Have you ever heard these words from ladies?, "I know John truly wants me but i dont have any feelings for him but i have strong feelings for Jude yet he is treating me like trash"

Ladies are ruled by their feelings but unfortunately, many ladies have been sent to their early graves cos of this same feelings and many are down with mental illness and some are even locked up in psychiatry all in the name of feelings.

Now understand this; your feelings are very important but you also have the power to control it. Not every man who approaches you for romance really desires you and not every man who proposes marriage really wants you for the right reason so you need to really have a strong grip on your feelings and the first step to achieving this is to be self-sufficient in all ramifications to avoid hinging your feelings on the material things the guy can offer but rather on his true intent which is expressed in how he treats you.

Every lady has Phronesis(A type of wisdom or intelligence) that enables her know if a man sincerely wants her but she usually develops feelings for another who will most likely treat her like trash.

Your feelings can destroy you if channeled towards the wrong person so no matter how attractive that guy may look, no matter how sweet and smooth he sounds, no matter the material things he showers on you, no matter how good he is in bed, as vital as these qualities are, please always press the pause button on your feelings and observe him carefully for the right attributes. Yes people do change but a man who truly desires you will most likely always desire you regardless.

The movie Beauty and the beast is more than a fiction...one secret ladies don't know is that they can develop feelings for any guy who truly desires them and treats them like a queen even if that guy is totally opposite of what they want in terms of physical looks...this is a mystery... so put your feelings on hold and observe keenly then give your feelings to a guy that is deserving of it.

I know this is extremely difficult for many ladies but it is the only way you can reduce the possibility of ending up in the wrong hands.

Hope this makes sense.

You're very correct. Ladies are complex, unlike men that knows what he wants right away. Whenever a man goes into a relationship, he already knows where it will lead to. Men are very logical. Ladies are not. You can't blame ladies, that is they way they are wired to think and act. At the end of the day, NOTHING IS GUARANTEED. Just go with the flow.

Ladies una hear,bfor una burn una self like that kaduna woman.

Toks2008:
Ladies are ruled by their feelings but unfortunately, many ladies have been sent to their early graves cos of this same feelings and many are down with mental illness and some are even locked up in psychiatry all in the name of feelings.

Now understand this; it is not every man who approaches you for romance really desires you and not every man who proposes marriage really wants you for the right reason so you need to really have a strong grip on your feelings and the first step to achieving this is to be self-sufficient in all ramifications to avoid hinging your feelings on materialism, what the guy can offer, good looks, good sex...cos you need more than all these to be happy in any union you find yourself.

Your feelings can destroy you if channeled towards the wrong person so no matter how attractive that guy may look, no matter how sweet and smooth he sounds and no matter how "romantic" he may be, always press the pause button on your feelings and observe him carefully for the right attributes.

One secret ladies don't know is that they can develop feelings for any guy who truly desires them and treats them like a queen even if that guy is totally opposite of what they want in terms of physical looks...it is a mystery so put your feelings on hold and observe keenly then give your feelings to a guy that is deserving of it.

I don't know if you were actually conscious when you posted this. I mean you are asking women to reprogram themselves, and to do things for themselves. You are asking women to pause their emotions the thing they live and strive on, their skill? C'mon man, it's not possible. They'd rather die than do that. You don't tell a specie to not act on how nature built it. If you had asked men not to be emotional then I'd say you asked them to leave a terrain that's not theirs unto one which is theirs "logic".

can an emotional being stop being emotional

One secret ladies don't know is that they can develop feelings for any guy who truly desires them and treats them like a queen even if that guy is totally opposite of what they want in terms of physical looks...it is a mystery so put your feelings on hold and observe keenly then give your feelings to a guy that is deserving of it.

@ the bolded is not true cos ive tried severally to develop feelings for one or two good guys I felt would make a perfect spouse but it just didn't click. And it took me years trying to see if there's a way I can build the love for these guys, or feel something for them but same same.
You can't really force this feelings or develop it yourself, it won't work. This things happen naturally and if it not there, it not there. That is why most marriages are having problems today because you have people advising you saying, " you can build love, love grows in marriage, just marry the man first and love will come later" jaggons. If it actually works like that, then it would have happened for me when I tried forcing it for those guys I talked about earlier.

Feeling is something you can't control. That is why when you feel something for someone, you can't control how fast it grows until it reaches a peak where it becomes a threat. Likewise you dont have the power to control your feelings and make it grow for someone it doesn't click with. It's a natural phenomenon beyond every living being.

Please let not be misguided.
I believe in true love with genuine feelings and that is what covers all sins. As in no matter what the person does to you, you still want to be with them.

It took me 4 years after my ex to fall in love again. And this new guy is a Nairalander. Yes! And this happened within a few weeks. But we had a little misunderstanding and I was heartbroken to which I confided in a guy here about how I felt. So he asked me, how long have I dated this new guy that the love hurts so badly. I told him just a few weeks and he went wow! Like is it not too early to love so deeply?
Now I didn't realized that my feelings had grown so fast and so deep for this guy until he mentioned it and I paused to think but realized its not my fault! Its how nature works and we can't control these things.

Women and their inconstancy.

The poster above (no offence) has shown you guys that the average woman wouldn’t just love you because you are kind to her, especially after she has formed her opinion on you. She either wants you or not. Simple.

That is why I believe a guy should cut his loses and move on when his woman cheats. You cannot and should not win such a woman back. It is dangerous to the man. Her heart is elsewhere and apparently nothing you do would change that. Perhaps maturity on her part would do. But would you wait till she’s 45 or 50 for her to realise that you are the best thing that happened to her? No.

Toks is coming from a logical point of view, trying to address the common issue of unrequited love, that has led men into suffering for a woman who would leave eventually. But this does not work. They love whom they love and mostly for illogical or unknowable reasons. It is often tied to the first impression they get when they meet the guy.

Only mature women and the very rare young woman can do what you’re asking Toks.

AdorableSapphir:
One secret ladies don't know is that they can develop feelings for any guy who truly desires them and treats them like a queen even if that guy is totally opposite of what they want in terms of physical looks...it is a mystery so put your feelings on hold and observe keenly then give your feelings to a guy that is deserving of it.

@ the bolded is not true cos ive tried severally to develop feelings for one or two good guys I felt would make a perfect spouse but it just didn't click. And it took me years trying to see if there's a way I can build the love for these guys, or feel something for them but same same.
You can't really force this feelings or develop it yourself, it won't work. This things happen naturally and if it not there, it not there. That is why most marriages are having problems today because you have people advising you saying, " you can build love, love grows in marriage, just marry the man first and love will come later" jaggons. If it actually works like that, then it would have happened for me when I tried forcing it for those guys I talked about earlier.

Feeling is something you can't control. That is why when you feel something for someone, you can't control how fast it grows until it reaches a peak where it becomes a threat. Likewise you dont have the power to control your feelings and make it grow for someone it doesn't click with. It's a natural phenomenon beyond every living being.

Please let not be misguided.
I believe in true love with genuine feelings and that is what covers all sins. As in no matter what the person does to you, you still want to be with them.

It took me 4 years after my ex to fall in love again. And this new guy is a Nairalander. Yes! And this happened with a few weeks. But we had a little misunderstanding and I was heartbroken to which I confided in a guy here about how I felt. So he asked me, how long have I dated this new guy that the love hurts so badly. I told him just a few weeks and he went wow! Like is it not too early to love so deeply?
Now I didn't realized that my feelings had grown so fast and so deep for this guy until he mentioned it and I paused to think but realized its not my fault! Its how nature works and we can't control these things.

It did not click because you never wanted it to click.

How can you want to be with people no matter what they do to You? That is no longer feelings but foolishness.

And lastly, you can control your feelings and it will do you a whole lot of good if you start learning how to.

It's been ages I booked space on a Toks 2008 corolla thread

I'm glad I did. Let me go and read up. I'll be back in 4 market days

AdorableSapphir:
One secret ladies don't know is that they can develop feelings for any guy who truly desires them and treats them like a queen even if that guy is totally opposite of what they want in terms of physical looks...it is a mystery so put your feelings on hold and observe keenly then give your feelings to a guy that is deserving of it.

@ the bolded is not true cos ive tried severally to develop feelings for one or two good guys I felt would make a perfect spouse but it just didn't click. And it took me years trying to see if there's a way I can build the love for these guys, or feel something for them but same same.
You can't really force this feelings or develop it yourself, it won't work. This things happen naturally and if it not there, it not there. That is why most marriages are having problems today because you have people advising you saying, " you can build love, love grows in marriage, just marry the man first and love will come later" jaggons. If it actually works like that, then it would have happened for me when I tried forcing it for those guys I talked about earlier.

Feeling is something you can't control. That is why when you feel something for someone, you can't control how fast it grows until it reaches a peak where it becomes a threat. Likewise you dont have the power to control your feelings and make it grow for someone it doesn't click with. It's a natural phenomenon beyond every living being.

Please let not be misguided.
I believe in true love with genuine feelings and that is what covers all sins. As in no matter what the person does to you, you still want to be with them.

It took me 4 years after my ex to fall in love again. And this new guy is a Nairalander. Yes! And this happened with a few weeks. But we had a little misunderstanding and I was heartbroken to which I confided in a guy here about how I felt. So he asked me, how long have I dated this new guy that the love hurts so badly. I told him just a few weeks and he went wow! Like is it not too early to love so deeply?
Now I didn't realized that my feelings had grown so fast and so deep for this guy until he mentioned it and I paused to think but realized its not my fault! Its how nature works and we can't control these things.

Yeah,
But I disagree, since am a proponent of self mastery, you MUST have totally control of your feelings, or else you will be a slave to your feelings.
If you are unlucky your "feelings" come alive for only mundane things, you will be played easily and there will be too many mistakes.

A lot of people have made their lives better by having a firm grip over their feelings -
Leaving an abusive partner,
Running a company even with disabilities,
Being brave even when they were scared to death,
Forgiving,
Overcoming addiction,
Selflessness.

Feelings and emotions are not really far from each other, it can be our strength or our weakness.
But for certain it will be our weakness if we cant control it.

Toks2008:


It did not click because you never wanted it to click.

How can you want to be with people no matter what they do to You? That is no longer feelings but foolishness. > I didnt mean even if they want to kill you. That is when it will be termed foolishnesses. I'm talking about normal relationship brouhaha.
Are you saying you don't err? You're a perfect being? So if you err in your relationship, you should be done away with? No room for forgiveness? Be reasonable man.

And lastly, you can control your feelings and it will do you a whole lot of good if you start learning how to. > story! You'll only end up tormenting yourself. Be realistic man.

Lastly, even if your try to "control" your feelings and decide to end up with someone you dont genuinely feel a thing for, youll never be satisfied emotionally take it or leave it. You'll only live in pretence all your life. And God help you, along the line you now find someone you have true feelings for, your tune will start changing.

Im not even going further with this argument cos I dont belong to the school of thought who like to deceive themselves or settle for the undesirable when the desired is not available.

pryme:


Yeah,
But I disagree, since am a proponent of self mastery, you MUST have totally control of your feelings, or else you will be a slave to your feelings.
If you are unlucky your "feelings" come alive for only mundane things, you will be played easily and there will be too many mistakes.

A lot of people have made their lives better by having a firm grip over their feelings -
Leaving an abusive partner,
Running a company even with disabilities,
Being brave even when they were scared to death,
Forgiving,
Overcoming addiction,
Selflessness.

Feelings and emotions are not really far from each other, it can be our strength or our weakness.
But for certain it will be our weakness if we cant control it.

Hello... I'm only talking about o feeling of love and not the other ones you mentioned up there. Those ones can be easily put in check. That of love is just so overwhelming and sometimes very difficult to control and no one can explain how and why it is so. It is beyond the human control; that is not to say you can't walk away from it but it will still be there.
You can walk away from the object of love but you can't quench that love in your heart. You can't. Unless you want to pretend its not there or you have never truly fallen in love.
I'm out!

Omar09:


I don't know if you were actually conscious when you posted this. I mean you are asking women to reprogram themselves, and to do things for themselves. You are asking women to pause their emotions the thing they live and strive on, their skill? C'mon man, it's not possible. They'd rather die than do that. You don't tell a specie to not act on how nature built it. If you had asked men not to be emotional then I'd say you asked them to leave a terrain that's not theirs unto one which is theirs "logic".

Lol! That is why I don't ever pity any lady crying of heart break cos there must have been a guy who was so sincere with her but was probably taken for granted by her.

Hahahaha the irony is I have paused my feelings so long that I'm beginning to suspect the play button isn't functioning anymore.



This thread isn't for me.

Ariza:
Hahahaha the irony is I have paused my feelings so long that I'm beginning to suspect the play button isn't functioning anymore.



This thread isn't for me.

Most probably because you ain't met the guy, it will play by then, trust me

It's the best for female folks but it's the most difficult to do for them. Only few of them do it

Toks2008:


It did not click because you never wanted it to click.

How can you want to be with people no matter what they do to You? That is no longer feelings but foolishness.

And lastly, you can control your feelings and it will do you a whole lot of good if you start learning how to.

Oga Toks, simple question to you Sir. Can men learn to love? If so how do they do it? I have asked this question on ubunja's thread (No greenlight, No approach) once and even asked people offline but none has ever given me a satisfactory response. No one gave steps or guidelines to learning how to love. And I made this conclusion.

You can never learn to love, you can only learn to accept. There is a thin line between the two, a difference most people do not notice while some do. Loving someone comes naturally, it is an unintentional attachment to someone and unprepared attraction to a person.But accepting someone is an unnatural,intentional and prepared decision to take someone as a significant other. When you love someone,you want the best for him or her but when you accept someone,he or she is the best you think you can have. In Marriages/Relationships these days, people accept one another rather than love each other that is why it is so easy for them to question their decisions and flip over when a better person shows up. Unfortunately, your thread suggest this as the best way to relationship in the guise of loving who loves one which practically almost impossible to do.

But then I'm open to learning, maybe there's something I'm missing. So sir please answer my questions I typed earlier. I come in peace.

Tajbol4splend:



Most probably because you ain't met the guy, it will play by then, trust me

Lol Maybe, or maybe not.

Or probably I have grown over feelings too much, see things too logically, that now I miss things happening naturally. Lemme go and look for play button thread, this one is pause button thread.

Ariza:
Lol Maybe, or maybe not.

Or probably I have grown over feelings too much, see things too logically, that now I miss things happening naturally. Lemme go and look for play button thread, this one is pause button thread.

You have spec, that's why you don't easily fall in love with just anyone

AdorableSapphir:


Lastly, even if your try to "control" your feelings and decide to end up with someone you dont genuinely feel a thing for, youll never be satisfied emotionally take it or leave it. You'll only live in pretence all your life. And God help you, along the line you now find someone you have true feelings for, your tune will start changing.

Im not even going further with this argument cos I dont belong to the school of thought who like to deceive themselves or settle for the undesirable when the desired is not available.

The bolded is one thing I try so hard to make people understand but only few do. People when they reach certain age make this mistake a lot both men and women. The popular quote among them is " if the desired isn't available,the available becomes the desired" lol. Then I ask why wasn't the available desired in the first place and not the unavailable desired. The truth is the available wasn't desired but accepted and would be delightfully discarded if the desired ends showing up. That's the logic!


However, from another perspective Toks is right. A woman must be able to contain and guide her emotions/ feelings for her own sake. Not all proposals are sincere, neither should all crushes be explored. As women we tend to catch feelings easily but we should be matured enough to handle them, take some steps back, do logic thinking before releasing it to grow. Sometimes it's best to kill some feelings than to nurture them.

Ariza:
The bolded is one thing I try so hard to make people understand but only few do. People when they reach certain age make this mistake a lot both men and women. The popular quote among them is " if the desired isn't available,the available becomes the desired" lol. Then I ask why wasn't the available desired in the first place and not the unavailable desired. The truth is the available wasn't desired but accepted and would be delightfully discarded if the desired ends showing up. That's the logic!


However, from another perspective Toks is right. A woman must be able to contain and guide her emotions/ feelings for her own sake. Not all proposals are sincere, neither should all crushes be explored. As women we tend to catch feelings easily but we should be matured enough to handle them, take some steps back, do logic thinking before releasing it to grow. Sometimes it's best to kill some feelings than to nurture them.

You're the only one who has really spoken sensibly on this topic. Yes not all feelings should be nurtured. That is very understandable.
Thanks dear.

Ariza:
Oga Toks, simple question to you Sir. Can men learn to love? If so how do they do it? I have asked this question on ubunja's thread (No greenlight, No approach) once and even asked people offline but none has ever given me a satisfactory response. No one gave steps or guidelines to learning how to love. And I made this conclusion.

You can never learn to love, you can only learn to accept. There is a thin line between the two, a difference most people do not notice while some do. Loving someone comes naturally, it is an unintentional attachment to someone and unprepared attraction to a person.But accepting someone is an unnatural,intentional and prepared decision to take someone as a significant other. When you love someone,you want the best for him or her but when you accept someone,he or she is the best you think you can have. In Marriages/Relationships these days, people accept one another rather than love each other that is why it is so easy for them to question their decisions and flip over when a better person shows up. Unfortunately, your thread suggest this as the best way to relationship in the guise of loving who loves one which practically almost impossible to do.

But then I'm open to learning, maybe there's something I'm missing. So sir please answer my questions I typed earlier. I come in peace.

You asked a question and you went ahead to answer

Well Men dont really love but they are only carried away by what they see and once that thing fades off they switch to tolerating that person.

If a man has 3 babes,no matter how sweet and good nature the three may be, he will always go for the one that is most sexually appealing to him.

Ariza:
Sometimes it's best to kill some feelings than to nurture them.

Spot on.

AdorableSapphir:



You're the only one who has really spoken sensibly on this topic. Yes not all feelings should be nurtured. That is very understandable.
Thanks dear.

Is this not the essence of my write up? But una just dey too quick to criticize.

Toks2008:

You asked a question and you went ahead to answer

Well Men dont really love but they are only carried away by what they see and once that thing fades off they switch to tolerating that person.

If a man has 3 babes,no matter how sweet and good nature the three may be, he will always go for the one that is most sexually appealing to him.

It wasn't my intention to answer it, I only intended to air my opinion about learning to love. But if it is the answer to my question,then it's all good. Lol.


That's it, Men can't learn to love but can learn to tolerate. If that is impossible for Men, then I wonder how it's possible for women. . Believe me if it's possible I would gladly do it but I have realized it's not. But Sir you are right about containing one's feelings.No be every butterflies in the belly be butterflies,some butterflies are just waiting for the perfect time to turn to mosquitoes.

Tajbol4splend:



You have spec, that's why you don't easily fall in love with just anyone

Do I? . I think meeting the right guy is the perfect explanation. When I do , butterflies will fly in my belly again. Lol

Ariza:
Do I? . I think meeting the right guy is the perfect explanation. When I do , butterflies will fly in my belly again. Lol

Oh you are a lady... this right guy wahala no be small o cos what you want is your spec and not really the right guy. If you want a tall guy nut a short good guy comes your way i bet you wont give him a chance.

lalasticlala its been a while. You may consider this for the main page.

Ariza:
It wasn't my intention to answer it, I only intended to air my opinion about learning to love. But if it is the answer to my question,then it's all good. Lol.


That's it, Men can't learn to love but can learn to tolerate. If that is impossible for Men, then I wonder how it's possible for women. . Believe me if it's possible I would gladly do it but I have realized it's not. But Sir you are right about containing one's feelings.No be every butterflies in the belly be butterflies,some butterflies are just waiting for the perfect time to turn to mosquitoes.

I disagree that men can not love.

People should develop a healthy self esteem so they naturally gravitate towards people who treat them with the premium they have placed on themselves.

I also doubt that people geniuely fall in love plenty times in their lives. Most people lost the person they truly loved when they were younger.

Someone once said men don't marry who they live, they marry who is available.(this is very debatable).

The more people you enter a relationship or give your heart to, the less love or relationship is sacred to you.

The less premium you place on yourself, the easier it is to stay with people who treat you like crap.

Toks2008:


Oh you are a lady... this right guy wahala no be small o cos what you want is your spec and not really the right guy. If you want a tall guy nut a short good guy comes your way i bet you wont give him a chance.

You are wrong Lol very wrong! .

Let's see, I have a collection of handsome guys, like I like handsome guys but guess what I only have them as friends. Never dated a handsome guy close to my friends . I don't really have specs when it comes to dating, I flow with feelings. Once I like you,we are good to go. Thing is I have never answered the question " what attracted me to you" successfully without some gibberish or honestly. I don't really know.

But having learnt to control emotions the hard way and for too long I find it difficult to connect again. Most times I will just look away and focus on more important things and that's where the issue is. I miss the old way . You see , let's just leave me out of this and focus on your thread. . You don't know me.

bukatyne:


I disagree that men can not love.

Ma, I never typed that men can not love but men can't learn to love. There's a difference. Toks postulated that but I didn't hamper on it because I do not believe that it neither is it the subject of discourse.