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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) (52486 Views)
When A Deadbeat Dad Gets Old And Weary. / Boy's Converstaion With His 'Deadbeat' Dad About Christmas Gift Sparks Debate / How I Ended My Relationship With A Married Man (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by mapet: 11:05am On Dec 13, 2019 |
IceColdVeins: There is a conventional wisdom that in couple's fight, children will only understand the dimensions later in life. @Bratislava, I assume you're yet to reach that level of maturity. Let's put all assumptions of yours (not the IceColdVeins') into it, what had "playing the victim" achieved over the years? IceColdVeins' message is about reconciliation and peace. It's what we all need to find. The world will be a better place if we learn to "loose" on our egos and self-centeredness and "win" together. A friend once advanced a position when we were growing up, that if parents fight, children should not take sides but rather seek to reconcile or get the best of amicable settlement out of the situation. The danger of taking sides could be that one parent is playing you against the other. Let me share a little story. An old senior colleague vowed that his sons will never have any contact with his wife. His wife had organized with some police women to arrest him and they paid thugs in cell who beat him to pulp in retaliation for his beating of his wife in a fight. Meanwhile, in my humble opinion, the wife is a kolo woman and I wondered how he encountered that accident of a woman. In connivance with these police women, they dealt with the man, it took the intervention of another colleague who's uncle is an assistant police commissioner to secure his release over a weekend. This man checked himself into an hospital as soon as he got out and was there for about a day. He vowed that he was going to severe relationship with the woman, and the woman woll have nothing to do with the children. He even went as far as sending these boys to the US. Guess what? these boys still covertly gets to talk to their mum. The mother got through to a neighbour and the boys took calls in the neighbours house on the pretense they are going to play in the neighbour's house. This happend for a 7year period and the father does not know till date. The 2 boys are in the Uni in US. I would imagine they still communicate with their mother, much more send her stuffs. These boys are far gone in their studies and I doubt their father can do anything about it if he ever finds out. 1 Like |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by ChiefSweetus: 11:05am On Dec 13, 2019 |
obamartins:So orphans that lost their parents suddenly are hopeless for not getting blessings? a child molested by her dad too must still seek his blessing before he dies? 13 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by BRATISLAVA: 11:05am On Dec 13, 2019 |
luminouz:animosity? Not at all. I just needed to bring out the other side strongly because people never want to face it. We keep talking about getting into his shoes and seeing his side, but nothing justifies negligence of ones children. Nothing at all. He can give any excuse now to counter what he knows could be the truth that the mother told icecoldveins and the OP would believe him because he's looking for the man's favor. Things happen. Men lie, too. He could be lying about his side. But his actions will have spoken louder than his words. If you check my post this is why I said it is foolishness to take it out on your spouse because it's your children that would be hurt. And please, your post on the supernatural is... 5 Likes |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by KanuSE: 11:06am On Dec 13, 2019 |
BRATISLAVA: Please mention what would sooth your grievance. |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by ibkayee(f): 11:07am On Dec 13, 2019 |
Omakraid:Not entirely clear on whether he just heard it from his mum or witnessed it himself, that one aside, he also mentioned experiencing negligence 1 Like |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by ibkayee(f): 11:07am On Dec 13, 2019 |
Ladycewhy:Exactly, yeah maybe there are points we’re missing |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by BRATISLAVA: 11:08am On Dec 13, 2019 |
KanuSE:You ruined that by lying that I'm a bad loser. You can give yourself your treat. I'm not aggrieved. 2 Likes |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by Nobody: 11:08am On Dec 13, 2019 |
Romanoff: He said he builds houses and buys cars. Those things dont need queens English 1 Like |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by iammiracle1(m): 11:08am On Dec 13, 2019 |
The initial post was misleading, its very good that the op reconciled with his father, forgiveness is key, we should always try, let's shelve the man vs woman narrative... |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by Ladycewhy(f): 11:10am On Dec 13, 2019 |
ibkayee:i hate half stories. There is more he is not saying making readers form their opinion. But i am very interested in why he felt the need to apologize if he already labelled his dad a dead beat. 2 Likes |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by KanuSE: 11:10am On Dec 13, 2019 |
BRATISLAVA: You're yet to point out where I demonstrated support for bad behaviour in men. I bet you're still looking it... |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by whatalife: 11:11am On Dec 13, 2019 |
Boss I need to talk to you sir, regarding dairy milk in Kenya Pavore9: |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by Nobody: 11:11am On Dec 13, 2019 |
What a read! Some stories here were so touching, I almost shed a tear. Let me take a minute to appreciate any mother out there doing it all by herself. You're indeed a mother. And to those that died before reaping the fruit of their womb, your reward is in heaven. I think the Nigeria's government has to implement laws that makes Nigerian men(fathers) responsible to their kids. These men understand that the second they abscond, the women won't abandon their kids so they do that without looking back. Even if you want to abscond 'cause the woman in your life is a problem, be responsible to your children. Is that too much to ask? Some of those who've shared experiences are broken beyond redemption. Some are saying they've forgiven, but will the scars leave? In saner climes, you'll think twice before bringing another into this world 'cause even when you don't want to have anything to do with the child and mother, the government will make you responsible to that child. Our government needs to wake up. 8 Likes |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by Zukky123(m): 11:11am On Dec 13, 2019 |
I really commend your efforts to reconcile with your dad, it takes great courage and serious ego-breaking to that. Don't listen to anything anyone would say on this platform, cos I'm sure you are an adult and have taken time to put many things into consideration having thought this through. This is a bold step, I just hope that your mum would also benefit from this reconciliation and hope your dad does not relapse again, cos it would become another cycle or even worse when you interfere in their matters again. Just know this means you cannot meddle in the affairs of ur family hence forth as you've sold the rights to do so, unless you want to keep sucking up to him. Me myself I'm a victim of this paternal negligence. Since 2018 marchl haven't been able to talk to my dad simply because I tried to make peace between him and my mum when they had their usual rift. I tried so hard no to pick sides, I tried so hard not to be rude, I tried so hard not to challenge my dad,, but yet we have become strangers only because I said ""daddy please it hasn't gotten to the level of using curse words". Because I want peace I've tried severally to apologise and reconcile with him but to no avail. I call, he doesn't take my calls, I text but still no positive response. Even when I got paid my first salary during my housemanship I went with his favourite wine, and again before my service, I went with another wine and he kicked me out, the second time leaving me in front of his officce and driving off at night. Few days back I turned 26 and messaged him, but still no response. I know some people would say certain nasty things, I just need sensible advice regarding this matter because I don't know what to do again. And I want peace and also don't want to sell my rights to resolving family conflicts as I'm the first child and son. 2 Likes |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by thoollz: 11:11am On Dec 13, 2019 |
The comments from ladies here at times baffles me. Someone stated his points, it's his family so he knows where the right and wrong party is. U can't just judge if u are an outsider. I even saw someone stating Tonto's family as an example. Do u think the boy won't find out the truth, u think he won't know she pushed his father out of his life? Most times when parent matters are being discussed on this forum, we hear most guys and ladies pick up sides with their mum, what's different about this? Not everything revolves around women all the time. As there are bad dads so do we have bad moms. 2 Likes |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by mapet: 11:12am On Dec 13, 2019 |
TheArchangel: Chai! See how you added "spice" and ended up saying what he never said nor alluded to..... 1 Like |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by KanuSE: 11:13am On Dec 13, 2019 |
BRATISLAVA: Calm down madam, no be fight na...so you can't even handle banter.
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Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by luminouz(m): 11:14am On Dec 13, 2019 |
BRATISLAVA: Alright... One love bro/sis |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by KanuSE: 11:15am On Dec 13, 2019 |
Angelfrost: Attack kwa |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by PataAlhaja(m): 11:15am On Dec 13, 2019 |
Ladycewhy: The pussy-ass coward wants to be included in his rich "father's" will. Nothing else. He'd have long forgotten he had a father if the man had lost all his wealth and ended up as a bus driver. Indeed, money rules the world. 5 Likes |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by ibkayee(f): 11:16am On Dec 13, 2019 |
Ladycewhy:To keep such hostility and go without talking for 6 years, only to suddenly be convinced of a reconciliation by that small, two sentence quote on Nairaland is kind of weird lol. I am also interested in the full story 5 Likes |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by JONNYSPUTE(m): 11:16am On Dec 13, 2019 |
Ladycewhy:.. So you will want him to keep crucifying his dad before you believe his story abi?.I don't always understand why almost every thread here becomes a sort of competition between the both genders.Cant we just be happy for him atleast? Op good you reconciled with your dad.Happiness and joy is priceless. 1 Like |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by Ladycewhy(f): 11:17am On Dec 13, 2019 |
PataAlhaja:he is dodging that part. I am still trying to figure out how you will be the one to apologize to a dead beat father ,lol very funny op. 5 Likes |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by mapet: 11:18am On Dec 13, 2019 |
prizlezzlalasky:But some people have started constructing the father's story na! TheArchangel: : greatme2good: |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by luminouz(m): 11:19am On Dec 13, 2019 |
Zukky123: Leave him be. Grow some balls while at it. You sound desperate for his affection. You are likely very kind and soft at heart. At 26, you are a man now. Just let him be. He clearly still hurts from your so-called maternal support. You are likely his favourite and he felt let down by your words. He will come around. If he doesn't, you are a man at 26, your conscience is clear too, so live your best life. 6 Likes |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by Omakraid(f): 11:19am On Dec 13, 2019 |
ibkayee:Yes, tho he stated that due to what he perceived his mum is going through... Also they could be under the same roof and the father would decide to overlook him cos of his strong will against him(dad). The parents are fine but the impression I his head stuck on for quite a while and would definitely make it difficult to relate even if under same roof. It would also make him feel he needs dad less... I pray God helps him to settle all 2 Likes |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by IceColdVeins(m): 11:21am On Dec 13, 2019 |
Nigga use your head. I didnt run to him when I was suffering, why would your infitessimally loaded head think I need his money now that I am financially dependent? Once again, use your head PataAlhaja: 2 Likes |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by Ladycewhy(f): 11:24am On Dec 13, 2019 |
JONNYSPUTE:Ofcourse i am happy for him, but then the Op is apologizing to his dead beat dad ,that is very remarkable so i am curious as to what prompted it.This is not a matter of crusifying his dad,i want to know why he feels he is the one that hurt his dad and needed to apologize, Just like that guy that hugged the police officer that shot his brother in his apartment, i am very much interested in human behavior ,this is something worth studying. Isnt there another way he could have reconciled without making it look like he was giving his father a pat on the back? If i wrong someone and they are the ones to come and apologize,i will never think what i did was wrong and won't even see the need not to do it again. From where it stands it seems the op is the one pushing for a reconcilaiton cos his dad doesn't give a fvck and still doesn't give a fvck about the op . 6 Likes |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by ibkayee(f): 11:26am On Dec 13, 2019 |
Omakraid:It’s normal for a child to want to protect their parent, in fact I’d say it’s instinctive. I didn’t see anything in the OP indicating that the parents are fine o, I also saw that the mother singlehandedly supported him financially despite his father’s alleged wealth 2 Likes |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by Ladycewhy(f): 11:26am On Dec 13, 2019 |
ibkayee:why should i stop offending people if they will be the ones to always apologize?This is a very interesting story. 5 Likes |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by mapet: 11:26am On Dec 13, 2019 |
luminouz: Unfortunately this is what children of nowadays are yet to learn. Parents love each other both in strength and weaknesses. My fear for my own aged parents (Dad 84, Mum 79) with the way they "carry-each-other" even at old age is that if either one "caputs" today, expect the other to follow the next.. |
Re: Deadbeat Father: How A Nairanlander's Quote Ended My Family's Rift. (photos) by theoilguy: 11:27am On Dec 13, 2019 |
PataAlhaja: Exactly!! They just do not want to loose out on the potential windfall from the death of their father and they are here preaching about forgiveness.. the fact that someone is your parent or your sibling doesn’t give them permission to be toxic.. Become successful and see if your father will not reconsider! 3 Likes 1 Share |
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