Hello Nairalanders,

Pease pardon my typo error

My marriage will clock 2years in few months. We have never had any serious issue to warrant serious argument, my hubby is a responsible fellow. Recently i noticed few things via his phone. (We don't check each other's phone except on occasional cases e.g i help with his phone when ringing by calling his attention. We also know each other's password)
Recently, I noticed few notifications dropped on his phone which warrants me to check further,I discovered my hubby make consistent calls to a particular lady, the lady also calls. my hubby also initiates romantic chats on WhatsApp with this particular lady and 2 others. He deletes all this chats before he sleeps, but i was able to come across few. The consistent call is visible on his call log. I don't want to bring up this issue but am not comfortable with all this. We are expecting our first child in few weeks.
Please advise how to manage this issue.

Here we go again.

Great828:
Hello Nairalanders,

Pease pardon my typo error

My marriage will clock 2years in few months. We have never had any serious issue to warrant serious argument, my hubby is a responsible fellow. Recently i noticed few things via his phone. (We don't check each other's phone except on occasional cases e.g i help with his phone when ringing by calling his attention. We also know each other's password)
Recently, I noticed few notifications dropped on his phone which warrants me to check further,I discovered my hubby make consistent calls to a particular lady, the lady also calls. my hubby also initiates romantic chats on WhatsApp with this particular lady and 2 others. He deletes all this chats before he sleeps, but i was able to come across few. The consistent call is visible on his call log. I don't want to bring up this issue but am not comfortable with all this. We are expecting our first child in few weeks.
Please advise how to manage this issue.

I don't understand how people marry somone u can't check his phone...

Is privacy madt? Even for ordinary bf and GF, we must check our phone talkless of wife n husband.


If u can't trust ur partner to have right to his or her phone, then both of you aren't clean... I hate dt shit like madt...... It can't work for me ooo

Mymynd4u:



I don't understand how people marry somone u can't check his phone...

Is privacy madt? Even for ordinary bf and GF, we must check our phone talkless of wife n husband.


If u can't trust ur partner to have right to his or her phone, then both of you aren't clean... I hate dt shit like madt...... It can't work for me ooo

.
Not that we can't check each other's phone. but i think there is no need for that if both of you have no hidden agenda. I mentioned that we know each other password.so we have access to each other's phone

Hmmn, just don't get yourself all worked up. Still keep observing, nothing may be happening really.

The human mind is very powerful.

Great828:
.
Not that we can't check each other's phone. but i think there is no need for that if both of you have no hidden agenda. I mentioned that we know each other password.so we have access to each other's phone

Okay noted..... But I don't think there shud be anytin like privacy in marriage. Especially when it comes to phone

Tell him what you have discovered. It is worrisome that he is the one initiating the nonsense. Let him know in clear terms that you have discovered his indiscretion and you are disappointed and offended and would not tolerate it.

That’s what I’d tell my sister to do before it’s too late.

Don’t wait until he has a couple of stable girlfriends and an illegitimate kid before you address this issue.

Get a screen shot of your evidence and set a time with someone u know that he respects so much. Make sure he is there too. Calmly and constructively present your worry. Pls don't overflog it while discussing it. Present your worries in simple terms and wait for response. You are due for delivery hence u need to take things easy at least for now.

My sister, what is good now is how you will deliver safely please. Don't give yourself high BP by checking his phone, because not all men can be trusted . Save the stress and pray to God for safe delivery and God to take control of your marriage.

Sis, make sure you've concrete evidence before you confront him.

Pen!s owners can be funny and turn the table around to make themselves look like the victim, you'll be amazed.

Wish you a safe delivery. x

[quote author=makydebbie post=86061832]Sis, make sure you've concrete evidence before you confront him.

Pen!s holders can be funny and turn the table around to make themselves look like the victim, you'll be amazed.

Wish you a safe delivery. x[/quote


Thank a lot, however am 100%sure. I do see the chats iniated by him and also calls even though he ends up deleting them later.

makydebbie:
Sis, make sure you've concrete evidence before you confront him.

[b]Pen!s holders[/b]can be funny and turn the table around to mak

e themselves look like the victim, you'll be amazed.

Wish you a safe delivery. x

Pen!s holders or pen!s owners?
Women also do the holding and even more.

Get a screenshot of the chats or forward it to your phone.
You will need to speak to him about it.You are married to him and there is no reason why you can't look into his phone.Simply tell him this is what you found.
Express your disappointment and tell him in clear terms that you won't tolerate it.
However,you're due in few weeks so I wouldn't want you to be stressed.If you know this might stress you,then hold on a bit till you put to bed.

My peace is already disturbed as though I were the wife.

I don't think I ever want to check my husband's phone when I get married. There's a very high tendency you'll find something upsetting.

I can only do that investigation while we're still dating, so I can know l the things he's hiding from me, and the kind of person he is... thereafter, make a decision to wall away. But once I'm in, as long as I don't suspect or see anything happening right in my face, I wouldn't want to go snooping.

Peace deprivation. It's not as if you'll leave him after this. And if he's hell bent on pursuing the relationship with this other person or just cheating, he'll still find a way around it.

But you see, you've put the water in your mouth. You must swallow it.

Confront him and settle it once and for all. You won't know the truth until you ask.
No matter the outcome, your peace of mind comes first.

tenmariner:
Get a screen shot of your evidence and set a time with someone u know that he respects so much. Make sure he is there too. Calmly and constructively present your worry.

So she should just go and invite a 3rd party without trying to sort it out with her hubby first?

Awon adviser. Na your type dey scatter marriage.

My best advice is that you ignore it as long as he is taking adequate financial care of you.

As for the caller you have two options:

1. You ignore the calls and messages, stop checking his phone and pretend ignorance; eventually, either he will get over her or he will marry her and you will get over his having a second wife. Whichever way it goes, peace will reign.

2. You follow all the bad advice and confront him: if she is special to him, there is at least a moderate to strong possibility of you ending up as a single mother while she becomes his only wife. And if she is just a passing fling, you didn't need to confront him anyway; but he will still remember your interference and resent it.

Good luck.

Great828:
Hello Nairalanders,

Pease pardon my typo error

My marriage will clock 2years in few months. We have never had any serious issue to warrant serious argument, my hubby is a responsible fellow. Recently i noticed few things via his phone. (We don't check each other's phone except on occasional cases e.g i help with his phone when ringing by calling his attention. We also know each other's password)
Recently, I noticed few notifications dropped on his phone which warrants me to check further,I discovered my hubby make consistent calls to a particular lady, the lady also calls. my hubby also initiates romantic chats on WhatsApp with this particular lady and 2 others. He deletes all this chats before he sleeps, but i was able to come across few. The consistent call is visible on his call log. I don't want to bring up this issue but am not comfortable with all this. We are expecting our first child in few weeks.
Please advise how to manage this issue.

Ask him who the girl is.

Simples.

Madam face your front and mind your business, you are pregnant dear. Don't, i repeat don't involve any third party. Once in a while casually talk to him about the dangers of another woman in your marriage. Don't be a phone monitor, just give yourself the peace of mind you need. You can only appeal to his conscience at this point

Your health comes first.

After giving birth, ask him about it...Then you are emotionally and health wise ready for the result.

I don't know people would have their spouse and still be looking outside.

God please make my marriage heaven on earth when I marry.

Ishilove:

So she should just go and invite a 3rd party without trying to sort it out with her hubby first?

Awon adviser. Na your type dey scatter marriage.

Scatter marriage? Fine u have a point by suggesting trying to sort it out first with her hubby, however I have a feeling he might become so defensive and considering her condition, I suggested the above. If u feel that way then its definitely your choice!

The first few years of marriage is tough.

My first few years of marriage I felt like I was still single. I still wanted to test if women were still attracted to me, I wasn't at my best behaviour. I was a bit reckless but fortunately for me it seems my wife didn't know or acted like she didn't know. After a while, I realized it wasn't worth it and I feel I have become a better husband after realizing that these people don't even come close to being half the woman my wife is.

The moral of this story is that, most young married men are adventurous. They still believe that 'dem dey market ' and are still appealing. The bad part is that this adventure can either destroy the man and the marriage, or it make him a better man.

I have no further contribution to make. Just sharing an experience

Gaggi:
The first few years of marriage is tough.

My first few years of marriage I felt like I was still single. I still wanted to test if women were still attracted to me, I wasn't at my best behaviour. I was a big reckless but fortunately for me it seems my wife didn't know or acted like she didn't know. After a while, I realized it wasn't worth it and I feel I have become a better husband after realizing that these people don't even come close to being half the woman my wife is.

The moral of this story is that, most young married men are adventurous. Theh still believe that 'dem dey market ' and are still appealing. The bad part is that this adventure can either destroy the man and the marriage, or it make him a better man.

I have no further contribution to make. Just sharing an experience

Does this allowance also extend to your wife?

Would you be equally understanding if the OP was a man?

bukatyne:


Does this allowance also extend to your wife?

Would you be equally understanding if the OP was a man?

Not a subject for debate. Whether your husband will grant you such allowance or not is not my business.

Gaggi:

Not a subject for debate. Whether your husband will grant you such allowance or not is not my business.

This has nothing to do with me or family

You noted young husbands are immature and prone to cheat.

It is only normal to ask if such allowance extends to the wives or only husbands are allowed to be 'immature'?

Never interfere with a man and his “toys”!
Your battle has not even started and you have already lost?

If your mom is still with us, please, go and ask her how experienced MARRIED WOMEN keep their homes together.


“You know nothing JON SNOW”!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lde4qgB3zYY

bukatyne:


This has nothing to do with me or family

You noted young husbands are immature and prone to cheat.

It is only normal to ask if such allowance extends to the wives or only husbands are allowed to be 'immature'?

I just said I don't know if your husband will not mind if you cheated on him. His views will probably be more valid than mine.
I very well pointed out the dangers of infidelity on that thread, while you are choosing to change it to a gender war is what I don't understand.
As per the question you asked me, I said throw it back at oga. Causally ask if it's ok for you to cheat as a young wife and if he'll tolerate it if he knows.

Gaggi:

I just said I don't know if your husband will not mind if you cheated on him. His views will probably be more valid than mine.
I very well pointed out the dangers of infidelity on that thread, while you are choosing to change it to a gender war is what I don't understand.
As per the question you asked me, I said throw it back at oga. Causally ask if it's ok for you to cheat as a young wife and if he'll tolerate it if he knows.

Neither of us think adultery is immaturity of a young husband

So we might know nothing about it. We also understand the importance of the vows we took and God helping us intend to keep it to the very end.

You the expert in young cheating husbands, educate me.

Katier00:
Madam face your front and mind your business, you are pregnant dear. Don't, i repeat don't involve any third party. Once in a while casually talk to him about the dangers of another woman in your marriage. Don't be a phone monitor, just give yourself the peace of mind you need. You can only appeal to his conscience at this point

This is mature advice. Madam please greet your husband for me. He has done a good job.

bukatyne:


Neither of us think adultery is immaturity of a young husband

So we might know nothing about it. We also understand the importance of the vows we took and God helping us intend to keep it to the very end.

You the expert in young cheating husbands, educate me.

My area of coverage doesn't include young wives. You want to know if there is leverage for a young wife cheating. Since I'm not married to you, your best bet is to ask your hubby. And yes, he may know more than you think. I'm sure more 'saintly ' men actually know more than their wives think. Then again, that's none of my business.

Sighs.

When u feel that what u have isn't enough.

Mistakes that men make constantly.

Good,wifey will face front but women are extremely smart.
Do your own and she do her own, man no go vex and u will never find out.
That is how coded married women are.

Its all about saving the family any way.
So let everybody face front.

Lady, no advice for you except safe delivery