Please I need advice on the right step to take,I've been married for some years now and I am yet to have a child.I got pregnant on different occasions and it either ends in premature birth or miscarriage.
My husband and I have decided to adopt a child.We are still in our reproductive years but hubby said we should adopt a newborn or a few months old baby legally without anyone knowing while waiting for God to bless us with our own.
I don't know if I should be patient or go ahead with an adoption.I am 29years old.My hubby is a good man and he loves me so much.
It breaks my heart when I see him cry after each miscarriage.Kindly advice me on what to do and please anyone who has idea on adoption should direct me.Thanks

Well. Am definitely sure you will still have a child of your own going by your narration..Have you taken time to study the reason why you have been having those miscarriages?. Have you discussed with a professional obstetrician or gynaecologist??
Am sure there's no smoke without fire...
As for adoption, the process is tedious,frustrating and time wasting. In Lagos State,it takes a minimum of a year to adopt an infant. But the process starts with the ministry of women affairs in all states I think.. Don't lose hope just yet though,still give it a try..Takia

Earlier the better, God will surely grant you your desire.

Accept my sincere sympathy ma'am. Adoption is nice when done legally, since you have your hubby's full consent.

I do have an uncle with same issue who waited for 9 years... He opted for adoption and you know what? After 3 months of completing the whole process, His wife conceived and now they have four kids(2boys and 2 girls).

Do not despair, you will certainly have your kids.

You should have adopted after miscarriage, kept the miscarriage secret, then adopt a baby, people are gonna think it's your baby. Go ahead and adopt, act like you gave birth to the baby.

Make sure you are adopting the child because you love children and not because you are desperate because once you start having living children (am very sure you will) if care is not taken you will see the adopted one as an outsider,its happening in my family so i have first hand knowledge about it. Try and stay with a kid that is not related in anyway for two weeks and see how you feel about it after. Goodluck and may God replenish your womb.

I would suggest you go for surrogacy as the process is shorter compared to adoption. But more so, be sure that the rhesus factor of yours and your husband isn’t the cause of the miscarriage. You’ll be fine

Adopt and don't pretend you gave birth to the child. The lagoon is still open to anyone who doesn't like it. As long as it's legal and the baby is fine, the only thing you should worry about is when and how to tell the child.

LilMissFavvy:
You should have adopted after miscarriage, kept the miscarriage secret, then adopt a baby, people are gonna think it's your baby. Go ahead and adopt, act like you gave birth to the baby.

Is adoption a crime?
Why would she want to deceive people by hiding it?

I'm not saying adoption is a crime, but the suggestion I gave is not a bad idea to use as a cover up after a miscarriage.

Ranchhoddas:
Is adoption a crime?
Why would she want to deceive people by hiding it?

LilMissFavvy:
I'm not saying adoption is a crime, but the suggestion I gave is not a bad idea to use as a cover up after a miscarriage.

what if the blood group of the baby doesn't match

egopersonified:
Adopt and don't pretend you gave birth to the child. The lagoon is still open to anyone who doesn't like it. As long as it's legal and the baby is fine, the only thing you should worry about is when and how to tell the child.

Op please take this advice. There is no shame in adoption.

LilMissFavvy:
I'm not saying adoption is a crime, but the suggestion I gave is not a bad idea to use as a cover up after a miscarriage.

Cover up what exactly?

There's this beautiful manual on adoption by yours sincerely. Google Adoption Manual by Gary Austine Esq

Simplestone:
Please I need advice on the right step to take,I've been married for some years now and I am yet to have a child.I got pregnant on different occasions and it either ends in premature birth or miscarriage.
My husband and I have decided to adopt a child.We are still in our reproductive years but hubby said we should adopt a newborn or a few months old baby legally without anyone knowing while waiting for God to bless us with our own.
I don't know if I should be patient or go ahead with an adoption.I am 29years old.My hubby is a good man and he loves me so much.
It breaks my heart when I see him cry after each miscarriage.Kindly advice me on what to do and please anyone who has idea on adoption should direct me.Thanks

Am very happy that you have a supportive husband

Pls go ahead with his consent and adopt

Don't be supprise when the baby brings in those angels as kids at home

But under no circumstances will you ever segregate that child when your biological child starts coming

Pls hurry up now that hubby is showing his support before his immediate family will start working on him

You can't tell the state of a man's mind until it happens

Just thank your God that as young as you guys are, your hubby is willing for adoption

He loves kids and wants them at home

It's still better than getting or imposing another man pregnancy on him

And guess what the arrival of that child is coming with baby bump

Good luck

egopersonified:
Adopt and don't pretend you gave birth to the child. The lagoon is still open to anyone who doesn't like it. As long as it's legal and the baby is fine, the only thing you should worry about is when and how to tell the child.

You owe an adopted child no explanation about the way and manner she was adopted

Just blend her in to the family

lol you do when they grow up.

frozen70:


You owe an adopted child no explanation about the way and manner she was adopted

Just blend her in to the family

OP, I can’t imagine how difficult it is for you right now, especially in a Nigerian marriage without kids. However, I fear for your motivation for adopting a baby. An adopted child does not deserve to be a place holder while your bio child arrives.

Adoption is a rigorous and time consuming (as it should be) process, the easiest and best option for you is if you guys have explored all fertility treatments. Egg donor/egg IVF or progesterone shots to strengthen the lining of your uterus, will be easier and more straightforward than an adoption.

Adoption is cool,.
But your are 29, why the hurry.
What exactly did your doctor say causes the miscarriage?
If it's something that has a solution, why not do it. With the solution you would be rest assured u can give birth to another baby, anytime u wish to.

ireneidiva:

Op please take this advice. There is no shame in adoption.

Exactly!

doitforyou:
lol you do when they grow up.

Lol, OK I agree with you because if you don't others will do

egopersonified:
Adopt and don't pretend you gave birth to the child. The lagoon is still open to anyone who doesn't like it. As long as it's legal and the baby is fine, the only thing you should worry about is when and how to tell the child.

Best advice here. Why would you be ashamed of getting something YOU love?

WHEN and HOW to break the news to the child IMHO is the only knot (which I believe is doable). You may seek out those that have gone through this route for guidance. Also do not leave it for so long; other people WILL break that news in a way the child may become confused, irritated, and lacking in trust for you.

A couple I once knew had to relocate from one part of the town to another, moved to a different church, immediately the child started talking. This helped not put them under the pressure of breaking the news prematurely.

One other VERY important thing to weigh is this (cos many people have gone ahead to birth their own babies after adoption), if it is a boy, will he be regarded as the legal first son (diokpala in Igbo), and if a girl, will she be regarded as the legal first daughter (ada in Igbo) when you birth other children.

If yes, how do you bring your biological ada and diokpala unto the same page.

Not to scare you but if you do not consider all these consequences, when they come (they will), you will be at a loss.

Pray and seek God's guidance on this issue. I'm happy Oga is with you in this. His support, is the most important.

God will multiply your family. Just do it for LOVE.

Sorry for the lose of your pregnancy.

Since you say you were pregnant before while don't you seek medical help or alternative first.

Because mist couple that adopt then give birth to their own child will later hate the adopted child.

Truth is always bitter

Have you gotten to the root of why the miscarriages keep happening??

I personally think you should exhaust all avenues before starting the adoption stuff. It doesn't suit everybody.

Have you considered ivf/surrogacy yet?

Sorry for the loss and having to see your husband cry but you are in danger of making a wrong decision due to emotion.

You are only 29, you have a better chance than most. I recommend going for an extensive fertility check in a reputable hospital to determine what is causing you to lose the pregnancies.

The solution might even be that you have to stay on bedrest for a while

Simplestone:
Please I need advice on the right step to take,I've been married for some years now and I am yet to have a child.I got pregnant on different occasions and it either ends in premature birth or miscarriage.
My husband and I have decided to adopt a child.We are still in our reproductive years but hubby said we should adopt a newborn or a few months old baby legally without anyone knowing while waiting for God to bless us with our own.
I don't know if I should be patient or go ahead with an adoption.I am 29years old.My hubby is a good man and he loves me so much.
It breaks my heart when I see him cry after each miscarriage.Kindly advice me on what to do and please anyone who has idea on adoption should direct me.Thanks

Wish you goodluck . Please Remove your dp incase.your topic enters front page.

Simplestone:
Please I need advice on the right step to take,I've been married for some years now and I am yet to have a child.I got pregnant on different occasions and it either ends in premature birth or miscarriage.
My husband and I have decided to adopt a child.We are still in our reproductive years but hubby said we should adopt a newborn or a few months old baby legally without anyone knowing while waiting for God to bless us with our own.
I don't know if I should be patient or go ahead with an adoption.I am 29years old.My hubby is a good man and he loves me so much.
It breaks my heart when I see him cry after each miscarriage.Kindly advice me on what to do and please anyone who has idea on adoption should direct me.Thanks

You're still young don't adopt then later maltreat the child, pursue the medical route aggressively

ambient:
Make sure you are adopting the child because you love children and not because you are desperate because once you start having living children (am very sure you will) if care is not taken you will see the adopted one as an outsider,its happening in my family so i have first hand knowledge about it. Try and stay with a kid that is not related in anyway for two weeks and see how you feel about it after. Goodluck and may God replenish your womb.

@OP...Listen to this advice.

Simplestone:
Please I need advice on the right step to take,I've been married for some years now and I am yet to have a child.I got pregnant on different occasions and it either ends in premature birth or miscarriage.
My husband and I have decided to adopt a child.We are still in our reproductive years but hubby said we should adopt a newborn or a few months old baby legally without anyone knowing while waiting for God to bless us with our own.
I don't know if I should be patient or go ahead with an adoption.I am 29years old.My hubby is a good man and he loves me so much.
It breaks my heart when I see him cry after each miscarriage.Kindly advice me on what to do and please anyone who has idea on adoption should direct me.Thanks

Why on earth would you call yourself childless at 29?

doitforyou:
OP, I can’t imagine how difficult it is for you right now, especially in a Nigerian marriage without kids. However, I fear for your motivation for adopting a baby. An adopted child does not deserve to be a place holder while your bio child arrives.

Adoption is a rigorous and time consuming (as it should be) process, the easiest and best option for you is if you guys have explored all fertility treatments. Egg donor/egg IVF or progesterone shots to strengthen the lining of your uterus, will be easier and more straightforward than an adoption.

I agree

tranxo:

Best advice here. Why would you be ashamed of getting something YOU love?

WHEN and HOW to break the news to the child IMHO is the only knot (which I believe is doable). You may seek out those that have gone through this route for guidance. Also do not leave it for so long; other people WILL break that news in a way the child may become confused, irritated, and lacking in trust for you.

A couple I once knew had to relocate from one part of the town to another, moved to a different church, immediately the child started talking. This helped not put them under the pressure of breaking the news prematurely.

One other VERY important thing to weigh is this (cos many people have gone ahead to birth their own babies after adoption), if it is a boy, will he be regarded as the legal first son (diokpala in Igbo), and if a girl, will she be regarded as the legal first daughter (ada in Igbo) when you birth other children.

If yes, how do you bring your biological ada and diokpala unto the same page.

Not to scare you but if you do not consider all these consequences, when they come (they will), you will be at a loss.

Pray and seek God's guidance on this issue. I'm happy Oga is with you in this. His support, is the most important.

God will multiply your family. Just do it for LOVE.

This is also very important.

Be still, and let God be God!

Your waiting will be worth it. You are still young.

Whichever one that will make you happy.
My own is to treat the child well even after yours comes.
My husband and i has also decided to adopt in the near future.

I think that you can think about surrogacy. It's a very serious step but you can always think about it using https://www.mother-surrogate.com/servise-guarantee-surrogacy-and-egg-donation.php service. There you can get a consultation about how to live with it, what you need to do etc. Surrogacy is a step for both parties and you need to know that it takes a lot of time and money as well.

Hope you don’t have Rhesus incompatibility issues with your husband? Do that research and correct it if you do. It’s a simple injection in the hospital.