I feel so frustrated.. I have been trying to write about how I feel, I feel like giving up and leave this world of pain and hate.. He complains about everything, he says I'm disrespectful simply because I like to play with him, he insults me and when he apologizes I forgive him, but any slight mistake from me always end up in a very bad experience, he hit and pushes me anytime I try to apologize to him, he threatens to leave me anytime I offend him... He offends me often but I try to overlook it.. But when I offend him he becomes so aggressive that when I try to apologize to him he always hurt me..I feel like our relationship is going south because I feel emotionally depressed with the way he treats me, I have been through a lot of things for him..I even try to please him even though I'm displeased..I don't know why I'm always the bad person, people I love and care for always end up hurting me no matter how hard I try to please them.. I feel I don't matter and I'm not capable of been loved..he says I love to quarell but he doesn't know what I pass through everyday with the way he treats me, he feels I disrespects him, but I swear I don't disrespect or mean to disrespect him..he thinks he is perfect and he doesn't hurt me, I'm always the person offending him..my heart is so heavy I don't know what else to say.. I pray to be a better person and I also pray for him no matter what he does to me..His pride and ego makes him do inhumane things to me..I need matured advice please

Well it depends on how long you have been together, moreover you know you ladies always want all the attention at the same time want all the things money can buy.Another thing is your age differences .Please don't give up on life,we all have our problems,just stay positive.

find something you love doing, and earn money,...........gnore him...he will get sence

We have been together for 6 years and during these 6 years I haven't ever asked him for any money to buy anything.. I manage whatever I see but he has changed all of a sudden, he even threatens to get another wife..he is older with 6 years

Habby121:
We have been together for 6 years and during these 6 years I haven't ever asked him for any money to buy anything.. I manage whatever I see but he has changed all of a sudden, he even threatens to get another wife..he is older with 6 years

Are you financially dependent on him?

No I'm not...I even try to help out at home with my own little money.. I'm the only daughter of my parents and I have 6 brothers so they opened a business for me after I got married, he is unemployed but he trys to hustle like every other man

Habby121:
No I'm not...I even try to help out at home with my own little money.. I'm the only daughter of my parents and I have 6 brothers so they opened a business for me after I got married, he is unemployed but he trys to hustle like every other man

How many children do you people have?

[quote author=bossinblack post=84693866]

How many children do you people have?[/quote we don't have kids yet, but I'm pregnant now 9 weeks

Habby121:
I'm pregnant now but it's still very young..i'm 9 weeks gone, he Hurt me anytime I try to apologize to him, he hits and pushes me but I now try to avoid him because I don't want another miscarriage ..he even hit me yesterday because I tried waking him up, he said I shouted at him, and I'm disrespectful, he even went to bed without talking to me.

I am sorry but you need to leave or at least remove yourself from this toxic environment. I know it’s not easy to just up and leave but physical abuse is not something you should endure. He’s a very mean person and no one deserves to live like this, marriage is hard enough as is.

While you wait to get yourself to the emotional place you need to be to leave, look for/do something that takes up most of your time. Since he sees every interaction with him as disrespectful, Ignore him completely, keep busy and focus on yourself and your unborn baby, with time you will become emotionally independent from him.

[quote author=Habby121 post=84693883][/quote

Does he ever hurt you? Like beats you?

I'm pregnant now but it's still very young..i'm 9 weeks gone, he Hurt me anytime I try to apologize to him, he hits and pushes me but I now try to avoid him because I don't want another miscarriage ..he even hit me yesterday because I tried waking him up, he said I shouted at him, and I'm disrespectful, he even went to bed without talking to me.

This started two months ago he wasn't like this

Habby121:
No I'm not...I even try to help out at home with my own little money.. I'm the only daughter of my parents and I have 6 brothers so they opened a business for me after I got married, he is unemployed but he trys to hustle like every other man

....Threatening you with getting another wife, clearly shows that he place no value on your marriage. You two need to sit down and discuss the issues your marriage is facing, communicate your feelings and let him, his.

I have tried talking to him but he always Say's I'm talking rubbish and if i don't have anything to say I should look for ways to make my marriage work and stop nagging

Well good thing you're pregnant ,may be he is just having cold feet,he is going to be a new daddy. ,don't worry all his shakara would end when he sees his carbon copy....but meanwhile be sure he doesn't have a size chick,six years aren't a easy wait.Been unemployed too his a Physcology effect .No man his happy if he can't take care of his wife,let alone his kid.Just try figure out how you do engage him.

Just 2 months ago? Then Honey something is wrong, try to find out what is bothering him and talk about it over the telephone because you have to run away from him. How can he push and hit a pregnant woman? You don't want to have another miscarriage? What are you still waiting for to be at least be separated for the time being. As for marrying another woman, please don't fall for that crap, he is just using that to hurt you. You are an adorable woman, rise beyond that threat, he as the liberty to take as many wife as he can afford so do you have your liberty to peace of mind. Please leave the house for your own safety and settle from afar instead of from the grave. Men who hit their women are usually sick or depressed, help him get help but first you need that help first so protect yourself and child. So sorry for your troubles

I am so sorry about what you are going through, especially the violence. Which is enough for you to leave but you have decided otherwise.

Since, you want to get his love back back, then the problem is about what you have refused see. You are still acting on the surface. Behave live a therapist.

But...

Your husband is going through something which you are unaware of. Something is bugging him and being egoistic, he doesn't want to talk but wants you to know and empathize. Weird right?

The reason why he is venting on you is because it is just you he has. But because he is yet to master his problem, this is the reason for his haphazard behavior.

When last did you sit him down and ask about his finance, career, goals, aspirations?

Your husband needs you to talk to him and all those talks about respect from him is just to summarize his defensiveness.

Your husband is going through something, reach into his heart. He loves you you and that other wife talk is a big bluff. He only wants you to step up. Reach out to him.

Habby121:
This started two months ago he wasn't like this

So all a sudden he started seeing you as disrespectful?? This is straight from a cheaters playbook. They need to demonize their victim in order to justify their cheating and assuage their conscience. Anyways, you don’t deserve to get hit.

Prec1ous:
I am so sorry about what you are going through, especially the violence. But the problem is about what you have refused see. You are acting on the surface.

But...

Your husband is going through something which you are unaware of. Something is bugging him and being egoistic, he doesn't want to talk but wants you to know and empathize. Weird right?

The reason why he is venting on you is because it is just you he has. But because he is yet to master his problem, this is the reason for his haphazard behavior.

When last did you sit him down and ask about his finance, career, goals, aspirations?

Your husband needs you to talk to him and all those talks about respect from him is just to summarize his defensiveness.

Your husband is going through something, reach into his heart. He loves you you and that other wife talk is a big bluff. He only wants you to step up. Reach out to him.

I hear you, so because he is going through something, she should get hit enough to cause a miscarriage. What kind of marriage is that? Is that not the point of marriage, together as one. If you so much hate being vulnerable sharing your problems with your spouse enough to physically abuse them then you shouldn’t be in the union.

liberalchick:

I hear you, so because he is going through something, she should get hit enough to cause a miscarriage. What kind of marriage is that? Is that not the point of marriage, together as one. If you so much hate being vulnerable sharing your problems with your spouse enough to physically abuse them then you shouldn’t be in the union.

My first paragraph had a sentence where I spoke against the violence.

From the tone of her post, she is not ready to leave her marriage, she is here because she wants to fight and salvage the situation. If she wants to leave, she will not be here asking for solutions.

She wants her husband's love back and I am telling her something she needs to achieve as part of that step.

ALSO, nothing is in black and white. you will still brood over issues one day without telling your partner and still vilify him for not noticing. I am certain you have done it in the past too.

I saw your comment telling her to leave, you may as well, go to her house and pack up her bag for her.

Read her post again... She wants to fight and save her marriage even if it is not the best. She is not ready to leave. If not, she will on her own!

Prec1ous:


My first paragraph had a sentence where I spoke against the violence.

From the tone of her post, she is not ready to leave her marriage, she is here because she wants to fight and salvage the situation. If she wants to leave, she will not be here asking for solutions.

She wants her husband's love back and I am telling her something she needs to achieve as part of that step.

ALSO, nothing is in black and white. you will still brood over issues one day without telling your partner and still vilify him for not noticing. I am certain you have done it in the past too.

[s]I saw your comment telling her to leave, you may as well, go to her house and pack up her bag for her.[/s]

Read her post again... She wants to fight and save her marriage even if it is not the best. She is not ready to leave. If not, she will on her own!

Of course no one wants to leave their marriage even if sometimes that’s the best thing to do in a toxic marriage. Leaving or separating from a spouse is one of the most difficult things to do and most times, people don’t leave until they’ve gone through some sort of intervention.

What you’re doing is minimizing the physical abuse and trying to justify or look for reasons why he might’ve hit her. Barring self defense, there is NO reason or justification for a physical assault. While you’re telling her to talk to a man that has already told her he wants nothing to do with her, a man that hit her because she woke him up putting her at risk for another miscarriage. Is that what you would tell your daughter to do?

Painting your husband as the devil while you painting yourself as the saint. Women!



Nonsense!

liberalchick:


Of course no one wants to leave their marriage even if sometimes that’s the best thing to do in a toxic marriage. Leaving or separating from a spouse is one of the most difficult things to do and most times, people don’t leave until they’ve gone through some sort of intervention.

What you’re doing is minimizing the physical abuse and trying to justify or look for reasons why he might’ve hit her. Barring self defense, there is NO reason or justification for a physical assault. While you’re telling her to talk to a man that has already told her he wants nothing to do with her, a man that hit her because she woke him up putting her at risk for another miscarriage. Is that what you would tell your daughter to do?

I would never justify or support violence on one's spouse on any scale. But this woman is just giving her side, the man Is not here to say anything.

But the most important thing I want you to note, she came here for advice on how to get his love back.

If the violence was her problem, we will not be here. She knows what to do. Just like you stated, she should leave.

People vent differently but the husband has chosen to be beating her continuously, which begs the question logically. And yet she is not thinking of leaving. This should tell you that she is not being sincere with the information she gave here.

Let me ask you, think this thing through. How will a human being beat you mercilessly just for waking them up. Does that even make any sense to you?

It's very disheartening that people just say trash... Dumb the man,get a miscarriage... The question is are you people ready to marry her immediately she leaves her marriage? Marriage is never a bed of roses neither do I accept violence in marriage but it's very necessary to look at this things in different angle... Depends on what kind of woman she is before coming here to give a full reaction to 3 sentence as though that's the genesis... You need advice of good family members and maybe counselor no be all this shady response on here. Everyone na counselor but they can't even keep 6 month relationship analyzing 6years marriage...

Habby121:
I'm pregnant now but it's still very young..i'm 9 weeks gone, he Hurt me anytime I try to apologize to him, he hits and pushes me but I now try to avoid him because I don't want another miscarriage ..he even hit me yesterday because I tried waking him up, he said I shouted at him, and I'm disrespectful, he even went to bed without talking to me.

If this story is not made up, he’s hitting you when you’re pregnant and you’re still there? Doing what?

From your responses, it's time to leave. Don't do it for anyone,do it for you!
Please take a break from that toxic environment. We will discuss other things when you're out of harms way.

So people can just decide to physically abuse others because they are going through stuff?

Prec1ous:
I am so sorry about what you are going through, especially the violence. Which is enough for you to leave but you have decided otherwise.

Since, you want to get his love back back, then the problem is about what you have refused see. You are still acting on the surface. Behave live a therapist.

But...

Your husband is going through something which you are unaware of. Something is bugging him and being egoistic, he doesn't want to talk but wants you to know and empathize. Weird right?

The reason why he is venting on you is because it is just you he has. But because he is yet to master his problem, this is the reason for his haphazard behavior.

When last did you sit him down and ask about his finance, career, goals, aspirations?

Your husband needs you to talk to him and all those talks about respect from him is just to summarize his defensiveness.

Your husband is going through something, reach into his heart. He loves you you and that other wife talk is a big bluff. He only wants you to step up. Reach out to him.

The first solution to marriage palava is to inform family members and loved ones so they can try to repair any damage found. If that option has been utilized then you can think of separation before divorce. She wants her marriage back to a happy home but most of you are already giving her the last option in which most won't used when face with the same issue. Hmmm

cococandy:
So people can just decide to physically abuse others because they are going through stuff?

Is this supposed to be new to you? That is part of human traits. Sometimes we want others to feel our pain even without telling them about it. He might just need someone to sit him down and talk some sense into his brain.

cococandy:
So people can just decide to physically abuse others because they are going through stuff?

Yes, people abuse others because they go through stuffs. Policemen, Sars, bully, serial killers, robbers, envious people... The lists goes on.

So stop acting like it is news.

Physical violence is bad and I do not support it.

But we are trying to find the cause of the issue in this woman's household.

This is why I say this woman has not completely and explicitly expressed the true situation in her post.

There is a way she Is acting or reacting to him that is making him beastly. She is the only on who can answer this. But I am certain on one thing, she is not being helpful to the man's plight and he is doing the only thing he knows, violence.

There is a reason for every actions. People don't just snap!

bdchange:
The first solution to marriage palava is to inform family members and loved ones so they can try to repair any damage found. If that option has been utilized then you can think of separation before divorce. She wants her marriage back to a happy home but most of you are already giving her the last option in which most won't used when face with the same issue. Hmmm

Is it not funny?

The woman says she want to save her marriage and spinsters everywhere are telling her to leave.

Is she a kid that does not know what she wants? Or is the marriage a toilet where you go take a dump and leave anytime you want?

The man is beating her up which is terrible but for every problem, there is an origin and series of solution.

lalasticlala, come and help this woman.

Habby121:
I feel so frustrated.. I have been trying to write about how I feel, I feel like giving up and leave this world of pain and hate.. He complains about everything, he says I'm disrespectful simply because I like to play with him, he insults me and when he apologizes I forgive him, but any slight mistake from me always end up in a very bad experience, he hit and pushes me anytime I try to apologize to him, he threatens to leave me anytime I offend him... He offends me often but I try to overlook it.. But when I offend him he becomes so aggressive that when I try to apologize to him he always hurt me..I feel like our relationship is going south because I feel emotionally depressed with the way he treats me, I have been through a lot of things for him..I even try to please him even though I'm displeased..I don't know why I'm always the bad person, people I love and care for always end up hurting me no matter how hard I try to please them.. I feel I don't matter and I'm not capable of been loved..he says I love to quarell but he doesn't know what I pass through everyday with the way he treats me, he feels I disrespects him, but I swear I don't disrespect or mean to disrespect him..he thinks he is perfect and he doesn't hurt me, I'm always the person offending him..my heart is so heavy I don't know what else to say.. I pray to be a better person and I also pray for him no matter what he does to me..His pride and ego makes him do inhumane things to me..I need matured advice please

madam why can't you respect yourself and stop rocking the boat in your marriage. Stop that play that annoys and irks him, stop those behaviors that don't foster peace in your home. Are you that immature to play with your marriage? What is wrong with some of us and victim mentality.
Comparing reactions to perceived hurt like little kids.

You both might be married, but you are still two different people who need understanding to cope and live. Understand now that you should behave in ways that foster peace and accord in your home and not otherwise under any guise of "play" or "romance"

Once you get mature and start behaving mature like someone who knows this marriage has to work, you will see things improve in your home and maybe then your immature husband will also take cue and behave himself.