Having read through this thread https://www.nairaland.com/5459719/genotype-fiancee-what

I choose not to respond all through, but within me I know I have paddled this waters in the past and presently swimming against its tides now.

My case is very similar to his, I loved my girl so dearly she is everything I wanted all through, we were what everyone one in the university wanted to be as Lovers. She is my first Love, but I was ever strong, never falling sickly, so I assumed I was AA.

Then after school we came for masters together, then she got a job before me, I decided to take up a driving job and progress for a PhD while we plan our marriage.

Heaven smiled on me and I had a minor break in my finances, started marriage rights, the unthinkable was revealed and I was told I am AS.

I choose to ignore it and progress, people pressured me against my will and told me different reasons I must not progress. I succum, but I could not face her to tell her I can't go ahead with our marriage, so I went AWOL (my mistake).

It was easy to get into another relationship cos I was ok to an extent, but I never loved this person and I promise you she is a good Lady but I just can't bring myself to love her or any other person till date.

People say love grows, I strongly disagree, in as much as it is impossible to love two persons equally, you can't have true love for two persons.

Till date I have not been able to get the same love I once shared with her.

So choose whom Yee will serve in marriage, LoVe or Children.

Just me, I didn't say this should be for everyone ooo.

Okay.

Kpele!

Hmmm, just like you I refrained from commenting too because I wondered why a grown Human that had seen/heard of products of the AS/AS marriages would ever think of creating one!

For you, even though you left on such a bad note, you should be thankful that it never happened. That love you continued to carry as you remembered it to be would have taken another form if you went ahead with the marriage. Just see it as a gift from nature....it could have been worse.

To further convince yourself that you did the right thing, take a trip around the hospitals that cater for the SS carriers and also find families that have them. Try to see for yourself the effect on both the children and the parents. It is well, may God help the world. I

I am in the same dilemma right now. We both agree to continue and get married. She would be discussing the genotype with her father for the first time. If the father consent, we plan to go ahead. But I doubt the father would consent as he is very conscious of the effect.

gotaheart:
I am in the same dilemma right now. We both agree to continue and get married. She would be discussing the genotype with her father for the first time. If the father consent, we plan to go ahead. But I doubt the father would consent as he is very conscious of the effect.

Sorry about the whole thing. Its really not worth it. Don't be selfish. The first time a friend had her crisis around me...I wished I had the cure or could transfer some of my blood to her to make her whole. It was dreadful...I couldn't stop crying. She was in so much pain. It is well.

sisisioge:
Hmmm, just like you I refrained from commenting too because I wondered why a grown Human that had seen/heard of products of the AS/AS marriages would ever think of creating one!

For you, even though you left on such a bad note, you should be thankful that it never happened. That love you continued to carry as you remembered it to be would have taken another form if you went ahead with the marriage. Just see it as a gift from nature....it could have been worse.

To further convince yourself that you did the right thing, take a trip around the hospitals that cater for the SS carriers and also find families that have them. Try to see for yourself the effect on both the children and the parents. It is well, may God help the world. I

As nice as this sounds, we live in pain of silence and an endless search for love in mirage

Boo hoo you will get over it, I got over mine, unless you enjoy watching people go through pain and urning cash too.

afoife:


As nice as this sounds, we live in pain of silence and an endless search for love in mirage

Love will find you eventually, just try to open your heart. It appears your ex is still very much occupying the largest share.

By the way, try to seek her out to give her closure. Meeting her again may help you sort your feelings. I hope she's moved on too. Good luck.

One last thing, all your SS and AS should make it a point to share the information upfront when meeting potential spouses. That way, you wouldn't have spent time nurturing unnecessary relationships.

/...

Love conquers All, those are the words of God.
So inconclusively, Love > Genotype

afoife:
Having read through this thread https://www.nairaland.com/5459719/genotype-fiancee-what

I choose not to respond all through, but within me I know I have paddled this waters in the past and presently swimming against its tides now.

My case is very similar to his, I loved my girl so dearly she is everything I wanted all through, we were what everyone one in the university wanted to be as Lovers. She is my first Love, but I was ever strong, never falling sickly, so I assumed I was AA.

Then after school we came for masters together, then she got a job before me, I decided to take up a driving job and progress for a PhD while we plan our marriage.

Heaven smiled on me and I had a minor break in my finances, started marriage rights, the unthinkable was revealed and I was told I am AS.

I choose to ignore it and progress, people pressured me against my will and told me different reasons I must not progress. I succum, but I could not face her to tell her I can't go ahead with our marriage, so I went AWOL (my mistake).

It was easy to get into another relationship cos I was ok to an extent, but I never loved this person and I promise you she is a good Lady but I just can't bring myself to love her or any other person till date.

People say love grows, I strongly disagree, in as much as it is impossible to love two persons equally, you can't have true love for two persons.

Till date I have not been able to get the same love I once shared with her.

So choose whom Yee will serve in marriage, LoVe or Children.

Just me, I didn't say this should be for everyone ooo.

Good for you.Yes,you missed someone you loved but the pain experienced in a family with an SS child will throw that love away.You really need to visit a hospital to see.

Greatzeus:
Love conquers All, those are the words of God.
So inconclusively, Love > Genotype

Love indeed conquer all

gotaheart:
I am in the same dilemma right now. We both agree to continue and get married. She would be discussing the genotype with her father for the first time. If the father consent, we plan to go ahead. But I doubt the father would consent as he is very conscious of the effect.

If I were the father,I'll give her a hard knock on the head,then invite you over and give you a hard knock too.
You guys don't know what the experience is.
You know Eucharia Anunobi,the Nollywood actress?
I saw her go through all the experience she had with her only child/son.They were in and out of the hospital frequently.Her husband abandoned her(guess the health issue contributed).She eventually lost the son as a teenager.Imagine that's her only child and she is over 50yrs.
Not worth it.

thorpido:
If I were the father,I'll give her a hard knock on the head,then invite you over and give you a hard knock too.
You guys don't know what the experience is.
You know Eucharia Anunobi,the Nollywood actress?
I saw her go through all the experience she had with her only child/son.They were in and out of the hospital frequently.Her husband abandoned her(guess the health issue contributed).She eventually lost the son as a teenager.Imagine that's her only child and she is over 50yrs.
Not worth it.

Hunm this is deep

.

I always preach to my friends that they should ask questions b4 going deeper in any relationship especially the ones that are AS, it is not worth the heart break when it's discovered in the end, it is good to love but use your head too, Pele Op, open your mind and heart, God will never give us what will give us pain, she is not your soul mate, your soul mate is still out there, just free your heart bro, it is well.

I’m probably in the minority but reading the comments on this thread, it is indeed true Nigerians don’t marry for love and companionship. They ONLY marry to create children and continue their progeny. Here I see people marry even if one has an inheritable disease, they just won’t have a child together. To them marriage is about love and companionship first and if they decide to raise children they use a sperm or an egg donor.

I can never forgo an opportunity to live out the rest of my life with someone I love.

afoife:
Having read through this thread https://www.nairaland.com/5459719/genotype-fiancee-what

I choose not to respond all through, but within me I know I have paddled this waters in the past and presently swimming against its tides now.

My case is very similar to his, I loved my girl so dearly she is everything I wanted all through, we were what everyone one in the university wanted to be as Lovers. She is my first Love, but I was ever strong, never falling sickly, so I assumed I was AA.

Then after school we came for masters together, then she got a job before me, I decided to take up a driving job and progress for a PhD while we plan our marriage.

Heaven smiled on me and I had a minor break in my finances, started marriage rights, the unthinkable was revealed and I was told I am AS.

I choose to ignore it and progress, people pressured me against my will and told me different reasons I must not progress. I succum, but I could not face her to tell her I can't go ahead with our marriage, so I went AWOL (my mistake).

It was easy to get into another relationship cos I was ok to an extent, but I never loved this person and I promise you she is a good Lady but I just can't bring myself to love her or any other person till date.

People say love grows, I strongly disagree, in as much as it is impossible to love two persons equally, you can't have true love for two persons.

Till date I have not been able to get the same love I once shared with her.

So choose whom Yee will serve in marriage, LoVe or Children.

Just me, I didn't say this should be for everyone ooo.

If you had gone ahead to marry her, you will be surprised that the 'love' will not be able to withstand the and and trauma your situation would have brought. Trust me, love FADES a . . . . and there are soooo many love killers in marriage.

Also, you WILL love again . . . a solid marriage creates an opportunity for love to thrive. I also did not marry the person I wanted because of the AS issue. I thought I will never love again the way I loved him. I thought you can only experience such love once in your life. But I was wrong.

You see if you marry someone chosen by God, (not by your own definition of 'love' oh) . . . You will experience love in your marriage like you've never known.

So take it from someone who has been in your position and chose healthy children . . . that is the BEST choice you can ever make!

I have children now, healthy children . . and when I look at them, my heart is over-flowing with love. Imagine if one of them had the SS syndrome? I'm not sure the love I had for my ex would have survived that.

Sorry OP, you will be fine. Just give it time. You made the right decision to let the relationship go. With time you will find someone you love completely also . Just don’t waste time in future asking partners their genotype and GOING for tests before even entering a relationship. Some people lie about their genotype if they really want to get married.

gotaheart:
I am in the same dilemma right now. We both agree to continue and get married. She would be discussing the genotype with her father for the first time. If the father consent, we plan to go ahead. But I doubt the father would consent as he is very conscious of the effect.

Think about the pain you'll put your kids through, the trauma. It ain't worth it.

UjuJoan2:


If you had gone ahead to marry her, you will be surprised that the 'love' will not be able to withstand the and and trauma your situation would have brought. Trust me, love FADES a . . . . and there are soooo many love killers in marriage.

Also, you WILL love again . . . a solid marriage creates an opportunity for love to thrive. I also did not marry the person I wanted because of the AS issue. I thought I will never love again the way I loved him. I thought you can only experience such love once in your life. But I was wrong.

You see if you marry someone chosen by God, (not by your own definition of 'love' oh) . . . You will experience love in your marriage like you've never known.

So take it from someone who has been in your position and chose healthy children . . . that is the BEST choice you can ever make!

I have children now, healthy children . . and when I look at them, my heart is over-flowing with love. Imagine if one of them had the SS syndrome? I'm not sure the love I had for my ex would have survived that.

You speak sense

The first time i found out I'm AS, I was so, so down. I have always believed I was AA, may be because I don't easily fall sick or weak.

I can stay a whole year without taking any drugs or visit the hospital and I carry out rigorous activities most times.

Each time I remember I'll have to look for an AA to have anything serious to do with, I just get angry automatically.

Funny thing is most people think they are AA because they are strong. They've never really taken time to go and test their genotype. They just believe they are AA.

Go and find out your genotype today.

gotaheart:
I am in the same dilemma right now. We both agree to continue and get married. She would be discussing the genotype with her father for the first time. If the father consent, we plan to go ahead. But I doubt the father would consent as he is very conscious of the effect.

Before i sleep tonite,i will pray that her father doesnt give you guys consent.

Love gbakwa oku!

24kmagic:
The first time i found out I'm AS, I was so, so down. I have always believed I was AA, may be because I don't easily fall sick or weak.

I can stay a whole year without taking any drugs or visit the hospital and I carry out rigorous activities most times.

Each time I remember I'll have to look for an AA to have anything serious to do with, I just get angry automatically.

Funny thing is most people think they are AA because they are strong. They've never really taken time to go and test their genotype. They just believe they are AA.

Go and find out your genotype today.

Better do than regrets

Respect to those this affects directly. But like I said in some other thread, there really is no reason to abandon such love. As long as we can get it into our heads that an adopted child is as much our child as one we concieve and give birth to, there really is no reason to abandon worthy love.

Have you thought about adoption? Have you both discussed it?

Wrong audience.

LewsTherin:
Respect to those this affects directly. But like I said in some other thread, there really is no reason to abandon such love. As long as we can get it into our heads that an adopted child is as much our child as one we concieve and give birth to, there really is no reason to abandon worthy love.

Have you thought about adoption? Have you both discussed it?

LewsTherin:
Respect to those this affects directly. But like I said in some other thread, there really is no reason to abandon such love. As long as we can get it into our heads that an adopted child is as much our child as one we concieve and give birth to, there really is no reason to abandon worthy love.

Have you thought about adoption? Have you both discussed it?

Element of truth

afoife:


As nice as this sounds, we live in pain of silence and an endless search for love in mirage

U simply don't want to move on.
If she is dead, won't u continue?

There is nothing like one true love. U can love more than once and enjoy the benefits of loving.

When u give birth to an ss child as Nigerians don't like adoption or surrogacy, the so called love will die quickly with each agonising trip to the hospital, seeing your child helpless and u can't do anything about it. Remember actress eucheria anunobi?, don't she have the money?
But money couldn't save her only child. It will deplete your account.
U will always be alert cos anything can happen.
Seeing your wife cry always because of your sick child, can u do that? Will u still be the same?

My dear, when it comes to long term plan involving family and health, use your brain, not your heart.
Live with an ss person first then come back and tell us about love.

LewsTherin:
Respect to those this affects directly. But like I said in some other thread, there really is no reason to abandon such love. As long as we can get it into our heads that an adopted child is as much our child as one we concieve and give birth to, there really is no reason to abandon worthy love.

Have you thought about adoption? Have you both discussed it?

They hardly think of alternatives. For each family that I have met who has an ss child, I don't see love anymore but blame and blame. Eucharia Anùnobi's husband couldn't handle their child's condition and left the marriage. The boy died not long ago. Her only child.

A Nigerian woman might like to go for adoption but how many healthy Nigerian men will want to do that?
Let's say he will agree to that. What about his family? Will they let her rest?
The man will start sowing his seed outside and that is how children will start popping out from all corners. The wife may end up outside with the adopted kids while the kids he eventually had with an aa lady will take over with their mum and his family will endorse 100%. And this will be the end of love
Are u not a Nigerian

sassysure:


They hardly think of alternatives. For each family that I have met who has an ss child, I don't see love anymore but blame and blame. Eucharia Anùnobi's husband couldn't handle their child's condition and left the marriage. The boy died not long ago. Her only child.

A Nigerian woman might like to go for adoption but how many healthy Nigerian men will want to do that?
Let's say he will agree to that. What about his family? Will they let her rest?
The man will start sowing his seed outside and that is how children will start popping out from all corners. The wife may end up outside with the adopted kids while the kids he eventually had with an aa lady will take over with their mum and his family will endorse 100%. And this will be the end of love
Are u not a Nigerian

Personally, I never choose to believe that "the other person" in a relationship is going to throw me under the bus one day. If I'm going to marry someone, I should have a good enough idea as to the person's personality, and what the person is capable of.

My uncle has adopted 3 kids so far. We his family are not breathing down his wife's neck. They are a happy comfortable family. And we are all Nigerian. Heck my Uncle to all intents and purposes lives in the "village". No one is bothering him.

So that generalisation is inacurate.

LewsTherin:


Personally, I never choose to believe that "the other person" in a relationship is going to throw me under the bus one day. If I'm going to marry someone, I should have a good enough idea as to the person's personality, and what the person is capable of.

My uncle has adopted 3 kids so far. We his family are not breathing down his wife's neck. They are a happy comfortable family. And we are all Africans. Heck my Uncle to all intents and purposes lives in the "village". No one is bothering him.

So that generalisation is inacurate.

That's very surprising. If he and the wife are sickle carriers, then he is an unique man and should be applauded.
With the way women are always accused and treated in marriage as regards child issue, even when a man is at fault,one has to be very sceptical in entering such union eyes wide open.
If up to 10% can behave like your uncle, why not.

I have always advocated for surrogacy and adoption when there is need for it but we know how toxic it that is to our ears.

sassysure:

That's very surprising. If he and the wife are sickle carriers, then he is an unique man and should be applauded.
With the way women are always accused and treated in marriage as regards child issue, even when a man is at fault,one has to be very sceptical in entering such union eyes wide open.
If up to 10% can behave like your uncle, why not.

I have always advocated for surrogacy and adoption when there is need for it but we know how toxic it that is to our ears.

Sir, you forget the world we live in is gradually becoming fluid