We met in school during my pre-degree and dated for 7 years before he proposed to me. Before the proposal, both our parents had been pestering us to get married and start having children.

We started trying 6months prior, and 6 months after proposing I got pregnant. Few months later we did our introduction and got married (registry) march this year.

About two years ago, he met a lady where he was supplying his goods. According to him, the lady has been doing everything in her power to push his business. Every time I suspect there was more to their friendship, he always assured me there was nothing, that she's just a friend. sometimes he would even travel with her to Abuja to sell his goods which I had to allow since it was helping his business.

8 months into my pregnancy I noticed a drastic change like coming home very late, he hardly eats at home, he barely talks to memos he's always on his phone. I knew something was wrong and every time I talk to him, he always assured me that everything was fine.

After the delivery and naming of my baby I expected things to go back to the way it was, but it became worse. he changes his phone password almost everyday and still hides his phones from me.

One day I cried and begged him to tell me what was going on, after hours of begging, the first question he asked me was "where was it written in the bible that marriage has to be between one man and one woman and not with different women", "why can't a man marry two or more wives if he has the resources to take care of them equally"(the lady is a muslim btw).

He confessed that he has been dating this lady for over two years and has no plan of leaving her, and theres a possibility he's going to marry her. I'm just 26yo with a one month old baby, I didn't sign up for this.

While growing up, my mum has always warned us against polygamy. although he's promised to be there for me and still wants our marriage to continue, but the thought of my husband being with someone else is killing me. I've tried to reason with him several times but I end up hurting even more. I've been praying but still no change. He's been trying to compensate with gifts and money but thats not what I want. he doesn't want me to tell anyone and I feel reporting him to his family will even worsen the case. We've always settled our issues ourselves without involving anyone. I've tried everything I can just to take my mind off it. I need someone to talk to, prolly a friend or a counsellor. I've been crying for days now, I've not been eating well and I have to breastfeed my child. I never knew my life would be this complicated. I don't know why he got married to me if he already had this in mind. I hate my life right now.

hmmm


God is with u

Life is full of ups and downs
Please get yourself together for the sake of your baby and your family. Because if you fall sick or die, he will still go about sleeping around, making your child motherless and throwing your parents and loved ones into mourning. Don't let your parents investment into your life come to a waste because of a man.
You can force a guy to be loyal or faithful to you, you can only try your best to be a good wife.
Please leave the marriage, if you can no longer endure it or it is affecting you psychologically.
Your child deserve the best of you.
Don't stay alone, you will just get depressed. Surround yourself with people you can trust and can make you laugh
Please focus on your goals and how to make your life and that of child better
I know it's not going to be easy, but I pray God strengthens you, and you will look back and smile at the end

Your husband is the type that make woman to be looking for remote control all over places. Just a year marriage he's already talking about second wife.
I will suggest you discuss the issue with your parent for quick intervention.

go to your parents with your baby and stay with them

Madam, this is hard from ur angle...the thought that he’s ramming the d!ck into another woman is enough to drive u bonkers..:but don’t make it harder than it looks.....it’s quite common..

.There’s no text book for marriage...the perfect picture u see everywhere is just what people want outsiders to see...
This phase happens in almost all marriage one way or another before the man now realizes all he needed was right in front of him...

sit down, think and find happiness in all of these cos life has to go on.dont let depression creep in on you.cos ur husband will later come around.

believe it or not, there is happiness is every situation no matter how bad or terrible it looks....last last u go dey alright

It's hard I know,cause no woman wanteto share her man but if you can, please stay put. That's how I see it

Sister, there’s nothing you can do to change your husband’s decision cos he’s made up his mind already and besides there’s probability that the lady is even pregnant for him. You have to take things as it comes, I know it’s gonna be hard but that’s life. I won’t advice you to file for a divorce

send his number to me I will counsel him... though this might sound funny...

I feel your pain. I read this post with a mix feeling of bitterness, anxiety and soberness. This isn't the time to keep quiet and endure in pain. Report this matter to your parents and his parents. It really need to be settled by both families.

Horlaidex:
Sister, there’s nothing you can do to change your husband’s decision cos he’s made up his mind already and besides there’s probability that the lady is even pregnant for him. You have to take things as it comes, I know it’s gonna be hard but that’s life. I won’t advice you to file for a divorce

bro u just typed what I wanted to say, the other lady is already pregnant, for d op husband to have the mind to quote bible, Madam op just relax ur mind cus all I see right now is dat u have a junior wife already, no insult but ur husband get mind o,but I believe u must have caught him cheating before while dating probably not once, but u ignored it,

Some men can be so stupid I don't know why. Dropping a diamond to pick stones.

You are still 26, in the prime of your life. Wait until you are 40 with 3 more mouths to feed.

One day you wake up and realize you have given the best years of your life to an arrogant,unrepentant cheat.

You better leave. You are not even dead yet and someone else is already by the door.

But you can stay, have low self esteem and kill yourself with hypertension. Your reward is in heaven.

I don't understand why women cheapen themselves like this all because you want to maintain Mrs status and you don't want society to ridicule you. That man has no respect for you at all, and he is doing it because he knows you are not going anywhere. He is very confident he will get his cake and eat it. You think if the case was reversed, he would still be around crying and begging for you to love him.

Please learn to love and fall in love with yourself. Value yourself and instill a lot of self worth in your life. No man is worth dying for, if you die today, he will still enjoy himself.

Get a job, make money and put yourself in a financially stable place. Life doesn't end if a man is not in your life.

OP, you've a one month old baby, you better leave that marriage with your two legs or on your back and at the end your husband will still bring her home. Your husband quoting the Bible I guess he didn't read the thou shall not commit adultery part.


My advice stop crying and move on. It's not easy but for your health and happiness go back to your family.

Another one here. Your marriage is too early to experience this now. And to think baby creates more bonding between husband and wife instead he is creating a drift inorder to embrace another Eve in such a recent period.

He is solely yours, don't be intimidated by his words, your actions will either make him proceed or stay put.
Since he has stylishly made his intention known to you, have a deep talk with him first, why he want to do so, if he needs your support in his business...put cry cry and weakness aside; have heart to heart talk with him. I think him being close to that lady is the fire here with a burning effect on you without smelling the smoke in time.

Inform your people and his parent aswell, don't do solo now biko. If your relationship with his parent is a good one then you are on a winning side and you will come out victorious.
And don't forget that prayer is the Master Key.
Snap into Action Madam!

Sorry you hear. You should have gone against that relationship immediately you noticed it

The deed is done. Cheers

7 years relationship (dating) and one year marriage... The truth is your husband is already fed up with you due to the years spent together dating. May God deliver us from evil.

Khemhyte:
Another one here. Your marriage is too early to experience this now. And to think baby creates more bonding between husband and wife instead he is creating a drift inorder to embrace another Eve in such a recent period.

He is solely yours, don't be intimidated by his words, your actions will either make him proceed or stay put.
Since he has stylishly made his intention known to you, have a deep talk with him first, why he want to do so, if he needs your support in his business...put cry cry and weakness aside; have heart to heart talk with him. I think him being close to that lady is the fire here with a burning effect on you without smelling the smoke in time.

Inform your people and his parent aswell, don't do solo now biko. If your relationship with his parent is a good one then you are on a winning side and you will come out victorious.
And don't forget that prayer is the Master Key.
Snap into Action Madam!

To tell you the truth that man have loss see when person quote bible give you to justify a wrong only the Jona and whale effect can give him back sanity...... concern telling the parent hope you know the reason they were pressurising him to get married was for grand children sake so just forget all she will get would be endurance therapy.
P.S That your husband just discovered himself and money isn't far from it and that support thing regarding his business it just going to hit rock cause na the business actually be the union....poor people can pretend!

zeb04:
You are still 26, in the prime of your life. Wait until you are 40 with 3 more mouths to feed.

One day you wake up and realize you have given the best years of your life to an arrogant,unrepentant cheat.

You better leave. You are not even dead yet and someone else is already by the door.

But you can stay, have low self esteem and kill yourself with hypertension. Your reward is in heaven.

why are talking like this? did she say her husband is beating her? where will go to? and what is the assurance that another man is going to marry her? or you think take care of a baby is a child play perhaps she didn't say whether she is working or not. although I am not supporting the husband cheating nature

Hmm

I would advise you to leave the marriage. It can only get worse from here. You are young. You will bounce back.

1StopRudeness:
Madam, this is hard from ur angle...the thought that he’s ramming the d!ck into another woman is enough to drive u bonkers..:but don’t make it harder than it looks.....it’s quite common..

.There’s no text book for marriage...the perfect picture u see everywhere is just what people want outsiders to see...
This phase happens in almost all marriage one way or another before the man now realizes all he needed was right in front of him...

sit down, think and find happiness in all of these cos life has to go on.dont let depression creep in on you.cos ur husband will later come around.

believe it or not, there is happiness is every situation no matter how bad or terrible it looks....last last u go dey alright

Na so! Will you give a man this advice if it was the woman cheating on her husband?/

If I had to guess,I'd say you are mostly dependent on that filth of a husband for your financial sustenance.

Reading some of the heart breaking stories here on Nairaland sometimes makes me imagine/ wonder what the Reverend Fathers must have been hearing during confessions..

I can't just imagine how a man will look into his wife's eyes and say that he won't let got of the other woman.. That is the highest disrespect that...I'm speechless..

OP please tell me that you are not jobless.. because I can't see what will make a talented, young, beautiful 26yr old daughter of the land to remain in that house and swallow garnished Sh!t.. If he can't let go of her you should have shown some class and withdraw honourably..

Some times I blame parents for interfering and putting unnecessary pressure on their kids to get married.. it's not compulsory that every relationship must end in marriage..

Take your baby, Go to your parent's home and cool off temporarily...While you were there, Think if it was possible for you and your baby's to have a good life and future without him in the picture.. this is because He has made up his mind to have a second wife, The other woman has agreed to be in his life... So now the decision is yours to make if u want to be be the first wife or separate from that bull$h!t

If you were my sister, I would seriously advise that you don't allow your parent to reconcile this matter.. Let him finish what he has started.. because if they forced him to leave the other woman, his business might suffer..and his anger would be on u.. if you asked for an upkeep money... He will angrily tell u he doesn't have... He might be bold to tell you that the person helping him on his business is no longer there, where do u expect him to get money.. That I believe will hurt u..

If u are not working, dust your certificate and Start submitting CVs. At least within 5months u might get something... You rent a little granny flat and settle with your son.. suggesting that you go to your parents house was just for u to think.. not for u to bash him in any way... and it's not for intervention..


Modified:
I have missed those days on Nairaland around 2010, 2011.. When there were so many people here on family section giving good advice irrespective of your gender when ever a topic like this comes up. those days kids like us then don't even talk we only hits the like button..

Nowadays, I have noticed that people gives advice based on gender.. an advice they can't even give to their family members or friends in distress they just throw it out without giving any duty of care..

In this case, Assuming OP was cheating on the husband and she boldly told her husband that she can't let go of her sugar daddy she met while in Uni..That he meets all her financial requirements ... Besides that he has been helping her restaurant business grow..

and the husband comes to Nairaland and seek for advice, would you guys have given him the same advice you have given the OP?

Would you have said oh, he should not let another man take over what belong to him.. He should stay in that relationship and pray for her to change there's nothing prayers cannot do .... he should fight for the marriage he shouldn't let her go since she doesn't nag too much at home after all a lot of women cheats...

Most of you got sisters and I bet no one messes with them yet.. why the double standard while dishing out advice.. from page 1 to 6 that I managed to read is so infuriating..

OmoAlata1:
I don't understand why women cheapen themselves like this all because you want to maintain Mrs status and you don't want society to ridicule you. That man has no respect for you at all, and he is doing it because he knows you are not going anywhere. He is very confident he will get his cake and eat it. You think if the case was reversed, he would still be around crying and begging for you to love him.

Please learn to love and fall in love with yourself. Value yourself and instill a lot of self worth in your life. No man is worth dying for, if you die today, he will still enjoy himself.

Get a job, make money and put yourself in a financially stable place. Life doesn't end if a man is not in your life.

Well said!
Op, The ability to be happy solely depends on you.. Don't give anyone room to make you feel worthless and miserable. Love and pamper yourself first and everything else will fall into place!!

Michelle55:

Well said!
The ability to be happy solely depends on you.. Don't give anyone room to make you feel worthless and miserable. Love and pamper yourself first and everything else will fall into place!!

Reply to wrong post lol. Sorry

OmoAlata1:


Reply to wrong post lol. Sorry

Smiles.. Actually it wasn't a wrong post( I agreed with your post with the Well said Then added a few points for the Op to enable her scale through

Michelle55:

Smiles.. Actually it wasn't a wrong post( I agreed with your post with the Well said Then added a few points for the Op to enable her scale through

I agreed with you. But I was trying to reply on another thread and mistakenly wrote wrong reply to you. That was why I lol bc my reply would have been confusing.

Oyindidi:
Na so! Will you give a man this advice if it was the woman cheating on her husband?/

Oyindidi, I’m not about to get into gender equality matters with you, because men and women are not the same but this is hard for people like u to comprehend because u see the topic too superficially

I can’t give a man such advice becos this is Nigeria, women don’t marry two husbands. There’s no one size fit all advice....The man will come around, and if he doesn’t life goes on, what’s the big deal... the babe needs to keep her sanity and happiness intact.... and if packing out to go start over with another man will make her happy she can go ahead


Where is lalasticlala seff

OmoAlata1:


You are an idiot for this comment. So bc there is no reassurance another man will marry her, it means she should stay in marriage where a man has no respect for her whatsoever. Is an identity of a woman ties to being Mrs? Since you are a man, if your wife is doing same as her husband to you, will you stay? Please don't advise someone to take something you can't take.

I can't remember quoting you before you insult people online. for your information I just air my opinion based on the op saying.
shalom