yeyeosoronga:


Hasn't he been picking your calls?
Then send him text messages to check up on him.
Its not that serious. perhaps he just needs some time to himself.
Continue living your own life and look for ways to keep improving.

Need time for himself since 2004?? Toh but we need our brother back

@OP
It is shocking how you have downplayed the huge contribution your brother has made to your lives.He is your sibling and not your parent and yet he was paying fees, giving money for business and he even gave a car.You even said he did not deprive himself of anything to make these sacrifices.No wonder he avoids all of you.

You are saying no one is asking for money or anything but your posts are saying otherwise: 1. you have mentioned that people wonder why your brother works in shell and you an engineer in a hospital
2. You have said your elder brother is not moving. 3. He wanted to marry and did not receive any support from your family but got criticism on top of it.

Let's not kid ourselves here, once he let's you all in, the requests will start piling in.

It is extremely off putting and creates strains in relationships.

Maybe your brother cut you all off so he and his nuclear family can progress, i imagine if he kept carrying you all, he would be stuck catering to you forever and depriving his family of the kind of lifestyle appropriate.

The fact that he would rather render assistance to strangers than to you all speaks volumes and reinforces the fact that he must see you all as life draining and toxic to his well being.

Fortunately, relationships cannot be forced. Pour your energy into making yourself rich too and focus on your own family.

johnmba:


Bros am not asking him to bring me to shell. I wrote shell test severally and I know I passed because I wrote their IT test and I passed. I did my IT there too.

The issue is what do we do to bring him close as a brother. It hurts when you cannot relate with your brother but you see him relating well with others.

The way you write about him here says otherwise. I wouldn't want to relate with you either if i had a sibling like you.

Goodluck to your family.

madridguy:
Is your mum still alive?

Yes. He hardly call or pick her call. When she call he tells her he is in a meeting and will not call back. My mom does not call to ask for money because she was working but retired now

CanadianNaija:


The way you write about him here says otherwise. I wouldn't want to relate with you either if i had a sibling like you.

Goodluck to your family.

Thank you

Creamcustard:
@OP
It is shocking how you have downplayed the huge contribution your brother has made to your lives.He is your sibling and not your parent and yet he was paying fees, giving money for business and he even gave a car.You even said he did not deprive himself of anything to make these sacrifices.No wonder he avoids all of you.

Tell am! Maybe OP expects people to follow him and demonize the brother.

God knows how lonely the poor man must be, and what he must have experienced to make him keep everybody at arm's length.

johnmba:


Thank you

what do u think is your brothers salary range 15m per anum ?

ahiboilandgas:
what do u think is your brothers salary range 15m per anum ?

Read my post. We don't care how much he earns. We want our brother back.

johnmba:


Read my post. We don't care how much he earns. We want our brother back.

Does he send money to his parents

If you want a relationship with him, his mother is the best person to make him have that relationship if her actions are clean. Some mothers use emotions and sentiments to manipulate and pressure their children into taking care of the others you know. If he senses that, then that’s why he’s avoiding her. Mothers know their children well and know how to manipulate each one.

It’s really only his mother that can bring him back, if she keeps on track with just wanting her children to have a good relationship. Let her start by sending him daily WhatsApp prayers first and messages. He will get exhausted and reach out.

When I am fighting my siblings they use my mother to settle it. She’s relentless and can kill you with prayer and WhatsApp forwards . I give up eventually

Creamcustard:
@OP
It is shocking how you have downplayed the huge contribution your brother has made to your lives.He is your sibling and not your parent and yet he was paying fees, giving money for business and he even gave a car.You even said he did not deprive himself of anything to make these sacrifices.No wonder he avoids all of you.

You are saying no one is asking for money or anything but your posts are saying otherwise: 1. you have mentioned that people wonder why your brother works in shell and you an engineer in a hospital
2. You have said your elder brother is not moving. 3. He wanted to marry and did not receive any support from your family but got criticism on top of it.

Let's not kid ourselves here, once he let's you all in, the requests will start piling in.

It is extremely off putting and creates strains in relationships.

Maybe your brother cut you all off so he and his nuclear family can progress, i imagine if he kept carrying you all, he would be stuck catering to you forever and depriving his family of the kind of lifestyle appropriate.

The fact that he would rather render assistance to strangers than to you all speaks volumes and reinforces the fact that he must see you all as life draining and toxic to his well being.

Fortunately, relationships cannot be forced. Pour your energy into making yourself rich too and focus on your own family.

Thanks for this. The deprive statement was taken out of context.

johnmba:


Read my post. We don't care how much he earns. We want our brother back.

Na by force? Leave the man alone

Ok...so glad to read the end part because the brother does not owe any of you money o. Anyways, since you guys are self sufficient and do not need his money, the best way to bring him back would be to prove this to him without being condescending. In fact, call him up or hang out with him and relate same. Good luck.

To people who like to have plenty children, see how the kids could easily grow apart as everyone would be forming caucus. 7 children! It is well.

baby124:

Does he send money to his parents

Yes once in 6 months or once in a year

This is serious. I think your mom has keep silence over this matter for long. This is the time for her to get into real prayer. I mean real prayer to God to wake your brother from slumber.

johnmba:


Yes. He hardly call or pick her call. When she call he tells her he is in a meeting and will not call back. My mom does not call to ask for money because she was working but retired now

@johnmba

I noticed you said the change started once he got married 15 years ago and also went on to slate the wife's background.

Are you trying to blame his wife for the change in behaviour?

You all rejected and criticised someone he loves and he stood up for her.Some men do not tolerate things like that and your brother is clearly one of them.They have been married for 15 years ,hopefully happily which shows he probably made the right decision for himself.

You cannot seek a relationship with him without mending fences with her.

One of the reasons why he is not associating with you is the treatment meted out to her by you all if i'm to go by what you wrote.Perhaps you should start from there and eat the humble pie.

He does not even associate with his own parents, even his mother..what did you guys do to him/his wife that caused him to dissociate to this extent? It can't be as simple as you painted it.

Some people once they turn their backs on you, depending on their grievances would never ever reconsider, sadly that is how life is.

johnmba:


Yes once in 6 months or once in a year

A sufficient amount I suppose? Well he’s doing his duty as a child to his parents. Seriously, they are who he owes anything. He’s one of their 7 children. He obviously loves and remembers them. Did they complain that the money is small?

sisisioge:
Ok...so glad to read the end part because the brother does not owe any of you money o. Anyways, since you guys are self sufficient and do not need his money, the best way to bring him back would be to prove this to him without being condescending. In fact, call him up or hang out with him and relate same. Good luck.

To people who like to have plenty children, see how the kids could easily grow apart as everyone would be forming caucus. 7 children! It is well.

Thank you.

He is fun to be with. We miss him and want him back

baby124:

A sufficient amount I suppose? Well he’s doing his duty as a child to his parents. Seriously, they are who he owes anything. He’s one of their 7 children. He obviously loves and remembers them. Did they complain that the money is small?

My parents are not interested in money. They are concerned about our relationship as a family. My mum said if we are like this when they are alive what will happen when they die.

They too want him back

johnmba:


My parents are not interested in money. They are concerned about our relationship as a family. My mum said if we are like this when they are alive what will happen when they die.

They too want him back

Then they should call him home and talk to him without any of you siblings.

Creamcustard:
@johnmba

I noticed you said the change started once he got married 15 years ago and also went on to slate the wife's background.

Are you trying to blame his wife for the change in behaviour?

You all rejected and criticised someone he loves and he stood up for her.Some men do not tolerate things like that and your brother is clearly one of them.They have been married for 15 years ,hopefully happily which shows he probably made the right decision for himself.

You cannot seek a relationship with him without mending fences with her.

One of the reasons why he is not associating with you is the treatment meted out to her by you all if i'm to go by what you wrote.Perhaps you should start from there and eat the humble pie.

He does not even associate with his own parents, even his mother..what did you guys do to him/his wife that caused him to dissociate to this extent? It can't be as simple as you painted it.

Some people once they turn their backs on you, depending on their grievances would never ever reconsider, sadly that is how life is.

Thank you.

Creamcustard:
@johnmba

I noticed you said the change started once he got married 15 years ago and also went on to slate the wife's background.

Are you trying to blame his wife for the change in behaviour?

You all rejected and criticised someone he loves and he stood up for her.Some men do not tolerate things like that and your brother is clearly one of them.They have been married for 15 years ,hopefully happily which shows he probably made the right decision for himself.

You cannot seek a relationship with him without mending fences with her.

One of the reasons why he is not associating with you is the treatment meted out to her by you all if i'm to go by what you wrote.Perhaps you should start from there and eat the humble pie.

He does not even associate with his own parents, even his mother..what did you guys do to him/his wife that caused him to dissociate to this extent? It can't be as simple as you painted it.

Some people once they turn their backs on you, depending on their grievances would never ever reconsider, sadly that is how life is.

Thank you.
Pls how do I go about this. We relate with the wife well.

madridguy:
This is serious. I think your mom has keep silence over this matter for long. This is the time for her to get into real prayer. I mean real prayer to God to wake your brother from slumber.

Thank you bro

johnmba:


Bros am not asking him to bring me to shell. I wrote shell test severally and I know I passed because I wrote their IT test and I passed. I did my IT there too.

The issue is what do we do to bring him close as a brother. It hurts when you cannot relate with your brother but you see him relating well with others.

You are saying two different things. Is it the money you want or the brotherly relationship. If it's the money, please leave him alone, if its brotherly relationship, you can continue checking up on him. Do not expect anything from anyone. My dad works in Chevron and he still finds it hard to put me there and I understand because i work in a multinational and everything is on merit.

If he sees you are not asking him for money, he will be free with you. If you also claim to have money why are you still collecting money form him to eat. Also leave his wife out of this.

You welcome bro, i don't know where people get the orientation of " leave your brother alone "

johnmba:


Thank you bro

CanadianNaija:


Tell am! Maybe OP expects people to follow him and demonize the brother.

God knows how lonely the poor man must be, and what he must have experienced to make him keep everybody at arm's length.

He is lonely because one of my aunties said he told her that we don't relate with him or carry him along. But honestly when you call him it's usually a one way conversation.

Me: good afternoon brother
Him: good afternoon
Me: how is the family
Him: fine. Will call you back .


And he will not call again for one year. Even when you call back it's the same line above

CanadianNaija:


The way you write about him here says otherwise. I wouldn't want to relate with you either if i had a sibling like you.

Goodluck to your family.

Same here.

johnmba:
Fellow NL . Am bringing this issue to seek advice.

I come from a family of 7, we are all graduates except the first son who is into business. The second son is very very rich,he works with a big multinational company.

When we were growing up he hardly play with us the younger ones but he was close to the first son. But he totally changed after he got married 15years ago. Though our parents did not initially support his marriage because of the girls background (her father died and the mum went back to her house with the daughter) and her character too. My brother got angry and said nobody should visit him or ask him for money. He used to help us in school.

Later my parents accepted and gave their support but since then my brothers attitude towards us really changed. Each time I visit him , he does not give me money in the presence of the wife. Also he usually give me money to go and eat outside because she hardly cook.

The way he talks to the first son is degrading and he hardly pick our calls. The first son business is not moving at all but he does not care though he has given him money and car some years back and they don't talk to each other again. On several occasions people have told the third son why his brother refused to help his family. They said he helps people alot in the multinational company and he is a very nice guy.

Please what do we do? I don't want this separation to continue till death.. Our children are watching and I want us to relate as brothers and sisters.

Nb.
Nobody is calling him to ask for money. Am an engineer but works in a hospital. All we want is that brotherly love. Since I finished school I have not asked him for money likewise some of my siblings.

How do we bring him back

Two things are behind you story, is either the wife and her family has used juju to turn his face against his relation or he belongs to a cult were he sworn an aoat not to help his siblings and relation. The solution is compulory family liberation by a true man of God. May God liberate your home.

Blackfinegirl:


You are saying two different things. Is it the money you want or the brotherly relationship. If it's the money, please leave him alone, if its brotherly relationship, you can continue checking up on him. Do not expect anything from anyone. My dad works in Chevron and he still finds it hard to put me there and I understand because i work in a multinational and everything is on merit.

If he sees you are not asking him for money, he will be free with you. If you also claim to have money why are you still collecting money form him to eat. Also leave his wife out of this.

@bolded....I don't collect money from him.
I have my 3 kids and they are all good

All we want is how to bring him back

This is an existential crisis that has been left to fester for years, however, it can be resolved.

Apparently, a lot of the commentators didn’t read the post in its entirety or just read to reply.

OP isn’t interested in his money but establishing family bonds with him, especially for the sake of the younger generation.

Handling this issue requires a multi-faceted approach. Professional counseling, intentional forgiveness and forgetting the past, parental involvement and honest conversations, prayer, wisdom and understanding.

deleson:
This is an existential crisis that has been left to fester for years, however, it can be resolved.

Apparently, a lot of the commentators didn’t read the post in its entirety or just read to reply.

OP isn’t interested in his money but establishing family bonds with him, especially for the sake of the younger generation.

Handling this issue requires a multi-faceted approach. Professional counseling, intentional forgiveness and forgetting the past, parental involvement and honest conversations, prayer, wisdom and understanding.

Thank you bro. Pls how do I go about it

This is a common occurrence in families with many siblings. At least one person becomes angry or resentful and begins to withdraw from the others

You have to sit down with him one-to-one and open up to him about the distance you are perceiving

You might have to do this more than 2 or 3 times before he will open up.

If you guys are the type of family with a hierarchy then get the ones closer to his age to do it. Be prepared to face some harsh truths from him too about the way he perceives you guys' relationship

By the way just because he's your brother it doesnt mean he cant be arrogant or conceited. To an extent if somebody looks down on you then you have to leave them to themselves, even if that person is your own brother