Whenever I hear people claim that the institution of marriage is flawed and ultimately doomed to failure, my eyes roll. I've never bought into this idea. For all the talk about how 50% of marriages end in divorce, how much "work" it takes to maintain one, and how "unnatural" monogamy is, I've always felt that a marriage is as only as good as the people in it. Some people just aren't cut out for marriage, some people get married for all the wrong reasons, and some people just end up marrying the right person. But instead of taking responsibility, a lot of people are quick to blame the institution of marriage itself. That seems to be a recurring theme in America. Find someone or something else to blame. In this case, it's easier to say marriage is a flawed institution than to actually look inward. I know a lot of divorced people who are quick to say they did everything right and weren't at fault for the end of their marriage. I've never been married, but with all my failed relationships, I've always taken responsibility. Even in those relationships where I felt I did everything right, I took some of the blame for it ending. Why is it so hard for people to do this these days and so easy to just badmouth marriage instead? What I really can't stand is people who are now divorced that act like being divorced makes them experts on marriage, telling the rest of us who've never been married what it's really like. Being divorced may give you better insight into married life, but it hardly qualifies you as an expert or endows you with any special powers to predict how someone else's marriage will turn out.

Sorry for the rant.

Lol . . . Where is Harakiri?

Poster try responding to threads instead of always opening them.

It'll do you a world of good and help reduce your god complex.

Ujujoan:

Lol . . . Where is Harakiri?

You just couldn't help yourself. . .lol

deal_ordea:

Whenever I hear people claim that the institution of marriage is flawed and ultimately doomed to failure, my eyes roll. I've never bought into this idea. For all the talk about how 50% of marriages end in divorce, how much "work" it takes to maintain one, and how "unnatural" monogamy is, I've always felt that a marriage is as only as good as the people in it. Some people just aren't cut out for marriage, some people get married for all the wrong reasons, and some people just end up marrying the right person. But instead of taking responsibility, a lot of people are quick to blame the institution of marriage itself. That seems to be a recurring theme in America. Find someone or something else to blame. In this case, it's easier to say marriage is a flawed institution than to actually look inward. I know a lot of divorced people who are quick to say they did everything right and weren't at fault for the end of their marriage. I've never been married, but with all my failed relationships, I've always taken responsibility. Even in those relationships where I felt I did everything right, I took some of the blame for it ending. Why is it so hard for people to do this these days and so easy to just badmouth marriage instead? What I really can't stand is people who are now divorced that act like being divorced makes them experts on marriage, telling the rest of us who've never been married what it's really like. Being divorced may give you better insight into married life, but it hardly qualifies you as an expert or endows you with any special powers to predict how someone else's marriage will turn out.

Sorry for the rant.

First of all, what is marriage? According to an online source, it's defined as :

[b]Marriage is a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged in a variety of ways, depending on the culture or subculture in which it is found. Such a union, often formalized via a wedding ceremony, may also be called matrimony.

People marry for many reasons, including one or more of the following: legal, social, libido, emotional, economical, spiritual, and religious. These might include arranged marriages, family obligations, the legal establishment of a nuclear family unit, the legal protection of children and public declaration of commitment.[1][2] The act of marriage usually creates normative or legal obligations between the individuals involved. In some societies these obligations also extend to certain family members of the married persons. Some cultures allow the dissolution of marriage through divorce or annulment.

Marriage is usually recognized by the state, a religious authority, or both. It is often viewed as a contract. Civil marriage is the legal concept of marriage as a governmental institution irrespective of religious affiliation, in accordance with marriage laws of the jurisdiction.[/b]

Source : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage

That being said, i do understand where you're coming from but there is a lot of truth in what those "people" you mentioned are saying. Personally, i have nothing against marriage but i do know that marriage has lost it's true essence and creed. Marriage from the days of old is an institution designed by our forefathers to keep their generation/name going, create some sort of "sanity" when it came to sexual relationships and most important of all, to protect the interest of their daughters. During those days, men were the sole providers and protectors of the home while women bore children and oversaw the affairs of the home while the men were away. Fast forward some decades and the scales have tilted. Women are now educated, women work as professionals, women make their own income, women (who can afford it) can decide to go for artificial insemination to have a child without the aid of a husband/boyfriend. . .in essence, women DON'T need men as much as they used to and they don't hide it. Feminism has not helped matters at all. The true purpose for which marriage was intended has been defeated.

Now, everybody wants to be happy. Everybody believes they'll find that "right" person, get married and live a blissful prosperous life forever (that doesn't sound too bad) but the truth is, it's all fantasy. From your post, you evidently believe that people who got married and divorced later are probably people who weren't "mature" enough or weren't ready or didn't marry the "right" person. Well, i have a news flash for you :

EVERYBODY WHO'S UNHAPPILY MARRIED/DIVORCED TODAY BELIEVED THEY MARRIED THE "RIGHT" PERSON!
EVERYBODY WHO'S UNHAPPILY MARRIED/DIVORCED TODAY BELIEVED THEY WERE MENTALLY,PHYSICALLY,EMOTIONALLY AND FINANCIALLY MATURE! !
EVERYBODY WHO'S UNHAPPILY MARRIED/DIVORCED TODAY BELIEVED THEY WERE READY TO BE MARRIED! ! !

So what are you talking about? If that's you in your profile pix, then i presume you're still in the age of youthful exuberance and dreaming blissfully (which isn't a bad thing though) but someday, you're gonna get older and start seeing life in it's harsh true colors. Ten to Fifteen years from now, your perspective will be TOTALLY different (i can guarantee that). You're probably thinking "he's one of those sad divorcees". . .lol. I'm not even married (I'm 31 years old and happily single ). I don't need to look at online statistics to know that marriage is no longer what it is. All i need do is look around me (family, relatives, friends,neighbours,business associates,beer drinking buddies,total strangers, nairaland peeps in the family section. . .lol )

A lot of so called happily married folks out there are just putting up a facade for the sake of their kids. Why am i even typing all this? One day, your eyes will be opened to the real world.

Cheers.

@Tpia, if u can't respond, leave thread,

@Harakiri, Society (through our addiction to TV) holds up the ideal marriage as being "blond, busty, bimbette trades her assets to hot guy with a fat wallet for a contractual arrangement of support. This leads to eternal happiness and lots of sex - the only type approved by the fundamentalist religious types." This has led to a positive development. 1/3 of people now say "That's not an institution for me" so what's up in been in it, i quite understand your point on this but let's say the positive side.

deal_ordea:

@Harakiri, Society (through our addiction to TV) holds up the ideal marriage as being "blond, busty, bimbette trades her assets to hot guy with a fat wallet for a contractual arrangement of support. This leads to eternal happiness and lots of sex - the only type approved by the fundamentalist religious types." This has led to a positive development. 1/3 of people now say "That's not an institution for me" so what's up in been in it, i quite understand your point on this but let's say the positive side.

I am on the positive side (which is the cold bitter truth of things which MOST people don't wanna hear )

@Harakiri, also, Marriage isnt the problem here, get that. Its our screwed up new age culture that believes that marriage stinks and is unnatural which am trying to be postive about. What was the divorce rate in the 1980's and what is it now.

@deal_ordea. . . We are both saying the same thing from different views. I have nothing against marriage but there are forces in today's generation that make marriage horrendous. The "new age culture" you're talking about are people who have seen the harsh realities of marriage (both single and married). Dude, you need to check out the countless threads in the family section of married folks who are tired of their marriage and seeking justification to break e.g a lady posts "HE SCREAMS AT ME AND SAYS HE HATES ME" and next thing, an entire horde of ladies will echo "DUMP HIM" till the thread makes the front page. If that was the way most marriages broke up 20-60yrs ago,most youths today would be raised by single parents. Once again, feminism is the greatest killer of marriages.

This is good . . . Keep it coming guys!

@ Harakiri

I hate to break it to u but back then, no family Will give their daughters away to a man who wasn't financially capable of taking care of her. Women were married to cook, clean, stay at home and make babies. But now if a woman decides not to work, she becomes 'lazy'.

Face it honey, times have change. But the one thing that remains constant is the need for companionship. Its okay if you don't want to make an honest woman out of 'her'. Just don't assume it is right!

@ujujoan. . . If you continue these your "interludes", i might just marry you in a fit of "anger". . .lol

@ujujoan. . . I am aware of how things were back then and i have no issues with stay at home wives. The thing is, a lot of factors (mainly feminism) has turned marriage into a joke. I know i might sound one sided but women dont see any reason to remain married if they are "unhappy" in the marriage. They even divorce simply because they are "bored". Even the stay at home wife will divorce her man once she knows she'll get a sizable chunk of his assets. For the uptenth time, i have no issues with marriage but i cannot spend the rest of my life in an institution that has lost its foothold. Look around you and be honest with yourself. . .HOW MANY MARRIAGES SPANNING OVER 5 YEARS ARE GENUINELY HAPPY? Be truthful to yourself(at least). How many?

harakiri:

@ujujoan. . . I am aware of how things were back then and i have no issues with stay at home wives. The thing is, a lot of factors (mainly feminism) has turned marriage into a joke. I know i might sound one sided but women dont see any reason to remain married if they are "unhappy" in the marriage. They even divorce simply because they are "bored". Even the stay at home wife will divorce her man once she knows she'll get a sizable chunk of his assets. For the uptenth time, i have no issues with marriage but i cannot spend the rest of my life in an institution that has lost its foothold. Look around you and be honest with yourself. . .HOW MANY MARRIAGES SPANNING OVER 5 YEARS ARE GENUINELY HAPPY? Be truthful to yourself(at least). How many?

ROTFLMAO
I like that part
why labor in vain if you can do that sistahs

harakiri:

@deal_ordea. . . We are both saying the same thing from different views. I have nothing against marriage but there are forces in today's generation that make marriage horrendous. The "new age culture" you're talking about are people who have seen the harsh realities of marriage (both single and married). Dude, you need to check out the countless threads in the family section of married folks who are tired of their marriage and seeking justification to break e.g a lady posts "HE SCREAMS AT ME AND SAYS HE HATES ME" and next thing, an entire horde of ladies will echo "DUMP HIM" till the thread makes the frontage. If that was the way most marriages broke up 20-60yrs ago,most youths today would be raised by single parents. Once again, feminism is the greatest killer of marriages.

you were making sense until the bolded.

ajigglin:

you were making sense until the bolded.

Really? Please can you explain what you understand by feminism and afterwards explain how feminism has "helped" marriages?

Thank you.

Harakiri is right, Most Feminists are actually anti marriage

armyofone:



ROTFLMAO
I like that part
why labor in vain if you can do that sistahs

You mean the labour of phocking shall not be in vain?

dayokanu:

Harakiri is right, Most Feminists are actually anti marriage

You mean the labour of phocking shall not be in vain?

Thanks for reminding them. For a moment, i thought i was chatting with aliens from mars. . .lol

@Harakiri, No feminist will ever be in a marriage for better for worst, the moment the worst come's in, The big complain start.

dayokanu:

Harakiri is right, Most Feminists are actually anti marriage

You mean the labour of phocking shall not be in vain?

And your point is . . . .

If most feminist are anti marriage, does that make marriage a detestable institution

I'm not a feminist so I can't say what their take on marriage is . . . but mine does not approve of the master/slave relationship which most men are advocating for. If that makes me incapable of realizing what marriage is all about, then so be it!

harakiri:

@ujujoan. . . I am aware of how things were back then and i have no issues with stay at home wives. The thing is, a lot of factors (mainly feminism) has turned marriage into a joke. I know i might sound one sided but women dont see any reason to remain married if they are "unhappy" in the marriage. They even divorce simply because they are "bored". Even the stay at home wife will divorce her man once she knows she'll get a sizable chunk of his assets. For the uptenth time, i have no issues with marriage but i cannot spend the rest of my life in an institution that has lost its foothold. Look around you and be honest with yourself. . .HOW MANY MARRIAGES SPANNING OVER 5 YEARS ARE GENUINELY HAPPY? Be truthful to yourself(at least). How many?

Are you saying a woman should suffer physical and emotional abuse because she's married?

Even the bible says if a man does not treat his wife right, another man will 'lay' with her!

There are greedy people all over the world, but that's no reason to write EVERYBODY off.

Happiness can only come when both parties are willing to compromise . . . . not when the man expects to be worshiped because he did you the 'favor' of walking down the aisle. No sir ~   

harakiri:

@ujujoan. . . If you continue these your "interludes", i might just marry you in a fit of "anger". . .lol

Great!   

Then I can poison you for your life insurance . . .   

Ujujoan:

Are you saying a woman should suffer physical and emotional abuse because she's married?

Even the bible says if a man does not treat his wife right, another man will 'lay' with her!

There are greedy people all over the world, but that's no reason to write EVERYBODY off.

Happiness can only come when both parties are willing to compromise . . . . not when the man expects to be worshiped because he did you the 'favor' of walking down the aisle. No sir ~   

Great!   

Then I can poison you for your life insurance . . .   

Way back in the day, all these "abuse" terms and new age language was unheard of. Now, even if a guy gets tired of talking to his wife all because she nags him to death, she can accuse him of "abusing her emotionally". Wetin sef?

You cannot poison me Uju. You love me too much to do that. Trust and security in our union is unquestionable.

^ ^ ^ Na wa oh, na love I go chop love gba kwa oku!

There is no right or wrong here honey. The truth is that these things depend on the individuals involved . . What I call 'abuse' might be a show of love to the oda person. The failure and success of a marriage lies solely with the husband and wife and NOT the institution or the society or the fact that I love rich men.

If you weren't so anti marriage, you'll know that!

Ujujoan:


And your point is . . . .

If most feminist are anti marriage, does that make marriage a detestable institution

I'm not a feminist so I can't say what their take on marriage is . . . but mine does not approve of the master/slave relationship which most men are advocating for. If that makes me incapable of realizing what marriage is all about, then so be it!

Did you read the previous post or you just defaulted into your attack mode? Hakakiri posited that the growth of feminism has threatened the institution of marriage and I said he is right. If you have anythng to counter it just say.

The women indirectly advocate for the Master-Slave relationship when most of them still wont go 50-50

The time it comes to contribution they remember its a man who should be the responsible party.

If you bring almost nothing then you would be treated as a slave

Happiness can only come when both parties are willing to compromise . . . . not when the man expects to be worshiped because he did you the 'favor' of walking down the aisle. No sir

I agree with the part in bold not when think they needed to be worshipped in a relationship and most importantly give as much as you take

armyofone:

Why did I come in here?

Every woman isn't a feminist, harakiri. Women need men as much as ever. It's the way we were designed. Adam finished his work in the garden before he started to crave a wife. Eve was created to be a companion and a helpmate to Adam. After the fall man's curse was to endure mental stress and physical stress to provide. A woman's curse was to have a never-ending thirst for her husband, and also to suffer in child bearing. The effects of sin are that men are constantly stressing to provide more for his family, and woman are constantly stressing by wanting more (financially, emotionally, time, affection, ect.) of their husbands.

For those non-religious among us, consider the fact that male pheremones have a relaxing effect on women, and even produce positive physical effects as well. Just being close to our husbands creates a positive effect. The female pheremones have an effect on men, but this effect usually translates to sexual attraction instead of affecting general feelings of well-being. Male testosterone actually decreases slightly when they have intense feelings of love, which makes some men feel less competitive in the workplace.

Historically some men have used the income factor to prove their status as head of household. They've been beating their chest saying "I pay the bills around here", as if that is why they should be revered. They have threatened to throw the woman out and send her back to her parents if she complains about physical abuse or affairs.

These are the men who feel threatened by talks of female empowerment, and also by the fact that a woman may earn more money than him.

The status of head of household is enforced through wisdom, fairness, and a sense of loving responsibility. Real men practice this. Real women recognize this.

Too many women walk around complaining about their husbands to everyone that they meet, even though this husband was the same person before they even got married. They have their head in the clouds, always hoping that the man will morph into prince charming, and silently resenting their husbands. It's only when they walk away from the marriage and encounter a guy that truly treats them badly that they recognize their mistakes. Too many men split their time and energy between different women hoping to gain satisfaction, from physical stress relief without worrying about trying to form an emotional bond, only to realize that they are undermining their God-given authority as the man of the house. Think about it, if my best friend tells me that I'm getting too skinny, I won't care. If a stranger, or even worse an enemy tells me the same thing, I may take offense. If a man is to have true authority it starts in love and trust. Once he violates trust, everything he says becomes harder and harder to listen to.

Marriage is good when both partners knows their place in the Marriage and stop competing with each other.

But the irony is that most women comes into marriage with competitive attitude .

The wife claim she is equal to husband, and so everything should be 50-50.

But the-same women will not quote that 50-50 equity law when it comes to responsibility, they easily push it to the man .

And when that man can't meet up with those responsibilities, he receives the bashing of his life.

Most women marries for security(emotional, physical, and financial) not for love, and when those things are lacking they leave that marriage for a better person.

That is why marriages is all about women and children.

@emmatok. . . You have said it all. If na me talk am now, dem go say i no like woman and marriage. If marriage was about love, then beggars,bricklayers and okada riders would be wedding daughters of the creme de la creme of society. The same women who say "LOVE CONQUERS ALL" will not want to settle for a man below their social standing (unless she has some deficiencies of her own). Let me stop here before some antagonists start accusing me of "bashing" women a.ka. Telling the truth about them.

I am not for 50-50 in marriage please, thank you . I don't care if I earn as much as Dangote per month, all I want is for a man to be a man and take care of me. I don't expect my husband to wait for my paycheck every fortnight to make ends meet.

Like someone said who wan suffer for this age and time? pls let the 50-50 go for feminists