BRATISLAVA:


Lol. And can't men be virtuous? Your advice is so one-sided that it's ridiculous. You have made excuses for appalling behavior. So the responsibility of dealing with bad behavior falls on the woman alone? The man can behave anyhow and she must stomach it to appease him? Everything women say is nagging? You're funny, but not in the hilarious way. Are you in any relationship at all with a slave for your "love"? Graxie, come and see this.

I see most of them as kids that are craving for attention. When you don't have proper upbringing from a good father, it's possible to treat your wife same way you saw your dad doing it.

As far as this issue is concerned, all parties are at fault.

The O.P was wrong to come in late (He failed to communicate with her while he was out)
The wife was wrong to nag at him continually
The O.P was wrong to walk out on her without apologizing
The wife was wrong to follow up on her nagging by following him to the sitting room
He was wrong to slap her
She was wrong to call on her mum and her brother
The in-laws were wrong to come help destroy the marriage.
These has many implications and are pointers to underlying issues that may have been swept under the carpet

I guess there are underlying issues in the wife’s family that she has held unto. Probably, tied to how her father treated them and her mum.

Now is not the time to prove who’s right, O.P should continue to plead with the wife and both should be ready to invest every effort to sustain their marriage.

I wish you God’s speed and wisdom in your marriage. Shalom

Dupalmer:

She refused to rest when he was begging her to but suddenly rested when she got a slap. OK oo.

He should keep begging her until she comes around. I hear. goddess wife.
A virtuous woman could have called her husband to a peaceful dialoge rather than rant with angry words. Believe me a peaceful 5mins counsel could have been mightier than 2hours nagging.
It's not everyman that stands nagging.

When you remember how nice your woman is even when you offend her you'd make it a point of caution not to imagine offending her. Making her happy will be your top priority but when she wants prove rebellious my dear forget it.
If she Wan go let her go.

Exactly
Op, do as it is written here

Y’all better stop mentioning me

Ekene161829:
I did something I really regret. My wife and I have an amazing marriage, 2 years of marriage and we are blessed with a 7-month-old baby girl.

She is 28 and I almost 33. Last Saturday I got invited to go out by some of my work friends , I got home late 2am, so madam wasn't happy. She was yelling at me, throwing hands and screaming at me. I ignored her and left the room to the living room but she followed me and I asked her to leave me alone but she kept going which made me angry.

I took the back of my hand and gave her a slap on the mouth. She cried out and held her face and started crying and her lips was bleeding. I didn't intentionally hurt her, I just wanted to calm her down since ignoring her was not working. I said sorry, and I was literally on my knees begging her. I tried to hold her but she refused.
The rest of the night was me repeating apology or i didn't mean to hurt you. She ignored me . She went into our room and locked the door.

She was in there for a long time and the next morning, her mother and older brother was at the house and she came out of the room with her and our baby stuff and she said she was leaving me for good. I told her how sorry I was but her mother told me to get out of their faces and they left the house.

I feel so ashamed and I've never done anything like this before and I never thought I would. I don't want to loose my wife and baby. I need both of them back. Should I attempt to contact her?

What do I do?

.

You did very wrong...coming home that late, you should have called to brief her and let her know you will unavoidable come home late....And immediately you got home, apologize sincerely and romantically....U could have contained your anger when she was ranting cos you were clearly on the wrong....As for her, she shouldnt have brought in family considering this is the first time and u have apologized sincerely

freecocoahubby:
She was yelling me ,throwing hands and screaming at me . I ignored her and left the room to the living room but she followed me and I asked her to leave me alone but she kept going


Haba, you're a human being nau - the bolded shows provocation on her part and she clearly threw hands first!

OP, your wife deserved that slap tbh and I think you've begged her enough. Let her go if she wants..

But females on Nairaland won't see this o. To them, the woman is always right. I am not supporting a man hitting his wife, but women can provoke person ehn! Chai!

Darls247:
Guy, is this the first time You are beating her? If yes...my brother leave her alone, she has been looking for an opportunity to leave....her parents knows better.

There should never be a first time beating your wife.

As per the Op. The deed has been done already, just handle in such a way that you'll have your marriage back and intact. Only that I hate the role of your in-laws play in the whole matter.

Dupalmer:
In as much as I don't support domestic violence, your effort at apologizing and sincerely promising not to repeat it is more than enough to make you guys come back to normal if she's a reasonable woman.
don't call or beg her anymore else she will see a good stance to manipulate your sorry ass forever.
She will come back in a matter of days if you ignore her but if she doesn't, find a way to make yourself happy. You can't kill yourself over a trouble she ignited. She will loose if she tries to make it a hard or competitive game.

There are many ladies young and old with very good character that will be willing to marry as second, third and even fourth wife.

... This dude go don scatter marriage tire .... una trolls go just strategise unaself come do formation!

Sandypearl:
you didn't state the fact he apologized and even left the room for yet she followed him . Put itself in the man's shoes

If I was the man, I would have kept quiet while she was ranting.
Two wrongs don't make a right.

Sometimes you need to calm down to make peace reign.

Sammiejokes:


You are using assumptions to make a point. I guess you have irresponsible brothers, I am sure the wife was calling his phone and he did not pick up. You can rant as much as you like it is obvious you are in the same boat with the OPs wife. Ladies that rant in the middle of the night 2AM, everyone has the right to be angry but when you overdo it then its a problem, she needs therapy. The guy has made a terrible mistake, he tried to apologize. He should continue to apologize if he wishes.

oh thank the universe you do agree the op made a mistake , hurray!

Ekene161829:
I did something I really regret. My wife and I have an amazing marriage, 2 years of marriage and we are blessed with a 7-month-old baby girl.

She is 28 and I almost 33. Last Saturday I got invited to go out by some of my work friends , I got home late 2am, so madam wasn't happy. She was yelling at me, throwing hands and screaming at me. I ignored her and left the room to the living room but she followed me and I asked her to leave me alone but she kept going which made me angry.

I took the back of my hand and gave her a slap on the mouth. She cried out and held her face and started crying and her lips was bleeding. I didn't intentionally hurt her, I just wanted to calm her down since ignoring her was not working. I said sorry, and I was literally on my knees begging her. I tried to hold her but she refused.
The rest of the night was me repeating apology or i didn't mean to hurt you. She ignored me . She went into our room and locked the door.

She was in there for a long time and the next morning, her mother and older brother was at the house and she came out of the room with her and our baby stuff and she said she was leaving me for good. I told her how sorry I was but her mother told me to get out of their faces and they left the house.

I feel so ashamed and I've never done anything like this before and I never thought I would. I don't want to loose my wife and baby. I need both of them back. Should I attempt to contact her?

What do I do?

You stayed out till 2am, your Wife complained and u wickedly slapped her! Brother are u out of your mind? or were u high on alcohol?
Well, she did the right thing, on the other hand since u realised your mistake, do everything humanly possible to bring your family back.
Goodluck

LilMissFavvy:
.......I don't give a flying Bleep about what you say. I assume you are very happy he came back by 2am and slapped his wife till she bled. I am not worried about my marital futuristic journey, stop taking painkillers for my headache....smh!

I like you. Can we meet? I promise I will never slap the shit out of you.

The plight of all these mumu men never ceases to amaze me. That's why it's a bad boy's world.

Go to any of the correct lounges, joints, clubs and fun spots in Lagos or Abuja, you will see bad married men catching their groove until 3.am, or 4.am, on the regular. Dem no born any stupid wife to make an issue out of that. I'm a man about town, and you have to accept me like that. If you can't deal, then get lost. In fact from even before we get married, you should know and accept that, or no deal.

The only reason why your wife would be forming tigress on top this matter and even daring to call her mum and brother for ordinary slap that she brought upon herself is that you are a Day 1 mumu man. You can't be a good boy husband from Day 1 and then later learn bad habits such as hanging out late. Most women would never agree to such transformation. But if you're bad from Day 1, they would take it for what it is and fall in line.

Ladycewhy:
You just said one thing i want to build on, no one stays out that late out of the blue, there is something the op is not telling us. Just like the other thread where the guy was manipulating the narrative i feel the op too is manipulating this narrative too.
For someone like me who is not a night crawler i doubt i will not be on my phone updating my partner of every single thing. The op is not telling it all.


Also i just want to say i would be very afraid of a man that makes me bleed in the height of a disagreement. I have seen rage, and its not funny. There are different types but there is the type that the only time they calm down is when they see blood ,either yours or theirs. Which is why i am very skeptical about the op. Contrary to what people think ,it can start at any stage of a person's life, more like a trigger hence the reason i said the op might hence forth feel physical assault is the quickest way to solve his problems.

OP may be manipulating narrative, yes but the point I'm trying to make you see is if it was a one-time thing my ex did, I wouldn't have minded. She repeated shiit. So if OP's transgression was just that one time and he had apologised, he deserves a second chance.

One thing I can also tell is that as a woman, know your man's strengths or weaknesses and try not to exploit it. No matter how how much we blame the man,I also blame her for not leaving him be(at least till the alcoholic effects are off) Like I did for my ex. He clearly had no intentions of beating her but with her agressivesnes and insults joined to trigger his own alcohol-laced aggression.

I see things for from both perspectives while you seem to see it from the woman's. You never did condemn anything OP's wife did.

realabraham:





You earned my respect! I don't know you but you understand women, or at least, your woman. The irony of life is that men like op can NEVER take a quarter of that from a woman. Too many boys on nairaland, but with you, hope dey. Greetings to your lucky wife.

Thank you sir.

LilMissFavvy:
.......I don't give a flying Bleep about what you say. I assume you are very happy he came back by 2am and slapped his wife till she bled. I am not worried about my marital futuristic journey, stop taking painkillers for my headache....smh!

I like you. Can we meet? I promise I will never slap the sh*t out of you.

ugofulfilled:


Did I say I wasn't disappointed?

lol

LilMissFavvy:
How would you have felt if it was your wife who hanged out with her friends and came back by 2am? Any married man or woman who does things without considering the other partner is immature or simply wicked. Your wife's brother should have slapped you back, or is he a weak man? He should have slapped you ensuring that you bleed from your mouth and nose. As for your wife, continue to call her, send messages, give her more time, she will heal and return to you. It's very shameful that her brother was there and did not defend her, by slapping the st-pi---y outta your brains.

which part of your body are you thinking from, coming here to spell out of bullshit, you must think you are a better judge than everyone else, you are highly Superstitious indeed

olabrinks:
When you get married you need to understand that you no longer have the same freedom as a single man. It’s one of the many sacrifices you have to make, and if you can’t deal with it then stay single. As a married man coming home after 11pm/12am unless it was completely unavoidable Is unacceptable. This is when you’re not with your wife, it’s an unwritten rule. Now you need to keep on begging your wife, she will eventually come back to you. Please understand pride will get you no where in marriage when you’re the one at fault. Although I fault the wife for shouting in your face and disrespecting you, this is something you should also bring to her attention. Good luck

One of the best advice.

You are of all men most miserable by coming home at that odd time, what an abysmal. But still yet, i condemn the egregious act that was shown by your weak inlaws.after the tons of apology, i will give you a standing order to let the immatured lady be for a while.she is at the lossing end, you have got nothing to loss except for the fact that you are a night crawler.... Be good son.

Ekene161829:
I did something I really regret. My wife and I have an amazing marriage, 2 years of marriage and we are blessed with a 7-month-old baby girl.

She is 28 and I almost 33. Last Saturday I got invited to go out by some of my work friends , I got home late 2am, so madam wasn't happy. She was yelling at me, throwing hands and screaming at me. I ignored her and left the room to the living room but she followed me and I asked her to leave me alone but she kept going which made me angry.

I took the back of my hand and gave her a slap on the mouth. She cried out and held her face and started crying and her lips was bleeding. I didn't intentionally hurt her, I just wanted to calm her down since ignoring her was not working. I said sorry, and I was literally on my knees begging her. I tried to hold her but she refused.
The rest of the night was me repeating apology or i didn't mean to hurt you. She ignored me . She went into our room and locked the door.

She was in there for a long time and the next morning, her mother and older brother was at the house and she came out of the room with her and our baby stuff and she said she was leaving me for good. I told her how sorry I was but her mother told me to get out of their faces and they left the house.

I feel so ashamed and I've never done anything like this before and I never thought I would. I don't want to loose my wife and baby. I need both of them back. Should I attempt to contact her?

What do I do?

luminouz:


OP may be manipulating narrative, yes but the point I'm trying to make you see is if it was a one-time thing my ex did, I wouldn't have minded. She repeated shiit. So if OP's transgression was just that one time and he had apologised, he deserves a second chance.

One thing I can also tell is that as a woman, know your man's strengths or weaknesses and try not to exploit it. No matter how how much we blame the man,I also blame her for not leaving him be(at least till the alcoholic effects are off) Like I did for my ex. He clearly had no intentions of beating her but with her agressivesnes and insults joined to trigger his own alcohol-laced aggression.

I see things for from both perspectives while you seem to see it from the woman's. You never did condemn anything OP's wife did.

Action reaction and counter reaction, everything has let to this point, everyone has traded blames.


The question here is does the op want to salvage his marriage? Cos in my personal opinion since the girl's parents are involved already there is no way this issue will be resolved quietly without him getting someone from his own side to join in the appeal, maybe an elder or a pastor. He has to let the elder negotiate on the phone with her parents and go to her house with wine and kolanut. What do you suggest?

Ladycewhy:
Lol ,one way or the other the woman just doesn't escape being blamed by you. If he had killed her or inflicted serious injury on her ,oh well i guess he will still be excused for being drunk. Lets blame it on the alcohol then, case closed.

I didn't say it was right that he hit her. all I a saying a mature wife will figure out a better way to handle the situation. nagging a drunk is one of the worst thing to do. confronting a drunk is not the best way to protect yourself from domestic violence. if he kill you , he end up in prison while you go to the grave. always learn to protect yourself

Wao..... you've allowed d devil to come in. All well and good what has happened as happened.

Though let me judge as if you were saying the truth since I haven't heard Ur wife part of the story.

Tell me here if your wife has been complaining about u staying out late? (gimme honest answer).

If she's been complaining since and u are adamant, I won't blame her Dts how women are u are all to be blamed, even if u won't sleep at home there is a way u will call her or come back home to inform her on how Ur movement will be.

If this is the very first time this will happen, I will still blame u 80% cos u are d man of d house, immediately u enter u suppose no matter how imature she is to calm her down n if u can't u should av left her nagging and never react to whatever she's saying to u and by morning, thing would have taken shape and u will apologized to her, she's just been protective nobody wwanna be a widow at tender age...

But to be honest with you as I dey see this matter wey u talk so u are to be blamed totally. Women don't bring there family into there marriage for first time offense like this, for her mother nd brother to come just like that means u have not been faithful or truthful to her since, there is no comunication BTW d 2 of u, u have been hurting her since and u r not sensitive to what Ur wife has been telling u, guy u r at fault, leave her for like 3 to 4 days, don't involve Ur parents call her to apologize, I know she will forgive u, know that she tends to behave more like that to u like a small child she's 28 yrs, take her like that don't think she should be reasoning like an old woman in marriage.
U r d man of d house bury Ur ego and u will tame her....lobatan

And if what u said was just true as u said it assuming Ur wife confirm it to me to be true as u said it, I will blame her, her brother, lemme not talk abt her mother her brother suppose talk to her mother to resolve the matter amicably since she's (imature) just experiencing d bad side of what's not suppose to happen in marriage but they shouldn't av park her load out of her matrimonial home, dt singular act IMO will cast a negative image in d lady's mind, they should av settle it dt day and give another chance (so any quarel na to park out of marriage Dts d sign dy r giving the lady) so for them not to give u my guy a second chance maybe u av bn trespassing since, no family will like to break marriage like that.

Just amend Ur ways with her and apologised for what u av bn doing to her since all those bad bad things wey u dey do her cos I am convinced dt u don offend he well well and she will forgive u, if she no gree call me I know how to beg her for u

Persons like you shouldnt get any access to the internet.an eye for an eye? You are such a big plantation baby, you suck.get out of here you trouble maker.

LilMissFavvy:
How would you have felt if it was your wife who hanged out with her friends and came back by 2am? Any married man or woman who does things without considering the other partner is immature or simply wicked. Your wife's brother should have slapped you back, or is he a weak man? He should have slapped you ensuring that you bleed from your mouth and nose. As for your wife, continue to call her, send messages, give her more time, she will heal and return to you. It's very shameful that her brother was there and did not defend her, by slapping the st-pi---y outta your brains.

Ask their people to return the bride price...

Humm
don't even know what to say but if i were you i will just park her remaining belonging and dump it to there family house.
They will come beg me, if they don't case close, i will just move on.

niaralandtopuser:
I didn't say it was right that he hit her. all I a saying a mature wife will figure out a better way to handle the situation. nagging a drunk is one of the worst thing to do. confronting a drunk is not the best way to protect yourself from domestic violence. if he kill you , he end up in prison while you go to the grave. always learn to protect yourself

Yeah you are right, drunks are better left alone, maybe she should have let him sleep outside till the drink wears out,will that be a good idea too?

Thanks for your advice . Just to clarify im not an alcoholic and I rarely ever goes out with my friends. I have no interest in clubbing and drinking to get drunk. I like to being home relaxing with my family helping around the house and taking care of our baby.but whenever my friends want to hang out she is extremely unhappy if I go out with friends for a beer which is once in a while.She says it's unfair that she stays alone with the baby. I love my wife and baby so much but I just want to socialize with my friends outside of work even just 2-3 times a year but when I do it brings my wife to yell at me, tears of frustration and accusations that I dont love her.i have compromises to include her by bringing my friends to the house but she rejected it. Am I wrong from wanting some social time outside of of my family ? Does being married with a child mean having no friends at all?

Oga just move on with ur life, if possible request for the refund of the dowry u paid to her family,u got nothing to loose bro