I followed my cousin to see the parents of his proposed wife,,on getting there we introduced our selves and presents the wine as custom demands in ibo land, then my cousin made known his intention to the girl's parents.

To my greatest surprise the dad asked my cousin his work and he told him,so after discussing with them we took our leave with the promise to come back as soon as they are through with inquiries, in order to pay her dowry, but to our greatest surprise the dad of the girl insisted that he must visit my cousin in his office or company and monitor the office for some time before he will give his daughter out to him.

plz Nairalanders what do u think this man is up to, i need your contributions and advice because my cousin is considering breaking up with her .

Hugry family. Your cousin should hold his ears and flee. To prevent stories that touch which will wreck him in the future. He will most likely be taking care of this mans responsibilities. . God forbid any of my brothers marry into such.

It happened to my younger sister, this one from South Africa came calling to marry my sister. My dad enquiry about his job and he said he was a lecturer in SA.

Anyway, Popsi demanded on the condition that him ( Popsi) wil visit his office in SA before giving out his precious daughter.
The guy demanded for my sister to visit or my dad should google the Internet and find out about the school himself.

Anyway, Popsi said that he will do the visit not his daughter.

It never work out though, she is now with her new hubby.

Poster, parents do this to make sure their children don't go into a marriage that will probably fail or bring trouble to their wards. Especially the Igbo ppl, they believe in marriage is for better for worst. Let him come over to visit your friend, he shouldn't be worried if he has nothing to hide.

baby_123: Hugry family. Your cousin should hold his ears and flee. To prevent stories that touch which will wreck him in the future. He will most likely be taking care of this mans responsibilities. . God forbid any of my brothers marry into such.

It's not about being hungry, with what the society is turning into, I don't blame them trying to know where their daughters are being married into

Lol. The Dad obviously want to be sure the man is for real. Lotz of fake broke ass niggarz out there.

Just that no one knows tomorrow

Smart Father, I dont blame him jare, with all the "I am into business" boys flying around looking for rich/ working Ladies to take care of them, Fathers have to shine their eyes na.
Since the hunter has learnt to shoot without missing the bird too must learn to fly without perching.
Papa doesnt want stories and probably smells something funny, if your friend has nothing to hide allow Papa jor.
My Friends Dad asked for rent agreement of all her Sisters Husbands.
Smart Parents are now shinning their eyes, no more desperation to marry off their daughters. After training her and watching her bloom, let one yahoo Man come and make her over age, no way oh.
Tell your Cousin to calm down and show his In Law his office after all they will soon be family, he should remember that he too will have a daughter and I am sure he would do anything to protect her from bad people.

Is the assumption that the suitor's job is his for life? If in the future he loses his job does it mean the marriage will then fail?

This is completely hilarious.

Bawss1: Is the assumption that the suitor's job is his for life? If in the future he loses his job does it mean the marriage will then fail?

Its not about the job, you wont understand till you have a sister or daughter or friends daughter who has been scammed into marriage by some of these fake Abuja Boys, they marry a lady pretending to be in business or to work somewhere only to use her money and car to pose all day around town, no future, no plan nothing and guess who has to pick up the slack? Papa.
Do you know how far these guys go? My Boss was sharing with me how some of his college mates were almost scammed by guys who pretended to be NNPC group Head, went as far as arranging a meeting in NNPC board room with these Expats, how they got in and got access to the board room only heaven knows.
This is to show you how far and bad these people are. Fathers have to be watchful jor.
Girls can be blinded by fine boy big car

Bawss1: Is the assumption that the suitor's job is his for life? If in the future he loses his job does it mean the marriage will then fail?

My point exactly. It comes across as the parents being too concerned about money. Your daughter, who you raised should know better. My dad may only get to know the family and family background, but i dont think he would have gone that far. Its quite suggestive of greed and open to various interpretations. I would never bring a criminal element home, and they trust me on this. WHAT! I would have been solely on my own.

debrief08:

Its not about the job, you wont understand till you have a sister or daughter or friends daughter who has been scammed into marriage by some of these fake Abuja Boys, they marry a lady pretending to be in business or to work somewhere only to use her money and car to pose all day around town, no future, no plan nothing and guess who has to pick up the slack? Papa.
Do you know how far these guys go? My Boss was sharing with me how some of his college mates were almost scammed by guys who pretended to be NNPC group Head, went as far as arranging a meeting in NNPC board room with these Expats, how they got in and got access to the board room only heaven knows.
This is to show you how far and bad these people are. Fathers have to be watchful jor.
Girls can be blinded by fine boy big car

My dad did similar thing, her graduate doctor that he had spent a fortune on, then one man just come to claim that he is blah blah blah from SA. The old man requested for flight ticket oh! Lol....

Ok the flight ticket thing was taking it too far! But

The thing was that, he didn't really like the guy and hearing so much on drug life is SA, the man begin fear oh.
Good it didn't work out, if not, maybe my sister would be the one carrying the burden if it turns out the guy was into drugs..

This is all news to me.

Obviously any suitor that prompts his future father-in-law to turn private investigator will have trust issues with his inlaws down the road.

Bawss1: This is all news to me.

Obviously any suitor that prompts his future father-in-law to turn private investigator will have trust issues with his inlaws down the road.

My Dear if you see it happen to one , two , three of your friends daughters you will be proactive.
You give your daughter to someone, one day EFCC comes and raids them or NDLEA, or SARS, so many fathers are dealing with that now or just greedy lazy son in laws, you wont understand, na us here and Lagos dey see am pass

I don't think its about being hungry or whatever..
Papa probably has doubts about the son-in-law's job legitimacy.If the guy has nothing to hide,then so be it!
No responsible father in this age and time will give off their daughter to some fellow just like that without making necessary enquiries about the life/background of the man.
Thumbs up to papa jare!
The world is getting crazier so the rules are changing.
Like debrief said..so many yahoo yahoo boys and "business men"(with no clearly defined business o) all around these days and some women are just too desperate to worry as long as someone's paying the bride price and they are soon going to become a "Mrs".
Thank God for fathers like these who are too principled to be swayed,bought or deceived by unnecessary emotions and on-the -surface acts.
Responsible prospective husbands should be ready to submit to their father-in-laws tests/probes
You are not taking a chicken or goat home but a whole human being so much has been given to making her desirable to you...and the people that value her as much need to be sure she's in safe hands.

Slimyem its not even about modern times, in the old days, your in Laws go down to your dead ancestors to inquire if there was any questionable character or issues in your family line, so what is wrong is taking your prospective father in law to see your office?

@ op are you saying exactly what the dad said?my mom actually did some investigations too oh.when my hubby was speaking too much grammar my mum didn't understand .he kept on talking of million dollars,always talking to white men,client here and their.my mum had to send my uncle, a police officer in Lagos to monitor what my hubby does whether legitimate or not.wedding was suppose to be in december it was delayed till the nxt year may.so it not just all about whether your friend is rich or not.

debrief08: Slimyem its not even about modern times, in the old days, your in Laws go down to your dead ancestors to inquire if there was any questionable character or issues in your family line, so what is wrong is taking your prospective father in law to see your office?

Absolutely nothing..!
..except that the culture of digging deep into family backgrounds has relaxed over the years because of the prevalence intense and selfish desires of so many.
I'm guessing that why the father's request is strange to the op since the expectation na to just bring yam and take the wife home.
We are going back to basics and everyone should start adjusting

Well, pple are getting smarter these days, when we wanted to rent d house we are living now, d landlord was a retired barrister or lawyer(i dont really know which one sha), he asked my hubby so many questions, including his job and my job and where we are working. Without d man informing us, he got to my hubby's place of work to ascertain what my hubby claimed to be doing, he asked of him and asked to be taken to his office, he met him there and they exchanged greetings, later told hubby that, he is now rest assured to allow him get d house. If a landlord can go to that extent, i dont see any reason why a father cant do d same thing, not even now that, almost everyone is hard to believe.
In my own case, my elder brother did something similar, he asked for my hubby's I.D card b4 he could believe him, and he even said he can pay him visit anytime, which he did b4 our wedding date.
Everywhere and almost everybody seems to be baaaad now, and this has made pple to be smarter now. So, personally, i wont blame d father o jare.
May God help us all.

So people just show up with men and say daddy i want to marry. You guys dont date or court? na wa o. Any question my dad wants to ask and know would have been known while we were dating. Even known the parents sef, as soon as i tell him i am serious about this one. Anytime the guy comes, he and my dad will sit down and gist sef. Drink and laugh. Well i guess people are different sha, my own home is open and we talk about everything. No guy can come and pick me up from home or be dating me and my parents wont know him. Its impossible. But i know my dad would never have gone to his work place or ask about anything relating to money. He doesnt want to be thought of as ana tom tom. He would trust that i will do the investigation well and bring reports, and he just needs to make a few phone calls too. . And i would never even agree to the proposal of a person i and my family hardly know. I kuku never lie to myself, so i used to do all my investigations. If i sense something funny, i bounce. Who get time for disgrace or waste of time. . I used to wonder how people will come on NL and open posts : "How do i tell my wife this or that", or "Is it right for my wife to do this and that".

hehehehehe......funny story. I don't blame the man. He doesn't want this daughter to suffer at the hands of a POOR and miserable man.

debrief08:

Its not about the job, you wont understand till you have a sister or daughter or friends daughter who has been scammed into marriage by some of these fake Abuja Boys, they marry a lady pretending to be in business or to work somewhere only to use her money and car to pose all day around town, no future, no plan nothing and guess who has to pick up the slack? Papa.
Do you know how far these guys go? My Boss was sharing with me how some of his college mates were almost scammed by guys who pretended to be NNPC group Head, went as far as arranging a meeting in NNPC board room with these Expats, how they got in and got access to the board room only heaven knows.
This is to show you how far and bad these people are. Fathers have to be watchful jor.
Girls can be blinded by fine boy big car

You hit the nail on the head
You can't be too careful these days

Shebi you folks know that yahoo boy scammers and armed robbers and ritualists and Boko haram have wives
Is there any responsible man that will give out his beloved daughter's hand in marriage to any of them?
People are being careful
I commend this father
Everyone will tell you they are businessmen
He wants to see with his own eyes what exactly his son in law does for a living

This is just a matter of 'are you who you say you are? Prove it.' No need to be testy!

baby_123: So people just show up with men and say daddy i want to marry. You guys dont date or court? na wa o. Any question my dad wants to ask and know would have been known while we were dating. Even known the parents sef, as soon as i tell him i am serious about this one. Anytime the guy comes, he and my dad will sit down and gist sef. Drink and laugh. Well i guess people are different sha, my own home is open and we talk about everything. No guy can come and pick me up from home or be dating me and my parents wont know him. Its impossible. But i know my dad would never have gone to his work place or ask about anything relating to money. He doesnt want to be thought of as ana tom tom. He would trust that i will do the investigation well and bring reports, and he just needs to make a few phone calls too. . And i would never even agree to the proposal of a person i and my family hardly know. I kuku never lie to myself, so i used to do all my investigations. If i sense something funny, i bounce. Who get time for disgrace or waste of time. . I used to wonder how people will come on NL and open posts : "How do i tell my wife this or that", or "Is it right for my wife to do this and that".

You Probably live in the same town and the same house with your Father, some people don't, hence Papa doesn't have the sit down and gist opportunity .
Secondly, Marriage and dating are 2 different things, My Father practically raised my Ex, but the day he mentioned marriage, questions like: What village is your mother from came up. A delegation was sent to his parents village first to investigate if we were in anyway related , secondly to find out question marks.
When its time for you to marry all that pally with your Bobo will stop, it will shock you how Baba will turn business man.
This has been part of our culture for years. It is not about money, you dont know how cleaver these yahoo boys have become, most of them hide under the radar till they put a ring on it, they are the most polite, the kidnest, the most sensitive, once them land madam fangs come out.

If I had a daughter,I'll do same. No apologies
Not with all sorts of fake limited,investment,entrepreneurs,consulting, 2 penny a piece companies/firms everywhere.

Vikin:

It's not about being hungry, with what the society is turning into, I don't blame them trying to know where their daughters are being married into

Are you saying the girl is too dumb so daddy has to help?

jemecks: I followed my cousin to see the parents of his proposed wife,,on getting there we introduced our selves and presents the wine as custom demands in ibo land, then my cousin made known his intention to the girl's parents.

To my greatest surprise the dad asked my cousin his work and he told him,so after discussing with them we took our leave with the promise to come back as soon as they are through with inquiries, in order to pay her dowry, but to our greatest surprise the dad of the girl insisted that he must visit my cousin in his office or company and monitor the office for some time before he will give his daughter out to him.

plz Nairalanders what do u think this man is up to, i need your contributions and advice because my cousin is considering breaking up with her .

I DEY LAUGH oooo...

I don't see anything wrong with him visiting the suitor's office. If he's got nothing to hide, let him allow him visit the office.

Is he an Igbo man? If yes,he wants to access your financial worth...Or perhaps he just wants to know if you're really making ur money in a legal way.

i don't blame the father, there are so many guys into clearing and forwarding . I think this is a case of are u who u say u are?

[size=18pt]It is rational for him to confirm the claims of the suitor, because majority of Nigerian guys lie about their jobs to deceive gullible and ignorant girls into relationship and marriage.

A messenger claiming to be a manager once deceived a young woman into marriage, until she found out later.
Like a roadside mechanic claiming to be an Automobile Engineer or a contract cleaner at a bank claiming to work for the bank, a tailor claiming to be a fashion designer and a driver claiming to be transport manager.[/size]

I wouldn't blame d pop,he is only trying to protect his daughter,with the thread of things these days,one has to somehow doubt everything,until proven otherwise,is the situation we now find ourselves..up is now down n down up...all izz well..