johndan103:
Background
I am 28 years old (will be 29 on the 18th Oct) and I am ready to go the family way. I have a lovely girlfirend lets call her Hauwa, she is 28 too (will be 29 March next year) and is emotionally matured and ready to settle down too, but the problem is my mom.


Statement of Problem
My mom gets irritated when I tell her i am ready to marry. She keeps hoping i dont get married soon saying i am ungrateful for all the care she has shown me. I have a Job and i have promised to do what I should do. But she said i must not marry the person i love. She has rejected every lady I have brought home. In fact she has never approved any relationship I have ever been in. Every lady i date is either a prostitute or a low life according to her.


More Details
She wants to match make for me. She is always talking about her friends daughters, so last year i tried to reason with her and allowed her to send me her choice (this was before my present relationship).
She sent the lady's number and i contacted the lady. Very rude lady who thinks being a medical student is the best thing that has happened since sliced bread. We didnt gel at all cos i feel she's too slow and not my type of woman, she also wasnt digging the match making thingy. The lady eventually told me she is in another relationship and i felt relieved. I told my mom and she said theres another medical student (daughter of another friend) of hers.



My Point of View
I am tired of her trying to match make me with her own opinion of the best choice for me. I love this lady I presently am dating to the moon and I cant see myself leaving a matured, humble and independent woman for another slowpoke i dont even know.

My mom has said if i go ahead I wont have her blessings in the marriage and that i have been jazed. I used to think moms will be happy that their son wants to start a family but mine has made it harder for me. I know parents want the best for their children but this is a tall oder for me.


Hauwa's Point of View
Hauwa is already feeling rejected about the whole saga and has asked me to keep peace with my mom. She says she undestands moms are protective. She handeled it well with maturity. I delibratelty asked her to visit my mom from the begining of the relationship so that they can familiarize with themselves but my mom wont accept her. Hauwa is saying it will be difficult emotionally for us if our relationship and marriage is not accepted.


Mom's Point of View
The first reason my mom gave is that Hauwa is Igala while we are okun (i have introduced my mom to an Okun lady in the past she said our village doesnt marry from Yagba, I also introduced her to another youruba lady she said the lady parents are not together so she wont keep a home).
The second point my mom raised is that the lady is financially independent, makes money and drives a Jeep. (I have asked Hauwa about her financial status and I am convinced runs is not not her way cos she has elaborated on how she affords her lifestyle and its genuine).She also asked for the 4million she loaned me before I talk about marriage which I will. I asked her if she wants cash or a car and she said a benz. My plan is to get her an SUV before end of the year so i can focus on settling down next year. I am very lonely and tired of bachelor life. I want to settle down and start have kids not sleeping around like a fuckboy.


Family point of view
My family is very educated and well travelled so i dont understand why this issue is coming up. I am already processing visa for Hauwa cos i cant keep breaking my heart by ending relationships at her command just to to make her happy. My dad is neutral but he wont want to offend his wife so he might try and reason with her. My sisters have said they will support my chioce but I shouldnt complain if I make the wrong choice even tho my mom will try to convince my siblings not to give me any kind of emotional support.


My Question
What are the repercussions of going ahead with the marriage plans?? Has any man successfully gone against their moms wish and turned out happy??


NB: No one can change my moms mind, not my dad, not pastor, not her sister. on one because she will convince them she is right and tell them I am lying, that she has never rejected anyone except this person.
Please I dont want to give the impression that my mom is a bad person cos she has trained me in the right path and I have never lacked because of her. She is also very supportive and has provided everything and more at all times for all her children.

Please be kind to us cos im sending the link to Hauwa to read matured peoples opinion.

Cheers

As long as your father gives you his blessings, you're good to go.
Your mum is acting out of selfishness, she's over possessive of you .
Just give her lots and lots of grandchildren, then she'll let you be .

johndan103:


Sorry if the grammer offends you. I only want people reading to understand instaed of mumbling words that might confuse the reader.

Now I see where the problem lies....you're not strong willed .
You're kinda weak and apologetic
Why would you even honour that comment with an explanation ?

Rosarie:
My dear women can make or break a man.
Stop communicating with ur mom,go into.prayers,ur mom may not have clean hands,give her space,kill communication and see if she will miss you,
After a month or two go ahead without her,u love her but she has lived he life.this liife is one,if she had a spiritual contract about u getting married or trade ur life go on ur k need.a woman who does. Not have whom she respects has a deep heart.
Go ahead
Your mom is very selfish,even devil respects God!

Never marry a woman until your mother gives her consent. this advise is ridiculous because you’ll regret the decision to marry a woman your mom loathes. Keep trying to win her over.

OlawaleBammie:
Truly ur mum might b good to u BUT if u re nt careful might lead u to early grave.. how?? by her choice of partner for u.

Oga ur mama is bad joo, let call a spade a spade jare, all i see in her is self centeredness, selfishness, me and me alone, ITK, and a domineering nature.

A woman who wouldnt listen to anybody, how is dat a...... make i shut up there. BUT I THINK UR DAD IS WEAK SHA.

if truly she's supportive as u claimed, she shouldn't hav problem with ur choice of partner rather she should b showering u with blessing in ur new adventure.

See, i cant say u should continue oo cus i wouldn't want to b disrespectful to my mum as well, maybe u should consider singleness til 37, by den she will b forced to let u hav ur way.

With due respect .. Okun women of Kogi state are like that ... one needs to be careful with them !!!

The truth is that this man is not ready to marry, using his mother as a bait. Is it ur mum that's going to live with her? Mothers pray for their children choices and not interfair and or influence their choices. If u r ready to marry as u claimed, go ahead and commence ur marriage plans and ur mum if realise u r serious about it will have no other option than to support u. Ur mum may believe u r still that small young man that's yet to b a man, that's can't make a decision of his. Once u show ur mum u r capable of making decisions and b responsible for it, she'll give u her support. Don't break that lady's heart in d name "my mum...."

Sometimes I wonder why it is necessary for our parents to choose our life partners.

Your mum is definitely hiding something from you

Go ahead and marry the woman of ur dreams ..and make sure u don't live under d same roof with ur parents.. Ur success will force ur mum to accept u back and pls make sure ur marriage us a smooth one..hml in advance bro

OKUN EGBON..our people hate that tribe with passion,infact some prefer to marry to yoruba instead of igala,beg your mum and then try to do something that can make her happy.

Bluehill1051:
How can you be marrying your age mate sef?! I wonder how disappointed your mum feels

Shut up!

Hmmm..... let me ask.... if you get the blessing of one parent only.... is the marriage blessed? If yes.... work on getting the blessing of your father only. If no... work on getting your siblings to be cold to your mother .....and your father if he does not come off the fence to support you. .... parents vs children. Ask them about their relationship... if their parents matched them..... if the answer is yes... then let them know that was then... the 1900's.... you are a different generation in a different century.... that they should allow you to make that shift... that's not how it works in this 21st century. If no.... then ask them why it was good for them back then and not good for you now?... why it was good for them but would not be good for you? Lay it out to them to make them feel like hypocrites..... then ask if you have no choice in the woman you want to marry?...if it is only for your mother to give you who to choose... who you must love or learn to love by force.... that you have seen so often in the news how such marriages end in divorce or bloodbaths... if that is the risk they want you to take.... that if ...more likely... the marriage doesn't work out if they will be telling you to manage it...because it is your wife?... then ask if such a wife would be yours or your mother's? ...that you can't even understand why any responsible parent would find happiness and peace of mind by shoving the son they claim to love into a marriage he does not want....that you never for a moment thought that your parents can sacrifice their son's happiness and future to fulfill their ego... that their bragging rights is more important than their son's happiness and wish to have a happy family life. In the end... for this session of trying to plaster them with guilt and embarrassment... ask that they write down exactly what is required for them to approve who you can marry. Insist that they write it down... which your mom will not want to do... then focus on finding out why she wouldn't.... get everybody involved in finding out why.
As I see it.... it is about she and her friends.... about she wanting to brag that her son has married a doctor... in her generation... doctor or lawyer... nothing else counts.... and that is still in her head.... you are nothing... and will be nothing... and she would fail as a parent if her son does not marry a doctor.... that's what is driving her. Really?... whatever the place where you cannot marry their people..... let her know you were also considering a verrrry good girl with a verrrry good background.... her entire family are all in the medical profession... doctors... and she is about to graduate as a doctor and is sooooo much in love with you... even took you home to visit and her parents were excited and treated you well..... but..... why should you bring her to be embarrassed by your own parents?...and now hearing this.... you already know that relationship can go nowhere. I guarantee you... your mother will beg you to introduce that girl..... then you turn on her.... why the rules change?
Bro.... you have to fight for your rights.... your mother cannot be manipulating your life... put your mother against your father.... in different words... question your father as to if he shouldn't be the decision maker in the house?... that in your family... you will uphold the African culture..... you will be the one making decisions.... not your wife.... paint him as a weak man if he can't decide in your favour... if he says his decision is the same as hers... then let him know it was not his... that's hers... he is a messenger...well... you should know how to word it! Bro... fight for your right.

I know we have mother's on this forum. it is very hard to see a father trying to influence his son/daughter decision unlike mother's why??
One of their favorite quote is that "unless I did not carry you in my womb for nine months and you didn't suck my breast"
My advise for you brother is that you should consider the pros and cons of the decision you are about to take, can you handle it on long run. According to what you posted, I think Hauwa understood that.

There is a popular adage in Yoruba language that "you don't only marry your husband but also your husband family ditto your wife also.

And also remember that you will be the one to live forever with any decision you take in life.
May the Almighty God guide you. Amen

johndan103:
Background
I am 28 years old (will be 29 on the 18th Oct) and I am ready to go the family way. I have a lovely girlfirend lets call her Hauwa, she is 28 too (will be 29 March next year) and is emotionally matured and ready to settle down too, but the problem is my mom.


Statement of Problem
My mom gets irritated when I tell her i am ready to marry. She keeps hoping i dont get married soon saying i am ungrateful for all the care she has shown me. I have a Job and i have promised to do what I should do. But she said i must not marry the person i love. She has rejected every lady I have brought home. In fact she has never approved any relationship I have ever been in. Every lady i date is either a prostitute or a low life according to her.


More Details
She wants to match make for me. She is always talking about her friends daughters, so last year i tried to reason with her and allowed her to send me her choice (this was before my present relationship).
She sent the lady's number and i contacted the lady. Very rude lady who thinks being a medical student is the best thing that has happened since sliced bread. We didnt gel at all cos i feel she's too slow and not my type of woman, she also wasnt digging the match making thingy. The lady eventually told me she is in another relationship and i felt relieved. I told my mom and she said theres another medical student (daughter of another friend) of hers.



My Point of View
I am tired of her trying to match make me with her own opinion of the best choice for me. I love this lady I presently am dating to the moon and I cant see myself leaving a matured, humble and independent woman for another slowpoke i dont even know.

My mom has said if i go ahead I wont have her blessings in the marriage and that i have been jazed. I used to think moms will be happy that their son wants to start a family but mine has made it harder for me. I know parents want the best for their children but this is a tall oder for me.


Hauwa's Point of View
Hauwa is already feeling rejected about the whole saga and has asked me to keep peace with my mom. She says she undestands moms are protective. She handeled it well with maturity. I delibratelty asked her to visit my mom from the begining of the relationship so that they can familiarize with themselves but my mom wont accept her. Hauwa is saying it will be difficult emotionally for us if our relationship and marriage is not accepted.


Mom's Point of View
The first reason my mom gave is that Hauwa is Igala while we are okun (i have introduced my mom to an Okun lady in the past she said our village doesnt marry from Yagba, I also introduced her to another youruba lady she said the lady parents are not together so she wont keep a home).
The second point my mom raised is that the lady is financially independent, makes money and drives a Jeep. (I have asked Hauwa about her financial status and I am convinced runs is not not her way cos she has elaborated on how she affords her lifestyle and its genuine).She also asked for the 4million she loaned me before I talk about marriage which I will. I asked her if she wants cash or a car and she said a benz. My plan is to get her an SUV before end of the year so i can focus on settling down next year. I am very lonely and tired of bachelor life. I want to settle down and start have kids not sleeping around like a fuckboy.


Family point of view
My family is very educated and well travelled so i dont understand why this issue is coming up. I am already processing visa for Hauwa cos i cant keep breaking my heart by ending relationships at her command just to to make her happy. My dad is neutral but he wont want to offend his wife so he might try and reason with her. My sisters have said they will support my chioce but I shouldnt complain if I make the wrong choice even tho my mom will try to convince my siblings not to give me any kind of emotional support.


My Question
What are the repercussions of going ahead with the marriage plans?? Has any man successfully gone against their moms wish and turned out happy??


NB: No one can change my moms mind, not my dad, not pastor, not her sister. on one because she will convince them she is right and tell them I am lying, that she has never rejected anyone except this person.
Please I dont want to give the impression that my mom is a bad person cos she has trained me in the right path and I have never lacked because of her. She is also very supportive and has provided everything and more at all times for all her children.

Please be kind to us cos im sending the link to Hauwa to read matured peoples opinion.

Cheers

Sorry for quoting everything. Your mom is not a bad person, she is just one of those women who like to control their sons forever.

You are afraid that something bad will happen if you go ahead and marry without her approval. Well, my elder bro got married 4 years ago, my parents didn't attend cos they did not approve of him marrying outside their church. He is happily married with 2 children.

You owe yourself a decision that makes you happy. if marrying hauwa feels like the smart choice, go ahead! If you leave Her, your mom will reject the next woman, and the next, until you at 40. If she doesn't want to bless the marriage, your father will.

Let Hauwa warm up to your father and siblings, let them see what you see in her. It will be everyone against your mum.

Oh and when you eventually marry, keep your mum and wife as far away as possible. else your mom might be trouble.

Finally nuclear family issagoal ..marry hauwa and find an apartment then move out with her n build ur new home...its all about ur happiness and not hers..people will blame u and not her if in the future u have a failed Marriage..

johndan103:
Background
I am 28 years old (will be 29 on the 18th Oct) and I am ready to go the family way. I have a lovely girlfirend lets call her Hauwa, she is 28 too (will be 29 March next year) and is emotionally matured and ready to settle down too, but the problem is my mom.


Statement of Problem
My mom gets irritated when I tell her i am ready to marry. She keeps hoping i dont get married soon saying i am ungrateful for all the care she has shown me. I have a Job and i have promised to do what I should do. But she said i must not marry the person i love. She has rejected every lady I have brought home. In fact she has never approved any relationship I have ever been in. Every lady i date is either a prostitute or a low life according to her.


More Details
She wants to match make for me. She is always talking about her friends daughters, so last year i tried to reason with her and allowed her to send me her choice (this was before my present relationship).
She sent the lady's number and i contacted the lady. Very rude lady who thinks being a medical student is the best thing that has happened since sliced bread. We didnt gel at all cos i feel she's too slow and not my type of woman, she also wasnt digging the match making thingy. The lady eventually told me she is in another relationship and i felt relieved. I told my mom and she said theres another medical student (daughter of another friend) of hers.



My Point of View
I am tired of her trying to match make me with her own opinion of the best choice for me. I love this lady I presently am dating to the moon and I cant see myself leaving a matured, humble and independent woman for another slowpoke i dont even know.

My mom has said if i go ahead I wont have her blessings in the marriage and that i have been jazed. I used to think moms will be happy that their son wants to start a family but mine has made it harder for me. I know parents want the best for their children but this is a tall oder for me.


Hauwa's Point of View
Hauwa is already feeling rejected about the whole saga and has asked me to keep peace with my mom. She says she undestands moms are protective. She handeled it well with maturity. I delibratelty asked her to visit my mom from the begining of the relationship so that they can familiarize with themselves but my mom wont accept her. Hauwa is saying it will be difficult emotionally for us if our relationship and marriage is not accepted.


Mom's Point of View
The first reason my mom gave is that Hauwa is Igala while we are okun (i have introduced my mom to an Okun lady in the past she said our village doesnt marry from Yagba, I also introduced her to another youruba lady she said the lady parents are not together so she wont keep a home).
The second point my mom raised is that the lady is financially independent, makes money and drives a Jeep. (I have asked Hauwa about her financial status and I am convinced runs is not not her way cos she has elaborated on how she affords her lifestyle and its genuine).She also asked for the 4million she loaned me before I talk about marriage which I will. I asked her if she wants cash or a car and she said a benz. My plan is to get her an SUV before end of the year so i can focus on settling down next year. I am very lonely and tired of bachelor life. I want to settle down and start have kids not sleeping around like a fuckboy.


Family point of view
My family is very educated and well travelled so i dont understand why this issue is coming up. I am already processing visa for Hauwa cos i cant keep breaking my heart by ending relationships at her command just to to make her happy. My dad is neutral but he wont want to offend his wife so he might try and reason with her. My sisters have said they will support my chioce but I shouldnt complain if I make the wrong choice even tho my mom will try to convince my siblings not to give me any kind of emotional support.


My Question
What are the repercussions of going ahead with the marriage plans?? Has any man successfully gone against their moms wish and turned out happy??


NB: No one can change my moms mind, not my dad, not pastor, not her sister. on one because she will convince them she is right and tell them I am lying, that she has never rejected anyone except this person.
Please I dont want to give the impression that my mom is a bad person cos she has trained me in the right path and I have never lacked because of her. She is also very supportive and has provided everything and more at all times for all her children.

Please be kind to us cos im sending the link to Hauwa to read matured peoples opinion.

Cheers

I can help but I don't want to talk here. I won't ask you to look for me or send me money. I will just tell you what can help if you apply this knowledge correctly.

To me at my age
My mom can't tell me who to marry
As far as we have dated and known
Our selves well enough to be for ever
You see that Hauwa of a girl, don't let her go

Try to keep distance with ur mom
And stop communicating with her

Get the girl pregnant !!
Also try to have your own home
U are old enough to be away
from family house.

Blessing or no blessing
All that you guys need is
Love and understanding .....

I believe you are already man enough to make decisions on your own.
It’s your life and whatever decision you make either good or bad, you gon suffer the consequences alone so go for whatever makes you happy.
And pray to God for sense of direction. If you both are meant for each other, everything else will eventually fall in place.

[quote author=johndan103 post=82762958]Background
I am 28 years old (will be 29 on the 18th Oct) and I am ready to go the family way. I have a lovely girlfirend lets call her Hauwa, she is 28 too (will be 29 March next year) and is emotionally matured and ready to settle down too, but the problem is my mom.


Statement of Problem
My mom gets irritated when I tell her i am ready to marry. She keeps hoping i dont get married soon saying i am ungrateful for all the care she has shown me. I have a Job and i have promised to do what I should do. But she said i must not marry the person i love. She has rejected every lady I have brought home. In fact she has never approved any relationship I have ever been in. Every lady i date is either a prostitute or a low life according to her.

Huh, bro this is thick. It clearly shows that ur mum is not ready to accept any lady now except her choice. Let be be truthful to you, even if you eventually marry her choice, she (ur mum) will still be at logger head with her. My advice, for now, discard the issue of marriage for now while you pray. She didn't want you to get married now, in her head she want to enjoy the fruit of her labour before one woman will come and hijack my son from me. Am talking from experience. If you are rich pamper her and don't discuss the issue of marriage with her and don't let her know ur date/fiancee, she will be the one to remind you of marriage.

You guys are both from Kogi state?

Let me not say what's on my mind

Most mothers are like that,they like to control their home and by extension,they surreptitiously like to control that of their children too..well,if it is a risk worth taking, you can go ahead.but be ready to defend Hauwa at all times,because even if she jumps into a pool,your mum will still accuse her of raising dust.. She can never be a good wife before your mother.shalom

Young man, you obviously are well read and matured, your family too is according to your statement. Your woman too is of the same intellectual capacity.

To be honest no one knows who will be the best person for us, not even us. In my opinion if "Hauwa" is half as good as you painted her then go ahead and tie the knot with or without your mom's consent. Let her know your decision and stand your ground. You don't necessarily need your mom's blessing to decide your choice of a partner and we only do it as mere courtesy and show of respect and appreciation. Ask her one question though....if in the future you and her choice of wife for you don't work out or something happens will she take full responsibility?

Secondly, bear in mind that you are responsible for anything that happens in your life, your parents might have brought you this far but you have to start living your life and stop worrying about pleasing her or anyone else.

Lastly, your mom won't be around forever, love and respect her for as long as you live and don't sever ties with her no matter what, remember the woman you're marrying will someday be a mother too.

All the best

AdemolaA2:


With due respect .. Okun women of Kogi state are like that ... one needs to be careful with them !!!

And dat is more reason why our parent detest marrying from another tribe. Hiw can a mother be so selfish to da extent? and u re here telling us ur mother is good

pls what is good in this?? a mother dat does nt listen to anybody whatsoever? nawa oh

If am the boy i wil just vacate the premises, find somewhere to pray it truly she's fetish about it as Rosarie has said and after dat i arrange my wedding with dos who are ready with me so far my papa put hand, afterall na papa ge the final say.

After three years i wil come bak to u to ask for ur forgiveness and blessing. by den u can not kuku pursue my wife away.

Case like this are not to be discussed
Outside the box
I mean don't take it to your kinsmen
Because if you do, u will give your mom
A bad remark

Mariangeles:

Now I see where the problem lies....you're not strong willed .
You're kinda weak and apologetic
Why would you even honour that comment with an explanation ?

He is a well behaved,nice gentleman naaaaa

Ain't that what you feminists want?

johndan103:


mmm

Bro, from all I can draw from your story is:
Your mom needs a woman she can control and manipulate at will.

At 28 you should be man enough to take charge of your life.
The era of parents sorting wives for their kids is over. This is 21st century, if you don't show her you're man enough to make your own decisions and ready to face whatever CONSEQUENCIES that might pop up.... she'll keep bending you to her will.

She married your dad and they lived happily ever after, let her know this your own life.
It's better you go against her will and marry a woman you'll be happy and comfortable with for the rest of your life, than bend to her will and marry a Disaster.

Man Up.

chii8:
She is just being a MOM,it seems you are the only son,you know other than this issue, your mum is nice.Make your mum miss you,no calls,no visits,reject anything from her,do that for sometime and see if she will come to herself,while at that always put a call to dad but don't call her...pretend you're ignoring her let's see.

Ehn !? If he does this, then the woman will hate the poor, innocent lady the more ...
She'll think her son is not married to the lady yet and she's already keeping him away from her.
OP, don't ever ignore your mum o !

lolybaby:
OKUN EGBON..our people hate that tribe with passion,infact some prefer to marry to yoruba instead of igala,beg your mum and then try to do something that can make her happy.

Pele Aburo!!!
What's wrong with igalas?
Is Okun not part of Yorubas?

pocohantas:
E remain make you type reference and appreciation, it'll become a fullblown final year project.

Maybe it is this your grammar that is making her refuse. She is probably not understanding you and your choices.

Must u be wicked with your comment. Lol

Anyway you just commented my mind.

@op. I am 38 years married to oyibo woman with 3 kids...

Let me go straight to the point. Your mom and mine got same mind but yours is over possessive cos I remember when I wanted getting married she always tell me whatever you do never marry any woman that is not Igbo woman.

When I met my wife my mom doesn't approve of it somehow cos she always make her stands clear ( marry Igbo woman) when I first got my first child na she dey rush me..

Second child ( please be teaching them Igbo language)

Third child ( she came for omugo)

So u see, in as much she doesn't like her but the way you handle things proves to her u a matured man who can make decisions and she will relax.

So my advice, sit your mom down, allow her to finish her mind and advices to you when she is done, tell her your mind and what makes u happy as a man

And by the way, your age is 28 and u marrying 28? I didn't say something is wrong there but trade with caution u will thank me one day.

luminouz:

He is a well behaved,nice gentleman naaaaa

Ain't that what you feminists want?

To every nairaland males, all females are feminist!
I'm a HUMANIST!

I would advise you to go with your heart. It's obvious your mum doesn't want you to settle down, for reasons *best* known to her.
There's something your mum is definitely hiding from you, and if you continue to make her take relationship decisions for you, then you might remain single until 58.


I wouldn't disrespect my mum if I were in your shoes, *neither would I get married to a weak and indecisive man, one that can't fight for what he wants*

Take your stance, follow your heart. She has lived her life, she should let you live yours peacefully.

Dear hauwa,
Mr poster had said it all the right way,
Dear poster,u have done ur best.dont ever let hauwa go,what u and hauwa would do is take ur relationship to God,this is the best u had ever been in that is why u cant afford to lose her,take it to ur pastor fast and pray the same prayer points together, God would see u thru in a month,i promise u. Kindly check my signature i have household properties to sell,please follow me i could be ur groomsman thanks stay blessed.

please nairaland.i need a job any job.i stay in abuja my phone number is 09033267284 my email address is asopada4@gmail.com