Please I need advice on how to handle this, I gave my wife the sum of 400k for her and my 2 years old daughter around November and this January she’s already calling to tell me that she’s out of cash and I got worried and started questioning her how she spent such amount on feeding within such a short period of time ,that made us got into serious arguments which lasted for 2 days then I have to ask few married friends if is ok to exhaust such amount of money on feeding within 3 months and they gave me their answers which I sent to my wife too ...Now my wife immediately forwarded same messages to his brother living abroad too and also along with some conversations we had long time ago where she got me angry and insulted her by calling her idiot and stupid ...... His brother got angry and ask her to divorce me and immediately she started packing her belongings,I saw so surprised when she called me that she’s leaving my house ....I also learnt that his brother called his friend living in Abuja too to go and drag her out of my house if she doesn’t want to go ...... So I was so surprised when she asked me where to drop my keys I have to start begging her to calm down but she insisted that his family wants her to go ,then I have to call her mother and explained my own part of the story but the mother said there is nothing she can do since her siblings wants her to go . Now the problem is that my wife doesn’t want to go anymore but she doesn’t have the courage to tell her family that we have settled our misunderstand and doesn’t want to go anymore . She wants me to start calling every member of her family including her father to apologize and reassure them my love towards her again but to me I don’t know how to start the conversation with the father more especially because i believe having issues in marriage is normal and everyone understands that fact and since I have made up with her is their any need calling her family again

NB: They brother in abroad gave me the insult of life by sending a message to my wife which she also forwarded to me by calling me all sorts of names like immature and childish husband, and this same guy is of the same age bracket with me. Plz I need ur candid advice don’t mind my English and typos.

First of all, you made the big mistake by giving your wife such big amount for upkeep of the family. Women don't know how to manage huge money. They will start off by sending money to families, friends, non-related people.

Another mistake is, you forwarded your chat btw you and your friends on the issue to her meaning that you discuss her matter negatively to your friends, next time, when a friend gives you advice, don't rush to discuss it with your wife rather learn from it(advice) and apply it.

Why are you begging her not to go? The more you beg her the more you cage yourself in the world of women. Your wife will see that as your weak point, next time, she will be quick to park out thinking that you will beg her not to go.
Never be afraid of making a decision. History will forgive you for making wrong decision. History will never forgive you for making none.

Don't call anybody. It appears she gave those people she asked you to call the money. You have to act like a real man. It is you that should be very careful, if you pamper her by begging her you'll be caged.

Don't beg a lady to stay. Man up!

Edited:-

It is always good to hear from the other party before one reaches a conclusion. Martins231 paints his wife bad while he leaves what he did wrong to the lady behind.

She said if I don’t call his Father and apologize to him that she will still go to her house even though we have settled our misunderstanding that she still have to go until I apologize to the father and reassure him that I still love her daughter.

Nonsense fake story

Chai...you should have just called her bluff initially. What kind of family encourages their daughter/sibling to leave her marriage because of such trivial issue. Biko don't call them...let her do her own calling or simply remain at home. Issue resolved.

Martins231:
She said if I don’t call his Father and apologize to him that she will still go to her house even though we have settled our misunderstanding that she still have to go until I apologize to the father and reassure him that I still love her daughter.

Well, dont call...let them do their worst! Let's see if they could afford to spend 400k on two people feeding for 3months! Whew!

Mchew

Damn! Your pronouns.

Take heart bro.

This is a great opportunity for you to draw the line and demand the respect you should be accorded as the man of the house.

You do not have to call anyone. Although it's important for you to have a heart to heart talk with your wife and let her know your stand.

Let her know you owe no one any apologies, infact her brother should apologise to you for trying to scather your new home.

Having said that, it is also important to point out your errors. You don't forward messages from people to your wife. Who does that? You have to be diplomatic and also stay in control. You can't afford to be seen as someone that dangles off other people's opinions.

Your wife is going no where, I can say that for sure. Lovingly remind her that you have decided to spend the rest of your life with and you intend to stand by that promise but if she so wish to leave you and go back to her fathers house, then, you can't stop her but only persuade her to build your home together.

You making that call is tantamount to you giving them the key to your entire marriage. You will receive the same threat till everything eventually goes wrong.

.........................................

Mr husband,

Please delete your story and make amends. You have forced your wife to come online to give her side of the story and it doesn't paint you as a reasonable man. Please delete your story, seek advice and marriage counselling. You are far away from your family so the least you can do is treat them with utmost love, care and attention.

Couple go into marriage class before wedding, did you guys do it? She is not a serious person for wanting to leave just because you wanted to know what she did with the money. You are not also serious for telling her what your friends said about her spending. She is very unserious for involving her brother. You are not a serious person for calling her mom. Please don't mind me oh, I think you both need a counselor.

What you need is balls

Make dem come carry their daughter, sense go flog dem tire

You need to man up and take charge... take a stand and let them know you aren’t scared to lose her, and that your kid will always come back to you...

Dey there make kite dey fly you, ode

Well my husband didn’t complete this story and he still brought it here ... ok this is my own side of the story. He gave me some amout of money more than 450k ... during November and asked me to do some certain things with it... even our transport to the east and all. Even his brothers transport was part of that money. My baby was sick last year and we kept going to the hospital with this same money, this January too the sickness came back and I was referred to gariki specialist hospital to meet with a dermatologist and all .. we have hospital card all over abuja seeking for solution to this illness.. so the dermatologist asked me to go to a pharmacy to buy some medication which cost 60,150 and I have been on hospital appointment since then and it takes 7,500 to meet with a dermatologist for 2 weeks ... I told my darling husband oh that I am a little bit low on cash. Hiss normal him him with abuses like you are foolish you are mad you are an ingrate you think I pluck money on trees, I said no problem we will be fine , but he kept on dragging it and dragging it and started telling his friends oh that his wife used money for 3 months and I asked him pls did you tell your friends you went to ask what we have been through and why on earth will you seek 3rd part opinion in our marriage

Two Immature people in marriage.
Una go learn

My Brother!!!
You are the Husband and this is home you have struggle to build with sweat and Blood.

In marriage, there is dry and raining seasons.
Dry season when no too much change for hand and the family had to manage the available for the moment as it last.

In Raining season, that's when husband buy gifts,Surprise outings and Holidays with Family.

Where there is no law, there is no Sin.
There should an agreement between u too before Handing over the Money. Most Money usually do monthly Allowances. Which ofcos they will Work n Adjust towards it because Human wants are unsaturated.


With the issues at Hand... Let your wife papa swear say he gave his wife such amount before or they haven't encounter issues in their marriage till dates. Marriage become stronger when after encountering challenges and still stands.
Let your wife do the calling with her families members because if u do the begging now, that's how It'll continue using it as threat.

Wish You the Best...

This story is completely fake. Why will both the husband and wife create new accounts within one hour and this is their first comments. Do you guys think we have nothing else to do? Mynd44 this thread should be taken down pending when they come up with their real accounts.

Ijeoma1187:
Well my husband didn’t complete this story and he still brought it here ... ok this is my own side of the story. He gave me some amout of money more than 450k ... during November and asked me to do some certain things with it... even our transport to the east and all. Even his brothers transport was part of that money. My baby was sick last year and we kept going to the hospital with this same money, this January too the sickness came back and I was referred to gariki specialist hospital to meet with a dermatologist and all .. we have hospital card all over abuja seeking for solution to this illness.. so the dermatologist asked me to go to a pharmacy to buy some medication which cost 60,150 and I have been on hospital appointment since then and it takes 7,500 to meet with a dermatologist for 2 weeks ... I told my darling husband oh that I am a little bit low on cash. Hiss normal him him with abuses like you are foolish you are mad you are an ingrate you think I pluck money on trees, I said no problem we will be fine , but he kept on dragging it and dragging it and started telling his friends oh that his wife used money for 3 months and I asked him pls did you tell your friends you went to ask what we have been through and why on earth will you seek 3rd part opinion in our marriage

Haaa...

Wife,

Please can you talk to your husband offline please? Please seek the help of a respected family member or a marriage counsellor.

I would appreciate if you could delete your comment and advice your husband to do the same.

You both can sort this out. Your side of the story is reasonable but nairaland.com comments may do more harm than damage.

Please speak with him and sort this out offline. Not online please.

Many of the comment here will be from people that do not want your happiness or progress.

Once again sort it out offline

Mean while his friends kept telling him to caution his wife and some even abused me . So I got angry and said since we are seeking 3rd party opinions maybe I should ask some people as well too, so I asked my brother and forwarded the reply of his friends to him, my brother was like I should tell my husband this is marriage and he should man up and stop seeking 3rd party opinion, that real men don’t discuss their wife’s with their friends and what excatly is he trying to do ?? Make me a bad person before his friends or what , and my brother said real men protect their wife’s and not expose them ... Meanwhile he has been away since July 20th and we don’t have a date he will be back to Nigeria while I am here alone with my baby and not help just me and my daughter, and they started asking me how often do we talk? I said in a month my husband does not even do a video call or voice call with us we just chat and chat and chat and I send. Pictures of our daughter to him that’s all..: so my people became skeptical especially my brother because a particular voice note his friend sent to him about me telling my husband that he should caution me. That was my brothers reply to my husband and her replied my brother to tell him that he is foolish and he has lost his respect for him. Things got out of hand and since I am the last my people asked me to come back home and arrangements are being made to resettle me. So the problem now is my family is angry because my husband abuse me verbally a lot, any small thing he will reign abuses on me that is unspeakable, no family will want this kind of situation for their daughter and my dad also heard and he asked me to come home to meet with their family because the mum has been nice to me and the father and it won’t be nice if I pick my things and go just like that

Hmmn. Both Husband and Wife are on Nairaland and giving their two sides to the story..

How much did you expect her to spend monthly? did you give her a monthly estimate to work on?

There was no need to start exchanging words with her over the issue. Next time give her money and tell her how long you expect it to last so that she can tell you if she will manage it or not. If she can't, show her how you expect her to live on a certain budget. Make your marriage work

sholatech:
Hmmn. Both Husband and Wife are on Nairaland and giving their two sides to the story..

It's not a good look at all.

good luck

Martins231 can you confirm to this ijeoma1187?

And ijeoma1187 if indeed you are the wife, then why would you use the money your husband gave you to foot the hospital bill of your brother?

Is your husband the father to your brother?

A lot of things are wrong with you lady.

So now the thing is my people are angry with me especially my mum because on one particular occasion this my said husband showed me my account balance and how is spend money while he is away oooh, I was like how did you get my account balance he monitors my account what goes in and what goes out and money is always the issue... everything money money money money, I do a little business which is still picking up and I don’t even bother to ask for money for this and that , I use to work before I resigned and relocated, now is the whole of last year I didn’t bother him I made my hair as a woman just two times, I don’t bother I use normal transport to go around while we have a Mercedes Benz parked and battery removed. My brothers are now angry they said I have become a shadow of myself and I have lost confidence as a woman because my husband keeps talking down on me, and whenever we have issues he is quick to tell his friends, this is the 3rd time now he has involved his friends, now I have been begging him just call my dad and hear what he has to say because he already knows my brothers are angry because they are far and can’t do much but to make sure I come home and at least restore my self esteem..:: my husband has refused and said I should call my people and tell them we have settled, what excerpt have we settled ?? My daughters hospital appointment is tomorrow and after that I am leaving... and we all know that verbal abuse comes with physical abuse.:: he sent me a message last week that I should watch he won’t abuse me physically again. He is so particular about money it’s all about money and money and money and money.. my brothers are angry I can’t do much but to go with my family, if I don’t next time who knows nobody will help me and when he starts to misbehave again

Not my brother I said my daughter our baby

2kaybiel:
Martins231 can you confirm to this ijeoma1187?

And ijeoma1187 if indeed you are the wife, then why would you use the money your husband gave you to foot the hospital bill of your brother?

Is your husband the father to your brother?

A lot of things are wrong with you lady.

Hmm, it is well. These issues can be resolved amicably.

Oko ATI iyawo


Those of you that normally ask for the second side of the story,....he don land o.


But make Una wait o. Why he be say the two of una register today.
Una plan am together?

Funny how people marry in proxy. Truth is, distance is the major problem here. Find a way to live together to avoid stories that touch

It's always good to hear both sides of the story. Husband is abroad and does not know what wife is passing through. He is busy concluding and insulting wife. I doubt if he knows that what 100naira could buy last 2 years 1000 naira won't be able to buy it now. He ought to appreciate the wife taking care of the kid alone.

Summary: Husband is at fault. Madam please forgive and forget. Both of you should take this case of naira land and settle it amicably. There will always be conflict in marriages but wise people use it as opportunities to understand each other.

Ijeoma1187:
Not my brother I said my daughter our baby

Sorry for the mix-up.

You both can resolve this issue amicably btw yourselves.

Are you really being prudent?

Distance relationship!


Heeeeee! This is seriously serious! Both husband and wife on a faceless forum giving their own sides of their marital woes. Na wa o! You people better delete this BS and go sort your marriage offline.

Should I continue to let the cat out of the bag?? It’s really not nice when you come here to make other people look bad .... since your pride won’t let you call my dad. Well Tuesday I am leaving.... how will you marry a woman just for one year and leave without even calling and speaking to them, are you just satisfied with seeing pictures of your baby?? Just picture..... well it’s so sad since we have started this remember my brothers too are on nairaland I will tell them to come and read as well .. you have come to seek 3rd party opinion.... in all these mess I never told my people or involved anybody but you keep telling people is this how you want to handle your family.... I am really really angry imagine him seeking 3rd party opinion from him divorced friend whose marriage didn’t last up to a year...: be there and watch me go, in all honesty I have tried as a woman and you won’t find any woman like me

The spate of marriage drama and issues on Nairaland these days is alarming. Are we sure it's not Seun and the mods that's creating all these accounts, topics etc just to garner traffic?

I no understand again oo