Starlight10:
did you read where he said she left when he lost his job? No. She left because of the constant bickering. Not all humans are wired to stand that. If she wasnt a good wife to him trust me he wont be bothering to get her back after such a long time. I dont know the kind of relationships you have been in, trust me not all issues boil down to money or golddigging. So many women have filed for divorce from wealthy men as well. So calm down. I advised him to either seek for divorce or try to woe her back by showing the romantic side of him as it is obvious he still loves her. Peace

Like i said initially from the same post by the op,the insults were mutual but that was not enough reason to leave her matrimonial home for 10 months!

why not stick to your line of thought rather than being prevaricating!
You said she left him because she discovered he has a 'dead vision'....why say its because of his constant bickering?

If she left because she is just realising he has a 'dead vision' because he lost his job,will she swallow her very words if the hubby finally gets a job?

This just proves you didn't really study the main content of the initial post before reacting....a typical example of one who wants to take sides esp based on gender!

My relationship is with a lady who is emotionally matured!
Who doesn't run when there is a storm but would prefer to rather weather the storm believing it can only get better!

Finally,there is no point wooing a woman who stubbornly prefers to stay at her comfort zone rather than working things out with her hubby....

babeosisi:


Chao
I feel for you.Ndo.She is very immature.
There was a time my husband had no paying job for about 2 years and worked as a volunteer.I was the only earner. my parents came to stay with us for 4 months and never knew of this.
Your wife is foolish but please be patient with her

You are indeed an emotionally matured woman!
Please keep it up!

RaptObserver:
I read comments all night and would have moved on after that.like I do to other posts but I felt compelled this morning to share a little of my experience with u. Early last year my wife moved out of my house with my toddler son for no serious reason. She was adamant to return when my family tried to intervene. I left her for two weeks first after which I called and requested to see my son, she obliged me with her new address and I went to see my boy. I kept visiting at least once in a month and I kept sending child support even though she also has a job. I quickly channelled my energy to my job, became more dedicated and resumed physical exercise which marriage didn't allow me time to, I worked hard to improve my fitness, my looks, attended events when I have the time. I have this female colleague at work who has always been my bestie, I told her my issues and she helped me that period with words of encouragement and I went to her place after work to eat sometimes after work and spent some time there in the company of her bf too before going home, I already started a relationship with another lady after two months and it was going well, fast forward to 8 months later, my wife and her ppl started making moves to reconcile, I didn't refuse but I made her know there is another woman now. She said, her mother suspected so too because of the way I ignored her and focused on my boy. I visited regularly but maintained my distance from her. She is willing to do anything for me now and even begging me not to marry another woman, but I will do because I can't dull myself again. So my advice is for u to look at what I did at the initial stage to heal. Now my heart is more hardened than ever. But am very considerate anyway.

I ve learnt a lot on this forum. Thanks for the inspiration. God bless you sir!!

Tunagee:


To be sincere, I stopped visiting and calling in January

Bros, don't kill urself....She will come begging....just give her her whole time

openmine:

Like i said initially from the same post by the op,the insults were mutual but that was not enough reason to leave her matrimonial home for 10 months!

why not stick to your line of thought rather than being prevaricating!
You said she left him because she discovered he has a 'dead vision'....why say its because of his constant bickering?

If she left because she is just realising he has a 'dead vision' because he lost his job,will she swallow her very words if the hubby finally gets a job?

This just proves you didn't really study the main content of the initial post before reacting....a typical example of one who wants to take sides esp based on gender!

My relationship is with a lady who is emotionally matured!
Who doesn't run when there is a storm but would prefer to rather weather the storm believing it can only get better!

Finally,there is no point wooing a woman who stubbornly prefers to stay at her comfort zone rather than working things out with her hubby....

why dont you start insulting your partner everyday lets see. The fact that the insults were mutual doesnt mean she cannot break down. Pls stop this. It was too much for her to take hence her leaving. She is not the one begging is she? My point is if he wants her he should stop the bickering and be loving if not then let her be. Period. This thing is not a do or die affair. Try and be jobless first and then nag your partner to death on top of that then come and argue with me.

openmine:

Like i said initially from the same post by the op,the insults were mutual but that was not enough reason to leave her matrimonial home for 10 months!

why not stick to your line of thought rather than being prevaricating!
You said she left him because she discovered he has a 'dead vision'....why say its because of his constant bickering?

If she left because she is just realising he has a 'dead vision' because he lost his job,will she swallow her very words if the hubby finally gets a job?

This just proves you didn't really study the main content of the initial post before reacting....a typical example of one who wants to take sides esp based on gender!

My relationship is with a lady who is emotionally matured!
Who doesn't run when there is a storm but would prefer to rather weather the storm believing it can only get better!

Finally,there is no point wooing a woman who stubbornly prefers to stay at her comfort zone rather than working things out with her hubby....

and i didnt even say he should get a job then get back with her because that is in the hands of God. I still maintain he should stop the quarelling and be more loving but somehow that seems absurd to you. Beats me

Starlight10:
why dont you start insulting your partner everyday lets see. The fact that the insults were mutual doesnt mean she cannot break down. Pls stop this. It was too much for her to take hence her leaving. She is not the one begging is she? My point is if he wants her he should stop the bickering and be loving if not then let her be. Period. This thing is not a do or die affair. Try and be jobless first and then nag your partner to death on top of that then come and argue with me.

Your reasoning is at best,startling but unsurprising!

There will always be disagreements in a relationship or marriage and unguided statements from both partners are inevitable!
Everyone understands the power of unguided and reckless utterances and its effects on people....
However,its still not enough to park your things and start heading home after every quarrel or misunderstanding esp in a marriage!

What i thought you would have rightly said is for both partners to start engaging in an effective communication and be a bit understanding considering the new circumstances that they are faced with rather than inclining on the side of the woman as it best fit you!
I wont stop because you are fruitlessly trying to be bias in your statements!

No one said it was a do or die affair,since she is comfortable where she is,the she should not start thinking of coming back as sonn as the hubby finds his feet or gets a job!

So dear,i wont go broke but if paraventure that happens,i will definitely know how to deal with such issues!
....and for your info,i dont need to be insulting or nagging to get my message across!

ephraim18:
bros ... i think ten months is more than enough for her to have a rethink if she's still interested in the marriage or not.... so if i were u i would go out there make myself happy and find one babe who will make me happy too... then when she starts hearing that women are visiting me she will definitely come back to her senses.... that's the more reason its always available to atleast once in awhile u take one bottle of heineken and chill ur moral...

Correct guy, I feel you. One woman sef don dey try her luck, but am not giving her chance.

Starlight10:
and i didnt even say he should get a job then get back with her because that is in the hands of God. I still maintain he should stop the quarelling and be more loving but somehow that seems absurd to you. Beats me

Its quite preposterous how you intend to turn your entire incoherent statements into something else!
....You said she left because he was being insulting and at the same time you are saying the reason she left was because she thinks he has a 'dead vision' after he lost his job!
Please get your self and your statements organised....your statements are simply garbled!

Ugosample:


you have an amazing point

You are very kind.Thanks.

Skepticus:


Tunagee, you are just a victim of blue pill trap set for you because of your background from a broken home. You were being the nice gentleman and husband material of 1 million yards fighting for your marriage.

Sadly, women, even the best of them don't play by these rules. I've seen a lot of it in life. As a matter of fact, it's the reason she disrespected and left your sorry ass immediately shît hit the fan because everything you talked about smirks of weak masculinity and being sissy.

You were never really in charge. She and her mother control the marriage, you were just a mere provider.

I'll let you know a thing, you mentioned all these moralistic nonsense of "I don't smoke" , "I don't drink" thinking it would make you seem nicer to her and the society (I'm not advising you to change and do all these, but you can do it once in a while to step up your appearance of control and being in charge). I can assure you that your lady might be presently attracted to a guy with standards far below yours, but who puts himself at peak value of positive masculinity and make the lady strive for it.

That's what women respect in men. Even the worst of hardcore feminist would respect you if you hold your own as a male who owns is shît and not being manipulated or cowed around. Women are not fools. Their social and emotional intelligence is way above average and it's the reason why they control relationships today, and complain about how weak men of today are, spiking up feminism in high numbers. You are one of the reasons, it's happening now.

Back to your marital life, accept it that sometimes, shît can go wrong in a man's life. No one can have it perfect but how you handle these negative circumstances put you as the head of your home and not a whining sissy begging a bîtch.

I'll advise you that you pick yourself up, instead of sucking up and get something to do. No matter the pay, just get busy. I'm glad you have your own house. I'll not ask you to seek for divorce immediately. It still makes you look like a whimp and gives her the control of what she wanted. Open a bank account for your kid's upkeep send him whatever you can muster at any point and keep a record of it (You won't be able to fight for your child's custody in court at his age, unless you can prove that her mother is unfit to train your son). Keeping a record of it would make you be able to have some rep from your son, would make him to share in your experiences and understand how to man up. Remember, he is in the hands of manipulative women who may turn him against you, risking him, turning sissy and suffering the same fate as you, when he becomes a married adult too.

Focus on your hustle and open yourself to meeting more women. It would help you understand the world of women in dating and marriage. I don't advise marriage at this time. You may end up with another bitchy lady. Dress well, look good and try not to call or beg for your wife and her mother's attention. It puts you in control. When she sees you owning your control back, she may consider coming back. At this time, don't fall back into your past behaviour of acting nice and sissy. Make rules and be sure that she follows it.

If she refuses to come back after a while and you have learnt a lot from other women (and bedding them, of course). Divorce her trashy ass, get you a new woman but maintain relationship with your son.

True!

Kalixx:



GUYYYYY, U BAD!

I WISH I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO GET THIS ADVICE WHEN I HAD MY FIRST BREAKUP. IT WAS HELL, NOT USING DRINK OR SMOKE OR ANYTHING BUT MENTALLY BLOCKING IT OFF FOR MONTHS. AND WITHOUT A GIRL TOO AT THE TIME.

I HOPE NEVER TO BREAK UP WITH MY CURRENT GIRL NOW AS SHE ABLY REPLACED THE FORMER AND STOLE MY HEART AGAIN, MUCH TO MY UNBELIEF. BUT THEN I WILL STILL BE SAVING THIS YOUR POST.

Who feels it, knows it.

I guess we all have to be very economical with love. There was a time I used to have 7 ladies in my house just to get over 1, and it was even still tough.

One has to literally de-program the sub-conscious mind to disrupt the love addiction. Love addiction is worse than crack cocaine and when it turns to sour its worst than anything else. The system is determined to drain you of all the orgone energy, a sort of vampiric mechanization. I had to master deprogramming and programming the neural system in order to survive

I have decided not to ever divorce, irrespective of the offense, not even a cheating wife can make me remarry if my wife ever leaves, it is not worth it almost always.

Two different spirits on different missions in the matrix, living together and expecting to be so happy is a school on its own. You have to literally be a comedian with zero ego to ride through it.

openmine:

Its quite preposterous how you intend to turn your entire incoherent statements into something else!
....You said she left because he was being insulting and at the same time you are saying the reason she left was because she thinks he has a 'dead vision' after he lost his job!
Please get your self and your statements organised....your statements are simply garbled!

lool. I maintain he should keep looking for a job while he works on the relationship by fanning the flames of romance and love and all that. If he doesnt want a divorce.you didnt even hear the womans side of the story and you are just concluding. Your ignorance and myopic reasoning is beyond me. This is 2019 not 1940

openmine:

Like i said initially from the same post by the op,the insults were mutual but that was not enough reason to leave her matrimonial home for 10 months!

why not stick to your line of thought rather than being prevaricating!
You said she left him because she discovered he has a 'dead vision'....why say its because of his constant bickering?

If she left because she is just realising he has a 'dead vision' because he lost his job,will she swallow her very words if the hubby finally gets a job?

This just proves you didn't really study the main content of the initial post before reacting....a typical example of one who wants to take sides esp based on gender!

My relationship is with a lady who is emotionally matured!
Who doesn't run when there is a storm but would prefer to rather weather the storm believing it can only get better!

Finally,there is no point wooing a woman who stubbornly prefers to stay at her comfort zone rather than working things out with her hubby....

please explain wooing. Lol

Starlight10:
YOU HAVE TO DATE HER AGAIN. if you are truelly inlove with her and dont actually want a divorce. Stop sending your mum, get your act together. Go for interviews and when next you visit her mums house buy something little but nice for her. Get her to come outside the house and chat over a drink or whatever while you tell her about the efforts you are making and the interviews you have attended. Let her see the guy with a vision which she fell inlove with. DO NOT GO TO ANY PRAYER HOUSE OR MAN OF GOD. Pray about the effort you are about to make in your quiet time with God, then proceed. Good luck

This is rewarding bad behavior.

Tunagee:


Jabioro! Tnx I appreciate you.

You're welcome.

Starlight10:
lool. I maintain he should keep looking for a job while he works on the relationship by fanning the flames of romance and love and all that. If he doesnt want a divorce.you didnt even hear the womans side of the story and you are just concluding. Your ignorance and myopic reasoning is beyond me. This is 2019 not 1940

That was never your initial submission however lets say you agree with your latest submissions....we are not talking about a teenager or a school leaver....we are talking about a full grown woman who is married and should be in her matrimonial home trying to encourage and inspire her downcast hubby whom she obviously depends on for financial security rather than waiting for him come and fan flames of romance and love when its apparent she left because there was no money in him any more...
Your naivety is really glaring!


My dear....I know you are not this slow-witted in discerning but don't make me think you are...From the outset,we are not talking about the woman's side because we were working under the assumption that OP's submissions are true pending when we hear from her own side of the story!

Finally,the rest of your discursive statements are insignificant,insubstantial and at best,injudicious!
Learn to cogitate before typing!

Starlight10:
please explain wooing. Lol

I believe there is a google app in your phone that can expertly translate wooing to a language you can easily comprehend!

openmine:


Your reasoning is at best,startling but unsurprising!

There will always be disagreements in a relationship or marriage and unguided statements from both partners are inevitable!
Everyone understands the power of unguided and reckless utterances and its effects on people....
However,its still not enough to park your things and start heading home after every quarrel or misunderstanding esp in a marriage!

What i thought you would have rightly said is for both partners to start engaging in an effective communication and be a bit understanding considering the new circumstances that they are faced with rather than inclining on the side of the woman as it best fit you!
I wont stop because you are fruitlessly trying to be bias in your statements!

No one said it was a do or die affair,since she is comfortable where she is,the she should not start thinking of coming back as sonn as the hubby finds his feet or gets a job!

So dear,i wont go broke but if paraventure that happens,i will definitely know how to deal with such issues!
....and for your info,i dont need to be insulting or nagging to get my message across!

You males are extremely biased and hypocritical..Always dishing out idiosyncrasies you cant stomach yourselves....If it was a male complaining of his wife verbally abusing him,you wouldnt say all these....Why would a jobless husband who claim to be the 'Head of House' and 'captain of the ship' be unable to fulfil his financial obligatiin YET VERBALLy ABUSES ME on top again?..abeg i beg that is a double-barreled trajedy.

You keep rambling about men being 'success object'.,so what??...You cannot eat your cake and have it..

As long as you keep shoving down the 'its a man's World' mantra down our throats claiming some silly 'African culture' be ready to bear the financial responsibiliies to the full..

No amount of nairaland lamentations will change that until you learn to think like Europeans,that is the omly way women in this climes WILL ACT LIKE ONE ,so deal with it!!

A good deal can earn you a brother instead of just another customer

openmine:

That was never your initial submission however lets say you agree with your latest submissions....we are not talking about a teenager or a school leaver....we are talking about a full grown woman who is married and should be in her matrimonial home trying to encourage and inspire her downcast hubby whom she obviously depends on for financial security rather than waiting for him come and fan flames of romance and love when its apparent she left because there was no money in him any more...
Your naivety is really glaring!


My dear....I know you are not this slow-witted in discerning but don't make me think you are...From the outset,we are not talking about the woman's side because we are working under the assumption that OP's submissions are true pending when we hear from her own side of the story!

Finally,the rest of your discursive statements are insignificant,insubstantial and at best,injudicious!
Learn to cogitate before typing!

you are just trying so hard to put me down and make my opinion inferior to yours. It just occured to me i am exchanging words with a man whose initial contribution was toadvice MEN TO HAVE MULTIPLE PARTNERS SO HE WILL BE DESIRABLE. Lool. Does that so called partner of yours know she is not the only one? Your character is very questionable. You are probably infected with std. So pls go seek help

openmine:

I believe there is a google app in your phone that can expertly translate wooing to a language you can easily comprehend!

you are the one to check its meaning because if you have someones love and attention you wont need to be wooing them again. But i dont expect you to know that.

NkayStory:


You males are extremely bias..If it was a male complaining of his wife verbally abusing him,you wouldnt say all these....Why would a jobless husband who vlaim to be the 'Head of House' and 'captain of the ship' be unable to fulfil his financial obligatiin YET VERBALLy ABUSES ME on top again?..abeg i beg that is a double-barreled trajedy.

Its quite disturbing and shamefully perturbing that at this age of advanced info tech,your likes will be making unguided and unintelligible assumptions simply because of gender!
If you only love or respect him as the 'head of the house' only when he is financially capable,then you are not fit for a relationship let alone marriage!
You can as well marry a man while hoping and praying that he doesn't go through any financial crisis or he doesn't get sacked from work!
...Maybe,you will pack your things and go stay with your parents like the OP's wifey!

Well...this statement of yours,though petty,is your opinion and you are entitled to it!
However,not every lady has this skewed mindset of yours!

NkayStory:

You keep rambling about men being 'success object'.,so what??...You cannot eat your cake and have it..
As long as you keep shoving down the 'its a man's World' mantra down our throats claiming some silly 'African culture' be ready to bear the financial responsibiliies to the full..
No amount of nairaland lamentations will change that until you learn to think like Europeans,that is the omly way women in this climes WILL ACT LIKE ONE ,so deal with it!!

Its quite obvious these unintelligent and irritating rumblings are emanating from one who has been through a lot from bad company!
Sorry dear...you will finally be alright!
Don't go and work!
Keep waiting for a man that will shoulder all your responsibilities...smh!

Starlight10:
you are the one to check its meaning because if you have someones love and attention you wont need to be wooing them again. But i dont expect you to know that.

If you knew the explanation,why asking me?
...and where has wooing become one sided?

dokiOloye:

You got it bro.
Pusssy niggers everywhere.
Opportunity wey you go use de carry 2 baby every night,even as I've never been a womaniser,learn new vices.
Mtchewwww

Naa. I won't succumb to infidelity and mess up my health and finances just cos my wife jilted the marriage.
If he still wants the wife back, fvcking around will cause more strain to their relationship.

Tunagee:


To be sincere, I stopped visiting and calling in January

But you are here begging my nairaland goons to save your sorry ass marriage or your fvcked up jobless conscience.

Get a job dude. If after she left, you still ain't got no job. Common men!!!!!!!!

Starlight10:
you are just trying so hard to put me down and make my opinion inferior to yours.

These are your words and submissions not mine! Deal with it yourself!

Starlight10:

It just occured to me i am exchanging words with a man whose initial contribution was to advice MEN TO HAVE MULTIPLE PARTNERS SO HE WILL BE DESIRABLE. Lool.

Its disconcerting that you are bent on manipulatively twisting my very words so that you can be seen as the helpless victim!
Once again....these are your submissions not mine!
If at this stage of your life you cant discern simple statements,i can imagine what you might do in reality!

Starlight10:

[s]Does that so called partner of yours know she is not the only one? Your character is very questionable. You are probably infected with std. So pls go seek help[/s]

Well another series of balderdash when met with a superior argument!

I dont intend to resort to the gutter(where you may come from) with you because it quite obvious you lack the 'quotient intellectuel' to engage me in a matured and civilized discus!

Tunagee:


You are right. She is very close to her mum, and started telling her everything after a while.

Any advice from her mum will be in her favour not yours non the family as a whole.

openmine:


These are your words and submissions not mine! Deal with it yourself!




Its disconcerting that you are bent on manipulatively twisting my very words so that you can be seen as the helpless victim!
Once again....these are your submissions not mine!
If at this stage of your life you cant discern simple statements,i can imagine what you might do in reality!



Well another series of balderdash when met with a superior argument!

I dont intend to resort to the gutter(where you may come from) with you because it quite obvious you lack the 'quotient intellectuel' to engage me in a matured and civilized discus!

stop lieing, you said you advice men to have multiple partners. Lool

Starlight10:
stop lieing, you said you advice men to have multiple partners. Lool

Kindly quote where i said so or forever slap your miscalculating and gawky fingers

openmine:


These are your words and submissions not mine! Deal with it yourself!




Its disconcerting that you are bent on manipulatively twisting my very words so that you can be seen as the helpless victim!
Once again....these are your submissions not mine!
If at this stage of your life you cant discern simple statements,i can imagine what you might do in reality!



Well another series of balderdash when met with a superior argument!

I dont intend to resort to the gutter(where you may come from) with you because it quite obvious you lack the 'quotient intellectuel' to engage me in a matured and civilized discus!

who told you your argument is intelligent?? Haha. You cant even own up to your initial statement of advising men to have Multiple partners so they will be desirable by their wives. I guess you are ashamed of yourself now hence the denial.

openmine:

Its quite disturbing and shamefully perturbing that at this age of advanced info tech,your likes will be making unguided and unintelligible assumptions simply because of gender!
If you only love or respect him as the 'head of the house' only when he is financially capable,then you are not fit for a relationship let alone marriage!
You can as well marry a man while hoping and praying that he doesn't go through any financial crisis or he doesn't get sacked from work!
...Maybe,you will pack your things and go stay with your parents like the OP's wifey!

Well...this statement of yours,though petty,is your opinion and you are entitled to it!
However,not every lady has this skewed mindset of yours!




Its quite obvious these unintelligent and irritating rumblings are emanating from one who has been through a lot from bad company!
Sorry dear...you will finally be alright!
Don't go and work!
Keep waiting for a man that will shoulder all your responsibilities...smh!

Your rants mean nothing and only ends in nairaland archives..As long as you NIGERIAN MALES stick to harmful cultures and tradition which gives you undo advantages over women because you believe you are superior,then 'success objects' are what you all will continue to be..no apologies.

You lots always use the 'tradition mantra' to subjugate women in Nigeria, criminalsing any form of feminism even when its laudable and can address issues like the ones you lots love to whine about the most....FINANCE.

When it suits your selfish self especially in finances you will want to act all Western..not going to work dude not by a long shot

Deal with or die trying.