Dear All please i am here again to seek your opinion as i dont have any friend. It is only this forum i have.
Remember sometime last year i created a topic this is the thread.
https://www.nairaland.com/4728173/need-advice-experienced-wives-mothers/6#71918935

Now, the girl in question is back again. She is actually 13 and is seriously pleading that she would love to stay with me. I must be very honest here she is well brought up, can wash plates, clean the flat without being told and even baby sit. Hubby is even considering we put her in school. since shelter and feeding will not be a problem. The only thing i fear is issues from in-Laws and monitoring spirits. I dont want the good i do to be used against me later. I have been praying to my God to order my steps and tell me what to do.Meanwhile, my child is in daycare I have just two weeks to decide if she should stay or not. Dear all, please what is your suggestion? Thanks

Cc. mylove4him
Carammel
Janelle08
Acidiosis
ImaIma1
cococandy
TonyeBarcanista
lalasticlala

Let her stay but treat her well, don't beat her, also be sure of your husband

PoliteActivist:
Let her stay but treat her well, don't beat her, also be sure of your husband

What do you mean by be sure of your husband?

She is young pls.At first it will be sweet then when it starts getting sour,You will regret.Those three things You mentioned means nothing to You but at her age,Its a burden.

Hmm,i really wish You watched your home yourself.Why do You really need her since your baby stays at the creche.While coming back You bring him,do ur chores and Go to sleep,cook bulk on weekends and let Dh help You while he can.

But If he insistsooo,let her come.when the childishness starts irritating both of you,You will Come and tell us .

Florence725:
What do you mean by be sure of your husband?

Be sure your husband is not the type

PoliteActivist:


Be sure your husband is not the type

Hmnn on his neice again?

LadySarah:
She is young pls.At first it will be sweet then when it starts getting sour,You will regret.Those three things You mentioned means nothing to You but at her age,Its a burden.

Hmm,i really wish You watched your home yourself.Why do You really need her since your baby stays at the creche.While coming back You bring him,do ur chores and Go to sleep,cook bulk on weekends and let Dh help You while he can.

But If he insistsooo,let her come.when the childishness starts irritating both of you,You will Come and tell us .

Hmnn...

Florence725:
Hmnn on his neice again?

We see father/daughter on NL all the time

LadySarah:
She is young pls.At first it will be sweet then when it starts getting sour,You will regret.Those three things You mentioned means nothing to You but at her age,Its a burden.

Hmm,i really wish You watched your home yourself.Why do You really need her since your baby stays at the creche.While coming back You bring him,do ur chores and Go to sleep,cook bulk on weekends and let Dh help You while he can.

But If he insistsooo,let her come.when the childishness starts irritating both of you,You will Come and tell us .

Do you do this? I mean doing all the house chores and take care of your child without any help whatsoever.

PoliteActivist:


We see father/daughter on NL all the time

Lol you are right. But he is not the type...

Florence725:
Lol you are right. But he is not the type...

Glory be, so go ahead and keep her. But treat her like a daughter, not a maid

Florence725:
Hmnn...

Yesoo,i Dont want to type epistle If not You will close this matter but for inlaws sake,let her come.Do your best as If She is Yours (Its difficult but possible )and let your Dh be the one to compain.When he starts Dont put mouthoo until he says i Dont want again.

My former who was fourteen swept House Once in a week,would give My kids food with unwashed plates from the sink so he wont wash plenty.Put them in a potty that poo was in ,just yo stay with them from 3pm-5pm.after School hrs till when i Come back.If i list items broken/destroyed You will cry for me.Its Their age and Very normal for it to happen.

It was Dh that said he was tired.He went to School from day one to the week he left and Unless i told you,looked not differnt from My kids cos he is blood.The day he left he cried but My mind was up and i didnt want to flog anybody's child.

Now My kids are 3;4,2 and 6 wk old, we have nobody and we are happy. .For 6 mths now,My House has had calm sweet calm

Florence725:

to order my steps and tell me what to do.Meanwhile, my child is in daycare I have just two weeks to decide if she should stay or not. Dear all, please what is your suggestion? Thanks

Cc. mylove4him
Carammel
Janelle08
Acidiosis
ImaIma1
cococandy
TonyeBarcanista

So, what do u have against lalasticlala

ImaIma1:


Do you do this? I mean doing all the house chores and take care of your child without any help whatsoever.

Yes,both of us doand we are in Nigeria,both working too.

If you want to take her in, treat her like your younger sister. Don't leave all the work for her. Be involved in the chores too.

If she were your sister, you could probably leave all the chores and cross your legs. But you need to be more mindful with in-laws so that it won't be taken as slavery.

Always talk to your husband about any issues. Tell him your concerns about her coming to stay. So that if it turns out badly, he would know you mentioned it.

The decision about taking her in still lies with you and your husband.

LadySarah:


Yes,both of us doand we are in Nigeria,both working too.

I do too. I just wanted to get another person's experience. How do you do when school is on holiday like now?

PoliteActivist:


So, what do u have against lalasticlala

LadySarah:


Yesoo,i Dont want to type epistle If not You will close this matter but for inlaws sake,let her come.Do your best as If She is Yours (Its difficult but possible )and let your Dh be the one to compain.When he starts Dont put mouthoo until he says i Dont want again.

My former who was fourteen swept House Once in a week,would give My kids food with unwashed plates from the sink so he wont wash plenty.Put them in a potty that poo was in ,just yo stay with them from 3pm-5pm.after School hrs till when i Come back.If i list items broken/destroyed You will cry for me.Its Their age and Very normal for it to happen.

It was Dh that said he was tired.He went to School from day one to the week he left and Unless i told you,looked not differnt from My kids cos he is blood.The day he left he cried but My mind was up and i didnt want to flog anybody's child.

Now My kids are 3;4,2 and 6 wk old, we have nobody and we are happy. .For 6 mths now,My House has had calm sweet calm

Hmnn

ImaIma1:
If you want to take her in, treat her like your younger sister. Don't leave all the work for her. Be involved on the chores too.

If she were your sister, you could probably leave all the chores and cross your legs. But you need to be more mindful with in-laws so that it won't be taken as slavery.

Always talk to your husband about any issues. Tell him your concerns about her coming to stay. So that if it turns out badly, he would know you mentioned it.

The decision about taking her in still lies with you and your husband.

Ok maam thanks.

You can allow her to stay with her parents while paying her and/or her siblings' school fees/training .

Since you mentioned their major problem is finances.

Hire a house help from outside should you need one.

This is dicey. Some people are lucky and some people aren't. Talk with your husband that any misbehavior from the girl she will go back. Bring her in treat her like a family. Please don't buy her phone o. Let her speak with her parents from your phone whenever and infront of you. I know that won't deter cos she can still call them from a pay phone to pass information. Sha treat her well and try be without blemish. So that whatsoever decision you will take in future. Your conscience will be free.

I am considering helping one like that but they haven't brought her. Her case will be enjoyment cos I have a maid and I have nieces and nephews and also inlaws living with me. Just to get someone that will always be around my children. Maid will go for Christmas. These other ones go to school or work. So they ain't consistent. Make sure you have your husband on your side in whatsoever you choose to do with them

h

Same scenario

nairalandposter:
You can allow her to stay with her parents while paying her and/or her siblings' school fees/training .

Since you mentioned their major problem is finances.

Hire a house help from outside should you need one.

Ok Maam thanks.

ImaIma1:
If you want to take her in, treat her like your younger sister. Don't leave all the work for her. Be involved in the chores too.

If she were your sister, you could probably leave all the chores and cross your legs. But you need to be more mindful with in-laws so that it won't be taken as slavery.

Always talk to your husband about any issues. Tell him your concerns about her coming to stay. So that if it turns out badly, he would know you mentioned it.

The decision about taking her in still lies with you and your husband.

Thanks Maam

ImaIma1:


Do you do this? I mean doing all the house chores and take care of your child without any help whatsoever.

yes I do it. I actually take care of 3 kids and run a business. But only because I can't afford a help.

viettastitches:
yes I do it. I actually take care of 3 kids and run a business. But only because I can't afford a help.

You run your own business, not a 9-5 on the Island and living on the mainland. At least it's more flexible for you. I don't have a maid also but I work on the Island and live on the mainland.

My God. What are you still waiting for, madam? She's your husband's niece for crying out loud. Why is this discussion still at the stage of deliberation? Please send me your hubby's contact, I need to tell him something.

Acidosis:
My God. What are you still waiting for, madam? She's your husband's niece for crying out loud. Why is this discussion still at the stage of deliberation? Please send me your hubby's contact, I need to tell him something.

Lol you mean i should allow her stay?

Florence725:
Lol you mean i should allow her stay?

Yes, please. You're paranoid and it's very unhealthy.

mylove4him:
This is dicey. Some people are lucky and some people aren't. Talk with your husband that any misbehavior from the girl she will go back. Bring her in treat her like a family. Please don't buy her phone o. Let her speak with her parents from your phone whenever and infront of you. I know that won't deter cos she can still call them from a pay phone to pass information. Sha treat her well and try be without blemish. So that whatsoever decision you will take in future. Your conscience will be free.

I am considering helping one like that but they haven't brought her. Her case will be enjoyment cos I have a maid and[b] I have nieces and nephews and also inlaws living with me[/b]. Just to get someone that will always be around my children. Maid will go for Christmas. These other ones go to school or work. So they ain't consistent. Make sure you have your husband on your side in whatsoever you choose to do with them

Why so many people staying with you And you still want to bring in another.

ImaIma1:


Why so many people staying with you And you still want to bring in another.

These people staying aren't consistent..my nephew works and his work place is closed to my home. Jets in and out anytime he likes cos of shift work. Niece is in school, comes around during holiday. BIL stayed for two years and leaving for school to be coming during holiday. Maid must always travel around December. Having different people jare. Just wanted someone that can come stay and grow with my kids while going to school.