I had to create a new account for this

I don't know how to get through to my wife anymore, of which the fault is mine, when we were dating, she showed that she was committed to me and loved me wholeheartedly but I was reluctant to marry her cos she was of age, I wanted someone younger, say under 25, but something important that i have to acquire made me marry all of a sudden and she was the only one available, don't get me wrong, I loved her then, her peaceful and humble soul but for some reason I simply can't understand I felt she wasn't enough, but I was wrong, she was perfect, the best I can ever wish for and more, she is everything,

After we got married, you know newlyweds now, the quarrels about every little thing, it was much then, so this particular incident made me so worked up and angry I made a statement I shouldnt have said, during the heated argument I told her that she was never who I would have married, that she wasn't my specs, she was too old (31 lol) that if someone younger was available I wouldn't blink twice before I'll marry the person.

After saying all that, I wasn't sober about it, she held on to that statement, I knew she cried that night, since then we don't talk, play, gist anymore, we became distant, though I apologised the next morning but things isn't just the same anymore, communication isn't there, she only talks to me when she wants to ask or say necessary things, nothing more, though she still cooks, we still have sex, infact every other aspect is fine except for communication, anytime I come back from work and I'm in the sitting room, she doesn't stay there, she either goes to the room or dinning room, I have begged and begged and I don't want to involve third party cos I obviously caused this, when she got pregnant, she didn't tell me till I saw the strip, when I asked why she said she forgot, and we had plans to celebrate when she takes in, I was sad that day, I begged and asked to tell me anything she wants and I'll do it, I'll make it up to her,,she said she wants nothing that she is fine, I love her, she is my baby, we use to be gist buddies, I missed that and I want it back.

I don't know what to do anymore, it's my fault I know that and I'm sorry I ever said that cos it hurt her deeply, I told her to tell me more evil things so that we will be even, she said she can't that she loves me, we are drifting apart, I can feel it,

Pls help me folks, I came here becos I want anonymous advise, what else can I do to make the hurt go away?

This is deep bro, i will still advice that you involve someone she so much respect in helping you apologizing to her, that will show her that you are serious.
You have a rear gem, pls don't lose her to your insensitivity. God bless your home!

A woman loves unconditionally but when you cross boundaries she can decide to unlove you with the same energy.
Men can often be insensitive through their actions but when you say it to their face then it's a confirmation of what you have been thinking. Never get to this point with a woman who genuinely loves you. That being said
You have to keep trying...
When she leaves you alone in the sitting room go and meet her. Gist with her.
Take her out on dates
Surprise her
You have to do things like you are just asking her out all over again.
Over one of your dates tell her you are sorry and would love to be the love of her life once again. Pls let it show that you are truly remorseful.

She will forgive you only you might have to reassure her over and over again.

Note: watch what you say henceforth .

Goodluck!

Hmmmm .

I’d be very very hurt if my husband said that to me. It means to me that the foundation of ny marriage is faulty.

I bet she is reminiscing about the wedding. All the while dancing,laughing and planning her marriage but never good enough.

How about you go on a weekend getaway and truly apologize, then you leave it there.

People take time to forgive and heal, it doesn’t mean they are wicked. The healing process takes time.

There's nothing anyone on Nairalander could help you with. You were actually not ready for marriage before you delved into it. If you've ever attended marriage seminars/relationship talk shows, you would have known that words are very powerful. No matter the provocation, there are things you don't utter. People forgive, but those words live with them. Most times, not consciously 'cause even subconscious keeps to information. There are certain "truth" you don't say if it's going to cause emotional damages even if it's the truth. I laugh when people blab things to hurt people, then tag it "the truth". You're simply being insensitive. It' s not every truth you should say in the open. Maturity has taught me to keep quiet when provoked.

Your wife may have forgiven, but those words can never be erased even though she desires to.

Her brain go still come back, so relax.

Okay, it's been done. What's the way forward?
It's good you're sober now. That's a good start, we can take it from there.
First, you have to be very very patient with her, words alone cannot undo how much those words hurt. You have to show her in action. Try by doing the very little things that matter to us as women. Few tips..

Kiss her on her forehead at least once a day, look into her eyes and tell her how much she means to you.
Buy her gifts.
Try not to get angry at her mistakes or making a graver mistake to say hurtful things to her, it'll undo all these kindness from start again.
Just take it slow and with time, she'll come around. Time heals all wounds.
All the best sir.

This one is strong. Very strong


We need the elders here

Pansophist

Daddytime

Franchasng

ImaIma1

Oya o

Only 31 smh...... I pray that lady heals. She married a man who does not value her.

Baba u no love the woman,make we leave story

LilMissFavvy:
Only 31 smh...... I pray that lady heals. She married a man who does not value her.

My little chum chum

Hmmm

Words, particularly hurtful words, when said can never be unsaid.

This is one reason why I try as much as I can to avoid a confrontation or banter of words with my significant other. Most times I just take a walkout.

Those words you uttered are pretty well hurtful and confidence-wrecking.

Keep on doing the best you can to make her see how sorry you truly are, she'd eventually come the corner albeit not entirely forgetting your true opinion of her.

Let me check my dictionary for the meaning of Chum Chum........I love the name to bits

healthserve:



My little chum chum

LilMissFavvy:
Let me check my dictionary for the meaning of Chum Chum........I love the name to bits

Just a pet name that could imply my little sweetie

Ouch, you don't know me by this moniker.

All join, just enjoy the flow. Your profile PC is super duper hilarious

Naaah naaah naaah...


This is skin deeeeep. Bro you pierced sorrow into her heart. Even if I were the woman, i'm not sure i'd forget that in a lifetime.


Nobody can help you bro, it is finished. You killed the love and also made sure it was totally dead with such words

You are 100percent wrong. The woman might have forgiven her, but those words has left a wound in her heart. When the people we love say horrible things that breaks the heart it can hurt badly, even after forgiving the person.

iPrevail:
Stop qbegging. Change tactics. Just tell her everyday that you love her and she means a lot to you.. Say it every single day, no matter what happens.
If she remains that way till the year ends, just know you married a very vindictive person you should actually be wary of.
If you can't forgive a person or look past their flaws, then you don't love them

Hmm..... okay, i guess your other moniker starts with letter ''D'' ...... Am I right?

healthserve:



Just a pet name that could imply my little sweetie

Ouch, you don't know me by this moniker.

All join, just enjoy the flow. Your profile PC is super duper hilarious

You want to eat the cake and still have it...the glass is already shattered...

There's this statement that goes 'listen clearly to what someone tells you in anger, they've been dying to say it'..something like that.

I bet your wife wouldn't trust you as much again, and word's like the one you uttered isn't something to overlook at all. Everytime she looks at you she just sees the face of someone who did not really want to be with her.

She has options to forgive, forget, and trust. The first is possible, where the problem lies is 2 and 3. Don't know how you'll fix that.

Even if you had not made the statement that day, I think you'll have said it some other time. You've always had this in mind. The tongue and brain aren't in sync all the time, that's the reason people utter words they shouldn't.

LilMissFavvy:
Hmm..... okay, i guess your other moniker starts with letter ''D'' ...... Am I right?

Nope

This is really deep and too painful, to be honest, that statement must have reminded her of her past and all the hurt she must have faced from men who disappointed her at the end, there are some things that shouldnt be said at all, age really doesn't matter in marriage, you both need to go for counseling, she has things to say but not to you, she needs to pour her heart to someone else, I pray it works out at the end, good luck.

@charles1888,

Keep apologizing in words and deeds

Also pray to whatever you believe in to soften her heart and heal her.

You can also cuddle her and pray for her healing too.

To be told that the very foundation of your marriage is a lie...... Is huge!

healthserve:



Nope

You and lilmissfavvy shouldn't derail this thread nah, it's really sensitive, haba

Okay.

healthserve:



Nope

Biglittlelois:



You and lilmissfavvy shouldn't derail this thread nah, it's really sensitive, haba

Okay mummy

Derail.......hmm. let me ignore to avoid further arguments.

Biglittlelois:



You and lilmissfavvy shouldn't derail this thread nah, it's really sensitive, haba

Temitope009:
Okay, it's been done. What's the way forward?
It's good you're sober now. That's a good start, we can take it from there.
First, you have to be very very patient with her, words alone cannot undo how much those words hurt. You have to show her in action. Try by doing the very little things that matter to us as women. Few tips..

Kiss her on her forehead at least once a day, look into her eyes and tell her how much she means to you.
Buy her gifts.
Try not to get angry at her mistakes or making a graver mistake to say hurtful things to her, it'll undo all these kindness from start again.
Just take it slow and with time, she'll come around. Time heals all wounds.
All the best sir.

Mature woman. I duff my hat

If my husband tells me such, no matter how long it takes...I must get my pound of flesh.

But then, I am not your wife
Except I suffer amnesia sha. Total one o



By the way, thought it is only women that have bad mouth in marriage? So, una sef dey talk nonsense like this?

If my husband said that to me, honestly it would break me. Age is so sensitive to women, you don’t know the pressure and scrutiny women face for marrying late. She found ‘love’ and now you use her age against her? The only human being that she thought was non-judgmental and she could find solace in? Her age, Something she can’t control? Even if it takes 5 years to forgive you fully, you must be patient with her. Words hurt deeper and mind you shes such a good woman because she still cooks, has sex and every other thing. Most women will show you pepper. Her body is there but her heart and soul has disappeared from the marriage.

It is well jare.