Good morning Nairalanders,
I am tired of my marriage and I am considering divorcing my wife of 8 years. I need mature advice either........

Please pardon my grammatical blunders....

I met this Lady at the banking all 7 years ago, it was love at first sight. I approached her and poom! we exchanged numbers, we talked briefly and said she resided in Abuja and would be returning in a week so we decided to meet at an eatery before she leaved.

We met and discussed about life aspirations and all that, I told her how I wished we get along and God willing we get married. Then she responded saying that do I know I have to be hardworking and responsible of I'm truly serious about marriage etc. I said I ma trying that things we fall in place.........

The Lies:
1)
She travelled and we kept in touch through text messages and calls etc... She told me she was a virgin and had broke up with her bf bla bla....then i had promised to come and see her in few months time to reassure how I'm serious about her....blabla...... 2 weeks before my travel day to meet her, she called on evening and started crying over the phone, what happened, I enquired, she said she was RAPED by her ex BF... Oh gosh! How come? he trickked me over to his place and it happened..... I got mad and fasttrackked my going to meet her..........

2)
I eventually visited and she explained how it all happened,I said no wahala... Being the first time we were seeing after a long time, I didn't make any attempt to sex her as that wasn't my priority. She left my place and I accompanied her to the busstop to leave, while there she brought up an issue like she wants me to touch her or something like that..... We returned to my room and boom it happend.... I came in all over her...etc.. 3 weeks later, she told me she missed her period and was pregnant... I was in 300l at this time.... I was like oh....OK... Save this preg! We would. Find away around telling our parents bla bla.......
Girl said no that she would have do abort it.... I said no pls don't.... And one even she called that her friend took her to a place and she has terminated the pregy... I felt bad......

3)
Hide and Lied about the status of her parents and families.... As she was telling me, I was informing my siblings... Now that everything is done it was hard to do the damage control cos mum and everyone thinks I have been lying all along.....

Relocate to Lagos......
She finally moved to Lag and this time I was in my final year.... While writing my finals she called that she is pregnant... This time real pregnancy.... I said live it.... Not that that was the next thing but for the love that had beclouded my sense of reasoning at that time..... I manage to get 1 room sef apartment in Lagos so I have a sense of independence, not that I was planning anything marriage......my wife began to bring in her things one by one and before I knew what was happining, it was hard to let go....... Technically, she don get belle.... And I don marry wife automatically.........

From School to Marriage:

It was he'll for me becos I was around 25/26 around this time, mum c was complaining bitterly that I am not ready for for this, and dad to left me with my stubbornness..... So I struggled with this lady.... I told her that we can work around all these things and still come out good.....

Meeting her Parents & Her Education:
One of her big aunt has been the brain behind manipulating me to marry her and bla bla... She took me to see her parents, my one parent ain't aware of shit.... There they brain washed me that I was the Afesona... Like Fiance and etc.... Father told me that I will take responsibility from that moment on....... At that time she had a failed admission that I later knew about.......... Then I said PT program would be a nice option.... Yaba or Laspotech... The Dad told me that it's easier said than done because if tomorrow comes now and they are asking for school fees we I should count him out..... I'm like OK Daddy, the first school fees is a bit much, pay half lemme pay half and the subsequent onces I will pay..... Daddy refused to pay o..... I ended up using my house rent that I saved for about 6 months to pay for the school fees....... And the real issue began......
Weekly tfare, feeding, handouts, test, assignment bills I come lean like Dryfish..... No joy at all... A young grad like me.......my life was upside down....

Setting Up Business for her:

I later called her and told her the load is too much for me that she should start to do something to support us.... She was studying business admin at this time, I said she should learn a trade that she will later blend in with her Business admin....she said catering would be cool and we both agreed.... I searched for another money to send her to catering school again....now she is doing OND and catering school together plus pregnancy...... My both eyes went hollow and I am permanently stressed at that time......life became unbearable and I encouraged myself that it's only. Matter of time...... My wife delivered at the last month of the catering school.... Then the stress of a baby.....set in... Wife isn't working.....

I started Noticing her Laziness:

After 6 months, I told her to return to round up her catering school, get her certificate and start something...she said yes and it ends there....she didn't go.... Months after she said that academy is bad they didn't teach them well bla bla....that she wants to go to another Catering institute..... Then I told her to search..... For 6moths madam didn't see any, I had to do it myself.... Than I saw one of the top catering institute in Maryland, I paid oh.... Practicals, this and that..... I went broke again.....

After the course, I took her to the market bought almost all catering equipment and did a comcard and etcs... Madam pretended for a month and she abandoned everything........

Laziness Continues:
She insisted my cousin sister should come live with us, most of the times, it is my cousin that do all the cleaning, washing, bathing the kids etc... She will just sit down in one angle and that will be all.... When I talk, she would just laugh and that is all.....


Can't Cook & Wants me to eat any crap she cooks like that..
I have resorted to buying cooked food on my way home cos I most times take to spoons of her served meal and I would lost appetite completely.... Then I will go hungry and lean as a result.... I can't come and kill myself..... Untop someone that don't give a dam about me.......

Pregnant again:

Immediately my boy clocks two I told her that before any pregnancy, I have to set her up first so that the burden would be free a bit....... She said OK.... And few months after she went on admission only to tell me that she's pregnant again.....

Long story short: I am tired of the marriage right now..
What should I do...


Pardon my very long epistle..........

Uncle Lala...
Please help move for wider response.....

I feel marriage have scammed me...

Who send you message? Marriage has scammed you indeed

your dick is the problem!

Amanee:
Who send you message? Marriage has scammed you indeed

Go...Jaree!
Try and be sensible.....
Your time is coming....

lomprico:
your dick is the problem!

Come and cut it then...

Eya...pele

Marriage does have its ups and downs and only the matured can survive it.

You’ve gone in prematurely and have been immediately plagued with financial pressures hence your feeling this way.

What is done is done!

What you can immediately do is to try and redirect your mind and be strategic about the next steps. Before addressing Mrs’s issues you need to get certain stuff straight.

Work fastidiously at increasing your income
Capacity while still having some savings. It’ll be hard and tough but do what you must.

The shortcomings of your wife are what they are -shortcomings. She may or may not change. Reduce your expectations. Correct her in love and step in as best as you can. If she cannot cook at home successfully then obviously a catering business isn’t her next port of call . Think of other stuff she can do , maybe even paid employment.

In all I just feel it’s the financial pressures making you want to exit all you detailed about her past may or may not be true but it’s in the past now where there is true love all that won’t matter.

If you try these and in another year still feel the same way then perhaps you will need to discuss a separation but ensure the children’s interest is top priority

Good luck

P.S- did you have an actual commitment ceremony or she got pregnant and moved in? If it’s the latter she’s not a Mrs in the actual sense and perhaps you can both have a review of the situation alongside your parents and what nots.

Hmmmm, not again

Next!!

Ralpdee123:


Come and cut it then...

let your lazy wife help u.

Ralpdee123:
Good morning Nairalanders,
I am tired of my marriage and I am considering divorcing my wife of 8 years. I need mature advice either........

Please pardon my grammatical blunders....

I met this Lady at the banking all 7 years ago, it was love at first sight. I approached her and poom! we exchanged numbers, we talked briefly and said she resided in Abuja and would be returning in a week so we decided to meet at an eatery before she leaved.

We met and discussed about life aspirations and all that, I told her how I wished we get along and God willing we get married. Then she responded saying that do I know I have to be hardworking and responsible of I'm truly serious about marriage etc. I said I ma trying that things we fall in place.........

The Lies:
1)
She travelled and we kept in touch through text messages and calls etc... She told me she was a virgin and had broke up with her bf bla bla....then i had promised to come and see her in few months time to reassure how I'm serious about her....blabla...... 2 weeks before my travel day to meet her, she called on evening and started crying over the phone, what happened, I enquired, she said she was RAPED by her ex BF... Oh gosh! How come? he trickked me over to his place and it happened..... I got mad and fasttrackked my going to meet her..........

2)
I eventually visited and she explained how it all happened,I said no wahala... Being the first time we were seeing after a long time, I didn't make any attempt to sex her as that wasn't my priority. She left my place and I accompanied her to the busstop to leave, while there she brought up an issue like she wants me to touch her or something like that..... We returned to my room and boom it happend.... I came in all over her...etc.. 3 weeks later, she told me she missed her period and was pregnant... I was in 300l at this time.... I was like oh....OK... Save this preg! We would. Find away around telling our parents bla bla.......
Girl said no that she would have do abort it.... I said no pls don't.... And one even she called that her friend took her to a place and she has terminated the pregy... I felt bad......

3)
Hide and Lied about the status of her parents and families.... As she was telling me, I was informing my siblings... Now that everything is done it was hard to do the damage control cos mum and everyone thinks I have been lying all along.....

Relocate to Lagos......
She finally moved to Lag and this time I was in my final year.... While writing my finals she called that she is pregnant... This time real pregnancy.... I said live it.... Not that that was the next thing but for the love that had beclouded my sense of reasoning at that time..... I manage to get 1 room sef apartment in Lagos so I have a sense of independence, not that I was planning anything marriage......my wife began to bring in her things one by one and before I knew what was happining, it was hard to let go....... Technically, she don get belle.... And I don marry wife automatically.........

From School to Marriage:

It was he'll for me becos I was around 25/26 around this time, mum c was complaining bitterly that I am not ready for for this, and dad to left me with my stubbornness..... So I struggled with this lady.... I told her that we can work around all these things and still come out good.....

Meeting her Parents & Her Education:
One of her big aunt has been the brain behind manipulating me to marry her and bla bla... She took me to see her parents, my one parent ain't aware of shit.... There they brain washed me that I was the Afesona... Like Fiance and etc.... Father told me that I will take responsibility from that moment on....... At that time she had a failed admission that I later knew about.......... Then I said PT program would be a nice option.... Yaba or Laspotech... The Dad told me that it's easier said than done because if tomorrow comes now and they are asking for school fees we I should count him out..... I'm like OK Daddy, the first school fees is a bit much, pay half lemme pay half and the subsequent onces I will pay..... Daddy refused to pay o..... I ended up using my house rent that I saved for about 6 months to pay for the school fees....... And the real issue began......
Weekly tfare, feeding, handouts, test, assignment bills I come lean like Dryfish..... No joy at all... A young grad like me.......my life was upside down....

Setting Up Business for her:

I later called her and told her the load is too much for me that she should start to do something to support us.... She was studying business admin at this time, I said she should learn a trade that she will later blend in with her Business admin....she said catering would be cool and we both agreed.... I searched for another money to send her to catering school again....now she is doing OND and catering school together plus pregnancy...... My both eyes went hollow and I am permanently stressed at that time......life became unbearable and I encouraged myself that it's only. Matter of time...... My wife delivered at the last month of the catering school.... Then the stress of a baby.....set in... Wife isn't working.....

I started Noticing her Laziness:

After 6 months, I told her to return to round up her catering school, get her certificate and start something...she said yes and it ends there....she didn't go.... Months after she said that academy is bad they didn't teach them well bla bla....that she wants to go to another Catering institute..... Then I told her to search..... For 6moths madam didn't see any, I had to do it myself.... Than I saw one of the top catering institute in Maryland, I paid oh.... Practicals, this and that..... I went broke again.....

After the course, I took her to the market bought almost all catering equipment and did a comcard and etcs... Madam pretended for a month and she abandoned everything........

Laziness Continues:
She insisted my cousin sister should come live with us, most of the times, it is my cousin that do all the cleaning, washing, bathing the kids etc... She will just sit down in one angle and that will be all.... When I talk, she would just laugh and that is all.....


Can't Cook & Wants me to eat any crap she cooks like that..
I have resorted to buying cooked food on my way home cos I most times take to spoons of her served meal and I would lost appetite completely.... Then I will go hungry and lean as a result.... I can't come and kill myself..... Untop someone that don't give a dam about me.......

Pregnant again:

Immediately my boy clocks two I told her that before any pregnancy, I have to set her up first so that the burden would be free a bit....... She said OK.... And few months after she went on admission only to tell me that she's pregnant again.....

Long story short: I am tired of the marriage right now..
What should I do...


Pardon my very long epistle..........

This is sad.
You were deceived by a very cunning woman
You also lacked self control because you were thinking with your deek

But

As a lady I can boldly say if your story is true then she never loved you. She knew she had no future but just wanted to use you as a shortcut.

There is not court signed paper so legally you are not married sir. You can walk away BUT considering your children.... You can send support monthly from wherever you are.

Pls next time learn about relationship and commitment for both parties before dating any lady, discuss all these things before entering to such deep level.

Also take some years to build yourself up financially. If she changes then you can marry her but if not, you can move on but please do not let the children suffer for your mistakes.

I pray you find wisdom to handle this mess

Listen to her...I share her opinion

babythug:
Marriage does have its ups and downs and only the matured can survive it.

You’ve gone in prematurely and have been immediately plagued with financial pressures hence your feeling this way.

What is done is done!

What you can immediately do is to try and redirect your mind and be strategic about the next steps. Before addressing Mrs’s issues you need to get certain stuff straight.

Work fastidiously at increasing your income
Capacity while still having some savings. It’ll be hard and tough but do what you must.

The shortcomings of your wife are what they are -shortcomings. She may or may not change. Reduce your expectations. Correct her in love and step in as best as you can. If she cannot cook at home successfully then obviously a catering business isn’t her next port of call . Think of other stuff she can do , maybe even paid employment.

In all I just feel it’s the financial pressures making you want to exit all you detailed about her past may or may not be true but it’s in the past now where there is true love all that won’t matter.

If you try these and in another year still feel the same way then perhaps you will need to discuss a separation but ensure the children’s interest is top priority

Good luck

P.S- did you have an actual commitment ceremony or she got pregnant and moved in? If it’s the latter she’s not a Mrs in the actual sense and perhaps you can both have a review of the situation alongside your parents and what nots.

Can't Cook & Wants me to eat any crap she cooks like that..

Very funny , after attending two catering schools
@ OP we would come back to your marriage but first did she finish her academics cus I over heard her saying they did not teach her well ...olodo !

LMAO! Pele OP

Ralpdee123:
Good morning Nairalanders,
I am tired of my marriage and I am considering divorcing my wife of 8 years. I need mature advice either........

Please pardon my grammatical blunders....

I met this Lady at the banking all 7 years ago, it was love at first sight. I approached her and poom! we exchanged numbers, we talked briefly and said she resided in Abuja and would be returning in a week so we decided to meet at an eatery before she leaved.

We met and discussed about life aspirations and all that, I told her how I wished we get along and God willing we get married. Then she responded saying that do I know I have to be hardworking and responsible of I'm truly serious about marriage etc. I said I ma trying that things we fall in place.........

The Lies:
1)
She travelled and we kept in touch through text messages and calls etc... She told me she was a virgin and had broke up with her bf bla bla....then i had promised to come and see her in few months time to reassure how I'm serious about her....blabla...... 2 weeks before my travel day to meet her, she called on evening and started crying over the phone, what happened, I enquired, she said she was RAPED by her ex BF... Oh gosh! How come? he trickked me over to his place and it happened..... I got mad and fasttrackked my going to meet her..........

2)
I eventually visited and she explained how it all happened,I said no wahala... Being the first time we were seeing after a long time, I didn't make any attempt to sex her as that wasn't my priority. She left my place and I accompanied her to the busstop to leave, while there she brought up an issue like she wants me to touch her or something like that..... We returned to my room and boom it happend.... I came in all over her...etc.. 3 weeks later, she told me she missed her period and was pregnant... I was in 300l at this time.... I was like oh....OK... Save this preg! We would. Find away around telling our parents bla bla.......
Girl said no that she would have do abort it.... I said no pls don't.... And one even she called that her friend took her to a place and she has terminated the pregy... I felt bad......

3)
Hide and Lied about the status of her parents and families.... As she was telling me, I was informing my siblings... Now that everything is done it was hard to do the damage control cos mum and everyone thinks I have been lying all along.....

Relocate to Lagos......
She finally moved to Lag and this time I was in my final year.... While writing my finals she called that she is pregnant... This time real pregnancy.... I said live it.... Not that that was the next thing but for the love that had beclouded my sense of reasoning at that time..... I manage to get 1 room sef apartment in Lagos so I have a sense of independence, not that I was planning anything marriage......my wife began to bring in her things one by one and before I knew what was happining, it was hard to let go....... Technically, she don get belle.... And I don marry wife automatically.........

From School to Marriage:

It was he'll for me becos I was around 25/26 around this time, mum c was complaining bitterly that I am not ready for for this, and dad to left me with my stubbornness..... So I struggled with this lady.... I told her that we can work around all these things and still come out good.....

Meeting her Parents & Her Education:
One of her big aunt has been the brain behind manipulating me to marry her and bla bla... She took me to see her parents, my one parent ain't aware of shit.... There they brain washed me that I was the Afesona... Like Fiance and etc.... Father told me that I will take responsibility from that moment on....... At that time she had a failed admission that I later knew about.......... Then I said PT program would be a nice option.... Yaba or Laspotech... The Dad told me that it's easier said than done because if tomorrow comes now and they are asking for school fees we I should count him out..... I'm like OK Daddy, the first school fees is a bit much, pay half lemme pay half and the subsequent onces I will pay..... Daddy refused to pay o..... I ended up using my house rent that I saved for about 6 months to pay for the school fees....... And the real issue began......
Weekly tfare, feeding, handouts, test, assignment bills I come lean like Dryfish..... No joy at all... A young grad like me.......my life was upside down....

Setting Up Business for her:

I later called her and told her the load is too much for me that she should start to do something to support us.... She was studying business admin at this time, I said she should learn a trade that she will later blend in with her Business admin....she said catering would be cool and we both agreed.... I searched for another money to send her to catering school again....now she is doing OND and catering school together plus pregnancy...... My both eyes went hollow and I am permanently stressed at that time......life became unbearable and I encouraged myself that it's only. Matter of time...... My wife delivered at the last month of the catering school.... Then the stress of a baby.....set in... Wife isn't working.....

I started Noticing her Laziness:

After 6 months, I told her to return to round up her catering school, get her certificate and start something...she said yes and it ends there....she didn't go.... Months after she said that academy is bad they didn't teach them well bla bla....that she wants to go to another Catering institute..... Then I told her to search..... For 6moths madam didn't see any, I had to do it myself.... Than I saw one of the top catering institute in Maryland, I paid oh.... Practicals, this and that..... I went broke again.....

After the course, I took her to the market bought almost all catering equipment and did a comcard and etcs... Madam pretended for a month and she abandoned everything........

Laziness Continues:
She insisted my cousin sister should come live with us, most of the times, it is my cousin that do all the cleaning, washing, bathing the kids etc... She will just sit down in one angle and that will be all.... When I talk, she would just laugh and that is all.....


Can't Cook & Wants me to eat any crap she cooks like that..
I have resorted to buying cooked food on my way home cos I most times take to spoons of her served meal and I would lost appetite completely.... Then I will go hungry and lean as a result.... I can't come and kill myself..... Untop someone that don't give a dam about me.......

Pregnant again:

Immediately my boy clocks two I told her that before any pregnancy, I have to set her up first so that the burden would be free a bit....... She said OK.... And few months after she went on admission only to tell me that she's pregnant again.....

Long story short: I am tired of the marriage right now..
What should I do...


Pardon my very long epistle..........

You have been married for 8yrs and you met her 7yrs ago.

When you discussed your life aspirations, what did she say she wanted to do? What steps did she take towards achieving them?

The problem I see are the lies (majorly before marriage) and the laziness (financial, mental and physical).

Since she wants to behave like a child, apportion some personal tasks to her.

Also ask her what her plans are. If none, save up the money you have than wasting them on unprofitable ventures.

Also stop providing excesses. For instance, a phone is basic: A N50k phone is a luxury.

Only provide the basics and tell her to work if she wants more.

Save for your children's future: you don't want to be stranded.

Be resourceful (a lazy woman can't be) and stop buying food outside. If she makes salty rice, tell her to make another one till she gets it. The stew is not well cooked, tell her to keep repeating it.

As it were, she is practically not adding value to you save the kids and she is not even earning to cater to the excess due to her slothfulness.

You have left things go wrong for years so you need to work hard to restore things.

You don't want you kids taking after her slothfulness.

Brother what you have up there is known as Liability with a capital "L" and hope you know this your supposed union isn't pure at all.
And I really don't know why some men just glory in carry people's problem imagine being an undergraduate negotiating to inherit another man's responsibility without the knowledge of your parent, come let me ask you something, you think say to be a man na one day job?
For the fact that you have endured this far I believe there must have been some good in her, so look for how to harness that good and make something out of it.

P.S this your LOVE na package on it own.

Ralpdee123:


Go...Jaree!
Try and be sensible.....
Your time is coming....

Will never be like yours because I'm taking the necessary steps to put my life in place before ending up with anybody. If you had allowed yourself time to grow and really know your wife, you wouldn't be in this mess.


Now you're there, stick it out because whether you like it or not, your 'lying and lazy' wife is now part of your life forever.

You are not married yet nah. It is only when you have paid her dowry that you can say that you are married. You are just co habiting with her for now. Kids are involved now, so tread with caution. Kids that are raised by a single parent don't always have balanced behavior. Your relationship has a faulty foundation. You allowed emotions to becloud your sense of reasoning. Have a heart to heart discussion with your wife, get to know the reason behind her actions. Let her know that kids are involved now, therefore, all hands must be on deck to train the kids. If she refuses this time around, involve her family, maybe her dad or somebody she respects to talk to her. I believe she will change.

babythug:
Marriage does have its ups and downs and only the matured can survive it.

You’ve gone in prematurely and have been immediately plagued with financial pressures hence your feeling this way.

What is done is done!

What you can immediately do is to try and redirect your mind and be strategic about the next steps. Before addressing Mrs’s issues you need to get certain stuff straight.

Work fastidiously at increasing your income
Capacity while still having some savings. It’ll be hard and tough but do what you must.

The shortcomings of your wife are what they are -shortcomings. She may or may not change. Reduce your expectations. Correct her in love and step in as best as you can. If she cannot cook at home successfully then obviously a catering business isn’t her next port of call . Think of other stuff she can do , maybe even paid employment.

In all I just feel it’s the financial pressures making you want to exit all you detailed about her past may or may not be true but it’s in the past now where there is true love all that won’t matter.

If you try these and in another year still feel the same way then perhaps you will need to discuss a separation but ensure the children’s interest is top priority

Good luck

P.S- did you have an actual commitment ceremony or she got pregnant and moved in? If it’s the latter she’s not a Mrs in the actual sense and perhaps you can both have a review of the situation alongside your parents and what nots.

@Babythug....

You're right about my naiveness but to inform you sir...
I have worked really hard to ensure everything works well financially for my family.... I have improved my earnings too..above 200k monthly aside side hustle.. But everything goes into paying one bills all the other...

O opened a shop for her to sell foodstuff before the second catering school, she couldn't manage it and didn't tell me what was going on... The only thing I realized was that I was the one buying the stuffs as she'll bring them home and give me a bill at end of each months telling me that's what we are eating....to the point that I owe her more than her customer do....

I went to her shop unscheduled after work one day and I was amazed that the thing was empty.... The big Freezer that I bought for her to use to stuck drinks and water only had half bag of water in it.......

After much question, she told me she didn't like the business that u didn't let her do what she liked to do.. I was amazed because out of my busy schedule I'll still do the thinking for her.....

Then I said she should close down the shop and not come there again till she tells me exactly what she wants........ You won't believe she was actually waiting for that day to come.... She didn't complain..

Then she told me to go and relocate the shop and bring it to an inner place.... A shop that was situated a a junction.....

After then, I have discussed with her in love and even come to terms with her weaknesses but I guess the only thing she wants to do is nothing....


I have called her parents to come and carry the Liability they gave me in form of a wife....

P.S.

I have perfected the legal aspect at ikoyi registry as she wants..... I did it for my kids but I am no longer happy and can't come and die early at my age....thank s sir...

Interesting how the couple above with this below would have been perfect switching places:

https://www.nairaland.com/5587015/husband-causing-me-pain

People know thyself and choose a befitting spouse.

Smh

I wonder what you are still waiting for.

The time it took you to type this cry cry essay would have been enough to reach her father and tell him you now understand why he was so happy & eager to dash his daughter to you and stop all financial obligations to her.

Tell him you have learned your lesson, and that you are not ready to die for her. He should take her back and as her father, he should be the one dying for her.

Ladylite:


This is sad.
You were deceived by a very cunning woman
You also lacked self control because you were thinking with your deek

But

As a lady I can boldly say if your story is true then she never loved you. She knew she had no future but just wanted to use you as a shortcut.

There is not court signed paper so legally you are not married sir. You can walk away BUT considering your children.... You can send support monthly from wherever you are.

Pls next time learn about relationship and commitment for both parties before dating any lady, discuss all these things before entering to such deep level.

Also take some years to build yourself up financially. If she changes then you can marry her but if not, you can move on but please do not let the children suffer for your mistakes.

I pray you find wisdom to handle this mess

@Ladylite,

Thinks for your sensible contribution..... As you can see my long epistle is not copy and paste. Infact I can't explain everything as it would be too long to read....

I have legalized the marriage at ikoyi registry so we are married legally... That was what they told her to do..I feel really trickked to have gone this far but my happiness is what matters to me at this point cos the deed has been done already.


She now use my kids as bait to get at me.... Not wanting to admit her weaknesses. I told her family people, her aunt came to my house to enquire what happened, she said she didn't do anything that they should ask me what she did....I honestly couldn't say a thing because I didn't know where to start from.....

I still buy food evrydyay on my way out and way home....she is secretive and self centred. She prefers to watch Zee world and the list goes on and on....

I make over 200k a month no bragging.... 2 kids my slcousin sister, and my wife.... I spend all my earnings on food and bills.......


I feel very sick recently, that was when it dawned on me because during this time there was nothing coming in and she still wants me to bring more money..... I am scared for my kids cos this woman can not pay even 20k sch fees if anything had happened to me....

I am considering the option of taking care of my kids from a far.... My only concern....


Pastor is just telling me one for better and for worse Scam talk....


I am dying inside and someone is telling me that..

Wtfork:
Can't Cook & Wants me to eat any crap she cooks like that..

Very funny , after attending two catering schools
@ OP we would come back to your marriage but first did she finish her academics cus I over heard her saying they did not teach her well ...olodo !

@wtfork....
She did finished oo..... But immediately she finished, the handhout that I paid alot of money for was rolling was on the floor for weeks until my boys started to tear and write jargon on it.... I was like...WTF, isn't this the handbook of the academy you just finished...SMH... So cos you didn't pay a dime for it abii.....


Till date her OND result isn't out after I paid year 1,2&3. After months of asking, she told me she had some issue with one course. I remember awalys telling her to take her study seriously, she'll only grin and laugh then carry GOTV remote.....

She later asked me to come and pay extra yet school fee.... I told her to go meet are parent cos they are still alive...... Then she calls me a bad person that she can't leave her husbands out to go back to her parents....

P.S.

I am not discussing my family's issue outside, it's shamefu to discuss with my folks reason I created this moniker...... Because I am already planning to stay away from the house.... Cos she'll say this house is her... And I don't want to make evening newspaper's headline.........

Amanee:


Will never be like yours because I'm taking the necessary steps to put my life in place before ending up with anybody. If you had allowed yourself time to grow and really know your wife, you wouldn't be in this mess.


Now you're there, stick it out because whether you like it or not, your 'lying and lazy' wife is now part of your life forever.

Agreed.

Maybe you should be sensible enough to share how you solved yours rather than shading me untop my problems........

Can we rest now...

Guy will u even be alive to see next year because ur situation is the number one cause of death among men. You let yourself got scammed just like that. Pls what's special about this lady? Is she not the same Naija woman I see everyday u know just roaming nothing serious no ambition. How did u end up like this? Does she use jazz u know like witchcraft and bad luck which they wear in waist beads? My niggar what happened? I am in my mid 20s just like u no girlfriend just my career and my side hustle and living fine like it's a miracle. I have many plans and the first which I call vision 2020 is leaving this country. You don't think about anything else man. When the family told u about fees why did I agree? What's in that woman that made u agree? What stupid course is she studying not even like medicine or nursing that u chose to mortgage ur life in support of a futile academic journey dead on arrival. Why? Guy why? Why? You Bleep up. My double hustle give me at least 600k a month but I find it very hard to bring a girl home. Why did u fall for this scam. When she said she was raped why didn't u play along. Bring in a police man so it looks like u want to press charges and let the truth come out. Why did u allow urself to be used this way. Now the union has kids u were busy getting her pregnant when u have nothing. Before me self get a lady pregnant eeh even that child will not be born in Nigeria I think my kids deserve a better passport and citizenship not a cursed place. Guy why don't u think about urself first. If I were u I will quit Jesus I can't be u. Pls quit. Call it off whatever it is. Tell any idiot that cares to listen you're done. I can't believe this. Take the kids to ur mother and keep them there and let this God forsaken women go to hell is she wants. She deceived u and stole ur life sway goddamnit

Both of you need a good counselor... It's as if both of you lack good communication.. No love at all?! You need prayer also

bukatyne:


You have been married for 8yrs and you met her 7yrs ago.

When you discussed your life aspirations, what did she say she wanted to do? What steps did she take towards achieving them?

The problem I see are the lies (majorly before marriage) and the laziness (financial, mental and physical).

Since she wants to behave like a child, apportion some personal tasks to her.

Also ask her what her plans are. If none, save up the money you have than wasting them on unprofitable ventures.

Also stop providing excesses. For instance, a phone is basic: A N50k phone is a luxury.

Only provide the basics and tell her to work if she wants more.

Save for your children's future: you don't want to be stranded.

Be resourceful (a lazy woman can't be) and stop buying food outside. If she makes salty rice, tell her to make another one till she gets it. The stew is not well cooked, tell her to keep repeating it.

As it were, she is practically not adding value to you save the kids and she is not even earning to cater to the excess due to her slothfulness.

You have left things go wrong for years so you need to work hard to restore things.

You don't want you kids taking after her slothfulness.

Thanks @Bukatyne.....
Like I said, I meet at her during my finals approximately 7years..... She was already pregnant as I was leaving school... And we've been living together since then till date.....

The only thing that has remain constant is her inability to get something doing and her justification is that she's been praying for me all these years.....WTF...

I have always wanted to support her career in the best way I can but she is bereft of any. She'll rather argue with me.... My little cousin came to live with us and 3 years ago, now she's graduated from fashion school and can make cloths very well.... And my wife is yet to find anything to do.......

I share my aspirations with her to motivate and encourage her but this one no one move even if you push her......


I am a frustrated man I swear......

How can I help my kids.... Cos I will work away soon and never come back.....

totosucker:
You are not married yet nah. It is only when you have paid her dowry that you can say that you are married. You are just co habiting with her for now. Kids are involved now, so tread with caution. Kids that are raised by a single parent don't always have balanced behavior. Your relationship has a faulty foundation. You allowed emotions to becloud your sense of reasoning. Have a heart to heart discussion with your wife, get to know the reason behind her actions. Let her know that kids are involved now, therefore, all hands must be on deck to train the kids. If she refuses this time around, involve her family, maybe her dad or somebody she respects to talk to her. I believe she will change.

I have done all these you mentioned nothing has changed....

Now she is justifying her laziness with being my prayer warrior..

Pastor too said I should let him intervene in the matter.... He has tried all he could and given up. He is only telling me for better for worse.

I am asking the pastor if that's what his wife does to him at home..

I didn't read the part where you actually got married!!!
Am I missing something here

Anyways, I have absolutely nothing to tell ya.
Fix your life

Ralpdee123:



Agreed.

Maybe you should be sensible enough to share how you solved yours rather than shading me untop my problems........

Can we rest now...

If you had sense you won't open this thread

Ciao