Exciting:
As the subject reads..

I am in love with two guys.
The 1st: A 23yrs old finalist in a university. We've dated for 2years.. He is wonderful I must say. But I feel he may not be ready for marriage in the nearest future.

The 2nd: A 37yr old. Working, ready for marriage..Met him few months ago and I'm beginning to like him.

And me: A 23yrs old. COE graduate. Has side hustles...

I don't know if I should wait for my bf or get serious with someone that is ready for marriage before I grow old waiting...


I need help please..

Exciting:
As the subject reads..

I am in love with two guys.
The 1st: A 23yrs old finalist in a university. We've dated for 2years.. He is wonderful I must say. But I feel he may not be ready for marriage in the nearest future though he said he wants to settle down with me at the right time.

The 2nd: A 37yr old. Working, ready for marriage..Met him few months ago and I'm beginning to like him. He has an 11yrs old boy. His wife cheated and they broke up (according to him)

And me: A 23yrs old. COE graduate. Has side hustles...

I don't know if I should wait for my bf or get serious with someone that is ready for marriage before I grow old waiting...


I need help please... #modified

Exciting:
As the subject reads..

I am in love with two guys.
The 1st: A 23yrs old finalist in a university. We've dated for 2years.. He is wonderful I must say. But I feel he may not be ready for marriage in the nearest future though he said he wants to settle down with me at the right time.

The 2nd: A 37yr old. Working, ready for marriage..Met him few months ago and I'm beginning to like him. He has an 11yrs old boy. His wife cheated and they broke up (according to him)

And me: A 23yrs old. COE graduate. Has side hustles...

I don't know if I should wait for my bf or get serious with someone that is ready for marriage before I grow old waiting...


I need help please... #modified

candygist:
Exactly how I lost my first girlfriend. She was 22 and I was 22 then. During my youth service she stylishly asked about marriage and I told her I wasn't even thinking of that. Na so babe japa. She went to date a yahooboy in Delta state and she quickly discovered that the guy was only after her pant (Benz things ). She never still marry today upon all the gra gra and rush rush. I just dey observe her.

I won't advice you on what to do. You are an adult, so follow your mind.

BestAccessories:


To be honest, in my opinion you're not confused, you made a decision but don't want to have regrets later.

The moment you agreed to date the second man, you have indirectly dump the first one.

You have doubts about the first guy, instead of asking questions about the future, instead of holding good conversation with the first guy, what do you do, you started dating someone else.

My frank opinion, except your first bf is from a rich home, he would still need time to settle down before thinking about marriage.

He need to graduate first, do NYSC, depending on his course, he would need to do one or two professional courses and get a job (well enough to pay his bills). All these would probably take another 3 or 5 years.

Also he his young with ambition, so I don't see him rushing things or thinking about marriage now. (I might be wrong - just my opinion)

Also your second option raise some serious question, at 37 years, why is he unmarried? Are you sure he his not married somewhere with kids?

You also failed to tell us about their person? The emphasis in your story is about their financial position. The second guy has money, take care of you financially which the first guy can't currently do because he his a student?

ITbomb:
Your write up is good but I'm not sure you really read what she wrote
There's no where she mentioned the financial status rather she mentioned that he had been married which you overlooked because probably your mindset has already concluded that leaving the younger guy is for money

@OP, go for the older guy and start your family. Next 3 years, you will start feeling depressed when your lover boy is yet to get a footing in life

ITbomb:
Your write up is good but I'm not sure you really read what she wrote
There's no where she mentioned the financial status rather she mentioned that he had been married which you overlooked because probably your mindset has already concluded that leaving the younger guy is for money

@OP, go for the older guy and start your family. Next 3 years, you will start feeling depressed when your lover boy is yet to get a footing in life

BestAccessories:


You actually read the modified version. I guess Op modified her post after reading my comment.

I quote the initial write-up, which doesn't include the amended/modified details.

Indirectly, she said so, the first guy is a Student (Collect Allowance from Home) and the Second guy is Working (Earns Money).

The second guy can afford to spend on her now (meet her immediate needs) but I doubt the first guy can match it.

Also it would be extremely wrong to right off the first guy yet. He has potential and could be more successful than the second guy later on after graduation. All it takes is a good well-paid job and the guy would be balling.

If she want to get married within 3years or less, the second guy is the best option available now but the danger here is (according to modified details) she has got to train and adopt the guy's son as her own (The son too need to accept her as her mother). The guy is also a wounded lion, so he mightn't trust her 100% and likely to start suspecting her moves or questioning her relationship with opposite sex because the first wife cheated.

Another danger marrying the second guy, he and his ex had something that tied them together (a Son). So there is possibilities that they would remain in communication because of the son, which might likely rekindled old flames some day along the line.

Age wise I would suggest marrying the second guy if he is mature (not because he is older) but we would all be wrong if we right off the first guy without the OP having an honest and open-heart conversation with him.

They have dated for 2 years already, so there is something good and connection between them already.

healthserve:




My brother let's be honest love doesn't thrive on feelings. After the whole feelings phase pases the demands begin to set in. At 23 I knew this and refused to date not to collect all the goodness from a lady and then later dump her. A man needs some readiness on very serious relationships and you can't blame the conditionality of all this one any one. Abeg

I know a lady on this forum that dated her guy like this Op here for nine years only to get dumped. Guess what two years later he finds another mad gets married almost immediately. There's a reaqdyness factor that comes to play in relationships.


What I don like is when a lady stays with one guy milks him and then dump him out of mere selfish reasons. Who it looks like a similar scenario.


This Op isn't such a scenario
Guys should be encouraged to earn atleas 50k to me o of they would wanna consider serious relationship. This way if it gets to seriousville, there's a foundation to make things a little serious if it happens so


Been a while Xhosa.Nostra What's up

BestAccessories:


I agree with you but the OP hasn't actually state what she want.

Is she ready to get married? If yes, when?

Is she looking for marriage assurance?

Does her side hustle (which I presumed is her main source of income) pay enough to take care of her needs?

She has got work to do on herself, no man want to marry a liability as a wife.

She has got to get something paying her bills and enough to also supports her husband no matter how little.

If she is considering the second guy already, the decision had been made already. No point to double date, just broke up with the first guy.

If she try to play smart by dating both together, she would like loss both of them.

Second guy ends his marriage because his wife cheated, it would be very easy to end a relationship?

If the first guy also found out she is cheating on him, he would also likely end the relationship.

healthserve:



My brother let's not talk much. It's clear that every husband will build the lady they meet to their dreams. I'm sure both men asking her out are aware of her conditions and want her inspire of whatever it maybe. Some men prefer her with whatever package she comes with and she shouldn't be blamed for anything than being in a two years relationship that isn't defined or leading to anywhere. If what she had before the new guy was a good relationship, then she did wrong to have a side relationship. Cause it means she used one to sustain herself while looking for a more suitable one. I hate such mindset. But since we don't have details we shouldn't be judgemental but just give counsel

BestAccessories:


Well said.

You summarised my thoughts.

Cheers

healthserve:




My brother let's be honest love doesn't thrive on feelings. After the whole feelings phase pases the demands begin to set in. At 23 I knew this and refused to date not to collect all the goodness from a lady and then later dump her. A man needs some readiness on very serious relationships and you can't blame the conditionality of all this one any one. Abeg

I know a lady on this forum that dated her guy like this Op here for nine years only to get dumped. Guess what two years later he finds another mad gets married almost immediately. There's a reaqdyness factor that comes to play in relationships.


What I don like is when a lady stays with one guy milks him and then dump him out of mere selfish reasons. Who it looks like a similar scenario.


This Op isn't such a scenario
Guys should be encouraged to earn atleas 50k to me o of they would wanna consider serious relationship. This way if it gets to seriousville, there's a foundation to make things a little serious if it happens so


Been a while XhosaNostra What's up