johnmba:
Fellow NL . Am bringing this issue to seek advice.

I come from a family of 7, we are all graduates except the first son who is into business. The second son is very very rich,he works with a big multinational company.

When we were growing up he hardly play with us the younger ones but he was close to the first son. But he totally changed after he got married 15years ago. Though our parents did not initially support his marriage because of the girls background (her father died and the mum went back to her house with the daughter) and her character too. My brother got angry and said nobody should visit him or ask him for money. He used to help us in school.

Later my parents accepted and gave their support but since then my brothers attitude towards us really changed. Each time I visit him , he does not give me money in the presence of the wife. Also he usually give me money to go and eat outside because she hardly cook(maybe cos of the initial rejection)

The way he talks to the first son is degrading and he hardly pick our calls. The first son business is not moving at all but he does not care though he has given him money and car some years back and they don't talk to each other again. On several occasions people have told the third son why his brother refused to help his family. They said he helps people alot in the multinational company and he is a very nice guy.

Please what do we do? I don't want this separation to continue till death.. Our children are watching and I want us to relate as brothers and sisters.

Nb.
Nobody is calling him to ask for money. Am an engineer but works in a hospital. All we want is that brotherly love. Since I finished school I have not asked him for money likewise some of my siblings.

How do we bring him back

go and hustle .nobody owe u any care.if u make ur own money if u like don’t give anyone too

Op I won't want to sound rude but please have ur father ever took all of u to the lab for a DNA test?..if no pls advice him to go for it now before it will be too late

Deltatoto:
go and hustle .nobody owe u any care.if u make ur own money if u like don’t give anyone too

Did u read the post. Nobody is asking him for money

Consider your brother's money as audio money. Make your money and it shall be called video money because you will be able to see it.

madridguy:
Is your mum still alive?

I keep laughing at people saying the OP should leave his brother alone and work for himself.

To me, in life we all need someone to lean on to climb our own ladder. A good example is Linda Ikeji, may God continue to bless her. I believe she hustle her way alone, but immediately she got to the top she never neglected her siblings. God bless her more.

I'm sure we all have different background and upbringing but none of my siblings can do this. We have community training and my father of blessed memory used to ring it to our ears before he passed on. He used to say, i pray you all get to the top, but you all cannot get there at once, but whoever get there first must make sure he/she help others . This is our motor in my own family.

Your father was a great man.. may he continue to rest.

madridguy:
Is your mum still alive?

I keep laughing at people saying the OP should leave his brother alone and work for himself.

To me, in life we all need someone to lean on to climb our own ladder. A good example is Linda Ikeji, may God continue to bless her. I believe she hustle her way alone, but immediately she got to the top she never neglected her siblings. God bless her more.

I'm sure we all have different background and upbringing but none of my siblings can do this. We have community training and my father of blessed memory used to ring it to our ears before he passed on. He used to say, i pray you all get to the top, but you all cannot get there at once, but whoever get there first must make sure he/she help others. This is our motor in my own family.

una moto good we no get keke we are 9 my elder sister is one of d ppl u see on national tv when they are talking of immigration.she no send us only her husband ppl we no send her too she’s the first child I’m the last child.Today d only thg she has more than me is power I belive say I get cash pass her.guy go hustle I always told myself that if I were d only child I will still survive.

How many times have you sincerely called him, to enquire about his well being and that of his family? and drop your call.

Kai

The reason is simple

You guys where against him marrying his wife



So the woman don comot his attention from you guys



,,,,,,


Women are necessary evil

baby124:
Well... the fact that he works with a multinational company does not mean he is rich. People know how to easily estimate other people’s earnings and expenses. I understand you need help from your brother but don’t automatically assume that he is rich. He’s just a salary earner my dear. He probably can not afford to take up all this responsibility and that’s why he did not even start.

It’s your parents duty to take care of you all and your brother is only obligated to chip in when he can. Problems of 5-8 people on one persons head is enough for him to run away. If na you nko? You think he doesn’t have expenses for his own family Don’t blame the wife, blame your parents for not carrying out their responsibility adequately. Wife is trying to make sure her kids don’t experience what you people are experiencing.

Does your brother send money to your parents, if he does then he’s trying. Nothing is stopping you from reaching out to him to say hello and visiting him. Your parents can also talk to him to be closer to the family. I think he has run away because he cannot shoulder all the problems and I don’t blame him. He has a wife and kids to care for. If something happens to him tomorrow, after he has spent all his money on your problems. Will you take care of his children and their problems? Are you financially capable?

Whether the wife cooks or she doesn’t is not your business. Your brother did not complain so why did you go to their house to abuse their privacy with gossip? You see why sometimes people prevent others from coming into their home? The wife cannot estrange her husband from his family if he doesn’t want to be estranged.

Some of you just come here to type nonsense..Why is it called a family? Even if they all ask him for money,they are his siblings he should take care of them and not people outside

I think you should work on the relationship of others. Make a strong bond between you guys, its 1 of 7. When the right time he comes back to his senses.

Fhemmmy:
Simple solution, use same reasons that made him estranged to draw him close.... Go to his wife, Burry the pride and apologize to her thoroughly and love her genuinely, she will surely turn around and make your brother love you and the family again.

You got it figured out


They where against him marrying his wife

Women are necessary evil

CanadianNaija:
You’ve mentioned that he gave money and car to your first born before. What happened to it?
So is it your expectation that he does so again? You think money is easy to come by? Why don’t you have it then?

Were you all not given the same opportunity? Do you or your siblings have the qualifications or the ability to write and pass aptitude test and he didn’t help you guys get shortlisted for the test?
Your family should not let envy ruin you all

Hustle for your money and leave the man and his family alone, if you guys met him on same level, or don’t have a parasitic relationship with him I’m sure he wouldn’t be so closed off.

It must be so lonely not being able to talk with your own siblings on the phone without hearing about their money problems. I don’t blame him for not picking some calls.
While you all are worrying about yourselves who worries about him?

So deep. I can relate perfectly

If you're in the brother's shoe, you ll understand its not actually the responsibility but the reciprocating treatment from siblings/parent

They watch you struggle all the way up and while you are doing that, you're still very much emotional about their status; you help them and all. In fact, your siblings are your priority prior to when you find love........

Along the line, everyone are happy, some of them got an apartment, got married and do some normal basic stuff of life.....you were available helping and supporting them.....they are very proud of you............while you struggling to meet up with work and secure your career and future.........but then you found love and everything changed.



They started having opinion for whatever reasons about how she not good for you and all......everyone got the perfect woman except you...
...but then you remain steadfast......but deep down you realize again that you're so empty and lonely.....no support, you plan and executes everything alone......no support, no assistance from anywhere....then you look back and understand that it has been like that from the beginning...........and yet they couldn't see things from your perspective......all you see is competition amongst siblings of who got what and what from you........tales of debts and all.

You lost control of your finances......no one calls to check on your well being without ending it with something that has to do with money.......most times you actually need their jokes and motivation but no.......after the work stress and looking for strategies on how to deliver a task.......your personal progress and development is still 100% depend on you as it was from the onset.............you get a call from one of your relatives that want to change school for his kids or those that want to buy aso ebi.....while you're looking for money to attend a workshop to learn something new about your work.......then you start looking for ways to solve your problem......and cutting people off is a major one.


However with all that has been said and done....family is important......and you don't necessarily need to behave as if one tree can make a forest......everyone has it usefulness......


So the brother need to strategically accommodate those he shared bloodline with.

Can everyone just stop being biased for once?
What if the situation is as the OP said it is and what if it's not?
These things happen
What if the rich sibling was a female?
It's a natural thing for one to still ask for love and care from a sibling
There's a difference between I'm not giving you money and I want nothing doing with you.
Mostly in Nigeria when some siblings get married to maybe rich folks or climb the ladder to success,they tend to cut out from their former family, let me tell you one thing
My late Grandpa would say there's 3 cardinal points in life
Love
Perseverance and Tolerance
A wise person is meant to have this,it is absence of love that will generally explain the situation to "he wants nothing doing with us"
You people might not know but if it continues like this,the silent war will continue till death
OP the simplest thing you can do is this,behave as if he's doing what he's meant to do and go ahead and do what you're meant to do as a brother
If one person isn't wise enough to understand life isn't like this, the others mustn't be foolish not to know what to do
So Op please ask yourself if everything was okay,how would I have been doing,biko answer that question and just act it shikena,we're not all born wise,forget the age

See don't mind the ididots here saying you should bother him that it is his money. You see if anything happens to him you the immediate family would be called upon to assist yet when he has money he ignoring you all. In his case what you should do is to give him " he doesn't exist treatment " Anytime you see him just ignore him like he never existed, if he has any occasion don't attend, anytime anyone ask of him tell them to ask of someone else. When you abandon him he will get the message that he is nobody and his brain will reset.
A friend of mine whose uncle lived in their house all through his life in their house and when he traveled abroad began to exhibit something similar to this attitude and immediately my formed and his sibling gave him the ignoring attitude he changed kiakia. Infact the last time he came back he apologized and went visiting my friend and sibling in their respective home as theya re all grown ups.

johnmba:

All I explained happened some years back.

We don't depend on him for money. We are all hustling our own but he is our brother. I don't call him to ask for money but I should be able to call my own blood brother and talk with him.

Please free him as long as he is taking care of your parents. work your way to the top without asking him for anything. at least he had bought car for first son. his eyes would open moment you are successful as him. mind you he is not a politician. his sweat, his money.

His attitude towards you people as regards financial support is not as a result of your family initial rejection of the wife but it boils down to what you want your wife to be especially towards your family.

He is to be blame for that character but i think you all should stop looking up to him for him and take the challenge to trust in God and spring out from your comfort zone and be independent as he will respect that decision some day.

chidekings:


The worst that can happen to a man is to be the only rich man in one family.

Exactly.

i dnt get it.

Babaalata:
Dont feel Entitled to his money. He has an immediate family to feed as his top priority. The fact that he works in a multinational doesn't make him a multi millionaire.
I made a decision never to depend on any family or family friends. I trusted them for my IT placement then, but was highly disappointed.

Exactly what happened to me

johnmba:


I had to explain to give you background of what happened at the early stage.

But we have good relationship with the wife now.

You sound as if we are begging him money. Nobody is begging him for money.

By the grace of God am feeding more than 10 people and I have people on payroll monthly.

What am asking is how to establish the family bond again

What makes you think that you guys have a good relationship with the wife



She might be pretending



Women are necessary evil

ahiboilandgas:
hustle you own money he will relate fine with you ..my elder bros started exhibiting same character after working for the United nation as a lt -col but my sister hubby became the c.s.o to an oil rich state , then I hustle my way up I moved my income from 70k monthly to 1.2m monthly then our last born got job in first bank Dubai his calm him down

1.2m divide by 360 equals $4,200 a month. If u make this living in Naija, u r RICH!

johnmba:
Fellow NL . Am bringing this issue to seek advice.

I come from a family of 7, we are all graduates except the first son who is into business. The second son is very very rich,he works with a big multinational company.

When we were growing up he hardly play with us the younger ones but he was close to the first son. But he totally changed after he got married 15years ago. Though our parents did not initially support his marriage because of the girls background (her father died and the mum went back to her house with the daughter) and her character too. My brother got angry and said nobody should visit him or ask him for money. He used to help us in school.

Later my parents accepted and gave their support but since then my brothers attitude towards us really changed. Each time I visit him , he does not give me money in the presence of the wife. Also he usually give me money to go and eat outside because she hardly cook(maybe cos of the initial rejection)

The way he talks to the first son is degrading and he hardly pick our calls. The first son business is not moving at all but he does not care though he has given him money and car some years back and they don't talk to each other again. On several occasions people have told the third son why his brother refused to help his family. They said he helps people alot in the multinational company and he is a very nice guy.

Please what do we do? I don't want this separation to continue till death.. Our children are watching and I want us to relate as brothers and sisters.

Nb.
Nobody is calling him to ask for money. Am an engineer but works in a hospital. All we want is that brotherly love. Since I finished school I have not asked him for money likewise some of my siblings.

How do we bring him back

There must be someone he respects in the family, a cousin, uncle, auntie or something. They can call him to order.. And i would advice u desist from going to his house to stay for whatever reasons for now. U go ur bro house him wife no cook food because of u and u still sleep there Them do u? If he refuses to listen to anyone u guys should forge ahead with love for yourselves. And u can be loving him from a distance. Nobody should force themselves on him and his family for any form of acceptance or wtv. How person go grow finish say him dey beef him parents. Mama sef dey... You guys should leave him alone. One day they would definitely need u people's help, support or even just ur presence. Then u can even things up.. This might require some sort of strong news/ocassion.. positive or negative

No to hustle and abandon such brothers..


I have over 20 of them and after I hustle... The pussy ass niggass keep asking my younger sister how is he doing?he does not even ask about us.. When d niggardly asked about you?
U talk to me in front of your wife like am some low life seeking help... Mehn u my blood man.. Never disrespect the family. Babe go tell them why don't you go and ask him yourself you worthless piece of shit brothers.

Ypu just spilled my thoughts, having same issues in my family too but ive decided that i will be so successful that he will come looking for me!!
quote author=ahiboilandgas post=83477980]hustle you own money he will relate fine with you ..my elder bros started exhibiting same character after working for the United nation as a lt -col but my sister hubby became the c.s.o to an oil rich state , then I hustle my way up I moved my income from 70k monthly to 1.2m monthly then our last born got job in first bank Dubai his calm him down [/quote]

I was in your shoes until very recently.

My advice is this:

Visit everyone one after the other, in a very relaxed and casual mood, not to discuss the situation but just a visit. It could be just to spend the weekend.

Listen more to them and don't pass judgement on any of the issues they discuss with you.

Forget about your own grievances and forgive.

I can tell, you will become the unifying factor.

08150422664

One sided story.

When a Nigerian family member says "does not care about us".

It means we do not chop his money

Simple.

Brother go and hustle forget about your brother
Don't feel entiled to his money
When you are Big too he will give you respect and that is when you will point out his faults to him right there in his face.

simonlee:
Your brother's money is not your money!
just develop your self and live in contempt as long as you have good health and meet your basic needs.
as for your brother, keep in touch, wish him happy birthday and notify him of basic developments in your life. he will do the same as long as you don't turn him to ATM or he'll keep avoiding you.
nobody owes you anything, not even your brother!

so from what you read, you saw where they tried to turn him to ATM abi, self-righteous prick. That man only wants family ties to be restored.

My rich sister does not care about us

johnmba:
Fellow NL . Am bringing this issue to seek advice.

I come from a family of 7, we are all graduates except the first son who is into business. The second son is very very rich,he works with a big multinational company.

When we were growing up he hardly play with us the younger ones but he was close to the first son. But he totally changed after he got married 15years ago. Though our parents did not initially support his marriage because of the girls background (her father died and the mum went back to her house with the daughter) and her character too. My brother got angry and said nobody should visit him or ask him for money. He used to help us in school.

Later my parents accepted and gave their support but since then my brothers attitude towards us really changed. Each time I visit him , he does not give me money in the presence of the wife. Also he usually give me money to go and eat outside because she hardly cook(maybe cos of the initial rejection)

The way he talks to the first son is degrading and he hardly pick our calls. The first son business is not moving at all but he does not care though he has given him money and car some years back and they don't talk to each other again. On several occasions people have told the third son why his brother refused to help his family. They said he helps people alot in the multinational company and he is a very nice guy.

Please what do we do? I don't want this separation to continue till death.. Our children are watching and I want us to relate as brothers and sisters.

Nb.
Nobody is calling him to ask for money. Am an engineer but works in a hospital. All we want is that brotherly love. Since I finished school I have not asked him for money likewise some of my siblings.

How do we bring him back

If u wanna get back your brother, go through his wife. Welcome her gift her. Draw her closer and see everything change.