johndan103:
Background
I am 28 years old (will be 29 on the 18th Oct) and I am ready to go the family way. I have a lovely girlfirend lets call her Hauwa, she is 28 too (will be 29 March next year) and is emotionally matured and ready to settle down too, but the problem is my mom.


Statement of Problem
My mom gets irritated when I tell her i am ready to marry. She keeps hoping i dont get married soon saying i am ungrateful for all the care she has shown me. I have a Job and i have promised to do what I should do. But she said i must not marry the person i love. She has rejected every lady I have brought home. In fact she has never approved any relationship I have ever been in. Every lady i date is either a prostitute or a low life according to her.


More Details
She wants to match make for me. She is always talking about her friends daughters, so last year i tried to reason with her and allowed her to send me her choice (this was before my present relationship).
She sent the lady's number and i contacted the lady. Very rude lady who thinks being a medical student is the best thing that has happened since sliced bread. We didnt gel at all cos i feel she's too slow and not my type of woman, she also wasnt digging the match making thingy. The lady eventually told me she is in another relationship and i felt relieved. I told my mom and she said theres another medical student (daughter of another friend) of hers.



My Point of View
I am tired of her trying to match make me with her own opinion of the best choice for me. I love this lady I presently am dating to the moon and I cant see myself leaving a matured, humble and independent woman for another slowpoke i dont even know.

My mom has said if i go ahead I wont have her blessings in the marriage and that i have been jazed. I used to think moms will be happy that their son wants to start a family but mine has made it harder for me. I know parents want the best for their children but this is a tall oder for me.


Hauwa's Point of View
Hauwa is already feeling rejected about the whole saga and has asked me to keep peace with my mom. She says she undestands moms are protective. She handeled it well with maturity. I delibratelty asked her to visit my mom from the begining of the relationship so that they can familiarize with themselves but my mom wont accept her. Hauwa is saying it will be difficult emotionally for us if our relationship and marriage is not accepted.


Mom's Point of View
The first reason my mom gave is that Hauwa is Igala while we are okun (i have introduced my mom to an Okun lady in the past she said our village doesnt marry from Yagba, I also introduced her to another youruba lady she said the lady parents are not together so she wont keep a home).
The second point my mom raised is that the lady is financially independent, makes money and drives a Jeep. (I have asked Hauwa about her financial status and I am convinced runs is not not her way cos she has elaborated on how she affords her lifestyle and its genuine).She also asked for the 4million she loaned me before I talk about marriage which I will. I asked her if she wants cash or a car and she said a benz. My plan is to get her a car before end of the year so i can focus on settling down next year. I am very lonely and tired of bachelor life. I want to settle down and start have kids not sleeping around like a fuckboy.


Family point of view
My family is very educated and well travelled so i dont understand why this issue is coming up. I am already processing visa for tHauwa cos i cant keep breaking my heart by ending relationships at her command just to to make my mom her happy. There is a high possibility i wont like someone she likes. My dad is neutral but he wont want to offend his wife so he might try and reason with her. My sisters have said they will support my chioce but I shouldnt complain if I make the wrong choice even tho my mom will try to convince my siblings not to give me any kind of emotional support.


My Question
What are the repercussions of going ahead with the marriage plans?? Has any man successfully gone against their moms wish and turned out happy??


NB: No one can change my moms mind, not my dad, not pastor, not her sister. on one because she will convince them she is right and tell them I am lying, that she has never rejected anyone except this person.
Please I dont want to give the impression that my mom is a bad person cos she has trained me in the right path and I have never lacked because of her. She is also very supportive and has provided everything and more at all times for all her children.

Please be kind to us cos im sending the link to Hauwa to read matured peoples opinion.

Cheers

patorial:
Is this your final year project?



Remember these things :

Your mother is already married.
You can never marry your mom.
You mom seems selfish! Sorry for saying this.

Remember that you are trying to make a family for your sef nd not for your mother.

You know what is good for your, don't go and make the mistake of marrying someone you don't know just because your mother likes her.

johndan103:


This my real life. This is where i am right now.

breadplanets:
I only have advise for Hauwa......
Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun

johndan103:


Why should Hauwa run when we both love each other? Will you give her another husband after she runs? No relationship is free from complications. If she runs now for how long will she continue running from all challenges?

Acidosis:


In Nigeria, all mothers are good but all girls are bad.


Better tell your mom the truth and get hold of yourself.

sisisioge:


I think your mom is afraid of another woman taking you from her. Solution, don't tell her anything again, get to meet your future in-laws, continue to get to know your babe, stop being on the pills, prepare for a life together and invite your mom to the wedding. Good luck.

johndan103:


Thanks!!

This is by far the most interesting advise so far.

elektra:
Since it is looking like your mother will never accept your choice of wife, you have only two options.
You either marry Hauwa, or your mother’s choice.

If you go ahead and marry hauwa, be ready to grow some balls and protect your wife. It is obvious your mother will try to frustrate the girl. You have to be ready to stand up to your mother and put her in her place when the need arises. In-laws can really destroy peaceful marriages and should not be underrated.


Hauwa, if you are reading. Please seriously reconsider if this is the family you want to spend the rest of your life with. I am a firm believer in wives loving their husbands family as their own and vice versa. Even with families that love and accept you, problems will arise talk less of families that are obviously against you. Think very well before you enter oh, marriage is hard enough without all this other stress.

johndan103:
Background

Please be kind to us cos im sending the link to Hauwa to read matured peoples opinion.

Cheers

chii8:
She is just being a MOM,it seems you are the only son,you know other than this issue, your mum is nice.Make your mum miss you,no calls,no visits,reject anything from her,do that for sometime and see if she will come to herself,while at that always put a call to dad but don't call her...pretend you're ignoring her let's see.

johndan103:


Some men have married women older than them and had a peaceful home. Age is just a number, love comes to us in different ways. In our case I am even older than her with some months. I dont really fancy distant age gaps in my choice of a partner and Hauwa is very obiedient, respectful, beautiful and most of all emotionally matured and stable.

I dont think age will have any negetive impact on our relationship cos we understand each other perfectly.

chii8:
[s]She is just being a MOM,it seems you are the only son,you know other than this issue, your mum is nice. [/s] Make your mum miss you,no calls,no visits,reject anything from her,do that for sometime and see if she will come to herself,while at that always put a call to dad but don't call her...pretend you're ignoring her let's see.

johndan103:
Background
I am 28 years old (will be 29 on the 18th Oct) and I am ready to go the family way. I have a lovely girlfirend lets call her Hauwa, she is 28 too (will be 29 March next year) and is emotionally matured and ready to settle down too, but the problem is my mom.


Statement of Problem
My mom gets irritated when I tell her i am ready to marry. She keeps hoping i dont get married soon saying i am ungrateful for all the care she has shown me. I have a Job and i have promised to do what I should do. But she said i must not marry the person i love. She has rejected every lady I have brought home. In fact she has never approved any relationship I have ever been in. Every lady i date is either a prostitute or a low life according to her.


More Details
She wants to match make for me. She is always talking about her friends daughters, so last year i tried to reason with her and allowed her to send me her choice (this was before my present relationship).
She sent the lady's number and i contacted the lady. Very rude lady who thinks being a medical student is the best thing that has happened since sliced bread. We didnt gel at all cos i feel she's too slow and not my type of woman, she also wasnt digging the match making thingy. The lady eventually told me she is in another relationship and i felt relieved. I told my mom and she said theres another medical student (daughter of another friend) of hers.



My Point of View
I am tired of her trying to match make me with her own opinion of the best choice for me. I love this lady I presently am dating to the moon and I cant see myself leaving a matured, humble and independent woman for another slowpoke i dont even know.

My mom has said if i go ahead I wont have her blessings in the marriage and that i have been jazed. I used to think moms will be happy that their son wants to start a family but mine has made it harder for me. I know parents want the best for their children but this is a tall oder for me.


Hauwa's Point of View
Hauwa is already feeling rejected about the whole saga and has asked me to keep peace with my mom. She says she undestands moms are protective. She handeled it well with maturity. I delibratelty asked her to visit my mom from the begining of the relationship so that they can familiarize with themselves but my mom wont accept her. Hauwa is saying it will be difficult emotionally for us if our relationship and marriage is not accepted.


Mom's Point of View
The first reason my mom gave is that Hauwa is Igala while we are okun (i have introduced my mom to an Okun lady in the past she said our village doesnt marry from Yagba, I also introduced her to another youruba lady she said the lady parents are not together so she wont keep a home).
The second point my mom raised is that the lady is financially independent, makes money and drives a Jeep. (I have asked Hauwa about her financial status and I am convinced runs is not not her way cos she has elaborated on how she affords her lifestyle and its genuine).She also asked for the 4million she loaned me before I talk about marriage which I will. I asked her if she wants cash or a car and she said a benz. My plan is to get her an SUV before end of the year so i can focus on settling down next year. I am very lonely and tired of bachelor life. I want to settle down and start have kids not sleeping around like a fuckboy.


Family point of view
My family is very educated and well travelled so i dont understand why this issue is coming up. I am already processing visa for Hauwa cos i cant keep breaking my heart by ending relationships at her command just to to make her happy. My dad is neutral but he wont want to offend his wife so he might try and reason with her. My sisters have said they will support my chioce but I shouldnt complain if I make the wrong choice even tho my mom will try to convince my siblings not to give me any kind of emotional support.


My Question
What are the repercussions of going ahead with the marriage plans?? Has any man successfully gone against their moms wish and turned out happy??


NB: No one can change my moms mind, not my dad, not pastor, not her sister. on one because she will convince them she is right and tell them I am lying, that she has never rejected anyone except this person.
Please I dont want to give the impression that my mom is a bad person cos she has trained me in the right path and I have never lacked because of her. She is also very supportive and has provided everything and more at all times for all her children.

Please be kind to us cos im sending the link to Hauwa to read matured peoples opinion.

Cheers

PresidentAde:
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Your mum maybe Right & she may be wrong... you need serious wisdom to get through this...
...
whatever happens, you need to remove your mum's firm grip on you, "women" mother's are naturally manipulative.....
.. .
you need to Up your game too, try to play her game, ..

1. Try to be manipulative yourself.... call her, talk to her normally, get her gifts, act normal.... if she raise that issue, stylishly change the topic, let her strive to know what you have in mind.....
2 . Try to go around her trusted friends & family, network with them ...
let them "see you as a go to guy"....
3. Then you'll subtly start reporting your mum to this people, you'll complain abt different issues that is not related to your lady.......
4.. try the above in 3months, 4th month... start mounting pressure on her abt your lady through those links......... by the 6th month you should have her green light....
......

.....
However, MAKE SURE, YOURE SURE ABT THIS LADY, PLS , DOUBLE CHECK DURING THESE MONTH of your mind game...
..
#i hope I've been able to help, i wish you Godspeed