mrjaydee:
Guys be careful tonight if you are working around lekki/ikoyi/Vi.

I picked up some "marlians" from jakande area enroute Eko hotel. On my way back cos of traffic I used the alternative route. Lo and behold as I was navigating the bad spot of yesufu abiodun street na so some men try to jump me.

Meanwhile I rolled down my glass cos i needed air..next thing na gun i see.

In that split second i didnt hesitate... I reversed, revved my car and face the guy with the gun. Honestly I don't know how or why I did it. I hit his back with my side mirror and i just bent down my head speeding away.

I stopped at silverfox. Omo local man has retired for the day.

peeps4u:
Cc eyinola. This info might be helpful.

adsmaster:


My brother we saw these trend 4 years ago, me and my friend. We even concluded that anybody that sets up a rehabilitation center/clinic will make money big time. These generations are drug addict.

These culture was promoted by artist like olamide with his song- science student

Then follows another song titled -codeine diet

AngryIgboMan:
Guys am back again. Hope your xmas banter is going on fine? All thanks to God!

One guy asked an important question of where not to go in Lagos and I will do justice to that question here because nobody has answered it satisfactorily.

As an Uber or Bolt investor, advise your driver not to go to these places. Believe me when I tell you that cost of maintenance will come down sizeably. Even if it means telling him to remit 20k weekly but reject trips to these hellish zones. Money will come down but then he makes 20k for himself and 20k for you! Your car will last years on Uber! You will hardly visit a mechanic workshop if you don't go to the places below.

As a legend in the business, I want to teach newbies and intending investors a few things regarding areas you shouldn't go to in Lagos.

Some of the places I will mention are actually nice estates but the roads to them are quite terrible and horrible. IF YOU LOVE YOUR CAR OR YOUR PARTNERS CAR, NEVER YOU GO THE AREAS I WILL MENTION BELOW.

There was this Eastern guy I met in Ikeja one time when I began work newly and he taught me most of these bad places!

Before I continue, Please be you aware that 70% of Mainland is bad and terrible. 70% of Island is nice. Infact, what you should fear on Island is only flooding and Pools of water. Again, Sanwo Olu is doing a nice job now on Mainland though patching up some nasty places e.g Akilo in Ogba Town. Let me use this opportunity and give;

A BIG SHOUT OUT TO SANWO OLU.... MY ADOPTED STATE GOVERNOR. HE IS REALLY TRYING ON ROADS. MANY PEOPLE ARE NOT AWARE BUT THIS GUY IS SILENTLY WORKING. A BIG TUALE TO YOU MR POINTUS PILATE.

So here Goes my List;

Ago Palace
(Good road to it through Orile to Festac onwards Ago but Terrible inner roads. 90% of Ago inner roads are dead. Your car will cry) The good side of these area is that plenty good trips to Lekki, Ikoyi or VI come from here. Ago is bad generally but If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 7,000 naira from anywhere at all.

Ajao estate
(Good road to it from Airport road but Terrible inner roads, Highly Trafficked most times) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 5,000 naira or 20 dollars from even airport. Yes.. Dollars because airport is close and people heading to IBIS usually have dollars.

Ijegun
(Demonic Roads, Animal Human Beings, 80% of people here are poor and drive keke and Okada, Criminals, Bandits and Car snatchers live here. Never go here during the day not to talk of at night. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. Many dangerous native doctors live here too) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 15 Million naira.

Festac
(Good road to it through Orile but Terrible inner roads, Highly Trafficked most times) The good side of these area is that plenty good trips to Lekki, Ikoyi or VI come from here too. If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 7,000 naira from anywhere.

Iyana Ipaja
(Good road to it through Ikeja but highly trafficked most times. A lot of Nasty danfo drivers ply this route too) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 8,000 naira from anywhere.

Ajegunle
(Animal Kingdom! Zone of Animals, Imbecciles, Societal Miscreants, 90% people here are poor, Terrible inner roads, Very bad trips to Other terrible zones, People here don't go to Nice places like Lekki phase 1. From here, you will surely get a trip to Ikotun or Idimu) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 20 Million Naira.


Oko Oba estate
(Agege in general is a no go area for me due to the penchant of people here to be aggressive and animalistic in nature. There youths use drugs too much and you may loose your life here at night). If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 10,000 naira during the day but 6 million at night.

Akute
(Terrible, Hellish roads. This place is not even Lagos again but Ogun. If you love your car, NEVER EVER TAKE A TRIP TO THIS PLACE THROUGH FAGBA OR ANY OTHER PLACE. YOUR CAR WILL NOT SURVIVE. I REPEAT, YOUR CAR WILL DIE. WHAT THEY HAVE AS ROADS ARE EROSIONS. PEOPLE HERE TOO ARE DIRT POOR. God does not exist in Akute. Government forgot these people and they forgot government too.) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 30 Million naira.

Amukoko
(PLEASE RUN. I REPEAT, RUN) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 7 Million naira from anywhere.


Satellite, Ojo, Badagry, Navy Town, Alakija
(These Five places are in proximity to hellfire. Hello Captains, THESE PLACES ARE HELL ON EARTH. There are many Car snatchers and shooters in Navy town and Alakija. Infact, I was nearly shot at Alakija! If you hear any of these five places, RUN! People here are so nasty and terrible too. They barely tip you and a whole lot of them are MARLIANS!) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 10 million naira. Insurance for your car and life! Your wife may become widowed! The 10 million is to take care of your family in case you don't make it back alive.

Ejigbo
(This is one place that even if Jesus will appear there, I WILL NEVER GO HERE TO SEE HIM. Brothers, the roads here are so terrible and dead that Satan regrets why he created that place till date. 100% of Ejigbo roads are dead. Infact, Government does not know these area and the area does not know government. This place is Satan's Personal Palace. All manner of demons live here. From Succubus, Incubus, Tricubus down to Asmodeus and Asmoda live here. Once you are here, just know that you are in Satans Anus and behave well to avoid death. God has forgotten them too. Infact, Ejigbo is not on Gods map of the universe. Satan carefully moulded here on a saturday when God was sleeping. Believe me Brother. Another terrible fact about this Zone is that THEY ARE ALWAYS ANGRY AND READY TO FIGHT. I love to fight too. But The Upper Cut an Okada rider nearly landed on my Chin after scratching my car with his bike oo would have sent me to Orthopedic Enugu. IN THE WHOLE OF LAGOS, NO PLACE IS AS UNPLANNED, DIRTY, HOPELESS, USELESS AND WORTHLESS LIKE EJIGBO. A LOT OF CRIMINALS LIVE HERE TOO. BEWARE SOUL BROTHER. The major source of income here is Okada riding. This is one place you will go and see more than 1 million bikes swarming on you like stray animals in a zoo. O boy... Na die be dis. The day I went here, I continued calling on the holy spirit of the most high God to save me and my Car. Only God almighty will save you here as a newbie driver. Nwanne, Your car will collect.) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 50 Billion dollars or the budget of 40 African countries! Thats the money for a new car and your life because your car will die and stress of driving here may kill you too! You may have to tell the rider to request Police escort too coz you may need it!

Egbeda
(Egbeda is not that bad especially Gowon estate axis. On a normal day, I will never go to Egbeda but if work is slow, I may manage). If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 8,000 naira from anywhere at all.

Agege
(80% of people here are Marlians! There youths are always eyeing you too waiting for you to loose guard. O boy... Your car go disappear! Its not that bad though but once a trip takes you to here, Run away to Ogba through College road) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 10,000 by day and 6 million at night. You may have to tell the rider to request Police escort too coz you may need it!

Idimu
(God forbid. Even the name sounds like one Terrible Oracle that will kill you without any offence. Please run away from here. Nice road to it but terrible inner roads. If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 90,000. You may have to tell the rider to request Police escort too coz you may need it!

Ayobo
Just look at how the name sounds too. This Animal zone is better experienced than talked about. All there roads are bad and your shocks will die. You will end trip and see 700 naira! If you pass Egbe road to this place, you will stop driving on Uber the same day! If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 500,000 naira only.

Isolo
(God forbid. Very terrible inner roads. But they have nice people. You will also get Lekki and Ikoyi trips here. Plenty Igbos here who are willing to spend live here. But don't go here if you are afraid of bad and terrible roads. If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 30,000 naira.

Kirikiri
Dont even allow the rider to complete the name. Once you here Ki, don't even wait for rikiri. Just tell the rider to get out and cancel the trip. You know why? Any rider that wants to take you here is DEMONIC AND EVIL. Believe me when I tell you that people here park there cars in nice places and then order Uber or Bolt drivers who will come and kill there car here. If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 3 Million naira. Gaskiya!

Ikotun and Igando
I don't even want to talk much about this hellish place. Once a rider requests a trip, cut him or her short with OFFLINE. Price is 600,000 naira from anywhere.

Oworoshonki
This is one funny place I will like to talk about in detail later. AVOID THESE PLACE LIKE A DEVILS KINGDOM! SO MANY TERRIBLE ROADS AND PLENTY ONE WAYS. The funny thing about here is the ONE WAYS. Because the people here are poor and they barely have cars. This place barely has traffic but the local government Iddiots there woke up one day and decided to make everywhere one way! You know why? I have it on good authority that Police officers and LG Chairman here make good money here everyday through one ways. If they catch you here, 20,000 Naira straight. No begging. You know another funny thing? They must catch you if you are not familiar with the terrain. You know why? GOOGLE MAPS WILL FAIL YOU HERE ON ONE WAYS BECAUSE IT WAS SUDDEN AND UNPLANNED! Google maps will never take you through one way on VI But you see Oworo? Forget it. All the one ways here are NOT GOTTEN BY GOOGLE MAPS AND IT WILL FAIL YOU TERRIBLY. Infact, Police Officers here will hide and be watching you... Praying that you take any of the plenty one ways here. It will take only the residents here to save you from taking one way here. Pilots, NEVER EVER TAKE A TRIP TO OWOROSHONKI. BLACKLIST HERE WITH PASSION. TERRIBLE ROADS AND PLENTY ONE WAYS) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 100 MILLION naira.


AbuleEgba
Dead Zone. No arguements. Offline straight. Price is 15,000 from anywhere.


Ikorodu
I can't even shout. Once a rider requests here, simply tell him 1 BILLION to scare him or her away. If they have the mind, let them pay the 1 billion. This place is so dead that you will blow empty to come back. I pity you and your car if a rider takes you to Igbogbo or Ishawo. God forbid.

Oyingbo
These Zone has a reputation for being driver killers. Plenty of animal human beings play here at night. If you receive a request to go here at night, please run. High chances of being robbed. They will request you here at night and kill you! Your car is gone. Your life is gone. I don't even have offline price for here. If you request me to this place, I will arrive your pickup location, beat you up and then leave. Case closed.

Lagos Island
This is one Funny place am yet to Understand what really goes on here. The people living here are not serious. THEY ARE SO HAPPY AND ALWAYS PARTYING FROM YOUNG TO OLD. EVERYDAY, THEY ARE ALWAYS SETTING CANOPY AND WHITE CHAIRS AT ONE PARTICULAR LARGE AREA LIKE THAT. I can bet my balls that 80% of people here are JOBLESS. THEY ARE ALWAYS PARTYING, DRINKING AND EATING NON STOP. If you doubt me, TAKE A TRIP TO LAGOS ISLAND TODAY. YOU MUST SEE PEOPLE SETTING UP CANOPIES AND CHAIRS AT THAT SPOT! You know what I find weird about them again? They will party from 10 am to 2 pm. By 2 pm, they will remove all the canopies. Coming back by 4 pm, they are setting same white chairs and canopy again! Weird right? Like... Why scatter what you will assemble again soon? This circle continues daily till the year runs out. On a dark side, there roads are very small and tiny. You can barely drive well here. WHATEVER YOU DO, NEVER GO TO LAGOS ISLAND AT NIGHT. THEY WILL ROB YOU. I HAVE NO OFFLINE PRICE FOR HERE COZ I FEAR THEM A LOT.


Apongbon
Please don't go here at night. YOU MAY DIE!

Mushin
I RAISE THE BLOOD OF JESUS ON MY LIFE AND CAR AGAINST ANYBODY THAT WILL REQUEST ME HERE ESPECIALLY AT NIGHT. You will collect beating. A lot of criminals, touts, animal human beings, Boko Haram, ISWAP and Bandits dwell here. If you love yourself, don't go here during the day. If you must go, let it be with Police or Army escort coupled with offline price of 350,000.

Ijesha and Lawanson axis of Surulere
Surulere is generally a good area with good roads. But one thing I hate about this area is that just like Lekki, they will turn your car to Okada. Ask me how. Someone will request a trip from Akerele to Bode Thomas to eat cake. If you end it, another trip will come. Where to? Stadium surulere. If you end it, another one will enter. Where to? Animashaun to buy fruits! Ending that one, another one will enter. Where to? OFADA BOY to eat Ofada rice! All these trips are 500 naira each! Very annoying but I endure because people here are civilised and mature. Believe me WHEN I TELL YOU THAT GOD IS ALIVE IN SURULERE. ANGELS ARE ON GUARD HERE TOO. Very good and educated folks. Surulere is always on surge too because they are always moving around eating cakes, meat pie and ice cream. They don't want trouble and trouble doesn't want them. Just like Lekki people, they fuccck a lot too. But always beware of Local government boys here. They are not smiling. Again, if you get a trip to Ijesha or Lawanson axis, cancel immediately. Unless you can endure terrible roads. Ijesha, Aguda and Lawanson boys are always mad and do drugs a lot.


N.B
These are my personal opinions. Understand it however you want. Am sorry. But its the truth. Some will take this as a JOKE. But believe me when I tell you that 90% of what I said here are accurate. You may be joking with your life if you see this as a Joke.

nitigriti:
This is quite misleading. There's no place mentioned here that I didn't take regular trips to during my 2 years as an e-hailing driver.

There is none I can't take a trip to during my normal work hours - 6:00am to 8:00pm.

To every aboki, his kettle.

He's definitely joking

He listed the whole mainland

AngryIgboMan:
Guys am back again. Hope your xmas banter is going on fine? All thanks to God!

One guy asked an important question of where not to go in Lagos and I will do justice to that question here because nobody has answered it satisfactorily.

As an Uber or Bolt investor, advise your driver not to go to these places. Believe me when I tell you that cost of maintenance will come down sizeably. Even if it means telling him to remit 20k weekly but reject trips to these hellish zones. Money will come down but then he makes 20k for himself and 20k for you! Your car will last years on Uber! You will hardly visit a mechanic workshop if you don't go to the places below.

As a legend in the business, I want to teach newbies and intending investors a few things regarding areas you shouldn't go to in Lagos.

Some of the places I will mention are actually nice estates but the roads to them are quite terrible and horrible. IF YOU LOVE YOUR CAR OR YOUR PARTNERS CAR, NEVER YOU GO THE AREAS I WILL MENTION BELOW.

There was this Eastern guy I met in Ikeja one time when I began work newly and he taught me most of these bad places!

Before I continue, Please be you aware that 70% of Mainland is bad and terrible. 70% of Island is nice. Infact, what you should fear on Island is only flooding and Pools of water. Again, Sanwo Olu is doing a nice job now on Mainland though patching up some nasty places e.g Akilo in Ogba Town. Let me use this opportunity and give;

A BIG SHOUT OUT TO SANWO OLU.... MY ADOPTED STATE GOVERNOR. HE IS REALLY TRYING ON ROADS. MANY PEOPLE ARE NOT AWARE BUT THIS GUY IS SILENTLY WORKING. A BIG TUALE TO YOU MR POINTUS PILATE.

So here Goes my List;

Ago Palace
(Good road to it through Orile to Festac onwards Ago but Terrible inner roads. 90% of Ago inner roads are dead. Your car will cry) The good side of these area is that plenty good trips to Lekki, Ikoyi or VI come from here. Ago is bad generally but If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 7,000 naira from anywhere at all.

Ajao estate
(Good road to it from Airport road but Terrible inner roads, Highly Trafficked most times) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 5,000 naira or 20 dollars from even airport. Yes.. Dollars because airport is close and people heading to IBIS usually have dollars.

Ijegun
(Demonic Roads, Animal Human Beings, 80% of people here are poor and drive keke and Okada, Criminals, Bandits and Car snatchers live here. Never go here during the day not to talk of at night. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. Many dangerous native doctors live here too) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 15 Million naira.

Festac
(Good road to it through Orile but Terrible inner roads, Highly Trafficked most times) The good side of these area is that plenty good trips to Lekki, Ikoyi or VI come from here too. If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 7,000 naira from anywhere.

Iyana Ipaja
(Good road to it through Ikeja but highly trafficked most times. A lot of Nasty danfo drivers ply this route too) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 8,000 naira from anywhere.

Ajegunle
(Animal Kingdom! Zone of Animals, Imbecciles, Societal Miscreants, 90% people here are poor, Terrible inner roads, Very bad trips to Other terrible zones, People here don't go to Nice places like Lekki phase 1. From here, you will surely get a trip to Ikotun or Idimu) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 20 Million Naira.


Oko Oba estate
(Agege in general is a no go area for me due to the penchant of people here to be aggressive and animalistic in nature. There youths use drugs too much and you may loose your life here at night). If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 10,000 naira during the day but 6 million at night.

Akute
(Terrible, Hellish roads. This place is not even Lagos again but Ogun. If you love your car, NEVER EVER TAKE A TRIP TO THIS PLACE THROUGH FAGBA OR ANY OTHER PLACE. YOUR CAR WILL NOT SURVIVE. I REPEAT, YOUR CAR WILL DIE. WHAT THEY HAVE AS ROADS ARE EROSIONS. PEOPLE HERE TOO ARE DIRT POOR. God does not exist in Akute. Government forgot these people and they forgot government too.) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 30 Million naira.

Amukoko
(PLEASE RUN. I REPEAT, RUN) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 7 Million naira from anywhere.


Satellite, Ojo, Badagry, Navy Town, Alakija
(These Five places are in proximity to hellfire. Hello Captains, THESE PLACES ARE HELL ON EARTH. There are many Car snatchers and shooters in Navy town and Alakija. Infact, I was nearly shot at Alakija! If you hear any of these five places, RUN! People here are so nasty and terrible too. They barely tip you and a whole lot of them are MARLIANS!) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 10 million naira. Insurance for your car and life! Your wife may become widowed! The 10 million is to take care of your family in case you don't make it back alive.

Ejigbo
(This is one place that even if Jesus will appear there, I WILL NEVER GO HERE TO SEE HIM. Brothers, the roads here are so terrible and dead that Satan regrets why he created that place till date. 100% of Ejigbo roads are dead. Infact, Government does not know these area and the area does not know government. This place is Satan's Personal Palace. All manner of demons live here. From Succubus, Incubus, Tricubus down to Asmodeus and Asmoda live here. Once you are here, just know that you are in Satans Anus and behave well to avoid death. God has forgotten them too. Infact, Ejigbo is not on Gods map of the universe. Satan carefully moulded here on a saturday when God was sleeping. Believe me Brother. Another terrible fact about this Zone is that THEY ARE ALWAYS ANGRY AND READY TO FIGHT. I love to fight too. But The Upper Cut an Okada rider nearly landed on my Chin after scratching my car with his bike oo would have sent me to Orthopedic Enugu. IN THE WHOLE OF LAGOS, NO PLACE IS AS UNPLANNED, DIRTY, HOPELESS, USELESS AND WORTHLESS LIKE EJIGBO. A LOT OF CRIMINALS LIVE HERE TOO. BEWARE SOUL BROTHER. The major source of income here is Okada riding. This is one place you will go and see more than 1 million bikes swarming on you like stray animals in a zoo. O boy... Na die be dis. The day I went here, I continued calling on the holy spirit of the most high God to save me and my Car. Only God almighty will save you here as a newbie driver. Nwanne, Your car will collect.) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 50 Billion dollars or the budget of 40 African countries! Thats the money for a new car and your life because your car will die and stress of driving here may kill you too! You may have to tell the rider to request Police escort too coz you may need it!

Egbeda
(Egbeda is not that bad especially Gowon estate axis. On a normal day, I will never go to Egbeda but if work is slow, I may manage). If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 8,000 naira from anywhere at all.

Agege
(80% of people here are Marlians! There youths are always eyeing you too waiting for you to loose guard. O boy... Your car go disappear! Its not that bad though but once a trip takes you to here, Run away to Ogba through College road) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 10,000 by day and 6 million at night. You may have to tell the rider to request Police escort too coz you may need it!

Idimu
(God forbid. Even the name sounds like one Terrible Oracle that will kill you without any offence. Please run away from here. Nice road to it but terrible inner roads. If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 90,000. You may have to tell the rider to request Police escort too coz you may need it!

Ayobo
Just look at how the name sounds too. This Animal zone is better experienced than talked about. All there roads are bad and your shocks will die. You will end trip and see 700 naira! If you pass Egbe road to this place, you will stop driving on Uber the same day! If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 500,000 naira only.

Isolo
(God forbid. Very terrible inner roads. But they have nice people. You will also get Lekki and Ikoyi trips here. Plenty Igbos here who are willing to spend live here. But don't go here if you are afraid of bad and terrible roads. If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 30,000 naira.

Kirikiri
Dont even allow the rider to complete the name. Once you here Ki, don't even wait for rikiri. Just tell the rider to get out and cancel the trip. You know why? Any rider that wants to take you here is DEMONIC AND EVIL. Believe me when I tell you that people here park there cars in nice places and then order Uber or Bolt drivers who will come and kill there car here. If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 3 Million naira. Gaskiya!

Ikotun and Igando
I don't even want to talk much about this hellish place. Once a rider requests a trip, cut him or her short with OFFLINE. Price is 600,000 naira from anywhere.

Oworoshonki
This is one funny place I will like to talk about in detail later. AVOID THESE PLACE LIKE A DEVILS KINGDOM! SO MANY TERRIBLE ROADS AND PLENTY ONE WAYS. The funny thing about here is the ONE WAYS. Because the people here are poor and they barely have cars. This place barely has traffic but the local government Iddiots there woke up one day and decided to make everywhere one way! You know why? I have it on good authority that Police officers and LG Chairman here make good money here everyday through one ways. If they catch you here, 20,000 Naira straight. No begging. You know another funny thing? They must catch you if you are not familiar with the terrain. You know why? GOOGLE MAPS WILL FAIL YOU HERE ON ONE WAYS BECAUSE IT WAS SUDDEN AND UNPLANNED! Google maps will never take you through one way on VI But you see Oworo? Forget it. All the one ways here are NOT GOTTEN BY GOOGLE MAPS AND IT WILL FAIL YOU TERRIBLY. Infact, Police Officers here will hide and be watching you... Praying that you take any of the plenty one ways here. It will take only the residents here to save you from taking one way here. Pilots, NEVER EVER TAKE A TRIP TO OWOROSHONKI. BLACKLIST HERE WITH PASSION. TERRIBLE ROADS AND PLENTY ONE WAYS) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 100 MILLION naira.


AbuleEgba
Dead Zone. No arguements. Offline straight. Price is 15,000 from anywhere.


Ikorodu
I can't even shout. Once a rider requests here, simply tell him 1 BILLION to scare him or her away. If they have the mind, let them pay the 1 billion. This place is so dead that you will blow empty to come back. I pity you and your car if a rider takes you to Igbogbo or Ishawo. God forbid.

Oyingbo
These Zone has a reputation for being driver killers. Plenty of animal human beings play here at night. If you receive a request to go here at night, please run. High chances of being robbed. They will request you here at night and kill you! Your car is gone. Your life is gone. I don't even have offline price for here. If you request me to this place, I will arrive your pickup location, beat you up and then leave. Case closed.

Lagos Island
This is one Funny place am yet to Understand what really goes on here. The people living here are not serious. THEY ARE SO HAPPY AND ALWAYS PARTYING FROM YOUNG TO OLD. EVERYDAY, THEY ARE ALWAYS SETTING CANOPY AND WHITE CHAIRS AT ONE PARTICULAR LARGE AREA LIKE THAT. I can bet my balls that 80% of people here are JOBLESS. THEY ARE ALWAYS PARTYING, DRINKING AND EATING NON STOP. If you doubt me, TAKE A TRIP TO LAGOS ISLAND TODAY. YOU MUST SEE PEOPLE SETTING UP CANOPIES AND CHAIRS AT THAT SPOT! You know what I find weird about them again? They will party from 10 am to 2 pm. By 2 pm, they will remove all the canopies. Coming back by 4 pm, they are setting same white chairs and canopy again! Weird right? Like... Why scatter what you will assemble again soon? This circle continues daily till the year runs out. On a dark side, there roads are very small and tiny. You can barely drive well here. WHATEVER YOU DO, NEVER GO TO LAGOS ISLAND AT NIGHT. THEY WILL ROB YOU. I HAVE NO OFFLINE PRICE FOR HERE COZ I FEAR THEM A LOT.


Apongbon
Please don't go here at night. YOU MAY DIE!

Mushin
I RAISE THE BLOOD OF JESUS ON MY LIFE AND CAR AGAINST ANYBODY THAT WILL REQUEST ME HERE ESPECIALLY AT NIGHT. You will collect beating. A lot of criminals, touts, animal human beings, Boko Haram, ISWAP and Bandits dwell here. If you love yourself, don't go here during the day. If you must go, let it be with Police or Army escort coupled with offline price of 350,000.

Ijesha and Lawanson axis of Surulere
Surulere is generally a good area with good roads. But one thing I hate about this area is that just like Lekki, they will turn your car to Okada. Ask me how. Someone will request a trip from Akerele to Bode Thomas to eat cake. If you end it, another trip will come. Where to? Stadium surulere. If you end it, another one will enter. Where to? Animashaun to buy fruits! Ending that one, another one will enter. Where to? OFADA BOY to eat Ofada rice! All these trips are 500 naira each! Very annoying but I endure because people here are civilised and mature. Believe me WHEN I TELL YOU THAT GOD IS ALIVE IN SURULERE. ANGELS ARE ON GUARD HERE TOO. Very good and educated folks. Surulere is always on surge too because they are always moving around eating cakes, meat pie and ice cream. They don't want trouble and trouble doesn't want them. Just like Lekki people, they fuccck a lot too. But always beware of Local government boys here. They are not smiling. Again, if you get a trip to Ijesha or Lawanson axis, cancel immediately. Unless you can endure terrible roads. Ijesha, Aguda and Lawanson boys are always mad and do drugs a lot.


N.B
These are my personal opinions. Understand it however you want. Am sorry. But its the truth. Some will take this as a JOKE. But believe me when I tell you that 90% of what I said here are accurate. You may be joking with your life if you see this as a Joke.

izzou:


He's definitely joking

He listed the whole mainland

mrjaydee:
Guys be careful tonight if you are working around lekki/ikoyi/Vi.

I picked up some "marlians" from jakande area enroute Eko hotel. On my way back cos of traffic I used the alternative route. Lo and behold as I was navigating the bad spot of yesufu abiodun street na so some men try to jump me.

Meanwhile I rolled down my glass cos i needed air..next thing na gun i see.

In that split second i didnt hesitate... I reversed, revved my car and face the guy with the gun. Honestly I don't know how or why I did it. I hit his back with my side mirror and i just bent down my head speeding away.

I stopped at silverfox. Omo local man has retired for the day.

nitigriti:


Abi ooo

But if you actually went to Kirikiri or Ajegunle back then, you tried oh

Did that trip twice, and I regretted. Got trapped in the container queue

deedee44:

Wait! You don attempt to run away plenty times before?

izzou:


But if you actually went to Kirikiri or Ajegunle back then, you tried oh

Did that trip twice, and I regretted. Got trapped in the container queue

AngryIgboMan:
Guys am back again. Hope your xmas banter is going on fine? All thanks to God!

One guy asked an important question of where not to go in Lagos and I will do justice to that question here because nobody has answered it satisfactorily.

As an Uber or Bolt investor, advise your driver not to go to these places. Believe me when I tell you that cost of maintenance will come down sizeably. Even if it means telling him to remit 20k weekly but reject trips to these hellish zones. Money will come down but then he makes 20k for himself and 20k for you! Your car will last years on Uber! You will hardly visit a mechanic workshop if you don't go to the places below.

As a legend in the business, I want to teach newbies and intending investors a few things regarding areas you shouldn't go to in Lagos.

Some of the places I will mention are actually


N.B
These are my personal opinions. Understand it however you want. Am sorry. But its the this as a JOKE. But believe me when I tell you that 90% of what I said here are accurate. You may be joking with your life if you see this as a Joke.

nitigriti:


I remember one trip to Ajegunle from Surulere. It was difficult getting there. The roads were bad, but I managed to navigate it and dropped off rider. Fare was like #2,000.

Then I got Lekki trip - about #3,500.

I also remember another Ajegunle trip. Got to destination around 8:30pm; then got stuck inside trailer traffic. I finally got to Oshodi by 11:30pm. I just went home straight.

I love diverse experiences. They build my tolerance and resilience. That's why I never rejected those kind of trips even though I knew what I was getting into.

peeps4u:
Bro, you seem a bold man.

Sorry to ask, were u ever in military?

Are u from Niger Delta Creek?

nitigriti:


I remember one trip to Ajegunle from Surulere. It was difficult getting there. The roads were bad, but I managed to navigate it and dropped off rider. Fare was like #2,000.

Then I got Lekki trip - about #3,500.

I also remember another Ajegunle trip. Got to destination around 8:30pm; then got stuck inside trailer traffic. I finally got to Oshodi by 11:30pm. I just went home straight.

I love diverse experiences. They build my tolerance and resilience. That's why I never rejected those kind of trips even though I knew what I was getting into.

AngryIgboMan:
Guys am back again. Hope your xmas banter is going on fine? All thanks to God!

One guy asked an important question of where not to go in Lagos and I will do justice to that question here because nobody has answered it satisfactorily.

As an Uber or Bolt investor, advise your driver not to go to these places. Believe me when I tell you that cost of maintenance will come down sizeably. Even if it means telling him to remit 20k weekly but reject trips to these hellish zones. Money will come down but then he makes 20k for himself and 20k for you! Your car will last years on Uber! You will hardly visit a mechanic workshop if you don't go to the places below.

As a legend in the business, I want to teach newbies and intending investors a few things regarding areas you shouldn't go to in Lagos.

Some of the places I will mention are actually nice estates but the roads to them are quite terrible and horrible. IF YOU LOVE YOUR CAR OR YOUR PARTNERS CAR, NEVER YOU GO THE AREAS I WILL MENTION BELOW.

There was this Eastern guy I met in Ikeja one time when I began work newly and he taught me most of these bad places!

Before I continue, Please be you aware that 70% of Mainland is bad and terrible. 70% of Island is nice. Infact, what you should fear on Island is only flooding and Pools of water. Again, Sanwo Olu is doing a nice job now on Mainland though patching up some nasty places e.g Akilo in Ogba Town. Let me use this opportunity and give;

A BIG SHOUT OUT TO SANWO OLU.... MY ADOPTED STATE GOVERNOR. HE IS REALLY TRYING ON ROADS. MANY PEOPLE ARE NOT AWARE BUT THIS GUY IS SILENTLY WORKING. A BIG TUALE TO YOU MR POINTUS PILATE.

So here Goes my List;

Ago Palace
(Good road to it through Orile to Festac onwards Ago but Terrible inner roads. 90% of Ago inner roads are dead. Your car will cry) The good side of these area is that plenty good trips to Lekki, Ikoyi or VI come from here. Ago is bad generally but If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 7,000 naira from anywhere at all.

Ajao estate
(Good road to it from Airport road but Terrible inner roads, Highly Trafficked most times) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 5,000 naira or 20 dollars from even airport. Yes.. Dollars because airport is close and people heading to IBIS usually have dollars.

Ijegun
(Demonic Roads, Animal Human Beings, 80% of people here are poor and drive keke and Okada, Criminals, Bandits and Car snatchers live here. Never go here during the day not to talk of at night. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. Many dangerous native doctors live here too) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 15 Million naira.

Festac
(Good road to it through Orile but Terrible inner roads, Highly Trafficked most times) The good side of these area is that plenty good trips to Lekki, Ikoyi or VI come from here too. If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 7,000 naira from anywhere.

Iyana Ipaja
(Good road to it through Ikeja but highly trafficked most times. A lot of Nasty danfo drivers ply this route too) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 8,000 naira from anywhere.

Ajegunle
(Animal Kingdom! Zone of Animals, Imbecciles, Societal Miscreants, 90% people here are poor, Terrible inner roads, Very bad trips to Other terrible zones, People here don't go to Nice places like Lekki phase 1. From here, you will surely get a trip to Ikotun or Idimu) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 20 Million Naira.


Oko Oba estate
(Agege in general is a no go area for me due to the penchant of people here to be aggressive and animalistic in nature. There youths use drugs too much and you may loose your life here at night). If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 10,000 naira during the day but 6 million at night.

Akute
(Terrible, Hellish roads. This place is not even Lagos again but Ogun. If you love your car, NEVER EVER TAKE A TRIP TO THIS PLACE THROUGH FAGBA OR ANY OTHER PLACE. YOUR CAR WILL NOT SURVIVE. I REPEAT, YOUR CAR WILL DIE. WHAT THEY HAVE AS ROADS ARE EROSIONS. PEOPLE HERE TOO ARE DIRT POOR. God does not exist in Akute. Government forgot these people and they forgot government too.) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 30 Million naira.

Amukoko
(PLEASE RUN. I REPEAT, RUN) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 7 Million naira from anywhere.


Satellite, Ojo, Badagry, Navy Town, Alakija
(These Five places are in proximity to hellfire. Hello Captains, THESE PLACES ARE HELL ON EARTH. There are many Car snatchers and shooters in Navy town and Alakija. Infact, I was nearly shot at Alakija! If you hear any of these five places, RUN! People here are so nasty and terrible too. They barely tip you and a whole lot of them are MARLIANS!) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 10 million naira. Insurance for your car and life! Your wife may become widowed! The 10 million is to take care of your family in case you don't make it back alive.

Ejigbo
(This is one place that even if Jesus will appear there, I WILL NEVER GO HERE TO SEE HIM. Brothers, the roads here are so terrible and dead that Satan regrets why he created that place till date. 100% of Ejigbo roads are dead. Infact, Government does not know these area and the area does not know government. This place is Satan's Personal Palace. All manner of demons live here. From Succubus, Incubus, Tricubus down to Asmodeus and Asmoda live here. Once you are here, just know that you are in Satans Anus and behave well to avoid death. God has forgotten them too. Infact, Ejigbo is not on Gods map of the universe. Satan carefully moulded here on a saturday when God was sleeping. Believe me Brother. Another terrible fact about this Zone is that THEY ARE ALWAYS ANGRY AND READY TO FIGHT. I love to fight too. But The Upper Cut an Okada rider nearly landed on my Chin after scratching my car with his bike oo would have sent me to Orthopedic Enugu. IN THE WHOLE OF LAGOS, NO PLACE IS AS UNPLANNED, DIRTY, HOPELESS, USELESS AND WORTHLESS LIKE EJIGBO. A LOT OF CRIMINALS LIVE HERE TOO. BEWARE SOUL BROTHER. The major source of income here is Okada riding. This is one place you will go and see more than 1 million bikes swarming on you like stray animals in a zoo. O boy... Na die be dis. The day I went here, I continued calling on the holy spirit of the most high God to save me and my Car. Only God almighty will save you here as a newbie driver. Nwanne, Your car will collect.) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 50 Billion dollars or the budget of 40 African countries! Thats the money for a new car and your life because your car will die and stress of driving here may kill you too! You may have to tell the rider to request Police escort too coz you may need it!

Egbeda
(Egbeda is not that bad especially Gowon estate axis. On a normal day, I will never go to Egbeda but if work is slow, I may manage). If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 8,000 naira from anywhere at all.

Agege
(80% of people here are Marlians! There youths are always eyeing you too waiting for you to loose guard. O boy... Your car go disappear! Its not that bad though but once a trip takes you to here, Run away to Ogba through College road) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 10,000 by day and 6 million at night. You may have to tell the rider to request Police escort too coz you may need it!

Idimu
(God forbid. Even the name sounds like one Terrible Oracle that will kill you without any offence. Please run away from here. Nice road to it but terrible inner roads. If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 90,000. You may have to tell the rider to request Police escort too coz you may need it!

Ayobo
Just look at how the name sounds too. This Animal zone is better experienced than talked about. All there roads are bad and your shocks will die. You will end trip and see 700 naira! If you pass Egbe road to this place, you will stop driving on Uber the same day! If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 500,000 naira only.

Isolo
(God forbid. Very terrible inner roads. But they have nice people. You will also get Lekki and Ikoyi trips here. Plenty Igbos here who are willing to spend live here. But don't go here if you are afraid of bad and terrible roads. If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 30,000 naira.

Kirikiri
Dont even allow the rider to complete the name. Once you here Ki, don't even wait for rikiri. Just tell the rider to get out and cancel the trip. You know why? Any rider that wants to take you here is DEMONIC AND EVIL. Believe me when I tell you that people here park there cars in nice places and then order Uber or Bolt drivers who will come and kill there car here. If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 3 Million naira. Gaskiya!

Ikotun and Igando
I don't even want to talk much about this hellish place. Once a rider requests a trip, cut him or her short with OFFLINE. Price is 600,000 naira from anywhere.

Oworoshonki
This is one funny place I will like to talk about in detail later. AVOID THESE PLACE LIKE A DEVILS KINGDOM! SO MANY TERRIBLE ROADS AND PLENTY ONE WAYS. The funny thing about here is the ONE WAYS. Because the people here are poor and they barely have cars. This place barely has traffic but the local government Iddiots there woke up one day and decided to make everywhere one way! You know why? I have it on good authority that Police officers and LG Chairman here make good money here everyday through one ways. If they catch you here, 20,000 Naira straight. No begging. You know another funny thing? They must catch you if you are not familiar with the terrain. You know why? GOOGLE MAPS WILL FAIL YOU HERE ON ONE WAYS BECAUSE IT WAS SUDDEN AND UNPLANNED! Google maps will never take you through one way on VI But you see Oworo? Forget it. All the one ways here are NOT GOTTEN BY GOOGLE MAPS AND IT WILL FAIL YOU TERRIBLY. Infact, Police Officers here will hide and be watching you... Praying that you take any of the plenty one ways here. It will take only the residents here to save you from taking one way here. Pilots, NEVER EVER TAKE A TRIP TO OWOROSHONKI. BLACKLIST HERE WITH PASSION. TERRIBLE ROADS AND PLENTY ONE WAYS) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 100 MILLION naira.


AbuleEgba
Dead Zone. No arguements. Offline straight. Price is 15,000 from anywhere.


Ikorodu
I can't even shout. Once a rider requests here, simply tell him 1 BILLION to scare him or her away. If they have the mind, let them pay the 1 billion. This place is so dead that you will blow empty to come back. I pity you and your car if a rider takes you to Igbogbo or Ishawo. God forbid.

Oyingbo
These Zone has a reputation for being driver killers. Plenty of animal human beings play here at night. If you receive a request to go here at night, please run. High chances of being robbed. They will request you here at night and kill you! Your car is gone. Your life is gone. I don't even have offline price for here. If you request me to this place, I will arrive your pickup location, beat you up and then leave. Case closed.

Lagos Island
This is one Funny place am yet to Understand what really goes on here. The people living here are not serious. THEY ARE SO HAPPY AND ALWAYS PARTYING FROM YOUNG TO OLD. EVERYDAY, THEY ARE ALWAYS SETTING CANOPY AND WHITE CHAIRS AT ONE PARTICULAR LARGE AREA LIKE THAT. I can bet my balls that 80% of people here are JOBLESS. THEY ARE ALWAYS PARTYING, DRINKING AND EATING NON STOP. If you doubt me, TAKE A TRIP TO LAGOS ISLAND TODAY. YOU MUST SEE PEOPLE SETTING UP CANOPIES AND CHAIRS AT THAT SPOT! You know what I find weird about them again? They will party from 10 am to 2 pm. By 2 pm, they will remove all the canopies. Coming back by 4 pm, they are setting same white chairs and canopy again! Weird right? Like... Why scatter what you will assemble again soon? This circle continues daily till the year runs out. On a dark side, there roads are very small and tiny. You can barely drive well here. WHATEVER YOU DO, NEVER GO TO LAGOS ISLAND AT NIGHT. THEY WILL ROB YOU. I HAVE NO OFFLINE PRICE FOR HERE COZ I FEAR THEM A LOT.


Apongbon
Please don't go here at night. YOU MAY DIE!

Mushin
I RAISE THE BLOOD OF JESUS ON MY LIFE AND CAR AGAINST ANYBODY THAT WILL REQUEST ME HERE ESPECIALLY AT NIGHT. You will collect beating. A lot of criminals, touts, animal human beings, Boko Haram, ISWAP and Bandits dwell here. If you love yourself, don't go here during the day. If you must go, let it be with Police or Army escort coupled with offline price of 350,000.

Ijesha and Lawanson axis of Surulere
Surulere is generally a good area with good roads. But one thing I hate about this area is that just like Lekki, they will turn your car to Okada. Ask me how. Someone will request a trip from Akerele to Bode Thomas to eat cake. If you end it, another trip will come. Where to? Stadium surulere. If you end it, another one will enter. Where to? Animashaun to buy fruits! Ending that one, another one will enter. Where to? OFADA BOY to eat Ofada rice! All these trips are 500 naira each! Very annoying but I endure because people here are civilised and mature. Believe me WHEN I TELL YOU THAT GOD IS ALIVE IN SURULERE. ANGELS ARE ON GUARD HERE TOO. Very good and educated folks. Surulere is always on surge too because they are always moving around eating cakes, meat pie and ice cream. They don't want trouble and trouble doesn't want them. Just like Lekki people, they fuccck a lot too. But always beware of Local government boys here. They are not smiling. Again, if you get a trip to Ijesha or Lawanson axis, cancel immediately. Unless you can endure terrible roads. Ijesha, Aguda and Lawanson boys are always mad and do drugs a lot.


N.B
These are my personal opinions. Understand it however you want. Am sorry. But its the truth. Some will take this as a JOKE. But believe me when I tell you that 90% of what I said here are accurate. You may be joking with your life if you see this as a Joke.

AngryIgboMan:
After I posted what I posted, most pilots are calling it "Joke". I laugh at your ignorance in Japanese. Any serious learner should take what I posted very serious. Those areas are that dangerous and bad. I added small comedy to make it look simple. But I can be mean to you if you dare try to damage by source of income by taking me to places like kirikiri or Akute.

This business is all about survival. Riders are trying to kill you by making you go to bad areas. They will all sound nice and sweet and tell you how you are a good driver.

Hear me soul brother. Its all about there selfish interest. If your car or partners car should die, NOBODY GIVES A FUCCK ABOUT YOU. HUNGER WILL KEE YOU. Protect yourself in this Lagos brothers.

Some of you are of the hopeless opinion that when you are nice to riders or people, they will reciprocate by telling you to SUPPLY 1000 TRAILER LOADS OF WHITE SAND FOR SAND FILLING ELEGUSHI BEACH. Let me teach you something Mugu. The average Human being especially a Nigerian not to talk of a Lagosian is always trying to kill you to survive. Thats why your partners don't give a hoot about your welfare. They will compliment you on how you are a good driver and you remit money always. They will tell you how your reward is in heaven. You are always om the road sleeping like an animal by Northwest filling station or admiralty Lekki.

The day anything happens to you (God forbid), they are replacing you immediately with another driver. Its as easy as that. I don't want to detail this.

Regarding missing items, let me teach newbie drivers my policy which I learnt the hard way. My policy has always been;

DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL.

Let me tell 3 stories to buttress my point

Last 2 years, I took a rider from Maryland to Lekki. Her son forgot his school bag in my car. On a normal day, the protocol would have been to drive to Uber or Bolt office and drop the bag there. Two days later being that I was trying to be a nice man then and PROBABLY EXPECTING TO WIN A CONTRACT TO REPAIR IKORODU ROAD FOR BEING A GOOD DRIVER, I drove all the way from Okota to Lekki phase 1 to drop the bag. Guess how much this hopeless woman gave me? 500! She said she is suspecting I live around Lekki and that am just trying to bill her. Can you imagine? I live in Lekki and am doing Uber? How will I pay rent? This very mean woman left me at her gate and went inside. I was just outside looking like a morron.

Another time, another very useless woman requested me from Ojota to Ilupeju. She fogot her make up kit in my car. When I drove down from Iju side to Ilupeju to return her make up kit, this woman just said THANK YOU. I was just watching her. She did not even talk anything about my fuel.

The 3rd and last time, a very useless woman this time around forgot her house keys in my car. She stays at Gbagada. Based on my bad experiences returning missing items, I decided to negotiate price before going. This woman was so mean and rude. She was shouting that am selfìsh and that I should have returned the key first before any other thing. I tried to explain say na condition make crayfish bend. This woman swore that she will never listen. When she noticed am not succumbing, she said she will give me 2k. I didn't know it was a format. When I arrived from SURULERE, this woman said I should wait because money is inside. She took her house keys from me, went inside her house and locked it. I was there sitting like a foool for 2 hours. I was calling and calling and calling. She eventually blocked my line.

I left sad, wounded, bruised, hurt and dejected.

When I reached my house, I formulated the policy of

DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL.

If a rider forgets anything, don't call to ask them if they forgot anything. If they call to ask about anything they forgot, don't tell them anything.

If I should look back and see anything lost in my car, AM THROWING IT STRAIGHT INTO THE OCEAN ANYTIME AM ABOVE 3RD MAINLAND BRIDGE. I will use it and contribute to the growth of the economy of the marine Kingdom.

If I should tell you valuables I have thrown overboard... You won't believe me. THE FACT IS THAT I DO NOT CARE ANYMORE.

I stay around Ajah axis. Should I drive down to Uber or bolt office to submit it, who will pay me? If I return it to riders, they are so mean spirited.

To any of you reading this, I pray none of you becomes my rider and foget anything. Believe me its going straight to the Ocean even if its a Laptop. There is a particular sport I park and throw them. If a diver should dive and go straight down that spot, plenty things are there.

Am not going to use it either because am not a THIEF. Am not returning it too because THERE IS NO GUARANTEE YOU WILL PAY ME.

I BOUGHT MY CAR THROUGH SUFFERING. I FUEL MY CAR THROUGH SUFFERING. YOU DID NOT BUY FUEL FOR ME. I DID NOT COME TO LAGOS TO DIE.

DonJoeSneh:


Hope i haven't messed up, i told them to help me increase it small today ooo...but just small....cos the way it was hitting ground around our Alakuko/Kola area this morning, it was touching my heart.

AngryIgboMan:
After I posted what I posted, most pilots are calling it "Joke". I laugh at your ignorance in Japanese. Any serious learner should take what I posted very serious. Those areas are that dangerous and bad. I added small comedy to make it look simple. But I can be mean to you if you dare try to damage by source of income by taking me to places like kirikiri or Akute.

This business is all about survival. Riders are trying to kill you by making you go to bad areas. They will all sound nice and sweet and tell you how you are a good driver.

Hear me soul brother. Its all about there selfish interest. If your car or partners car should die, NOBODY GIVES A FUCCK ABOUT YOU. HUNGER WILL KEE YOU. Protect yourself in this Lagos brothers.

Some of you are of the hopeless opinion that when you are nice to riders or people, they will reciprocate by telling you to SUPPLY 1000 TRAILER LOADS OF WHITE SAND FOR SAND FILLING ELEGUSHI BEACH. Let me teach you something Mugu. The average Human being especially a Nigerian not to talk of a Lagosian is always trying to kill you to survive. Thats why your partners don't give a hoot about your welfare. They will compliment you on how you are a good driver and you remit money always. They will tell you how your reward is in heaven. You are always om the road sleeping like an animal by Northwest filling station or admiralty Lekki.

The day anything happens to you (God forbid), they are replacing you immediately with another driver. Its as easy as that. I don't want to detail this.

Regarding missing items, let me teach newbie drivers my policy which I learnt the hard way. My policy has always been;

DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL.

Let me tell 3 stories to buttress my point

Last 2 years, I took a hopeless woman rider from Maryland to Lekki. Her son forgot his school bag in my car. On a normal day, the protocol would have been to drive to Uber or Bolt office and drop the bag there. Two days later being that I was trying to be a nice man then and PROBABLY EXPECTING TO WIN A CONTRACT TO REPAIR IKORODU ROAD FOR BEING A GOOD DRIVER, I drove all the way from Okota to Lekki phase 1 to drop the bag. Guess how much this hopeless woman gave me? 500! She said she is suspecting I live around Lekki and that am just trying to bill her. Can you imagine? I live in Lekki and am doing Uber? How will I pay rent? This very mean woman left me at her gate and went inside. I was just outside looking like a morron.

Another time, another very useless woman requested me from Ojota to Ilupeju. She fogot her make up kit in my car. When I drove down from Iju side to Ilupeju to return her make up kit, this woman just said THANK YOU and entered her car. I was just watching her. She did not even talk anything about my fuel. The thing pepper me die. I called on God and heavens were closed.

The 3rd and last time, a very pathetic, lousy, wretched woman this time around forgot her house keys in my car. She stays at Gbagada. Based on my bad experiences returning missing items, I decided to negotiate price before going. This forlorn Kaput woman was so mean and rude. She was shouting that am selfìsh and that I should have returned the key first before any other thing. I tried to explain say na condition make crayfish bend. This woman swore that she will never listen. When she noticed am not succumbing, she said she will give me 2k. I didn't know it was a format. When I arrived from SURULERE, this woman said I should wait because money is inside. She took her house keys from me, went inside her house and locked it. I was there sitting like a foool for 2 hours. I was calling and calling and calling. She eventually blocked my line.

I left sad, wounded, bruised, hurt and dejected.

When I reached my house, I formulated the policy of

DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL.

If a rider forgets anything, don't call to ask them if they forgot anything. If they call to ask about anything they forgot, don't tell them anything.

If I should look back and see anything lost in my car, AM THROWING IT STRAIGHT INTO THE OCEAN ANYTIME AM ABOVE 3RD MAINLAND BRIDGE. I will use it and contribute to the growth of the economy of the marine Kingdom.

If I should tell you valuables I have thrown overboard... You won't believe me. THE FACT IS THAT I DO NOT CARE ANYMORE.

I stay around Ajah axis. Should I drive down to Uber or bolt office to submit it, who will pay me? If I return it to riders, they are so mean spirited.

To any of you reading this, I pray none of you becomes my rider and foget anything. Believe me its going straight to the Ocean even if its a Laptop. There is a particular sport I park and throw them. If a diver should dive and go straight down that spot, plenty things are there.

Am not going to use it either because am not a THIEF. Am not returning it too because THERE IS NO GUARANTEE YOU WILL PAY ME.

I BOUGHT MY CAR THROUGH SUFFERING. I FUEL MY CAR THROUGH SUFFERING. YOU DID NOT BUY FUEL FOR ME. I DID NOT COME TO LAGOS TO DIE.

AngryIgboMan:
After I posted what I posted, most pilots are calling it "Joke". I laugh at your ignorance in Japanese. Any serious learner should take what I posted very serious. Those areas are that dangerous and bad. I added small comedy to make it look simple. But I can be mean to you if you dare try to damage by source of income by taking me to places like kirikiri or Akute.

This business is all about survival. Riders are trying to kill you by making you go to bad areas. They will all sound nice and sweet and tell you how you are a good driver.

Hear me soul brother. Its all about there selfish interest. If your car or partners car should die, NOBODY GIVES A FUCCK ABOUT YOU. HUNGER WILL KEE YOU. Protect yourself in this Lagos brothers.

Some of you are of the hopeless opinion that when you are nice to riders or people, they will reciprocate by telling you to SUPPLY 1000 TRAILER LOADS OF WHITE SAND FOR SAND FILLING ELEGUSHI BEACH. Let me teach you something Mugu. The average Human being especially a Nigerian not to talk of a Lagosian is always trying to kill you to survive. Thats why your partners don't give a hoot about your welfare. They will compliment you on how you are a good driver and you remit money always. They will tell you how your reward is in heaven. You are always om the road sleeping like an animal by Northwest filling station or admiralty Lekki.

The day anything happens to you (God forbid), they are replacing you immediately with another driver. Its as easy as that. I don't want to detail this.

Regarding missing items, let me teach newbie drivers my policy which I learnt the hard way. My policy has always been;

DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL.

Let me tell 3 stories to buttress my point

Last 2 years, I took a hopeless woman rider from Maryland to Lekki. Her son forgot his school bag in my car. On a normal day, the protocol would have been to drive to Uber or Bolt office and drop the bag there. Two days later being that I was trying to be a nice man then and PROBABLY EXPECTING TO WIN A CONTRACT TO REPAIR IKORODU ROAD FOR BEING A GOOD DRIVER, I drove all the way from Okota to Lekki phase 1 to drop the bag. Guess how much this hopeless woman gave me? 500! She said she is suspecting I live around Lekki and that am just trying to bill her. Can you imagine? I live in Lekki and am doing Uber? How will I pay rent? This very mean woman left me at her gate and went inside. I was just outside looking like a morron.

Another time, another very useless woman requested me from Ojota to Ilupeju. She fogot her make up kit in my car. When I drove down from Iju side to Ilupeju to return her make up kit, this woman just said THANK YOU and entered her car. I was just watching her. She did not even talk anything about my fuel. The thing pepper me die. I called on God and heavens were closed.

The 3rd and last time, a very pathetic, lousy, wretched woman this time around forgot her house keys in my car. She stays at Gbagada. Based on my bad experiences returning missing items, I decided to negotiate price before going. This forlorn Kaput woman was so mean and rude. She was shouting that am selfìsh and that I should have returned the key first before any other thing. I tried to explain say na condition make crayfish bend. This woman swore that she will never listen. When she noticed am not succumbing, she said she will give me 2k. I didn't know it was a format. When I arrived from SURULERE, this woman said I should wait because money is inside. She took her house keys from me, went inside her house and locked it. I was there sitting like a foool for 2 hours. I was calling and calling and calling. She eventually blocked my line.

I left sad, wounded, bruised, hurt and dejected.

When I reached my house, I formulated the policy of

DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL.

If a rider forgets anything, don't call to ask them if they forgot anything. If they call to ask about anything they forgot, don't tell them anything.

If I should look back and see anything lost in my car, AM THROWING IT STRAIGHT INTO THE OCEAN ANYTIME AM ABOVE 3RD MAINLAND BRIDGE. I will use it and contribute to the growth of the economy of the marine Kingdom.

If I should tell you valuables I have thrown overboard... You won't believe me. THE FACT IS THAT I DO NOT CARE ANYMORE.

I stay around Ajah axis. Should I drive down to Uber or bolt office to submit it, who will pay me? If I return it to riders, they are so mean spirited.

To any of you reading this, I pray none of you becomes my rider and foget anything. Believe me its going straight to the Ocean even if its a Laptop. There is a particular sport I park and throw them. If a diver should dive and go straight down that spot, plenty things are there.

Am not going to use it either because am not a THIEF. Am not returning it too because THERE IS NO GUARANTEE YOU WILL PAY ME.

I BOUGHT MY CAR THROUGH SUFFERING. I FUEL MY CAR THROUGH SUFFERING. YOU DID NOT BUY FUEL FOR ME. I DID NOT COME TO LAGOS TO DIE.

AngryIgboMan:
Guys am back again. Hope your xmas banter is going on fine? All thanks to God!

One guy asked an important question of where not to go in Lagos and I will do justice to that question here because nobody has answered it satisfactorily.

As an Uber or Bolt investor, advise your driver not to go to these places. Believe me when I tell you that cost of maintenance will come down sizeably. Even if it means telling him to remit 20k weekly but reject trips to these hellish zones. Money will come down but then he makes 20k for himself and 20k for you! Your car will last years on Uber! You will hardly visit a mechanic workshop if you don't go to the places below.

As a legend in the business, I want to teach newbies and intending investors a few things regarding areas you shouldn't go to in Lagos.

Some of the places I will mention are actually nice estates but the roads to them are quite terrible and horrible. IF YOU LOVE YOUR CAR OR YOUR PARTNERS CAR, NEVER YOU GO THE AREAS I WILL MENTION BELOW.

There was this Eastern guy I met in Ikeja one time when I began work newly and he taught me most of these bad places!

Before I continue, Please be you aware that 70% of Mainland is bad and terrible. 70% of Island is nice. Infact, what you should fear on Island is only flooding and Pools of water. Again, Sanwo Olu is doing a nice job now on Mainland though patching up some nasty places e.g Akilo in Ogba Town. Let me use this opportunity and give;

A BIG SHOUT OUT TO SANWO OLU.... MY ADOPTED STATE GOVERNOR. HE IS REALLY TRYING ON ROADS. MANY PEOPLE ARE NOT AWARE BUT THIS GUY IS SILENTLY WORKING. A BIG TUALE TO YOU MR POINTUS PILATE.

So here Goes my List;

Ago Palace
(Good road to it through Orile to Festac onwards Ago but Terrible inner roads. 90% of Ago inner roads are dead. Your car will cry) The good side of these area is that plenty good trips to Lekki, Ikoyi or VI come from here. Ago is bad generally but If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 7,000 naira from anywhere at all.

Ajao estate
(Good road to it from Airport road but Terrible inner roads, Highly Trafficked most times) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 5,000 naira or 20 dollars from even airport. Yes.. Dollars because airport is close and people heading to IBIS usually have dollars.

Ijegun
(Demonic Roads, Animal Human Beings, 80% of people here are poor and drive keke and Okada, Criminals, Bandits and Car snatchers live here. Never go here during the day not to talk of at night. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. Many dangerous native doctors live here too) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 15 Million naira.

Festac
(Good road to it through Orile but Terrible inner roads, Highly Trafficked most times) The good side of these area is that plenty good trips to Lekki, Ikoyi or VI come from here too. If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 7,000 naira from anywhere.

Iyana Ipaja
(Good road to it through Ikeja but highly trafficked most times. A lot of Nasty danfo drivers ply this route too) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 8,000 naira from anywhere.

Ajegunle
(Animal Kingdom! Zone of Animals, Imbecciles, Societal Miscreants, 90% people here are poor, Terrible inner roads, Very bad trips to Other terrible zones, People here don't go to Nice places like Lekki phase 1. From here, you will surely get a trip to Ikotun or Idimu) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 20 Million Naira.


Oko Oba estate
(Agege in general is a no go area for me due to the penchant of people here to be aggressive and animalistic in nature. There youths use drugs too much and you may loose your life here at night). If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 10,000 naira during the day but 6 million at night.

Akute
(Terrible, Hellish roads. This place is not even Lagos again but Ogun. If you love your car, NEVER EVER TAKE A TRIP TO THIS PLACE THROUGH FAGBA OR ANY OTHER PLACE. YOUR CAR WILL NOT SURVIVE. I REPEAT, YOUR CAR WILL DIE. WHAT THEY HAVE AS ROADS ARE EROSIONS. PEOPLE HERE TOO ARE DIRT POOR. God does not exist in Akute. Government forgot these people and they forgot government too.) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 30 Million naira.

Amukoko
(PLEASE RUN. I REPEAT, RUN) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 7 Million naira from anywhere.


Satellite, Ojo, Badagry, Navy Town, Alakija
(These Five places are in proximity to hellfire. Hello Captains, THESE PLACES ARE HELL ON EARTH. There are many Car snatchers and shooters in Navy town and Alakija. Infact, I was nearly shot at Alakija! If you hear any of these five places, RUN! People here are so nasty and terrible too. They barely tip you and a whole lot of them are MARLIANS!) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 10 million naira. Insurance for your car and life! Your wife may become widowed! The 10 million is to take care of your family in case you don't make it back alive.

Ejigbo
(This is one place that even if Jesus will appear there, I WILL NEVER GO HERE TO SEE HIM. Brothers, the roads here are so terrible and dead that Satan regrets why he created that place till date. 100% of Ejigbo roads are dead. Infact, Government does not know these area and the area does not know government. This place is Satan's Personal Palace. All manner of demons live here. From Succubus, Incubus, Tricubus down to Asmodeus and Asmoda live here. Once you are here, just know that you are in Satans Anus and behave well to avoid death. God has forgotten them too. Infact, Ejigbo is not on Gods map of the universe. Satan carefully moulded here on a saturday when God was sleeping. Believe me Brother. Another terrible fact about this Zone is that THEY ARE ALWAYS ANGRY AND READY TO FIGHT. I love to fight too. But The Upper Cut an Okada rider nearly landed on my Chin after scratching my car with his bike oo would have sent me to Orthopedic Enugu. IN THE WHOLE OF LAGOS, NO PLACE IS AS UNPLANNED, DIRTY, HOPELESS, USELESS AND WORTHLESS LIKE EJIGBO. A LOT OF CRIMINALS LIVE HERE TOO. BEWARE SOUL BROTHER. The major source of income here is Okada riding. This is one place you will go and see more than 1 million bikes swarming on you like stray animals in a zoo. O boy... Na die be dis. The day I went here, I continued calling on the holy spirit of the most high God to save me and my Car. Only God almighty will save you here as a newbie driver. Nwanne, Your car will collect.) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 50 Billion dollars or the budget of 40 African countries! Thats the money for a new car and your life because your car will die and stress of driving here may kill you too! You may have to tell the rider to request Police escort too coz you may need it!

Egbeda
(Egbeda is not that bad especially Gowon estate axis. On a normal day, I will never go to Egbeda but if work is slow, I may manage). If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 8,000 naira from anywhere at all.

Agege
(80% of people here are Marlians! There youths are always eyeing you too waiting for you to loose guard. O boy... Your car go disappear! Its not that bad though but once a trip takes you to here, Run away to Ogba through College road) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 10,000 by day and 6 million at night. You may have to tell the rider to request Police escort too coz you may need it!

Idimu
(God forbid. Even the name sounds like one Terrible Oracle that will kill you without any offence. Please run away from here. Nice road to it but terrible inner roads. If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 90,000. You may have to tell the rider to request Police escort too coz you may need it!

Ayobo
Just look at how the name sounds too. This Animal zone is better experienced than talked about. All there roads are bad and your shocks will die. You will end trip and see 700 naira! If you pass Egbe road to this place, you will stop driving on Uber the same day! If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 500,000 naira only.

Isolo
(God forbid. Very terrible inner roads. But they have nice people. You will also get Lekki and Ikoyi trips here. Plenty Igbos here who are willing to spend live here. But don't go here if you are afraid of bad and terrible roads. If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 30,000 naira.

Kirikiri
Dont even allow the rider to complete the name. Once you here Ki, don't even wait for rikiri. Just tell the rider to get out and cancel the trip. You know why? Any rider that wants to take you here is DEMONIC AND EVIL. Believe me when I tell you that people here park there cars in nice places and then order Uber or Bolt drivers who will come and kill there car here. If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 3 Million naira. Gaskiya!

Ikotun and Igando
I don't even want to talk much about this hellish place. Once a rider requests a trip, cut him or her short with OFFLINE. Price is 600,000 naira from anywhere.

Oworoshonki
This is one funny place I will like to talk about in detail later. AVOID THESE PLACE LIKE A DEVILS KINGDOM! SO MANY TERRIBLE ROADS AND PLENTY ONE WAYS. The funny thing about here is the ONE WAYS. Because the people here are poor and they barely have cars. This place barely has traffic but the local government Iddiots there woke up one day and decided to make everywhere one way! You know why? I have it on good authority that Police officers and LG Chairman here make good money here everyday through one ways. If they catch you here, 20,000 Naira straight. No begging. You know another funny thing? They must catch you if you are not familiar with the terrain. You know why? GOOGLE MAPS WILL FAIL YOU HERE ON ONE WAYS BECAUSE IT WAS SUDDEN AND UNPLANNED! Google maps will never take you through one way on VI But you see Oworo? Forget it. All the one ways here are NOT GOTTEN BY GOOGLE MAPS AND IT WILL FAIL YOU TERRIBLY. Infact, Police Officers here will hide and be watching you... Praying that you take any of the plenty one ways here. It will take only the residents here to save you from taking one way here. Pilots, NEVER EVER TAKE A TRIP TO OWOROSHONKI. BLACKLIST HERE WITH PASSION. TERRIBLE ROADS AND PLENTY ONE WAYS) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 100 MILLION naira.


AbuleEgba
Dead Zone. No arguements. Offline straight. Price is 15,000 from anywhere.


Ikorodu
I can't even shout. Once a rider requests here, simply tell him 1 BILLION to scare him or her away. If they have the mind, let them pay the 1 billion. This place is so dead that you will blow empty to come back. I pity you and your car if a rider takes you to Igbogbo or Ishawo. God forbid.

Oyingbo
These Zone has a reputation for being driver killers. Plenty of animal human beings play here at night. If you receive a request to go here at night, please run. High chances of being robbed. They will request you here at night and kill you! Your car is gone. Your life is gone. I don't even have offline price for here. If you request me to this place, I will arrive your pickup location, beat you up and then leave. Case closed.

Lagos Island
This is one Funny place am yet to Understand what really goes on here. The people living here are not serious. THEY ARE SO HAPPY AND ALWAYS PARTYING FROM YOUNG TO OLD. EVERYDAY, THEY ARE ALWAYS SETTING CANOPY AND WHITE CHAIRS AT ONE PARTICULAR LARGE AREA LIKE THAT. I can bet my balls that 80% of people here are JOBLESS. THEY ARE ALWAYS PARTYING, DRINKING AND EATING NON STOP. If you doubt me, TAKE A TRIP TO LAGOS ISLAND TODAY. YOU MUST SEE PEOPLE SETTING UP CANOPIES AND CHAIRS AT THAT SPOT! You know what I find weird about them again? They will party from 10 am to 2 pm. By 2 pm, they will remove all the canopies. Coming back by 4 pm, they are setting same white chairs and canopy again! Weird right? Like... Why scatter what you will assemble again soon? This circle continues daily till the year runs out. On a dark side, there roads are very small and tiny. You can barely drive well here. WHATEVER YOU DO, NEVER GO TO LAGOS ISLAND AT NIGHT. THEY WILL ROB YOU. I HAVE NO OFFLINE PRICE FOR HERE COZ I FEAR THEM A LOT.


Apongbon
Please don't go here at night. YOU MAY DIE!

Mushin
I RAISE THE BLOOD OF JESUS ON MY LIFE AND CAR AGAINST ANYBODY THAT WILL REQUEST ME HERE ESPECIALLY AT NIGHT. You will collect beating. A lot of criminals, touts, animal human beings, Boko Haram, ISWAP and Bandits dwell here. If you love yourself, don't go here during the day. If you must go, let it be with Police or Army escort coupled with offline price of 350,000.

Ijesha and Lawanson axis of Surulere
Surulere is generally a good area with good roads. But one thing I hate about this area is that just like Lekki, they will turn your car to Okada. Ask me how. Someone will request a trip from Akerele to Bode Thomas to eat cake. If you end it, another trip will come. Where to? Stadium surulere. If you end it, another one will enter. Where to? Animashaun to buy fruits! Ending that one, another one will enter. Where to? OFADA BOY to eat Ofada rice! All these trips are 500 naira each! Very annoying but I endure because people here are civilised and mature. Believe me WHEN I TELL YOU THAT GOD IS ALIVE IN SURULERE. ANGELS ARE ON GUARD HERE TOO. Very good and educated folks. Surulere is always on surge too because they are always moving around eating cakes, meat pie and ice cream. They don't want trouble and trouble doesn't want them. Just like Lekki people, they fuccck a lot too. But always beware of Local government boys here. They are not smiling. Again, if you get a trip to Ijesha or Lawanson axis, cancel immediately. Unless you can endure terrible roads. Ijesha, Aguda and Lawanson boys are always mad and do drugs a lot.


N.B
These are my personal opinions. Understand it however you want. Am sorry. But its the truth. Some will take this as a JOKE. But believe me when I tell you that 90% of what I said here are accurate. You may be joking with your life if you see this as a Joke.

AngryIgboMan:
Guys am back again. Hope your xmas banter is going on fine? All thanks to God!

One guy asked an important question of where not to go in Lagos and I will do justice to that question here because nobody has answered it satisfactorily.

As an Uber or Bolt investor, advise your driver not to go to these places. Believe me when I tell you that cost of maintenance will come down sizeably. Even if it means telling him to remit 20k weekly but reject trips to these hellish zones. Money will come down but then he makes 20k for himself and 20k for you! Your car will last years on Uber! You will hardly visit a mechanic workshop if you don't go to the places below.

As a legend in the business, I want to teach newbies and intending investors a few things regarding areas you shouldn't go to in Lagos.

Some of the places I will mention are actually nice estates but the roads to them are quite terrible and horrible. IF YOU LOVE YOUR CAR OR YOUR PARTNERS CAR, NEVER YOU GO THE AREAS I WILL MENTION BELOW.

There was this Eastern guy I met in Ikeja one time when I began work newly and he taught me most of these bad places!

Before I continue, Please be you aware that 70% of Mainland is bad and terrible. 70% of Island is nice. Infact, what you should fear on Island is only flooding and Pools of water. Again, Sanwo Olu is doing a nice job now on Mainland though patching up some nasty places e.g Akilo in Ogba Town. Let me use this opportunity and give;

A BIG SHOUT OUT TO SANWO OLU.... MY ADOPTED STATE GOVERNOR. HE IS REALLY TRYING ON ROADS. MANY PEOPLE ARE NOT AWARE BUT THIS GUY IS SILENTLY WORKING. A BIG TUALE TO YOU MR POINTUS PILATE.

So here Goes my List;

Ago Palace
(Good road to it through Orile to Festac onwards Ago but Terrible inner roads. 90% of Ago inner roads are dead. Your car will cry) The good side of these area is that plenty good trips to Lekki, Ikoyi or VI come from here. Ago is bad generally but If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 7,000 naira from anywhere at all.

Ajao estate
(Good road to it from Airport road but Terrible inner roads, Highly Trafficked most times) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 5,000 naira or 20 dollars from even airport. Yes.. Dollars because airport is close and people heading to IBIS usually have dollars.

Ijegun
(Demonic Roads, Animal Human Beings, 80% of people here are poor and drive keke and Okada, Criminals, Bandits and Car snatchers live here. Never go here during the day not to talk of at night. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. Many dangerous native doctors live here too) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 15 Million naira.

Festac
(Good road to it through Orile but Terrible inner roads, Highly Trafficked most times) The good side of these area is that plenty good trips to Lekki, Ikoyi or VI come from here too. If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 7,000 naira from anywhere.

Iyana Ipaja
(Good road to it through Ikeja but highly trafficked most times. A lot of Nasty danfo drivers ply this route too) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 8,000 naira from anywhere.

Ajegunle
(Animal Kingdom! Zone of Animals, Imbecciles, Societal Miscreants, 90% people here are poor, Terrible inner roads, Very bad trips to Other terrible zones, People here don't go to Nice places like Lekki phase 1. From here, you will surely get a trip to Ikotun or Idimu) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 20 Million Naira.


Oko Oba estate
(Agege in general is a no go area for me due to the penchant of people here to be aggressive and animalistic in nature. There youths use drugs too much and you may loose your life here at night). If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 10,000 naira during the day but 6 million at night.

Akute
(Terrible, Hellish roads. This place is not even Lagos again but Ogun. If you love your car, NEVER EVER TAKE A TRIP TO THIS PLACE THROUGH FAGBA OR ANY OTHER PLACE. YOUR CAR WILL NOT SURVIVE. I REPEAT, YOUR CAR WILL DIE. WHAT THEY HAVE AS ROADS ARE EROSIONS. PEOPLE HERE TOO ARE DIRT POOR. God does not exist in Akute. Government forgot these people and they forgot government too.) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 30 Million naira.

Amukoko
(PLEASE RUN. I REPEAT, RUN) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 7 Million naira from anywhere.


Satellite, Ojo, Badagry, Navy Town, Alakija
(These Five places are in proximity to hellfire. Hello Captains, THESE PLACES ARE HELL ON EARTH. There are many Car snatchers and shooters in Navy town and Alakija. Infact, I was nearly shot at Alakija! If you hear any of these five places, RUN! People here are so nasty and terrible too. They barely tip you and a whole lot of them are MARLIANS!) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 10 million naira. Insurance for your car and life! Your wife may become widowed! The 10 million is to take care of your family in case you don't make it back alive.

Ejigbo
(This is one place that even if Jesus will appear there, I WILL NEVER GO HERE TO SEE HIM. Brothers, the roads here are so terrible and dead that Satan regrets why he created that place till date. 100% of Ejigbo roads are dead. Infact, Government does not know these area and the area does not know government. This place is Satan's Personal Palace. All manner of demons live here. From Succubus, Incubus, Tricubus down to Asmodeus and Asmoda live here. Once you are here, just know that you are in Satans Anus and behave well to avoid death. God has forgotten them too. Infact, Ejigbo is not on Gods map of the universe. Satan carefully moulded here on a saturday when God was sleeping. Believe me Brother. Another terrible fact about this Zone is that THEY ARE ALWAYS ANGRY AND READY TO FIGHT. I love to fight too. But The Upper Cut an Okada rider nearly landed on my Chin after scratching my car with his bike oo would have sent me to Orthopedic Enugu. IN THE WHOLE OF LAGOS, NO PLACE IS AS UNPLANNED, DIRTY, HOPELESS, USELESS AND WORTHLESS LIKE EJIGBO. A LOT OF CRIMINALS LIVE HERE TOO. BEWARE SOUL BROTHER. The major source of income here is Okada riding. This is one place you will go and see more than 1 million bikes swarming on you like stray animals in a zoo. O boy... Na die be dis. The day I went here, I continued calling on the holy spirit of the most high God to save me and my Car. Only God almighty will save you here as a newbie driver. Nwanne, Your car will collect.) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 50 Billion dollars or the budget of 40 African countries! Thats the money for a new car and your life because your car will die and stress of driving here may kill you too! You may have to tell the rider to request Police escort too coz you may need it!

Egbeda
(Egbeda is not that bad especially Gowon estate axis. On a normal day, I will never go to Egbeda but if work is slow, I may manage). If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 8,000 naira from anywhere at all.

Agege
(80% of people here are Marlians! There youths are always eyeing you too waiting for you to loose guard. O boy... Your car go disappear! Its not that bad though but once a trip takes you to here, Run away to Ogba through College road) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 10,000 by day and 6 million at night. You may have to tell the rider to request Police escort too coz you may need it!

Idimu
(God forbid. Even the name sounds like one Terrible Oracle that will kill you without any offence. Please run away from here. Nice road to it but terrible inner roads. If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 90,000. You may have to tell the rider to request Police escort too coz you may need it!

Ayobo
Just look at how the name sounds too. This Animal zone is better experienced than talked about. All there roads are bad and your shocks will die. You will end trip and see 700 naira! If you pass Egbe road to this place, you will stop driving on Uber the same day! If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 500,000 naira only.

Isolo
(God forbid. Very terrible inner roads. But they have nice people. You will also get Lekki and Ikoyi trips here. Plenty Igbos here who are willing to spend live here. But don't go here if you are afraid of bad and terrible roads. If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 30,000 naira.

Kirikiri
Dont even allow the rider to complete the name. Once you here Ki, don't even wait for rikiri. Just tell the rider to get out and cancel the trip. You know why? Any rider that wants to take you here is DEMONIC AND EVIL. Believe me when I tell you that people here park there cars in nice places and then order Uber or Bolt drivers who will come and kill there car here. If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 3 Million naira. Gaskiya!

Ikotun and Igando
I don't even want to talk much about this hellish place. Once a rider requests a trip, cut him or her short with OFFLINE. Price is 600,000 naira from anywhere.

Oworoshonki
This is one funny place I will like to talk about in detail later. AVOID THESE PLACE LIKE A DEVILS KINGDOM! SO MANY TERRIBLE ROADS AND PLENTY ONE WAYS. The funny thing about here is the ONE WAYS. Because the people here are poor and they barely have cars. This place barely has traffic but the local government Iddiots there woke up one day and decided to make everywhere one way! You know why? I have it on good authority that Police officers and LG Chairman here make good money here everyday through one ways. If they catch you here, 20,000 Naira straight. No begging. You know another funny thing? They must catch you if you are not familiar with the terrain. You know why? GOOGLE MAPS WILL FAIL YOU HERE ON ONE WAYS BECAUSE IT WAS SUDDEN AND UNPLANNED! Google maps will never take you through one way on VI But you see Oworo? Forget it. All the one ways here are NOT GOTTEN BY GOOGLE MAPS AND IT WILL FAIL YOU TERRIBLY. Infact, Police Officers here will hide and be watching you... Praying that you take any of the plenty one ways here. It will take only the residents here to save you from taking one way here. Pilots, NEVER EVER TAKE A TRIP TO OWOROSHONKI. BLACKLIST HERE WITH PASSION. TERRIBLE ROADS AND PLENTY ONE WAYS) If you must go here, insist on offline. Price is 100 MILLION naira.


AbuleEgba
Dead Zone. No arguements. Offline straight. Price is 15,000 from anywhere.


Ikorodu
I can't even shout. Once a rider requests here, simply tell him 1 BILLION to scare him or her away. If they have the mind, let them pay the 1 billion. This place is so dead that you will blow empty to come back. I pity you and your car if a rider takes you to Igbogbo or Ishawo. God forbid.

Oyingbo
These Zone has a reputation for being driver killers. Plenty of animal human beings play here at night. If you receive a request to go here at night, please run. High chances of being robbed. They will request you here at night and kill you! Your car is gone. Your life is gone. I don't even have offline price for here. If you request me to this place, I will arrive your pickup location, beat you up and then leave. Case closed.

Lagos Island
This is one Funny place am yet to Understand what really goes on here. The people living here are not serious. THEY ARE SO HAPPY AND ALWAYS PARTYING FROM YOUNG TO OLD. EVERYDAY, THEY ARE ALWAYS SETTING CANOPY AND WHITE CHAIRS AT ONE PARTICULAR LARGE AREA LIKE THAT. I can bet my balls that 80% of people here are JOBLESS. THEY ARE ALWAYS PARTYING, DRINKING AND EATING NON STOP. If you doubt me, TAKE A TRIP TO LAGOS ISLAND TODAY. YOU MUST SEE PEOPLE SETTING UP CANOPIES AND CHAIRS AT THAT SPOT! You know what I find weird about them again? They will party from 10 am to 2 pm. By 2 pm, they will remove all the canopies. Coming back by 4 pm, they are setting same white chairs and canopy again! Weird right? Like... Why scatter what you will assemble again soon? This circle continues daily till the year runs out. On a dark side, there roads are very small and tiny. You can barely drive well here. WHATEVER YOU DO, NEVER GO TO LAGOS ISLAND AT NIGHT. THEY WILL ROB YOU. I HAVE NO OFFLINE PRICE FOR HERE COZ I FEAR THEM A LOT.


Apongbon
Please don't go here at night. YOU MAY DIE!

Mushin
I RAISE THE BLOOD OF JESUS ON MY LIFE AND CAR AGAINST ANYBODY THAT WILL REQUEST ME HERE ESPECIALLY AT NIGHT. You will collect beating. A lot of criminals, touts, animal human beings, Boko Haram, ISWAP and Bandits dwell here. If you love yourself, don't go here during the day. If you must go, let it be with Police or Army escort coupled with offline price of 350,000.

Ijesha and Lawanson axis of Surulere
Surulere is generally a good area with good roads. But one thing I hate about this area is that just like Lekki, they will turn your car to Okada. Ask me how. Someone will request a trip from Akerele to Bode Thomas to eat cake. If you end it, another trip will come. Where to? Stadium surulere. If you end it, another one will enter. Where to? Animashaun to buy fruits! Ending that one, another one will enter. Where to? OFADA BOY to eat Ofada rice! All these trips are 500 naira each! Very annoying but I endure because people here are civilised and mature. Believe me WHEN I TELL YOU THAT GOD IS ALIVE IN SURULERE. ANGELS ARE ON GUARD HERE TOO. Very good and educated folks. Surulere is always on surge too because they are always moving around eating cakes, meat pie and ice cream. They don't want trouble and trouble doesn't want them. Just like Lekki people, they fuccck a lot too. But always beware of Local government boys here. They are not smiling. Again, if you get a trip to Ijesha or Lawanson axis, cancel immediately. Unless you can endure terrible roads. Ijesha, Aguda and Lawanson boys are always mad and do drugs a lot.


N.B
These are my personal opinions. Understand it however you want. Am sorry. But its the truth. Some will take this as a JOKE. But believe me when I tell you that 90% of what I said here are accurate. You may be joking with your life if you see this as a Joke.

lexylexy:



Omo this Uber 3% is best Christmas gift ever. Thank God for Soji, last week was the best. I never experred it