to that inconsistency in the OPs narrative.

How can someone work and earn money and he says he wants to use part of it to develop himself and the wife will insist that he must buy a car ?

If they have money for a car, then the husband can use some to do masters and the left over will be can still be used to do some other things.

Lastly how does buying a car improve the condition of the home for a wife that does not go any where but works from home?

Cant you see the OP is not entirely truthful ?