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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed (84495 Views)
Married, But Living As Single / I'm Getting Married But I'm Not Happy / Married But Feels Single. (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by 4ckz: 6:23am On Feb 23, 2020 |
ityP: Divorcing the poor guy would be the best gift to him, and she admitted the guy dey try make am work, the guy would probably be killing himself for this shit-head 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by ityP(m): 6:23am On Feb 23, 2020 |
annyberry: Exactly. She isn't ready for marriage. She should divorce the guy and let someone else have him |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by ityP(m): 6:28am On Feb 23, 2020 |
4ckz: But the guy ma na fool. How do you stay with a woman for 3 years without sex and still stay put in such a marriage? He deserves what he is getting cos I for don end am after 6 months 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by loswhite(m): 6:31am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:lol.....dats what they all say but las las we know who dey pay the bills |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Christmasdon(m): 6:32am On Feb 23, 2020 |
No one have even cared to ask , how much old is the op? |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by loswhite(m): 6:33am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:Ppl that use the phrase" love is not enough" always refer the financial standing of the partner, so it is obvious you married him because he can cater for you. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Tonyspecial(m): 6:35am On Feb 23, 2020 |
No sex for the pass 3years and the man is still with u, Com'on madam that guy don't deserve this na.
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Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by CAPSLOCKED: 6:36am On Feb 23, 2020 |
crackkhaus: MPA THIS ONE PASS ANTICHRIST. THIS IS HER PETTING THE WORDS, YOU CAN IMAGINE WHAT THE MAN HAS GONE THROUGH IN REALITY. 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Zyni(f): 6:36am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Sincerely I can relate wt this!! But I wish u cud discuss this issue with ur husband....tell him u want to discuss a problem with him....and mk him promise never to overreact....start by apologizing for all those years then, tell him how u feel about him!! U guys sud have a proper discussion...atlst that'll give u an eased mind for a start!! Trust me, u can love him....the two of you just need to work extra... God bless you. 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by 4ckz: 6:38am On Feb 23, 2020 |
ityP: He might have gone so efficient in cheating that the wife thinks he's been celibate for 3 yrs. What man can go 3 yrs just like that immediately after marriage? You see, pussy is cheap, even a more better looking one than the said wife, na only men wey dey creat relationship outside marriage dey get caught. If you just fvck and go, there is 99% chance you won't get caught. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Omar09(m): 6:40am On Feb 23, 2020 |
ityP: Attraction is different from love. And I never made love my major point. Read and understand ubunja, you guys will not. Ubunja said something on chosen. And that chosen is based on attraction. It was obvious that the man chose the OP and the OP did not make it clear to him that it won't work. Read my first comment on this issue with understanding, then come back. Everyone was blaming the girl, but no one blamed the man. If the man knew better, will he further his quest on landing a heart that isn't there? I blame the man for not seeing things that boldly said HE SHOULD HAVE REMAINED FRIENDS WITH HER and not marry her. He chose her and this is where it took him. It took him to a place where he has to fight constantly to validate her love for him and also validate his love for her. A tough battle if you asked me. Assuming the OP chose him, she wouldn't be here and that family will be a happy union. 3 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by wiseoneking: 6:41am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:I should think that this is the most insane advise seeker I have ever seen. You intentionally pull down your home and yet seek advise to sought out things. I doubt the truthfulness and reality of this story though. Do opposite of all you wrote here and it shall be well with you. Stop pulling your home down, build it up. 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by CAPSLOCKED: 6:42am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: MAMA GIVE THE WISDOM & BLESSINGS TO YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU COMPLETELY LACK BOTH. 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by shugabasbn: 6:42am On Feb 23, 2020 |
U need to see a psychiatrist n counselor not this faceless forum. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Nobody: 6:43am On Feb 23, 2020 |
darediamond: Babe are u married, if no, CAn we relate? |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Goldencheese(m): 6:44am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Wow. I love your reply among other ones above. Great advice. Bankowner: |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by PeachtreeReside(f): 6:47am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: The irony this shows to those who say love is not enough, love should be present in both parties at least. Would you consider going for a deliverance session? He irritates you is worrisome. Even if you guys are friends, feelings must exist in order to become lovers. Best of luck in saving your marriage. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by manontree: 6:53am On Feb 23, 2020 |
A lot of people are going through a lot. Sadly op isnt alone. There are numerous loveless unions where many are cohabiting as co tenants and call themselves married From what I have noticed, a lot has to do with pride. Some men can be so playful outside and very gracious but once home, they become something else to their wives, simply because they can and able to get away with anything against them. More like she is their property and afterall what the heck can she do It is rarer and strange to see a situation orchestrated by the wife. In such situations the woman married a humble, easy going man whom she knows she can virtually get away with even murder. She literally knows he is such a weakling she can do anything to, and he would carry on like it's all good Yes she was pressured into the marriage. So were millions of others. Yet we are given to change and adjustments. Its human nature. No one wants to go to jail but many find themselves doing time and learn to adjust and be happy for their sake while it lasts. That's human capacity and ability. In your case, for whatever reason you choose to remain bitter, distant and unmallable. You knew you can't try this with over 90% of the men's folks, even if the same situations of marrying your husband existed. You simply are behaving this way because this man is designed not to act up himself My advise: It's no win situation here. I think one reason you aren't into this man is because you do not respect his person and his conduct. He may be intelligent but he may be weak. Yes I said it. A weakling. I suspect he disgusts you because you think he isnt man enough. A man should have taken charge of this marriage from day one and made you respect him and the union making you work to eventually love him He has more or less handed you the reign of control. Do not throw it to the dogs. A wise woman builds her home. You should be responsible enough and wise enough to know that you should build this home and it is your home. You have the power and control. Few men give women such power. It may not look it, but the vast majority of women are abused, physically and emotionally by their spouses. You are lucky for now. Do not take it for granted You can create the man of your dreams from this weakling. You have the control. He would only be too willing to listen to you. Talk to him to start acting the way of your dreams. I suspect he would be only too happy to fall in line Lower your expectations. Do not assume the grass is tastier across the pond. It's a mirage. You are a mum and must act responsibly to yourself , your son and to your marriage. Do not be deceived. Most men would talk up a river, get what they want and look for a younger fresher chic not a once married mum of 1. You won't be exactly the way you looked years ago. Those deceitful words from detractors won't last. Don't make the push for those reasons. They are temporary and would jump faster than you can blink once they are satiated From all indications, you are tilting more and more to divorce or separate. You are seeking validation for it. Trust me, most don't value what they have until they lose it. I have seen countless single mums that cries to me. "Doc, its been so hard". "I feel lonely". "I never dreamt it would be this way. I feel empty and unhappy". These are words I have heard from single mums You may be able to achieve happiness by yourself. But the vast majority tend to seek family identity as they age And before I conclude, it is also your duty to make that man happy. The both of you married yourselves. Duty and responsibilities are Mark's of honour. Its what principled people do. Being a dead beat wife is a dereliction of your principles and people do reap what they sow Sorry for the long write up 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by onome2013: 6:54am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Madam, if you love your child ,drop your thoughts about your ex . When you divorce because of the love for him that is making your husband to be irritating you ,the future implications is very high. Think about your old age . |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by bayoola(m): 6:59am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: How can two therapist end up been biased on this issue? This shows your mind is made up but note today's date, you are responsible for your action and you will be rewarded. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by jeanexx7(m): 7:01am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Madam, get this books and read them at least three time before making your final decision: (1). Love The Way To Victory (2). Married, Divorce and Remarried Both from KENNETH E. HAGIN. After reading we can talk from there. 08030713015. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by superlanny(m): 7:01am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Forget all the negative comments here, even tho you might deserve them, you don't need it at this stage, the deed has been done and it's how to be happy you are looking for, it's a tough one and my best advice is for you to find a way to sit him down and talk to him one on one, heart to heart, all what you are telling us here, tell him, he is your husband, he deserves to be happy too. Communication is something that if you get wrong in any relationship, can be disastrous, so it's best you guys talk and fashion out a way to solve this, if he truly love you like you say, and if you love him too, or trying to, den you guys should give yourselves another chance to fall in love, with yourselves all over again. I hope it all ends well. Have a nice day. Girlwhocares: 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by thalpy(m): 7:02am On Feb 23, 2020 |
You dont need to divorce i understand what you are going through its not your fault but there is a solution to that i bet. If you are still following this trend then indicate so i can tell you what i feel might help... |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Nobody: 7:02am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:u are really lucky if i was dat man aswear i would have beaten a living hell of dat love u initially had wen u accepted my ring back into your selfish sense of reasoning u just lucky... Ode Now uve tasted money u feel u hav an opinion. u just lucky dat man is cool. 2 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by ityP(m): 7:02am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Omar09: Marriage is a two man race. If one party isn't interested, let the other know. Don't start blaming him or her that she or he pushed you into it. No one can truly sense who loves him or her, we cant read hearts. So yes, it's all on her. If she had said no initially and he still pushed for the union, na different thing. Let's learn to hold people accountable please and stop throwing blames. I only blame the man for still staying put in that hell hole. I for don run 6 months after I noticed she was distant. Again, like I said, marriage is not a thing of attraction or love. It's a binding contract that two people have signed. If she wants to make the marriage work, she can. Unfortunately, she isn't interested in this union or any union for that matter. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Enemyofpeace: 7:03am On Feb 23, 2020 |
If not for dominique i for sey i am available for you to connect to and you for dey gbadun me like honey. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Goldencheese(m): 7:03am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Have you tried DECIDING to LOVE him You deserve a hug for this. Love is a decision. It's not a whim, a fantasy, just a feeling, just an emotion....but a lot of people don't even know it. Someone even mentioned that why should the OP be in a relationship with someone for 15 years. Her ex must be wicked. OP, you sound like a good woman...happiness is not something you get from others, it flows from the inside out... Thanks @Dyt. Dyt: |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Gudlite: 7:04am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: Now you said the truth, but you need deliverance of the mind from your former lover |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Amumaigwe: 7:05am On Feb 23, 2020 |
crackkhaus: The woman is very obviously still cheating with his ex. Who else noticed how she cleverly avoids all the question probing how she copes with her sexual urge for a whole 3 years. I am even willing to argue that your husband might not be the father of tbat your child. You are just a cold-blooded, satanic woman from the pit of hell. You are starving your husband of sex while posing as his wife, yet you are cheating on him with your ex right under his roof. By the time you divorce your husband ( I pray it happens soon to free your captive from chains), that your ex that is distracting you will show you that it is bad to reason with one's vagina NB - If I judged you wrongly, it is your fault for intentionally refusing to divulge vital information that will aid balanced advise. 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by ityP(m): 7:06am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Do you really think for a second that Op is interested in making that marriage work? Hell no. The only best advice here is DIVORCE, NOT EVEN SEPARATION. I just wish I have her husband's contact, I'd have talked sense into him. This hell hole he put himself into would be wound him emotionally. He is the victim here superlanny: 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by teezy001: 7:07am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Hmm! I don't like commenting on marriage issues because most are complicated, founded with selfish interest. I've learnt few points from the OP's story: 1. She was forced to marry this man, she still nurse the anger and resentment of wasting 15yrs relationship. 2. This OP is one of the few women out there that don't really know what they want, you can't let go, unforgiving and not ready to hear the truth; imagine you saying the Marriage Counselor is biased. Only you know yourself. 3. I've learnt you can be disconnected from the scam called love and marriage. The true definition of love is RESPONSIBILITY. What are you waiting for when you are no more in line with this innocent man? In conclusion, within you Ma, you know it can't work. The memory of 15yrs still hauling you, stop going for nonsensical counseling or therapy sessions because it won't work except you set yourself free and embrace the truth. Wake up, this is reality. There is no mountain anywhere except your ignorance. Call divorce for your sanity and free this man, he need a good wife that will definitely care for him. Take care. 4 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by ityP(m): 7:08am On Feb 23, 2020 |
crackkhaus: Seriously, people petting her here are unbelievable. The only victim in this trash talk of hers is HER HUSBAND. I pity the man 2 Likes |
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