midnighter:
This is a common occurrence in families with many siblings. At least one person becomes angry or resentful and begins to withdraw from the others

You have to sit down with him one-to-one and open up to him about the distance you are perceiving

You might have to do this more than 2 or 3 times before he will open up.

If you guys are the type of family with a hierarchy then get the ones closer to his age to do it. Be prepared to face some harsh truth from him too about the way he perceives you guys' relationship

Thank you. God bless you

baby124:
Well... the fact that he works with a multinational company does not mean he is rich. People know how to easily estimate other people’s earnings and expenses. I understand you need help from your brother but don’t automatically assume that he is rich. He’s just a salary earner my dear. He probably can not afford to take up all this responsibility and that’s why he did not even start.

It’s your parents duty to take care of you all and your brother is only obligated to chip in when he can. Problems of 5-8 people on one persons head is enough for him to run away. If na you nko? You think he doesn’t have expenses for his own family Don’t blame the wife, blame your parents for not carrying out their responsibility adequately. Wife is trying to make sure her kids don’t experience what you people are experiencing.

Does your brother send money to your parents, if he does then he’s trying. Nothing is stopping you from reaching out to him to say hello and visiting him. Your parents can also talk to him to be closer to the family. I think he has run away because he cannot shoulder all the problems and I don’t blame him. He has a wife and kids to care for. If something happens to him tomorrow, after he has spent all his money on your problems. Will you take care of his children and their problems? Are you financially capable?

Whether the wife cooks or she doesn’t is not your business. Your brother did not complain so why did you go to their house to abuse their privacy with gossip? You see why sometimes people prevent others from coming into their home? The wife cannot estrange her husband from his family if he doesn’t want to be estranged.

Exactly.

baby124:
Well... the fact that he works with a multinational company does not mean he is rich. People know how to easily estimate other people’s earnings and expenses. I understand you need help from your brother but don’t automatically assume that he is rich. He’s just a salary earner my dear. He probably can not afford to take up all this responsibility and that’s why he did not even start.

It’s your parents duty to take care of you all and your brother is only obligated to chip in when he can. Problems of 5-8 people on one persons head is enough for him to run away. If na you nko? You think he doesn’t have expenses for his own family Don’t blame the wife, blame your parents for not carrying out their responsibility adequately. Wife is trying to make sure her kids don’t experience what you people are experiencing.

Does your brother send money to your parents, if he does then he’s trying. Nothing is stopping you from reaching out to him to say hello and visiting him. Your parents can also talk to him to be closer to the family. I think he has run away because he cannot shoulder all the problems and I don’t blame him. He has a wife and kids to care for. If something happens to him tomorrow, after he has spent all his money on your problems. Will you take care of his children and their problems? Are you financially capable?

Whether the wife cooks or she doesn’t is not your business. Your brother did not complain so why did you go to their house to abuse their privacy with gossip? You see why sometimes people prevent others from coming into their home? The wife cannot estrange her husband from his family if he doesn’t want to be estranged.

I had to explain to give you background of what happened at the early stage.

But we have good relationship with the wife now.

You sound as if we are begging him money. Nobody is begging him for money.

By the grace of God am feeding more than 10 people and I have people on payroll monthly.

What am asking is how to establish the family bond again

johnmba:
Fellow NL . Am bringing this issue to seek advice.

I come from a family of 7, we are all graduates except the first son who is into business. The second son is very very rich,he works with a big multinational company.

When we were growing up he hardly play with us the younger ones but he was close to the first son. But he totally changed after he got married 15years ago. Though our parents did not initially support his marriage because of the girls background (her father died and the mum went back to her house with the daughter) and her character too. My brother got angry and said nobody should visit him or ask him for money. He used to help us in school.

Later my parents accepted and gave their support but since then my brothers attitude towards us really changed. Each time I visit him , he does not give me money in the presence of the wife. Also he usually give me money to go and eat outside because she hardly cook.

The way he talks to the first son is degrading and he hardly pick our calls. The first son business is not moving at all but he does not care though he has given him money and car some years back and they don't talk to each other again. On several occasions people have told the third son why his brother refused to help his family. They said he helps people alot in the multinational company and he is a very nice guy.

Please what do we do? I don't want this separation to continue till death.. Our children are watching and I want us to relate as brothers and sisters.

Nb.
Nobody is calling him to ask for money. Am an engineer but works in a hospital. All we want is that brotherly love. Since I finished school I have not asked him for money likewise some of my siblings.

How do we bring him back

I think it's more than what you wrote up here...a crisis or badly managed dispute apparently led to this present resentment.
Get people he respects alot involved, you may also involve your parents.
You need to act fast also before it becomes irredeemable.

It's well!

madridguy:
Is your mum still alive?

I keep laughing at people saying the OP should leave his brother alone and work for himself.

To me, in life we all need someone to lean on to climb our own ladder. A good example is Linda Ikeji, may God continue to bless her. I believe she hustle her way alone, but immediately she got to the top she never neglected her siblings. God bless her more.

I'm sure we all have different background and upbringing but none of my siblings can do this. We have community training and my father of blessed memory used to ring it to our ears before he passed on. He used to say, i pray you all get to the top, but you all cannot get there at once, but whoever get there first must make sure he/she help others. This is our motor in my own family.

Thank you brother. Your posts give me hope

IFELEKE:

I think it's more than what you wrote up here...a crisis or badly managed dispute apparently led to this present resentment.
Get people he respects alot involved, you may also involve your parents.
You need to act fast also before it becomes irredeemable.

It's well!

Thank you. Will add this to the list of what to do

johnmba:


Thank you. God bless you

From your post, his withdrawal started since his marital choice. I advise the family, siblings and parents, begin to show his wife love. You can't have your brother's ears when he still feels you all hate his wife.

johnmba:


We don't depend on him for money. We are all hustling our own but he is our brother. I don't call him to ask for money but I should be able to call my own blood brother and talk with him.

It seems you want to force him to respond to you, you will fail because he's an adult who has made his decision. Face your life, if he decides to remember later on that he has siblings then fine, if not, allow him

peeps4u:

From your post, his withdrawal started since his marital choice. I advise the family, siblings and parents, begin to show his wife love. You can't have your brother's ears when he still feels you all hate his wife.

All these happened in the past. We relate very well with his wife now.

Creamcustard:
@johnmba

I noticed you said the change started once he got married 15 years ago and also went on to slate the wife's background.

Are you trying to blame his wife for the change in behaviour?

You all rejected and criticised someone he loves and he stood up for her.Some men do not tolerate things like that and your brother is clearly one of them.They have been married for 15 years ,hopefully happily which shows he probably made the right decision for himself.

You cannot seek a relationship with him without mending fences with her.

One of the reasons why he is not associating with you is the treatment meted out to her by you all if i'm to go by what you wrote.Perhaps you should start from there and eat the humble pie.

He does not even associate with his own parents, even his mother..what did you guys do to him/his wife that caused him to dissociate to this extent? It can't be as simple as you painted it.

Some people once they turn their backs on you, depending on their grievances would never ever reconsider, sadly that is how life is.

you are the only that gave the antedote. Op mend fences with the wife.

Act like he's dead bro
I have elder bro that ask me
"what do you want" whenever I call him
Family is just a name
I've learnt to live like am the only person on earth

#peace

Gabson001:
Act like he's dead bro

I have elder bro that ask me

"what do you want" whenever I call him

Family is just a name

I've learnt to live like am the only person on earth


#peace

Ten over Ten!

You said it all. The Op family should call a family meeting and discuss their expectations with him. If he listens fine, if he doesn’t; make everybody go hustle and leave him be. Act like he’s dead.

Remember when a similar matter was brought before Jesus what was his reply:

Luke 12:16 Then he said to them, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.”

Call a family meeting, if he doesn’t listen. Nobody should have anything to do with him again for any reason!

johnmba:


All these happened in the past. We relate very well with his wife now.

Have your parents thought of calling a family meeting?

The reason (for his actions and inactions) isn't far-fetched because, citing your submissions, it'll take him either continual voluntary slavery or outright servility to sustain a close and healthy relationship with you in particular and the rest of the family members in general. However, on his part, his inability to prevent differences from metamorphosing into problem shows that he's undiscerning and quasi-inhumane.

Both parties have to consciously and voluntarily embrace behavioural change/attitudinal change for a sustainable, amicable and beneficial change to take place.

This is the ops version. You may hear the brothers version and hear how the brother is thoroughly frustrated with siblings who blew through all the money and assistance from him with nothing to show for it.

My dad was in the Middle East for 10 years. He had an older sister who was struggling.he sunk who knows how much money into her business. Nothing came out of it. He kept her in the family house, and the house went to shit.

Even connecting siblings to job opportunities can be dicey because people will using you as a template. You will see a family with one brother being a serious SU, and another being a NFA nigga.

The OP has things he is not saying

thelastorca:
This is the ops version. You may hear the brothers version and hear how the brother is thoroughly frustrated with siblings who blew through all the money and assistance from him with nothing to show for it.

My dad was in the Middle East for 10 years. He had an older sister who was struggling.he sunk who knows how much money into her business. Nothing came out of it. He kept her in the family house, and the house went to shit.

Even connecting siblings to job opportunities can be dicey because people will using you as a template. You will see a family with one brother being a serious SU, and another being a NFA nigga.

The OP has things he is not saying

I didn't hide anything. I explained things that happened in the past both the good and the bad.

johnmba:


I didn't hide anything. I explained things that happened in the past both the good and the bad.

Unfortunately, your brother is not here. He may have a very different perspective

In life... Nobody owes you anything.

Realize that and you'll stop expecting anyone to help even when they're in the capacity to.

Besides, you have no idea what is going on with him too.
It may not be as green as it seems.

Let him be. He does not owe you brotherly love

baby124:
Well... the fact that he works with a multinational company does not mean he is rich. People know how to easily estimate other people’s earnings and expenses. I understand you need help from your brother but don’t automatically assume that he is rich. He’s just a salary earner my dear. He probably can not afford to take up all this responsibility and that’s why he did not even start.

It’s your parents duty to take care of you all and your brother is only obligated to chip in when he can. Problems of 5-8 people on one persons head is enough for him to run away. If na you nko? You think he doesn’t have expenses for his own family Don’t blame the wife, blame your parents for not carrying out their responsibility adequately. Wife is trying to make sure her kids don’t experience what you people are experiencing.

Does your brother send money to your parents, if he does then he’s trying. Nothing is stopping you from reaching out to him to say hello and visiting him. Your parents can also talk to him to be closer to the family. I think he has run away because he cannot shoulder all the problems and I don’t blame him. He has a wife and kids to care for. If something happens to him tomorrow, after he has spent all his money on your problems. Will you take care of his children and their problems? Are you financially capable?

Whether the wife cooks or she doesn’t is not your business. Your brother did not complain so why did you go to their house to abuse their privacy with gossip? You see why sometimes people prevent others from coming into their home? The wife cannot estrange her husband from his family if he doesn’t want to be estranged.

Only a woman can type this rubbish

sisisioge:
Ok...so glad to read the end part because the brother does not owe any of you money o. Anyways, since you guys are self sufficient and do not need his money, the best way to bring him back would be to prove this to him without being condescending. In fact, call him up or hang out with him and relate same. Good luck.

To people who like to have plenty children, see how the kids could easily grow apart as everyone would be forming caucus. 7 children! It is well.

Have 2 kids, but dem no go hear.

Op the reason why people are giving you all this meaningless replies is because of the heading and the way you phrase it "my rich brother" change it to my brother and you will start getting meaningful replies.

He got a family now bro.
Why depend on him.
Make your own money so he will respect u

"Mama bode talk say "Ain't nobody owes me shît!"

- Oladips

This is for you, OP. Entitled Motherfucker!

Your brother doesn't owe you anything. You are your father's responsibility.

Babaalata:
Dont feel Entitled to his money. He has an immediate family to feed as his top priority. The fact that he works in a multinational doesn't make him a multi millionaire.
I made a decision never to depend on any family or family friends. I trusted them for my IT placement then, but was highly disappointed.

Did you even read the write up

Y’all just rushed to comment without taking time to read through the write up,dude doesn’t care about the money he just wants to bring his brother back.
My advice is to stop calling and let him go,the remaining 6 of you should keep that bond,eventually he will feel left out and rethink.

Press the ignore button and let it remain so forever

I can accurately guess what part of the country you are from and this is not me being tribalistic. Always fighting their brother's wife, expecting him to throw her away and bring them in. Sorry, not every man would do that. You people should make peace with the wife first. Na from her una fit get your brother...

Till then, you all will remain like the Okoye's (i.e) PSquares

By the way, I noticed this thing is very common in large families. They will have different parties in one nuclear family- PDP, APC, APGA... I can't deal mehn...

If you are a Nigerian woman and you marry the pillar of a home, be very prepared.

The wife has caged him against his family...but trust in God and pray your way to your own breakthroughs

You can't compel love and companionship... Family is different from friendship... Your true family are your close friends, not exactly members of the same household.

That said, your brother has chosen his true "family"... Respect that, pray for him, and leave him to it!!!

You should go and build your own circle of love and companionship (FAMILY)!!!

Every man should learn to walk his God-given and distinct path in life. Your true success is within, work it out!!!... Be focused and encouraged!!!

Shibaraba:
Similar to mine ....
My advice
Leave him alone oooooo.
His money. His life. Na him Sabi.
I used my brothers success to propel myself. I hustled so hard so that they won't call me millionaires brother. "See that guy you no know am, two of his brothers na Oga for saipem. Them be millionaires ".
Nah. I changed it to "See that guy, na millionaire " Notice the difference? "
When the time comes their eyes dey open. It always does. God bless your hustle

Don't say such.. He brothers money should be used to take care of his parents, even if the brother no give am, the brother has a responsibility to take care of the parents