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How Can I Stop My Ex From Visiting My Matrimonial Home? / "I Am Still In Love With My Ex, But I Am Married To A Stranger" / My Ex-Girlfriend Named Her Child All My Names Just Because She Loved Me (2) (3) (4)
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Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by favorchild2017: 10:42am On Jan 27, 2017 |
How could he go so low and lay his hands on a woman? not cool, this is not good and it is a big warning sign and you reflect deep on why he did it, was it anger, was he drunk or under influence? Also be sure he wont ever do it again. If you are convinced then you can proceed. I however still think you haven't disclosed the entire information, somethings are nt still adding up. "My flaws... He says he fears me cos I don't talk(when of course, he knows he has done something bad or cheated me) and my nature, I don't dwell on things for too long, I don't keep malice, even when he wrongs me, I'll go and apologise, not because I'm happy or guilty but because I want a peaceful home... So sometimes he feels I'll hurt him." This to me doesn't sound like a flaw, what are the real issues? And on the family planning issue, Why werent you comfortable with the FP? I thought it was supposed to be a temporary thing? did you suggest an alternative to him, or you just wanted more children? i dont think he too will want just a child maybe he was just sayin be patient, maybe after 3 years we can hv another baby. Or is it the FP method was hurting your body. Also Some mother inlaws are just impossible to please, they basically look for issues, even when there is no issues, but the truth is as far as she is not leaving with you. it is your role to proof you are a good daughter inlaw and you should be able to tolerate some of these things. it is normal. I know wetin i see for my mother inlaw eye. But today we are very close. she even calls me and all. There are alot of things you can do to win her heart. E.g frequently calling her, buying her lilttle things etc I however dont dispute the fact your husband too needs to play some role in making her accept you. But it is more of your role. They need to see with their eyes you are a good daugther inlaw. Anyhw I still stand my ground these are what i think you should do. It seems like you still want to be with him, i however cant tell if he wants to be with you. But based on the fact you have provided this is what i wld do if i were in your shoes: Think very deeply and take a position, no one on nairaland can decide this for you, not even your parent. The desire has to come from you alone, cos many people will give you trash advice. It is you that is wearing the shoe, and therefore know where it pinches. then do the following 1. Pray, Take what rightly belongs to you in prayers. Let your husband love for you grow and let him just begin to crave for you. 2. Assess the situation critically, where both of you are today. Do you still love him and want to be with him? Does he still love you and even if he is forming boss and all. Atleast you said sometimes he can be sweet which to me is a good thing, there are still feelings. 3. what were the causes off your fights and arguments was it money, disrespect, materialism, cheating, Inlaw issues, FP, abuse etc. 4. How well have the both of you been able to working on these flaws and negatives? 5. Look for someone who can you speak to that he respects alot? IF you were close to his dad , now wld hv been the time to use this relationship. you cant just appear and disappear. This is why we have parents 6. Let the person talk to him and dont be shy to say you are sorry, whether you are right or wrong doesn't matter. trust me he wld respect you if he is a real man. 7. Pray again before moving into the house and be prepared to encounter conflict, however be more determined to fix them. Sorry should be hard to say. Every marriage has issues, little issues can escalate so quickly if not well manage. Dont go about telling every dick and harry about your marital issues, as many of them dont wish you well. Even those who do, it is not all of them that will be bold enough to give you a fair assessment of the matter. And scold you when you are wrong. They will all want to stay on your good books and tell you what you like to hear. Even that guy you say stood with you all through ur marriage issues, i dont knw abt him. Maybe he may be the one for u, i dont knw. Even your parents or siblings it is not everything happening in your family you share with them. it only your husband you should be free to disclose every with. I say this because i learnt from experience, my sister inlaw almost destroyed my marriage because of something my wife told her. She went about telling the whole world and the issue escalated. Yes she loved my wife but in a protective and selfish way. Thank God for the Love we have for each other. This is why i wld have preferred to hear what your parents wld say. Because they are very experienced they have what we call "tough love" and see very far ahead. It is not just to be supporting you because you are their daughter. Did they summon your husband to hear his side of the story, or they just supported you and believed every you said. This was the first thing they wey suppose to have done, or his own parents too summon the both of you and hear the matters. This is why we have parents now. Also the talk abt you wanting to clear your head and get a job doesnt count, it wasn't the best approach, taking 2 years of time out. Nt the best. Other girls will want to steal him from you now? prestigiouslady: 1 Like |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Nobody: 10:57am On Jan 27, 2017 |
nefertitiram: One of my aunt Age 42yrs old too died of heart attack when taking her bath as she was pondering on how her husband was treating her. She was in the school of thought that she needs to make her marriage work at all cost. And she screamed, held her chest and suddenly slumped in the bathroom.. With sharp scream, her children ran to the bathroom, opened and saw their mum, eyes wide open holding onto her chest and gasping, before they could rush her to the hospital, she gave up. Her first son with rage ran back home, brought out a cutlass about to cut his dad but people held him.. Trying to. Calm him down. He was crying as he was cursing his father.. Smhhh. Such wicked men don't deserve a wife, how. Much more family.. Divorce him and live long in peace orelse OYO. 3 Likes |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Nobody: 10:59am On Jan 27, 2017 |
TonyeBarcanista: Thank God u now realise u are getting old. |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by TonyeBarcanista(m): 11:19am On Jan 27, 2017 |
Amelian:That's why I need to marry fast |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by oshdam2015: 11:31am On Jan 27, 2017 |
Werin happen? [quote author=Dyt post=53147824][/quote] |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Nobody: 11:50am On Jan 27, 2017 |
God doesn't like divorce. The solution, pray, seek Godly advice and iron it out. The new guy may not be the solution, so pray and seek Godly advice. 1 Like |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by NemzySeries(m): 12:03pm On Jan 27, 2017 |
HARDDON:which kingdom is suffering violence dat u want her to take by force? can a woman force a man on her? d man lacks d capacity to coordinate himsef especially in character responsible...... if d man is not sincerely ready to make change she shd grab her life back, take d driver's seat and zoom off..... abi she shd kips waiting for a man dat seez her as hiz emotional spare tyre wen eva hiz new relationship is on fire? mind u, dis is marriage and not warfare, d best she can do is prayer not taking anything by force 1 Like |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Orikinla1: 12:09pm On Jan 27, 2017 |
The devil you know is easier to handle than an angel you don't know. 1 Like |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Kagawa10: 12:20pm On Jan 27, 2017 |
enshi: Lmao! To quench her urge with a 2 timer adulterer who's possibly infected already! Clap for yourself! |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Ade345(m): 12:27pm On Jan 27, 2017 |
HARDDON: May God bless u for this very wise response. My only fear is that she may be hiding some details- like the husband's friend snitching on his friend (hope he didn't slander his friend to sleep with her; its very common among useless men). Secondly, the good man she mentioned, I hope he is not good to her on the bed too. Because if a man gives u money and stuff, before long u will feel compelled to open your legs for him. Marriage is not a bed of roses all the time. There are happy times and sad times, you have to take both as they come; but above all, living a married life based on Bible principles is the only sure path that can guarantee u a successful marriage. 1 Like |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Kagawa10: 12:33pm On Jan 27, 2017 |
enshi: You're not making sense.. You advised her to go to the ex if her loneliness was due to urge but she said no yet you still told her to return to an abusive adulterer? Is that what you would tell your daughter? |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by prestigiouslady: 12:37pm On Jan 27, 2017 |
Favourchild2017..thank you. Thank you everyone too. I hope and pray to make a decision I'll be able to live with for the rest of life.. Thank you all |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Kagawa10: 12:39pm On Jan 27, 2017 |
TonyeBarcanista: What exactly is this? Didn't you read that her hubby's mum isn't reaching to her and the time meant to be cooling for the said hubby is being used to knack ladies upadan? Is that cooling off? For the record, you can't use your own family experience to judge every man and woman out there. Kapish! |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Kagawa10: 12:40pm On Jan 27, 2017 |
Ade345: Marriage isn't bed of roses but when it's full of thorns, it's better to get out. Marriage was created out of love by God, not for misery 1 Like |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by enshi(m): 1:17pm On Jan 27, 2017 |
Kagawa10: Its still for better for worse until death my dear.... She has the option of leaving him but she still had to be fidel 1 Like |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Kagawa10: 2:18pm On Jan 27, 2017 |
enshi: It's like you don't know the meaning of this quote. It's for better or Worse when something happen to one of them. For example, one of them becomes deformed, financially down, without a child and so-on. It's not about one member hurting the other. That's no longer marriage but predator-prey relationship/parasitism! Get that straight! 4 Likes |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by tomdon(m): 8:04pm On Jan 27, 2017 |
Ifecoded: Great You have a point and points 1 Like |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by zheroes(m): 8:57pm On Jan 27, 2017 |
prestigiouslady:Hmmmmm........... He is not worth this stress. He is a cheat and u even think of going back to him? How wil u cope with such a man that even has the gut to tel u he has a gf, my dear pls u are worth more than dis man. Who is he sef, president, otedola abi dangote? If you go bk to him without him going tru some kind of rehabilitation dat wil change his mindset u are in for the worst oooo........ Men like dis can neva change they believ that by beating their wives or making dem feel less than a human they are adding to their self worth. Just put ur mind at rest and leave everything in Gods hands He wannts d best for u. Please ignore that man to the extent that he will even doubt his existence he should be crawling at ur feet and be remorseful not the other way round........ Mk ur child ur hubby do things dat will mk u happy, we all want ur happiness we love u, kisses to u and ur damsel 1 Like |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by cybriz82(m): 10:04pm On Jan 27, 2017 |
[quote author=prestigiouslady post=53090114]Good afternoon Familanders. I'm in dire need of advice hence my write up. I'm a single mum of one, I got separated from my ex two years ago...though we are not officially divorced yet. After things got pretty nasty and he had to chase me back home (prior to this, my folks had wanted me to come back home due to his constant abuse)... I thought we could resolve issues, we both tried to but he's just like a smoke, he can't hide his character for too long..he's hot tempered, egoistic, and he can so mouth trash me(emotional abuse).he grew up in a home where his mum was the C in C, so he hates women trying to have a say.I must always do whatever he says not minding if I'm comfortable or not. I have my own share of the blame cos sometimes, he pushes me and I react back, so I'm not saying I'm a saint either. But my friends and family knows I'm not a trouble maker. So I've been alone for two years, no date, no relationship cos I'm still officially married to him.. I went to see some of his friends and they told me to move on without him, its sad but they couldn't hide it anymore, he has moved on even so show casing a lady around as his new found love..but when things go down the drain between him and his gf, he comes back to me trying to see if we can make things work. Now I have two problems here, 1. I don't want to be the one to sue for a divorce cos he will blackmail me emotionally (he tells everyone who cares to listen that he didn't chase me out of the house but I left cos I couldn't endure which is a lie from the deepest part of hell)... he doesn't want to sue for a divorce too. 2. I'm becoming too lonely, most night I cry myself to bed.. the last time we spoke, he told me "you're a very good lady, I love you but I really don't know why things arent working between us".. I know he loves me but I'm becoming too lonely and I don't want to cheat on him. 3. Around July 2016,a friend of mine (family friend) has been on my neck for a relationship, I've known him for a while, he was there for me all through when things was bad, he is a good man and he knows I'm separated (he's officially divorced to a white woman)...he's like everything I want in a man. I really don't know what to do...do I sue for a divorce? or go into a relationship with my new guy for the main time..please help me. Thank you when u 1st met him he waz everytin u need in a man...nw dat u av seen part 2.u are cnfuse....u av met anoda 1 again n he iz everytin u need in a man..ok ooo let pray dis 1 end in part 1. |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by zheroes(m): 8:19am On Jan 28, 2017 |
My opinion on this issue will be simple but blunt!!! I have a sister inlaw who stays with the mum presently, always been battered by her egoistic and lack of confidence husband. My advice. I believe you guys dated so you should have knwn his character but you decided to be blind to reality. I believe marriage is a do or die issue unless life is threatened and so it stands. You have to remain seperated from him for as long as necessary, as the same time I will not advice you to go into another relationship because your husband is alive. In life there is always a price to pay. I know you won't like this but that's my advice. Its obvious you guys can't leave peacefully. Don't get carried away by the external appearance of the new man. I was with a friend some days back who has een on a lady's matter , initially he was all over her now she begs him when they will see. The moment most men have had sex , then they become their real self. I don't know what your values are but this is just my piece of advice. Stay strong with your kid. Bring him or her up in a discreet way. Wishing the best!!! But why would a man physically abuse a lady? I ve never done it my entire life!!!!! |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by MizMyColi(f): 11:40am On Jan 28, 2017 |
Blonchilli: C'est fini 1 Like |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by stephmiracle: 11:45pm On Jan 29, 2017 |
Sis, at the end of the day, the decision still remains yours but if i were in your shoes, i will leave that marriage with everything i have read here. The most annoying part is when he tells people that try to settle the differences that he will call you back whenever he's ready as if you don't count. Biko, if a man batters and cheats on you especially with no sign of remorse, please do yourself good and move on |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by smathias424: 7:46pm On Oct 30, 2019 |
Quit being a fucking hoe, Hoe! |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by lyndaway(f): 11:39am On Oct 31, 2019 |
My dear move ahead there is no marriage in heaven if you fine true happiness and love in the person you mentioned my opinion is forward ever backward never |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by bukatyne(f): 3:04pm On Oct 31, 2019 |
prestigiouslady: Hello dear, how did you resolve this issue? 1 Like |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by prestigiouslady: 4:46pm On Oct 31, 2019 |
bukatyne: I'm officially and happily divorced now and I have my peace of mind... I heard he's married too now.. I have my daughter who is heaven sent and I'm happy. Thanks for asking ma'am 2 Likes |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by initiate: 6:41pm On Oct 31, 2019 |
please how easy/difficult was the divorce process? also like how much did you spend? is it true that if both parties are tired of each other the courts would still not grant divorce easily? thanks prestigiouslady: |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by prestigiouslady: 9:29pm On Oct 31, 2019 |
initiate: A counsel represented me once and I paid him.. subsequent hearing, he didn't attend on my behalf and I didn't either...so apart from the first payment to the lawyer, I didn't spend anymore money. I only went after the divorce has been granted to pick up the verdict. PS. I don't want to continue with the thread so I'll appreciate if no one quotes me again. You can ask me via mail though. thank you |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by realtalk19: 10:29pm On Oct 31, 2019 |
prestigiouslady: I was in your exact kind of shoes and ended up with two kids even after reconciling,yet he felt my having kids will cripple my chances of moving on and having a better home but he was wrong.i have moved on already and no going back. Work on yourself ,develop yourself and make yourself happy. Don't be in a hurry to settle down, Take enough time to study your new man without being sexually attached and ask God to direct your steps. Leave the past in the past and move on in peace.! There is hope for you. Goodluck 1 Like |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by realtalk19: 10:32pm On Oct 31, 2019 |
prestigiouslady: Happy for you. You wil surely be favored soon. 2 Likes |
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by bukatyne(f): 3:59pm On Nov 02, 2019 |
prestigiouslady: Good for you and I wish you all the very best. 1 Like |
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