Beosten:


I didn't have the money she could collect and I was still financially better than her when I met her. How is that selfishness on my part? She instinctively knew that I will be something in this life.

thanks, but everyone marries for a selfish reason, and there is nothing wrong with that

GrabHisBalls:
Do you have a problem with my waiting?

No.

Beosten:


I didn't have the money she could collect and I was still financially better than her when I met her. How is that selfishness on my part? She instinctively knew that I will be something in this life.

It's selfishness on your part 'cause man is motivated by self-interest unknowing to man. You married her 'cause she was not demanding. That was a standard you raised there unknowing to you you did while advising another not to choose.

Ladylite:



Aunti
Aunty

Calm down, go and enjoy your life.

You may not believe in religion now but I bet you when you are 35 you will know life is spiritual.


All this you explained here are normal for teenagers and under 25 girls.

Lady to Lady I tell you that you know even if you meet a mature guy with all that standard, he may not be interested in you and you are too proud to chase or beg.


See, you are not ready so move on and have fun with your life and other areas of your life.

IN your 30s try again by then the standards you spent so much time explaining now will not seem important to you.

Ciao

Good advice!

Marital destiny is a very dangerous water to maneuver. Op is not a religious type, and if she's to rely on her head, she needs to be very careful.

You're living in a world of fantasy.. wake up to real life

Cc lalasticlala

Some of these comments got me laughing.


OP...give yourself time and you will find your diamond in the rough.


GrabHisBalls babe, I sight you. Hope you good.

Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get a into new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.


Here's the issue, the men that express interest in me do not fit this criteria. They seem to have no plan for their lives. I get this impression that they are broke, they recycle the same lines all the time, i usually see their bull sh1t tactics a mile away. some are in the army(i can't date men in the armed forces, they lifestyle is not what i want for myself, cannot date doctors either for the same reason)others are artisans, some are plain hustlers who just do whatever to eat. I have a soft spot for ambitious men, and i have not seen a lot in the area that i am in. I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church, but i don't believe in religion.

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them. I have even tried online dating with some male nairalanders, but i get disinterested easily. I get turned off when someone asks for my normal pics, it is quite frustrating. There's that fear that some of these men could use my pics to masturbate or one other creepy purpose. I block them if they ask for nudes. But the issue is, it is quite exhausting to keep chatting with someone without seeing them in person and some of these guys just want to smash and run which i won't allow. No man will have access to my vagina and womb without investment and commitment. Eventually it becomes hard to keep up communication and we just fizzle out like that.

I am not under pressure to marry from my parents, infact my dad says he won't allow his daughters marry until they clock 28 and i am the first. He wants us to have a career and a life before moving with a man. I just want to know if what i am doing is right?

To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?

Dear you're on the right path. You also reserve the right to your choice of man.

I feel you should look within your professional environment. By letting your positive attributes show, you'll definitely attract high quality men.


Your work place is the best place for high quality men that are smart and ambitious.


Dare to love dear.

Regards

GrabHisBalls:
The thing is that you have raised a standard for yourself. Perhaps, if you're patient enough, he'll come around. I'm in same shoes as you. Infact, I have one that has been disturbing me of marriage but he's just not my type. He knows he's not and has confronted me citing not being up to what I want but I refused to state the major reason why I won't accept to date or marry him 'cause I don't want him feeling less. I just believe that with time, things will fall in pleasant places.

One of the smartest females ive come across here. My lady, why don't you make what you desire from what you have ma?

I don't want to assume that I know you but your story sounds pretty familiar.

A lot of you Nigerian women look for the wrong things in Men, then you cry when you end up with the wrong man. Those things you crave for already exist with Men above 30 who live in Lagos, Island or Mainland, usually at this age men have made some really good income & everything around them make them seem ambitious. Just target Men in their early 30s & 40s, you would be totally fine.

That being said, money does not make a man, a man makes money. You should look forward to a man who is Kind, treats people with love, helps the needy when he can. Respects women & not misogynistic.

My very own elder Sister said in 2001, that she would never date a guy without a car, she set many standards, Guess what? The car had an accident just 3 months in the relationship & was written off, It took a year before he bought another car. They are married now, If I remind her of that statement she made with all her friends in 2001, she will be so ashamed of herself.

This is life Sister, learn.

Op. I've stayed on the high brow areas for over a decade. From Ikoyi to Lekki to Ajah, forget it ... The high mentality men. Its just a thought

Allow me use my experiences there to explain. Many guys around the country are not so motivated. You need to trim your expectations.

Now let me explain from a personal perspective. A fellow tech friend of mine said this to his lady friends, that I have a guy who would put 1 Mil in his back pocket and chew corn walking around... And yes, I fit all these qualities and more and I know the guys you seek but you won't see them showing off nor potrayijg that classy look


Work on a good man and you'll be amazed love is easy.

Some lady friends looked down a guy only me in our social circle was speaking to, my dear lady, its now just nine months after, dude is working with Chevron o. Today Europe,tomorrow another continent... So let's no look at people in their phases and give up on them too quickly.

You want a Prince Charming because you think you have attained the heights of wisdom. Smh

If you like go to Harvard or Oxford, no man is complete, I repeat no man born of a woman is complete, you can't have everything.

If you want a complete man, you gotta accept the ones that genuinely love you for who you are.

A man who truly loves you will be complete for you.

I believe if he's smart and ambitious and meet some of your standards, though not rich,you are good to go. Only baba God knows tomorrow.

Ladylite:



Aunti
Aunty

Calm down, go and enjoy your life.

You may not believe in religion now but I bet you when you are 35 you will know life is spiritual.


All this you explained here are normal for teenagers and under 25 girls.

Lady to Lady I tell you that you know even if you meet a mature guy with all that standard, he may not be interested in you and you are too proud to chase or beg.


See, you are not ready so move on and have fun with your life and other areas of your life.

IN your 30s try again by then the standards you spent so much time explaining now will not seem important to you.

Ciao

You make serious sense, but we know you let our your counsel incomplete. Do you mind searching your mind for the missing part we'll like you to convey to her that's not clearly displayed in the highlighted comment madam?

You have no idea what any man want in a relationship. You think every of your ideal guy want someone feminine, soft, good company, intelligent etc ... Lol.

I never want to date a student n had over 4 ladies I dated, one based in the USA, one works at the bank, one had her own business n I am sure if I propose to any we'd have been married but I ended up marrying a student I never wanted to date.

See, I don't know if you will ever get lucky but if you ever do when love comes around na you go edit all the bars you raised. That's not to say raised bar are not ideal but you should learn to balance desire n reality.

Harlequeen:
Yes i am. I am feminine, soft, good company, intelligent, just starting out my career, well read and so much more. The man who i end up with will be truly blessed.

GrabHisBalls:
She shouldn't drop the mentality of listing credentials oh! People marry for selfish reasons even though they will tell you they love you unconditionally. The woman you married, you married her for selfish reasons. At least, she didn't collect a Kobo from you while dating. That was selfishness on your part.

How do you people advise people to drop standards? Anything doesn't go. Not all men with the dick are worth a relationship, not to talk of marriage.

You're the meanest and realest woman walking upon the earth. Jesus

Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get a into new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.


Here's the issue, the men that express interest in me do not fit this criteria. They seem to have no plan for their lives. I get this impression that they are broke, they recycle the same lines all the time, i usually see their bull sh1t tactics a mile away. some are in the army(i can't date men in the armed forces, they lifestyle is not what i want for myself, cannot date doctors either for the same reason)others are artisans, some are plain hustlers who just do whatever to eat. I have a soft spot for ambitious men, and i have not seen a lot in the area that i am in. I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church, but i don't believe in religion.

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them. I have even tried online dating with some male nairalanders, but i get disinterested easily. I get turned off when someone asks for my normal pics, it is quite frustrating. There's that fear that some of these men could use my pics to masturbate or one other creepy purpose. I block them if they ask for nudes. But the issue is, it is quite exhausting to keep chatting with someone without seeing them in person and some of these guys just want to smash and run which i won't allow. No man will have access to my vagina and womb without investment and commitment. Eventually it becomes hard to keep up communication and we just fizzle out like that.

I am not under pressure to marry from my parents, infact my dad says he won't allow his daughters marry until they clock 28 and i am the first. He wants us to have a career and a life before moving with a man. I just want to know if what i am doing is right?

To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?

Kindly review your specification, draw a scale of preference and apply opportunity cost..
No human is perfect, or let me say nobody has it all... I'd like to be a friend though, you sound smart and focused..

Madam. It's fine not to be religious, but being godly will go a long way in helping you shape your life. You can't ignore the God factor. You can get a man with all these attributes, and a year after you get married, he falls terribly sick, both of you spend all your money, and you are back to level zero! This happens to the not too rich as well, but you are sounding so proud , like someone that knows tomorrow, like you can tell if a guy will become rich tomorrow or not. We have a lot of future billionaire walking around now with zero naira in their pocket.
God will help you o

Harlequeen:
Yes i am. I am feminine, soft, good company, intelligent, just starting out my career, well read and so much more. The man who i end up with will be truly blessed.

Im postive you got good features, but this doesn't bless a man.... Be mindful

princefunmmy:

Kindly review your specification, draw a scale of preference and apply opportunity cost..
No human is perfect, or let me say nobody has it all... I'd like to be a friend though, you sound smart and focused..

i've done that already, these are the ones i have left.

Op do you mind sharing tips on how you spend your non-working hours towards attracting people of interest to yourself?

How do you utilize your-good qualities outside your workspace to attract?


What's your routine/activities like outside work hours?

Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get a into new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.


Here's the issue, the men that express interest in me do not fit this criteria. They seem to have no plan for their lives. I get this impression that they are broke, they recycle the same lines all the time, i usually see their bull sh1t tactics a mile away. some are in the army(i can't date men in the armed forces, they lifestyle is not what i want for myself, cannot date doctors either for the same reason)others are artisans, some are plain hustlers who just do whatever to eat. I have a soft spot for ambitious men, and i have not seen a lot in the area that i am in. I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church, but i don't believe in religion.

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them. I have even tried online dating with some male nairalanders, but i get disinterested easily. I get turned off when someone asks for my normal pics, it is quite frustrating. There's that fear that some of these men could use my pics to masturbate or one other creepy purpose. I block them if they ask for nudes. But the issue is, it is quite exhausting to keep chatting with someone without seeing them in person and some of these guys just want to smash and run which i won't allow. No man will have access to my vagina and womb without investment and commitment. Eventually it becomes hard to keep up communication and we just fizzle out like that.

I am not under pressure to marry from my parents, infact my dad says he won't allow his daughters marry until they clock 28 and i am the first. He wants us to have a career and a life before moving with a man. I just want to know if what i am doing is right?

To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?

Midnighter's handwriting.

Skelewu:


Midnighter's handwriting.

Lol. She does sound like me doesn't she

OP yes, you're doing the right thing, just continue like that you will be fine.

It sounds like you just need a change of scenery, you sound fatigued and slightly exasperated. Maybe you need to try out a new hobby and expand your horizons so that your mind won't be on it all the time

You will feel better when you start serving and you get to try out a new environment. Also try to give people a fair chance, attraction doesn't have to be immediate

midnighter:


Lol. She does sound like me doesn't she

OP yes, you're doing the right thing, just continue like that you will be fine.

It sounds like you just need a change of scenery, you sound fatigued and slightly exasperated. Maybe you need to try out a new hobby and expand your horizons so that your mind won't be on it all the time

You will feel better when you start serving and you get to try out a new environment.

Nice try baby.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I lose interest in people easily too. Sometimes I wish I had someone to whisper sweet nonsense in my ears, you know that rush that comes with new love but the rest of the time, I'm just enjoying my peace. No point going around sampling frogs all over the place in the name of searching for Mr right.

And it's not bad to know what you want. Do you pray? Because without God's guidance, all these attributes you listed won't mean anything, some women did more than this and tthey still ended up with 'horsebands'.
It is God that chooses for us. So don't bother yourself, just be praying and working on your career, at God's time, His appointed man for you will show up.

P.s those friends that told you to look towards V.i, Lekki blah blah don't know what they are talking about, na where all these fvckboys even plenty pass, too many 'faworajas'. or they kept a group of good guys in one house there? Lol

Harlequeen:
thanks, but everyone marries for a selfish reason, and there is nothing wrong with that

hello ! everytin is wrong with the word selfishness n wateva situation it applies. have you ever thot about why there are so many broken r/ships nowadays.
A lady wants a guy to provide for her without giving her body & guys want sex no commitment, tell me how this is not a problem.
It is gud you av set standards for ur life buh alway give room for fate.

Hmmm my sister let me just advice you I know u have a taste but I will not support you to think that because u want to eat a cow and u call a cow brother I know it frustrating to grow to that level and not been engaged but in all the men that have been around you u just have to take your time with the best one and settle down with him mind you those guys u call unemployed may be lucky tomorrow and they are employed and have the qualities you so desire don't judge a book by it cover now adays is not that men don't want to marry but they are afraid of the bills why is it so because where is the job to foot the bills many are going from north pole to South pole to meet ends meet so our ladies in the house start small with the men of your dream intact do court wedding with him when ever he folks up u remind him the wedding u did some men needs an encourager someone who will propell them to greatness but our women of now adays love to abuse their husbands as a nobody so pls the best one is among those people u call short sighted guys look for him believe in him pray for him groom him and encourage him u will see the Skye will be the starting point in your marriage .

based on mylogic you are not likely to get married at all to any man either with the dominant conception. don't quote your dad he has lived his life and he can't live your life for you. just try to take best advantage of your "Time" (youthful days) because you can't have it enough...

Harlequeen:
I opened this account because my main one is pretty popular.

I've had this issue and don't know what's wrong.
I can't seem to get a into new relationship. I am now 25, about serving, working a normal job

My dating history is not too rich. I dated just one guy for 2 years, i became sexually active with him, we enjoyed each other, but things didn't work out. I tried to be better, have moved on, and he has too. This was mid last year. I have been celibate since then not because i don't like sex, but because i had time to think, i read a lot of books, listened to a lot of relationship counselors on YouTube, reddit, Nairaland and so on. I decided to approach dating differently, with my head and not my heart . i would vet men out who were not in line with some basic standards, to avoid fuckboys and meet high quality men. He should be well spoken, either with a career or into trade, accomplished, way older by at least 10 yrs(no i don't have daddy issues, i just like mature guys because i think like a mature person) he could also have plans to leave the country, because i plan to do that also.


Here's the issue, the men that express interest in me do not fit this criteria. They seem to have no plan for their lives. I get this impression that they are broke, they recycle the same lines all the time, i usually see their bull sh1t tactics a mile away. some are in the army(i can't date men in the armed forces, they lifestyle is not what i want for myself, cannot date doctors either for the same reason)others are artisans, some are plain hustlers who just do whatever to eat. I have a soft spot for ambitious men, and i have not seen a lot in the area that i am in. I have been advised by my friends to try highbrow areas like lekki or VI or go to church, but i don't believe in religion.

But whenever i see these men, i am not attracted to them. I have even tried online dating with some male nairalanders, but i get disinterested easily. I get turned off when someone asks for my normal pics, it is quite frustrating. There's that fear that some of these men could use my pics to masturbate or one other creepy purpose. I block them if they ask for nudes. But the issue is, it is quite exhausting to keep chatting with someone without seeing them in person and some of these guys just want to smash and run which i won't allow. No man will have access to my vagina and womb without investment and commitment. Eventually it becomes hard to keep up communication and we just fizzle out like that.

I am not under pressure to marry from my parents, infact my dad says he won't allow his daughters marry until they clock 28 and i am the first. He wants us to have a career and a life before moving with a man. I just want to know if what i am doing is right?

To be honest, i just want some words of advice and encouragement, you can ask me questions if you want. This approach of mine? Is it the right thing? Am i being too smart for my own good? Am i afraid of commitment?

I'm everything you described, except I'm slightly younger than you.
We probably won't get along though 'cause you seem very orderly, and so am I.
I found out I only gel with spontaneous and chaotic people, even though they're bad for my health, I'm self-destructive like that.
Good luck, Harley.

Skelewu:


Nice try baby.

Lol a girl gats to console herself

I can bet my balls this is funmisticqueen

GrabHisBalls:
It's selfishness on your part 'cause man is motivated by self-interest unknowing to man. You married her 'cause she was not demanding. That was a standard you raised there unknowing to you you did while advising another not to choose.

You know pocohantas usually tell in her comments that If you remove finance from a relationship, a lot of Men don't have anything to offer & I strongly agree with her, but the know the real problem? A lot of Nigerian ladies have refused to look beyond a relationship of where they have to receive financially, they see it as Exploitation & Selfishness. A kind man knows when to spoil his woman when needed & It's not by killing him with demands.

A man who is kind, caring & treats her like a queen is really not the interest of an average Nigerian lady. Once you remove the financial equation, the relationship is as good as dead. Buying her flowers, sending her favorite food to her office...Guy you are wasting your time.

I worry less nowadays, as I am convinced that an average Nigerian lady deserves the average Nigerian man. At least I can sleep at night knowing that those two finally have a meeting point, as two oceans meet in Gulf of Alaska.