some body did a done one

yemisolar:
Eleyi gidi gaan ( this one strong o)

Let's try to take it fact by fact:

Fact#1 is she HIV positive now? YES

Fcat #2 she told you she was pregnant. Did you conduct any test on your own before paying the bride price despite the fact that it must have taken some months before gathering your people and money to do traditional marriage? NO

Fact #3 pregnancy mysteriously disappeared. Did you ask any questions or do any test? NO

Fact#4 she told you that she was to have a C-section because the baby was so small. Did you see or study any of the scan results or at least ask for opinion? NO

But you did research to know that Nevirapine is to stop mother to child transmission of HIV.

Not that I don't believe you, but you need to she'd more light on some aspects of the story.

if she breastfeed the your first son at all and she was positive at the time she would most likely have infected your son.

Also, if she was already infected at that time, it's somewhat inprobable that the tests would have been non reactive after two years during the pregnancy of your second son.

If it is true that's he has been taking antirotroviral drugs for FIVE YEARS. How come you did not notice inspite of your suspicion? It's either she is a great pretender or you are greatly careless and non observant.

I have not said she is right. I am saying you could have handled things in a better way.

Suggestions

Make sure you get 2 or 3 opinions on your (and your sons') HIV status and be sure you are safe.

Secondly,you need to have a heart to heart discussion with her devoid if anger and emotion on the way forward. You will need medical advice if you decide to stay with her.

If you establish that she she actually decided you into the marriage, it is a ground for divorce mainly because you life and that of your son's are at stake here. That changes the equation of things entirely because of the children involved.

Lastly, there is the option of loving forgiving and loving her through it. As wierd as it might sound,she might have not been open because she was afraid of loosing you.
It doesn't make it right but it's a reason. besides, being HIV positive is not a death sentence.

It's a tough one the Lord can lead you through it if you allow Him

Fact 2: I didn't have any reason to doubt her then, because I believed we were in love and I was ready to take responsibility. I was the seeing through University.

Fact 3: When I asked her about the pregnancy, she said she suspect the pregnancy disappeared due to spiritual attacks.

Fact 4:Yes, because before then she did a scan in a private lab to apply for maternity leave (she was doing NYSC then), the baby was 2.7 kg or so,I referred her to that scan, but she said that was what the doctor said. I'm not a doctor, so I couldn't argue much.

No,HIV positive mothers can breastfeeding exclusively as long as they taking their drugs.

The first test was reactive, the hospital sent her to a private lab for 2nd opinion,it was also reactive. I don't really know what transpired at IDH that they said It was non reactive.That was why the doctor sent her sample to another lab, and the was reactive. I went with her to a Teaching hospital, it was also reactive for her and non reactive for me and my son.She also did at a Military Hospital, same result.

I'm very careless!

GrabHisBalls:
Stop saying she pressured you. I don't think women easily pressure men into doing things they don't want. I could even deduce you married her 'cause a child was involved which you had a choice to say 'No' to. Inasmuch as she may have fooled you, you have your own share of the blame. Couples undergo series of test like genotype, blood group, HIV status before marriage. If you'd both done this, you would've known her status prior to the marriage. That would've informed you that she's infected since you're lucky to have been immune to the virus.

Did you say I had a choice to say No to the child of a woman I was in love with? Won't you be the first person to tag me a wicked?

HarunaWest:

You speak like a very full weak man with short d*ck like the other dude rightly posted..A woman you call your wife breached Trust which is a sacred oath of marriage here and your here talking parables,taking of son and her stubborness..
So you don't know the way to police station or no court to file for divorce around your environs?


Ye are actually a weakling sha,that's how she convinced you to marry her at the beginning..
I don't advice plebs

Brother calm down.This issue is not as simple as you are seeing it.This woman is desperate to keep me,if I force anything, she will fight in a dangerous means. And forget,we have two children together already.I need all the wisdom I'll get to handle this situation.I'm not weak at all.

Her actions were selfish and manipulative, if you love someone you should be open with the truth and give the person an option to make a choice.

You need to be careful and firm, don't be scared for your kids, they are hers too and she loves them too much to harm them.
You need to have a heart to heart talk with her and only you can decide the next step.
The fact that she isn't remorseful shows she can still make sinister moves like she did in the past.
Alas, you have very valid reasons to divorce her if you decide to, but nobody needs to know if you decide to forgive her and stay with her, HIV is not a death sentence anymore.

Hobbsandshaw:


Brother calm down.This issue is not as simple as you are seeing it.This woman is desperate to keep me,if I force anything, she will fight in a dangerous means. And forget,we have two children together already.I need all the wisdom I'll get to handle this situation.I'm not weak at all.

What you both need is professional counseling after you calmly tell her you know about all her lies(please dont ever get her upset be emotional and sympathetic), as it stand your wife is capable of premeditated preplaned devilish scheming and even crime to suite her agenda, if she can go to any lenght to plan all what she planed and she doesnt for once feel sober or guilty conscience then you are seating near a time bomb... Now that you have two kids already you both need a long hard discussion on how to continue, becauseDivorce is out of the equation as it stands now because of your kids

Hobbsandshaw:


My concern really is my boys.I want the best for them

Bro, hard truth is you have to forgive. I know someone in similar shoes. The only difference is that he hasn’t found out. Sometimes we have to try and understand things from the perspective of these carriers. It’s hard being stigmatized for something probably wasn’t our fault.
Do you think it was by your power you didn’t get infected from other girls in your previous life or were you a virgin till marriage?
So for your sanity, your kids future and all, forgive,take your drugs and live. About madam think of an appropriate punishment. Maybe threaten a separation till she comes back sober. And you too please don’t go about having side chicks especially without a condom!

[s]

itsme01:


What you both need is professional counseling after you calmly tell her you know about all her lies(please dont ever get her upset be emotional and sympathetic), as it stand your wife is capable of premeditated preplaned devilish scheming and even crime to suite her agenda, if she can go to any lenght to plan all what she planed and she doesnt for once feel sober or guilty conscience then you are seating near a time bomb... Now that you have two kids already you both need a long hard discussion on how to continue, becauseDivorce is out of the equation as it stands now because of your kids

[/s]

You can start by simply removing the breaks from the car she drives and encouraging her to speed. Lol. Seriously, these are grounds for divorce @OP. No two ways about it.

GrabHisBalls:
Stop pushing blames. She didn't force you into marriage. This is why I dislike getting pregnant out of wedlock and suddenly getting the man marry you. Most men who marry in such conditions only do so for the child, not for the woman. Davido impregnated 2, didn't marry any and wasn't forced. Even the Chioma he claims to have so much affection for is pregnant just like the other ladies. Question is, would he have married her if not for the pregnancy? Wizkid has his and wasn't forced. At least, not yet. Own up to your mistakes 'cause you could've said 'No' and nothing would have happened.

What happened to having your medical records before marriage? How insensitive were you that your wife was taking a particular drug for 5 good years under your nose and you had no idea? Just thank God you and your son's are immune to the virus.

they are not immune to the virus. The drug his wife is taking is what made her viral load to drop significantly and became undetected that she can't pass the virus to another person.

Op fear catch me for you sha and sorry if I imagined been in your shoes, I would be so hurt because this lady has always known she is HIV positive and never told me, guy I would ask her for space abeg.

Hobbsandshaw:


My fear is that,I may not be lucky forever, and even with the situation at hand, she is still full of attitudes.She is a very stubborn woman.

This is where I see a problem. From all indications, you are a smart man. Do the needful.
Your wife seems selfish and wi.ck..d. That doesn't care about anyone else.

Hobbsandshaw:


Did you say I had a choice to say No to the child of a woman I was in love with? Won't you be the first person to tag me a wicked?

Sir, you're now contradicting yourself. First, you claimed she pressured you into marriage. Now, you're claiming you loved her. What I am saying in essence is that you should drop the "I was pressured into marriage", admit you made some wrong decisions, make your wife tell you what you need to know and think of a way forward.

I'm trying hard not to abuse this op, but come to think of it does it mean some people just have empty skulls with no brain matter at all? That woman is capable of killing you. My advice is for u to take your two children and do a DNA first and foremost, and if they are yours, FLEE. Take them far far away from her and begin your life anew, after all the newborn doesn't need its mother's breastmilk due to the high risk of infection. Look for a woman in your family, a sister or anyone for that matter to take care of them. If you cannot do this then you are an efulefu.

GrabHisBalls:
Sir, you're now contradicting yourself. First, you claimed she pressured you into marriage. Now, you're claiming you loved her. What I am saying in essence is that you should drop the "I was pressured into marriage", admit you made some wrong decisions, make your wife tell you what you need to know and think of a way forward.

[s]

GrabHisBalls:
Sir, you're now contradicting yourself. First, you claimed she pressured you into marriage. Now, you're claiming you loved her. What I am saying in essence is that you should drop the "I was pressured into marriage", admit you made some wrong decisions, make your wife tell you what you need to know and think of a way forward.

[/s]

GrabHisBalls:
Sir, you're now contradicting yourself. First, you claimed she pressured you into marriage. Now, you're claiming you loved her. What I am saying in essence is that you should drop the "I was pressured into marriage", admit you made some wrong decisions, make your wife tell you what you need to know and think of a way forward.

How did I contradict myself ma,was I wrong to be in love with the woman I was dating? I said she pressured me because what we agreed on was to get married maybe two years later.Try and understand these situation please

Lalasticlala

This is really serious o.

Wale Adenuga Productions!
We are nothing but a pencil in the hand of the Creator

Since I know the kind of person she is just plan ur like for u and ur boys
If I we're a man
I'd divorce her
Forget say she just born, what if u contracted it Just think of urself and ur boys
Gosh she has been selfish

Smile
Jesus loves u

The truth id that Your woman is mean and can kill you.


It's good you know everything now. You can live With her without getting infected after all she is on medication.

Pray for her always for God to heal her completely and give her a heart of human and take away her stoney heart.

Las las una go dey alright.

Trick her into divorce

NaijaTushboy:

dude you are just lucky to have a short d**k coz peope with short konji doesn't penetrate place where HIV dey if it was someone like me or lalastic***hmmm

Lol but where is this theory coming from kwen. I measured my own and the thing is somehow long. E fit reach abi? This one funny die.



Marry a non virgin at your own risk

Watch before you leap. Una no go here. No wahala,if you can't continue with her deceits, you know exactly what to do.How are you even sure those kids are yours? I tire for all these "Real men" they are always blind to everything.

As educated as you are, so you married somebody without doing blood work tests abi? This is how you would have come here to tell us you just discovered that both of you are SS abi? Na for better or worse, stay in there. Next time you will reason well and do the right things at the right time.

Hobbsandshaw:
I need mature advice from nairalanders.

I got married to my wife December,2015. The marriage is now blessed with two boys, the 2nd boy came last month.

The issue now is that I just discovered my wife is HIV positive during this 2nd pregnancy.The woman that I showed so much love tricked me into marrying her knowing fully well that she was HIV positive. I'm not really angry because she is HIV positive,I'm angry because she has been playing me all along.

She was in the Uni in another state while we were dating.Almost to the end of her study in 2014, she called that she was pregnant after I visited.She came to Lagos with PT and scan results to prove her claim.She then pressured me into paying her bride price before the pregnancy become public.We did our traditional marriage and went to the registry.Months after the marriage,my wife said the pregnancy has mysteriously disappeared, blaming it on "village people",but the gentle man in me didn't allow me to read any meaning to the movie.She tricked me into marrying her with the fake pregnancy after discovering she is HIV positive.

She eventually took in(for real this time),she came back from antenatal one afternoon crying, when I enquired what the issue was, she told me that they booked her for C-SECTION,that the doctor said the baby's weight is below 2kg and will almost be impossible for her to have the baby by herself,I was there consoling her not knowing that the doctor opted for C-SECTION because she is HIV positive.She actually told them not to disclose her status to me.The baby was 3.6kg at birth.My son was giving Nevirapine.I did some search and discovered that the drug is an antiretroviral drug,I became worried but I still played it down.

Her lid finally blew when she started antenatal for this my 2nd son in a different hospital, maybe she might have thought to herself that at this point there is nothing I will do any more, she told me that the doctor referred her to a government hospital for HIV confirmatory test.We went and did the test,I don't know the trick she played this time, the result was non reactive for her, me and our son.I went to the hospital and made Alot of noise,we went home and celebrated.Seven months later, she had an accident and was admitted, the doctor not satisfied with result of our confirmatory test,took her sample and send it to one of the best labs in Lagos,all the kits shows she was reactive.Because of the scene I created earlier, the doctor called me and showed me the result.That was when I started playing back to the first pregnancy scam, the rush for the marriage and the Nevirapine that was giving to my first son and I discovered I was being fooled by this woman all along.

This woman has hid her status from me and have been taking drugs under my nose for over five years without me knowing.I and my boy have gone for test twice at seven months interval and we are confirmed negative. I was told at one teaching hospitals I went for the test last month that maybe I'm just lucky or we are "discordant couple"
I have been expecting her to show remorse, and maybe apologize but she is still doing as if nothing happened.

I can't discuss this with my family or even hers, she will be stigmatize.I feel betrayed,I don't know how long I will stay in this marriage, but then I'm concerned about my boys. I'm afraid she might get desperate and try other means to infect me,I don't trust her.
What should I do?

Wow. Don’t make any rash decision and I’m really glad you and the boys are negative.
Since you are already married, I’ll advise you see a marriage counselor. You must stop having unprotected meetings’ with your wife immediately.

Which one be discordant couple again

Drop it like it's hot.

Woah this is deep.

Consequences of zip down before marriage for you. So marriage before zip down is the best

Hobbsandshaw:


My fear is that,I may not be lucky forever, and even with the situation at hand, she is still full of attitudes.She is a very stubborn woman.

The solution is to have a face to face conversation with her and reassure her you won’t leave her.
Secondly, you must agree on the use of protection during your ‘meetings’ as the way forward.
Your wife needs to understand she did the unthinkable and you have to make her see this.
She’s truly a very mean person and can go a great length to have her way so be careful.

Your are a good fiction writer. I will like to get back to you when the good lord decrees I start a newspaper.

LadySarah:
I must say you are one lucky man.Have been doing skin to skin all these yrs and still negative?

You are special

If she has been taken her ART regularly her viral load will be too low for her to infect him.