johnmba:
Fellow NL . Am bringing this issue to seek advice.

I come from a family of 7, we are all graduates except the first son who is into business. The second son is very very rich,he works with a big multinational company.

When we were growing up he hardly play with us the younger ones but he was close to the first son. But he totally changed after he got married 15years ago. Though our parents did not initially support his marriage because of the girls background (her father died and the mum went back to her house with the daughter) and her character too. My brother got angry and said nobody should visit him or ask him for money. He used to help us in school.

Later my parents accepted and gave their support but since then my brothers attitude towards us really changed. Each time I visit him , he does not give me money in the presence of the wife. Also he usually give me money to go and eat outside because she hardly cook(maybe cos of the initial rejection)

The way he talks to the first son is degrading and he hardly pick our calls. The first son business is not moving at all but he does not care though he has given him money and car some years back and they don't talk to each other again. On several occasions people have told the third son why his brother refused to help his family. They said he helps people alot in the multinational company and he is a very nice guy.

Please what do we do? I don't want this separation to continue till death.. Our children are watching and I want us to relate as brothers and sisters.

Nb.
Nobody is calling him to ask for money. Am an engineer but works in a hospital. All we want is that brotherly love. Since I finished school I have not asked him for money likewise some of my siblings.

How do we bring him back

I blame African parents for giving birth to so many children without catering for them. That's why I hate poor or broke Girls. You should blame your parents. You people are 7. Chai. Large family.

Ignore him, just go and get rich too

manuelreports:
Brother go and hustle forget about your brother
Don't feel entiled to his money
When you are Big too he will give you respect and that is when you will point out his faults to him right there in his face.

He's talking about relationship and not asking him for money.

Deltatoto:
una moto good we no get keke we are 9 my elder sister is one of d ppl u see on national tv when they are talking of immigration.she no send us only her husband ppl we no send her too she’s the first child I’m the last child.Today d only thg she has more than me is power I belive say I get cash pass her.guy go hustle I always told myself that if I were d only child I will still survive.

Thank you jare
Forget it some people don't have love for their siblings
There's nothing like natural phenomenon in love,if love is absent,it's absent
People like that the thing that can make them come and start doing normal normal back to you or over normal sef is a sense of competition, you can imagine nonsense

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Renumeration:
Attractive payment.


Tell them to visit www.syllaboss.com.ng/teacher.php to submit their CV.

The OP is an example of an entitled and lazy sibling. Notice the "rich", "care" and "us" 8n the title.

It tells you all you need to know.

Go and work hard and leave him alone. Sounds like you guys contributed to him keeping his distance.

johnmba:


He did not deprive himself anything. He works with shell(manager) and helps alot of people in the company. Sometimes people he helped wondered why am working in a hospital for someone that read engineering.

Hmmm!!! One who hasn't gone through this won't understand.

ahiboilandgas:
hustle you own money he will relate fine with you ..my elder bros started exhibiting same character after working for the United nation as a lt -col but my sister hubby became the c.s.o to an oil rich state , then I hustle my way up I moved my income from 70k monthly to 1.2m monthly then our last born got job in first bank Dubai his calm him down

How did you do it bro.? Business?

What's the point of long claws. Though only animals need such?

We dmesticated ourselves for a reason.Why are we so eager do go wild again.Era of reason is the dumbest era ever. Just taking us in circles

johnmba:
Fellow NL . Am bringing this issue to seek advice.

I come from a family of 7, we are all graduates except the first son who is into business. The second son is very very rich,he works with a big multinational company.

When we were growing up he hardly play with us the younger ones but he was close to the first son. But he totally changed after he got married 15years ago. Though our parents did not initially support his marriage because of the girls background (her father died and the mum went back to her house with t


he daughter) and her character too. My brother got angry and said nobody should visit him or ask him for money. He used to help us in school.

Later my parents accepted and gave their support but since then my brothers attitude towards us really changed. Each time I visit him , he does not give me money in the presence of the wife. Also he usually give me money to go and eat outside because she hardly cook(maybe cos of the initial rejection)

The way he talks to the first son is degrading and he hardly pick our calls. The first son business is not moving at all but he does not care though he has given him money and car some years back and they don't talk to each other again. On several occasions people have told the third son why his brother refused to help his family. They said he helps people alot in the multinational company and he is a very nice guy.

Please what do we do? I don't want this separation to continue till death.. Our children are watching and I want us to relate as brothers and sisters.

Nb.
Nobody is calling him to ask for money. Am an engineer but works in a hospital. All we want is that brotherly love. Since I finished school I have not asked him for money likewise some of my siblings.

How do we bring him back

We have the same problem. My only uncle is a millionaire in the USA but never helped my father (who trained him in life) or his kids as agreed. We found our way ourselves.

mascot345:


I blame African parents for giving birth to so many children without catering for them. That's why I hate poor or broke Girls. You should blame your parents. You people are 7. Chai. Large family.

What are you saying now?
Please keep throwing blame games you hear,only thing is it won't change what has happened
An unwise sibling wouldn't be fanimorous
It's only when an height of evil has been done towards one that can justify the shunning
And who are we to hold everlasting grudges in our hearts if it's not that we've sent love on an eternal vacation from our minds

What is happening is spiritual....a seed of discord has been sown by your parents enemies to ensure the family scattered. ..you people should free him for sometime but embark on family prayer and fasting to break that strong spirit. ..The wife is an agent the spirit is using ...but with serious prayer and fasting the holy spirit will arrest both husband and wife ....your family will be normal again....Also find out if your brother belongs to any cult...most of them that belong has signed covenant with the devil and cannot help any family member....how did he get that Job? Was it by merrit or from the ocultic word?

madridguy:
Is your mum still alive?

I keep laughing at people saying the OP should leave his brother alone and work for himself.

To me, in life we all need someone to lean on to climb our own ladder. A good example is Linda Ikeji, may God continue to bless her. I believe she hustle her way alone, but immediately she got to the top she never neglected her siblings. God bless her more.

I'm sure we all have different background and upbringing but none of my siblings can do this. We have community training and my father of blessed memory used to ring it to our ears before he passed on. He used to say, i pray you all get to the top, but you all cannot get there at once, but whoever get there first must make sure he/she help others. This is our motor in my own family.

Linda Ikeja has done well. Her sister even went into the same business with her (blogging) and she no vex

Your brother is only ur brother he gat to leave his live pls move on and work for ur self don't look @anyone best advice 4u keep moving.

stan83:

Two things are behind you story, is either the wife and her family has used juju to turn his face against his relation or he belongs to a cult were he sworn an aoat not to help his siblings and relation. The solution is compulory family liberation by a true man of God. May God liberate your home.

You're very irrational, religion is a very big setback for Africa

You are an engineer but work in a hospital ...men dis ur own case na wa ok hahahaha

Look every man for himself he has tried to accommodate you a bit go and look for ur own life ok a family man should focus on you instead of his family do u want him to fall

Eze2000:




We have the same problem. My only uncle is a millionaire in the usa but never help my father or his kids. We found our way ourselves.

I am waiting for him to die so I can block his burial on our ancestral land. I am first son of a son. I own it all

The Bible said in 1st Corinthians that for God chose the foolishness of the world to shame the Wise
The greatest shame you'll be giving to his future corpse is allowing his burial on your Land,just the fact that your permission or your verdict was needed before it could happen is enough to shame him,forget you don't even have to block him

[s]

baby124:
Well... the fact that he works with a multinational company does not mean he is rich. People know how to easily estimate other people’s earnings and expenses. I understand you need help from your brother but don’t automatically assume that he is rich. He’s just a salary earner[s][/s] my dear. He probably can not afford to take up all this responsibility and that’s why he did not even start.

It’s your parents duty to take care of you all and your brother is only obligated to chip in when he can. Problems of 5-8 people on one persons head is enough for him to run away. If na you nko? You think he doesn’t have expenses for his own family Don’t blame the wife, blame your parents for not carrying out their responsibility adequately. Wife is trying to make sure her kids don’t experience what you people are experiencing.

Does your brother send money to your parents, if he does then he’s trying. Nothing is stopping you from reaching out to him to say hello and visiting him. Your parents can also talk to him to be closer to the family. I think he has run away because he cannot shoulder all the problems and I don’t blame him. He has a wife and kids to care for. If something happens to him tomorrow, after he has spent all his money on your problems. Will you take care of his children and their problems? Are you financially capable?

Whether the wife cooks or she doesn’t is not your business. Your brother did not complain so why did you go to their house to abuse their privacy with gossip? You see why sometimes people prevent others from coming into their home? The wife cannot estrange her husband from his family if he doesn’t want to be estranged.

[/s]I know that this can only come from a feminist

johnmba:


He doesn't. Even when my parents calls he will quickly discharge them that he is in a meeting.

Would you be so concerned if it was a broke/poor sibling like this?
Anyone that brings value and peace to your life can not be discharged.. but when relationship becomes liability i.e. parents always calling for money or help, they will busy your calls. Make una pity the poor guy too.. to get money no be curse.

If he isn't alive, won't you survive?

greggng:
What is happening is spiritual....a seed of discord has been sown by your parents enemies to ensure the family scattered. ..you people should free him for sometime but embark on family prayer and fasting to break that strong spirit. ..The wife is an agent the spirit is using ...but with serious prayer and fasting the holy spirit will arrest both husband and wife ....your family will be normal again....Also find out if your brother belongs to any cult...most of them that belong has signed covenant with the devil and cannot help any family member....how did he get that Job? Was it by merrit or from the ocultic word?

What's all this one na
When you fell in love with your spouse was it spiritual biko,abeg not everything is spiritual, the only spiritual thing here is if OP begs God to put His spirit in his brother so his brother can act right
We all have a say on the matters of love

johnmba:


He doesn't. Even when my parents calls he will quickly discharge them that he is in a meeting.

Sadly, a lot of people here failed to see your story from the perspective you want them to.

He's avoiding you all because he feels he has more money than anyone else in your family.

Sadly, the more you force him to relate with you, the more he withdraws himself. His thought is that relating with you will give you the access to ask him for money. People like your brother only ends up in regrets in later years.

The solution is to pretend like he never existed. I have a brother like that. It got to a point, I will go to the same gathering with him and pretend like I have never met someone like him in my entire life.

He was the one that later started calling my other siblings to report how I snubbed him.

If you have what it takes to take care of yourself, tell your parents and siblings to delete his number from their phone. That's the only solution.

He will come back when he regains his senses. No man is an island. He will need you people when the time comes and that's when you will make him understand his mistakes

baby124:
Well... the fact that he works with a multinational company does not mean he is rich. People know how to easily estimate other people’s earnings and expenses. I understand you need help from your brother but don’t automatically assume that he is rich. He’s just a salary earner my dear. He probably can not afford to take up all this responsibility and that’s why he did not even start.

It’s your parents duty to take care of you all and your brother is only obligated to chip in when he can. Problems of 5-8 people on one persons head is enough for him to run away. If na you nko? You think he doesn’t have expenses for his own family Don’t blame the wife, blame your parents for not carrying out their responsibility adequately. Wife is trying to make sure her kids don’t experience what you people are experiencing.

Does your brother send money to your parents, if he does then he’s trying. Nothing is stopping you from reaching out to him to say hello and visiting him. Your parents can also talk to him to be closer to the family. I think he has run away because he cannot shoulder all the problems and I don’t blame him. He has a wife and kids to care for. If something happens to him tomorrow, after he has spent all his money on your problems. Will you take care of his children and their problems? Are you financially capable?

Whether the wife cooks or she doesn’t is not your business. Your brother did not complain so why did you go to their house to abuse their privacy with gossip? You see why sometimes people prevent others from coming into their home? The wife cannot estrange her husband from his family if he doesn’t want to be estranged.

Thrash!!!

@canadiannaija, I think you're taking this thing slightly personal, there's no justification for his elder not relating with his siblings!! Esp. When they're not always demanding money!! From the way you sound, it seems you've got siblings that you're suppose to assist financially and you're not and now you're seeking a justification for your actions, I get what the op is saying because am right at that spot right now, there's nothing wrong in helping your siblings get on their feet when you get on yours first, its just life.
About his wife, that one is a discussion for another day, because some women ehhh!!! Make God just airpus

If it’s the same father and mother hmm

mascot345:


I blame African parents for giving birth to so many children without catering for them. That's why I hate poor or broke Girls. You should blame your parents. You people are 7. Chai. Large family.

Exactly. In most cases the sibling have an entitlement culture.

They milk the life and resources out of any successful sibling.

You have to find out from him, 3rd party syndrome must be avoided if not you will start acting a different person he use to know. From my perception you guys are just experiencing roughness that arises from introduction of 2nd parties in you peoples life ie sister In-laws/brother In-laws and these roughness may or not go away, just adapt to it and be creating fun time that will bring you guys together.

johnmba, it's easy, stop trying to suck up to him or his wife, All of you should push him & his wife out of the family circle. You all should pretend their are 6 of you instead of 7, trust me when I say, unless na juju, his head go reset in 1- 2 years

eni4real:
My rich sister does not care about us

Are you disabled?

our people say,
" a person that is judging based on the statement of one party is a wicked person".......

for someone to turn his back against you, even up to against his mother, let me tell you that your brother has his own side of the story to tell....

if you were to be in his shoe as i'm perceiving you through what you wrote, you will even react more than him......

the person wey never see fight/war na him dey call himself man, when war comes the true man in u will show forth

baby124:
Well... the fact that he works with a multinational company does not mean he is rich. People know how to easily estimate other people’s earnings and expenses. I understand you need help from your brother but don’t automatically assume that he is rich. He’s just a salary earner my dear. He probably can not afford to take up all this responsibility and that’s why he did not even start.

It’s your parents duty to take care of you all and your brother is only obligated to chip in when he can. Problems of 5-8 people on one persons head is enough for him to run away. If na you nko? You think he doesn’t have expenses for his own family Don’t blame the wife, blame your parents for not carrying out their responsibility adequately. Wife is trying to make sure her kids don’t experience what you people are experiencing.

Does your brother send money to your parents, if he does then he’s trying. Nothing is stopping you from reaching out to him to say hello and visiting him. Your parents can also talk to him to be closer to the family. I think he has run away because he cannot shoulder all the problems and I don’t blame him. He has a wife and kids to care for. If something happens to him tomorrow, after he has spent all his money on your problems. Will you take care of his children and their problems? Are you financially capable?

Whether the wife cooks or she doesn’t is not your business. Your brother did not complain so why did you go to their house to abuse their privacy with gossip? You see why sometimes people prevent others from coming into their home? The wife cannot estrange her husband from his family if he doesn’t want to be estranged.

I agree and disagree with somethings you said.

Yes, carrying the load of 7 people isnt easy and I believe their expectations may be too much.

However, if the brother does care for their success in life, there is a way.

He should sit all of them down and plan a strategy. Ask each their problems and how they want it solved. He should state what he can carry. He can decide to help one or 2 and that once their finances changes for the better, they too now contribute to helping others. He can't carry all the load.

But to refuse to help just one of his siblings to become successful is wrong. His desire to help his siblings will even propel him to greater heights in his workplace.

The wife is dumb. Always treat your in-laws with respect. They too need to respect her. Life is too short to be holding scores. Again, she might not feed them, worrying they'll want to stay over and become parasites.

Eze2000:




We have the same problem. My only uncle is a millionaire in the usa but never help my father or his kids. We found our way ourselves.

I am waiting for him to die so I can block his burial on our ancestral land. I am first son of a son. I own it all

Lazy man. Typical poor mentality. He owes you nothing.