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Hi, I'm an introvert, funny because I'm a female who doesn't talk all the time. I have some questions just for thought...like why do liberians/nigerians who move to America neglect their culture when they move to america? Why do they lie to the family in their country that life is hard in America and only send them free old fashioned neglected clothes that people throw away and give to free stores? Why do they change to American culture then back to African culture when MOST of them live better than a lot of American ppl why?

Gborlea7:
Hi, I'm an introvert, funny because I'm a female who doesn't talk all the time. I have some questions just for thought...like why do liberians/nigerians who move to America neglect their culture when they move to america? Why do they lie to the family in their country that life is hard in America and only send them free old fashioned neglected clothes that people throw away and give to free stores? Why do they change to American culture then back to African culture when MOST of them live better than a lot of American ppl why?

It would have been appropriate if you had used "some Nigerians" in place of "Nigerians". Not all Nigerians abroad battle inferiority complex; not all Nigerians abroad will sacrifice their cultural identity for foreign ideals. There are a good number of Nigerian who, though live and work outside the shore of their home, are proud of who they are and will always associate themselves with their root.

The trait you observe and seek answer for isn't a NIGERIAN trait, rather it's human trait. Even at home (in Nigeria) there are folks who after migrating from the remotest parts of the country to cities, always try hard to dissociate themselves from home.

Gborlea7:
Hi, I'm an introvert, funny because I'm a female who doesn't talk all the time. I have some questions just for thought...like why do liberians/nigerians who move to America neglect their culture when they move to america? Why do they lie to the family in their country that life is hard in America and only send them free old fashioned neglected clothes that people throw away and give to free stores? Why do they change to American culture then back to African culture when MOST of them live better than a lot of American ppl why?

Because life abroad is hard!

This is something most Nigerians don't understand, as we assume everyone based abroad has made it and start feeling entitled to their money. Salaries are higher sure, but so is the cost of living. There are taxes to pay, rent/mortgage, bills, insurance premiums, feeding and childcare costs. Whatever is left over at the end may only be enough to buy "old-fashioned neglected clothes" for people back home. Even households with multiple incomes most often struggle to get by.

So, stop feeling entitled to other people's money. You don't know what it costs them to send what they do.

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Most times i do regret coming out my shell to socialize, because at the end of the day i just hurt myself more and also drain myself.
I met one dude last year,he knows I am an introvert and he taught me some basic survival skill "SARCASM" and best believe it works now i can walk up to anyone "whine" them and make friends with them.
Nothing deep tho, cause i feel they my see through my facade.

vitmax:
Most times i do regret coming out my shell to socialize, because at the end of the day i just hurt myself more and also drain myself.
I met one dude last year,he knows I am an introvert and he taught me some basic survival skill "SARCASM" and best believe it works now i can walk up to anyone "whine" them and make friends with them.
Nothing deep tho, cause i feel they my see through my facade.

This has been my issue this past week.
Just of regrets.
Especially asking a girl to be my girlfriend last month, but got turned down.

vitmax:
Most times i do regret coming out my shell to socialize, because at the end of the day i just hurt myself more and also drain myself.
I met one dude last year,he knows I am an introvert and he taught me some basic survival skill "SARCASM" and best believe it works now i can walk up to anyone "whine" them and make friends with them.
Nothing deep tho, cause i feel they my see through my facade.

You are on point, when I discovered I think too much before I talk, which affected my relation with others, I started observing extrovert, I discovered that most of them don't have anything meaningful to say but they keep talking nonsense, I then decide not to think too much sometimes and just talk even though it doesn't make sense. That's when I discovered I could be funny too.

scave:


You are on point, when I discovered I think too much before I talk, which affected my relation with others, I started observing extrovert, I discovered that most of them don't have anything meaningful to say but they keep talking nonsense, I then decide not to think too much sometimes and just talk even though it doesn't make sense. That's when I discovered I could be funny too.

This is so true, many people don't care for meaningful conversations. I've found that to get along with many people, I have to be willing to talk like they talk, by that I mean, talk about things like they do, even if the things they talk about are meaningless. I've also found mentioning people's name a lot in conversations helps, asking questions too, and listening to them well.

scave:


You are on point, when I discovered I think too much before I talk, which affected my relation with others, I started observing extrovert, I discovered that most of them don't have anything meaningful to say but they keep talking nonsense, I then decide not to think too much sometimes and just talk even though it doesn't make sense. That's when I discovered I could be funny too.

The good thing is introverts are very good actors. I do that for most of the time you wouldn't even know I am an introvert, but na when I reach house my body go tell me.

I hate how I over think things most especially the mundane ones. Sometimes I find myself still reflecting on past events that I felt was embarassing. I think and write more better than I talk and it saddens me.

scave:


You are on point, when I discovered I think too much before I talk, which affected my relation with others, I started observing extrovert, I discovered that most of them don't have anything meaningful to say but they keep talking nonsense, I then decide not to think too much sometimes and just talk even though it doesn't make sense. That's when I discovered I could be funny too.

hahaha funny thing is that I talk a lot of funny nonsense in my head, but then those thoughts go through a lot of of mind filters before being voiced out. Sometimes I even end up saying nothing .

Always found my way back hear. Hello everyone

Modified. Seems I found some common attribute in the above posts which is trying to make a eloquent conservation among people with deceitful one. Rather, in many situation, human prefer to be into deceitful conservation as the nature of the environment twisted their actions and behaviours that way.

But on the other hand, as an introvert who tries to contribute into their conservation find out his/her own view might not be welcomed and after so much thinking decided to say few things and just keep quite. Well that doesn't make you dumb either. It's just the personality have developed either conscious or unconsciously.

Well, the good news is that you are better off being yourself either way in as much as other people value you to have a deep conscious of deeper thinking which might be helpful in some situation still shows that you don't have to make your esteem look worthless by forcing yourself to be another's person personality.

Although, in situations like that you can try go give in but make sure it's at your own tempo, then gradually, they begin to feel your own contribution taughtful

I hope I'm making sense

scave:


You are on point, when I discovered I think too much before I talk, which affected my relation with others, I started observing extrovert, I discovered that most of them don't have anything meaningful to say but they keep talking nonsense, I then decide not to think too much sometimes and just talk even though it doesn't make sense. That's when I discovered I could be funny too.

its not always about been heard
Its about been understood

I knew a girl in University who everyone wanted to be around, despite being an introvert. Some of my old university friends still talk about her from time to time, when we reminisce about the good old days.

This was what I noticed about her. No one really knew much about her. She didn't particularly stand out in looks, wealth, or smarts. The outstanding thing about her was her pleasantness. Pleasant to the point that nothing out of the ordinary about her was distracting. She was always the center of our gatherings.

She would stare at you as if you were a celeb, a star she was interviewing. And she would proceed to ask you anything: "I saw you reading a textbook on psychopharmacology earlier, wasn't that hard?" "Wow, I love your shoes, I couldn't get them in Mayfair, where did you get them?"

I think her secret may have been her undivided attention towards her audience, and not to herself. She was basically the investigative journalist, curious to know everything about you, basically the positives. And one would always walk away from conversations with her with a fresh and unifying self discovery that unites one's whole being.

That I've always thought about, and concluded that: "perhaps, the greatest conversationalists are those who are able to tune in to other people with genuine interest and not flattery like most people do today. For the time she was around us, we all felt like stars.

oyetpel:


This has been my issue this past week.
Just of regrets.
Especially asking a girl to be my girlfriend last month, but got turned down.

Hope you didn't ask her the direct question "can you be my girlfriend?"

You'll be turned down 80% of the time even if the girl likes you.

Xzbit91:


Hope you didn't ask her the direct question "can you be my girlfriend?"

You'll be turned down 80% of the time even if the girl likes you.

No, i told her i am in love with her.

I did it in a position of power though, cos i got to very popular. So i know her turning me down won't affect me. But i developed a real love for the girl, that i don't know why i made myself this vulnerable.
She won't even pick my calls again.

oyetpel:


No, i told her i am in love with her.

I did it in a position of power though, cos i got to very popular. So i know her turning me down won't affect me. But i developed a real love for the girl, that i don't know why i made myself this vulnerable.
She won't even pick my calls again.

Never tell a girl you're not already dating that you love her, all you'll succeed in doing is scare her away.

Jobia:
hahaha funny thing is that I talk a lot of funny nonsense in my head, but then those thoughts go through a lot of of mind filters before being voiced out. Sometimes I even end up saying nothing .

Learn to block the thought sometimes and just pour it out, then you will discover a new version of urself.

Xzbit91:


Never tell a girl you're not already dating that you love her, all you'll succeed in doing is scare her away.

What should I have said?

Jobia:
hahaha funny thing is that I talk a lot of funny nonsense in my head, but then those thoughts go through a lot of of mind filters before being voiced out. Sometimes I even end up saying nothing .

Lol.... This is true. I find myself in such instances. It's like the brain and mouth have different missions

Durhleepee:
I hate how I over think things most especially the mundane ones. Sometimes I find myself still reflecting on past events that I felt was embarassing. I think and write more better than I talk and it saddens me.

It is a personality trait which I have struggled to overcome. I counter my thoughts each time I think of the past with happy ones.
I have the challenge of writing better than I talk but I have tried to improve on this aspect by reading to myself. I guess it helps me think faster when speaking as well as writing. I hope this helps.

Akposb:


It is a personality trait which I have struggled to overcome. I counter my thoughts each time I think of the past with happy ones.
I have the challenge of writing better than I talk but I have tried to improve on this aspect by reading to myself. I guess it helps me think faster when speaking as well as writing. I hope this helps.

I will try that out. Thanks

Hakeem12:
I knew a girl in University who everyone wanted to be around, despite being an introvert. Some of my old university friends still talk about her from time to time, when we reminisce about the good old days.

This was what I noticed about her. No one really knew much about her. She didn't particularly stand out in looks, wealth, or smarts. The outstanding thing about her was her pleasantness. Pleasant to the point that nothing out of the ordinary about her was distracting. She was always the center of our gatherings.

She would stare at you as if you were a celeb, a star she was interviewing. And she would proceed to ask you anything: "I saw you reading a textbook on psychopharmacology earlier, wasn't that hard?" "Wow, I love your shoes, I couldn't get them in Mayfair, where did you get them?"

I think her secret may have been her undivided attention towards her audience, and not to herself. She was basically the investigative journalist, curious to know everything about you, basically the positives. And one would always walk away from conversations with her and with a fresh and unifying self discovery that unites one's whole being.

That I've always thought about, and concluded that: "[b]perhaps, the greatest conversationalists are those who are able to tune in to other people with genuine interest and not flattery like most people do today. [/b]For the time she was around us, we all felt like stars.

I've seen something along these lines in the book 'how to make friends and influence people'. And I agree.

scave:


Learn to block the thought sometimes and just pour it out, then you will discover a new version of urself.

hehe it won't be pretty but I'll try thanks

maeola:
Lol.... This is true. I find myself in such instances. It's like the brain and mouth have different missions

yup exactly

Durhleepee:
I hate how I over think things most especially the mundane ones. Sometimes I find myself still reflecting on past events that I felt was embarassing. I think and write more better than I talk and it saddens me.

This is me.

oyetpel:


What should I have said?

Don't say, show her. When you like girl and want to date her, start treating her as though she were already your girl.

Get acquainted with her as you would a friend. Find out her likes, dislikes. Places she likes to hang out and her hobbies.

This will help you know how to pull her strings, like when and how to tease her or stun her with compliments.

If she likes novels or movies for instance, instead of asking her out, invite her to come see a movie with you. There's a subtle difference between the two, if you say "let's go see a movie" you're asking her out but if you say something like "I was planning to watch the merry men at the cinema today and I remembered you also like that genre of movie so I bought two tickets, are you interested?" she's more likely to say yes if you've played your cards well and she really enjoys your company.

In the second scenario, you're going to watch the movie anyway whether she accepts to come with you or not and it's something she would miss out on if she turns you down while in the first scenario she's the centre of attention and if she doesn't go with you, your evening is ruined.

Keep her guessing your real intensions, build the sexual tension and she'll find you irresistible. With women being too straightforward kills attraction. For men, the shortest distance between point A and B is a straight line, for women, it's a gentle curve.

Xzbit91:


Don't say, show her. When you like girl and want to date her, start treating her as though she were already your girl.

Get acquainted with her as you would a friend. Find out her likes, dislikes. Places she likes to hang out and her hobbies.

This will help you know how to pull her strings, like when and how to tease her or stun her with compliments.

If she likes novels or movies for instance, instead of asking her out, invite her to come see a movie with you. There's a subtle difference between the two, if you say "let's go see a movie" you're asking her out but if you say something like "I was planning to watch the merry men at the cinema today and I remembered you also like that genre of movie so I bought two tickets, are you interested?" she's more likely to say yes if you've played your cards well and she really enjoys your company.

In the second scenario, you're going to watch the movie anyway whether she accepts to come with you or not and it's something she would miss out on if she turns you down while in the first scenario she's the centre of attention and if she doesn't go with you, your evening is ruined.

Keep her guessing your real intensions, build the sexual tension and she'll find you irresistible. With women being too straightforward kills attraction. For men, the shortest distance between point A and B is a straight line, for women, it's a gentle curve.

Nice points you have there, but you know no two people are the same.
Some lady might go with a guy being straight forward while some won't.
Although i wanted to go through being friends and do things together, but she's always in midst of her friends. And the more i think of her the more i want her, reason why i quickly ask her out. Cos it won't be nice to have her see me as just a friend while me i am in love with her.
I am moving on though, i guess this boyfriend, girlfriend thing is not for me.

oyetpel:


Nice points you have there, but you know no two people are the same.
Some lady might go with a guy being straight forward while some won't.
Although i wanted to go through being friends and do things together, but she's always in midst of her friends. And the more i think of her the more i want her, reason why i quickly ask her out. Cos it won't be nice to have her see me as just a friend while me i am in love with her.
I am moving on though, i guess this boyfriend, girlfriend thing is not for me.

That's why I said 80% of the time you're going to spook them by being too forward. They'll make you chase, and the harder you chase, the more elusive they become.

If she ends up as a friend then you didn't play your part right. Learn how to use sexual innuendos to spice things up. Make her guess your intentions and only say that "I love you" when you're sure she feels same way. Even if she doesn't tell you directly, it'll show from her body language.

Xzbit91:


That's why I said 80% of the time you're going to spook them by being too forward. They'll make you chase, and the harder you chase, the more elusive they become.

If she ends up as a friend then you didn't play your part right. Learn how to use sexual innuendos to spice things up. Make her guess your intentions and only say that "I love you" when you're sure she feels same way. Even if she doesn't tell you directly, it'll show from her body language.

I knew she was actually into me, but i guess she didn't expect me to come straight. And the 'I love you'part was actually subtle, i know it will continue to ring in her head, (and hope you know she can't tell me that).
But i had my reason for telling her, at least my mind is free instead of doing the long process of being nice and friendly.
The case is not closed though, i am still watching.

Durhleepee:
I hate how I over think things most especially the mundane ones. Sometimes I find myself still reflecting on past events that I felt was embarassing. I think and write more better than I talk and it saddens me.

I can relate to this. Even find myself soliloquizing and adding more and more to past conversations saying all the things I left unsaid