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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed (84480 Views)
Married, But Living As Single / I'm Getting Married But I'm Not Happy / Married But Feels Single. (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Prec1ous(m): 12:57pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
TheArchangel: Parental pressure? Like she is some kind of robot. If they were poor I will understand but have you ever seen where a rich parent push their kids to marriage? All the rich parents I know are more interested in having their children making their choices and getting the best education. So, I do not agree with your reason. She should leave the man for good. 2 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by ProtectMyMoney: 1:03pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
pweetiedee: It's above your own mental composition that's why...those who understand it, understand it. 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Kulas: 1:07pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
matrixmuzi: OP, please this is the only cause and solution to your problem.Go and work on what this poster said and stop reading more comments here that may end up confusing you further. Your real husband is down the ocean ,whether you believe it or not.Go and find a solution. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Maobichek: 1:08pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:Good afternoon, I read your story with ardent concentration. Pls be sincere in answering these two questions : Do you still love your first guy whom you dated for 15 year? Do you still see him or chat/communicate with him? Genuine answer to these questions will determine whether your marriage will work or not, thank you. 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by TheArchangel(f): 1:09pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
Prec1ous:Your analysis. I just submitted my own analysis based on what she wrote but it seem you want to poke holes where there is none. 3 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by TheArchangel(f): 1:10pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
Kulas:Ocean Can you elaborate on this. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by kolade560: 1:29pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
So how has the man be coping with this your attitudes? Its evident both of you are in the same shoe,he feels the way you feel too. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by bigman001(m): 1:40pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: WHY WILL YOU MARRY SOMEONE YOU DON'T LOVE? MY DEAR FACT IS YOU CAN'T CONTINUE THIS RELATIONSHIP ALL YOU CONCERNED WITH NOW IS YOUR CHILD AND NOT HIS FEELINGS. SUIT YOURSELF AND BITE THE FINGER TOMORROW. OVER 4000 APPLICATIONS FOR DIVORCE HAS BEEN RECEIVED IN THE MAGISTRATE COURT IN LESS THAN FIRST QUARTER OF 2020 IN ABUJA, YOURS WONT MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE... I'M PRETTY SURE MANY LADIES ARE PRAYING YOU LEAVE HIM, SO THEY CAN HAVE HIM AND SHOW HIM THE LOVE HE DESERVES. 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by tejpot(m): 1:42pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: This is what I have been looking for and this should be your objective in searching for a solution. In this journey of trying to get your self out of this corner, you will hear some interesting stuff and some other non interesting stuff. Always remind yourself of what you are looking for, how to make things work. In every story there is always a lesson to learn, just pick the lessons and into the next. There is an everlasting joy that is waiting for you, it is not the random kind of joy that comes with finding the right guy or marrying your current husband. It is the joy that you have positioned yourself to receive. It is the joy that you are prepared for in your innermost part. Then you move next to answer the question, what satisfies my needs and desires in marriage? In your case, it's not money. Your background says it all. Go ahead and itemize what these things are, prioritize them and give sound reasoning for your priorities. Can this current man significantly provide me all these needs? Seems you are looking for a fire, a spark similar to the one you experienced with your ex. But sometimes life happens, haphazard events happen. How do you maintain the balance in this imbalanced terrain? This is my opinion on this question. I can get this kind of fire out there, it is possible, wonderful men abound. But what is the life expectancy of their wonders? How duplicative is these relationship wonders in marriage? What will happen to me if suddenly what I cherish so much about a man fades? Will I retain the integrity of my joy? Will I be okay with jumping the ship if I can't completely get all I wanted in the first place? My predictions, prepare for some rough and tough times with your husband. If he is that faithful like you described him and he has not found solace in another lady outside, he will eventually react to all he's been passing through. Or only react if and when you come out to him on how you feel about the marriage. Actions , you need to write out 101 questions to ask your husband. Questions you feel you have never asked him before. And you need to convince him to do the same. Set out time to ask each other this questions and demand for answers. This can go on for days. What ever the outcome of this project is can determine the direction your marriage is heading to. I predict that you would reveal more about your self to your husband and vice versa and you could achieve more with that tool. The ball is in your court! Cheers!! 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by bahaushe1: 1:43pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
Divorce. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by mechanics(m): 2:07pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
Assuming you knew you were not connected during your courtship days, that should have given you signal that the marriage won't work, be that as it may, just pray and discuss with a marriage counselor to help you out. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by BlackPantherCri: 2:12pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: Well, what exactly is love to you? Today is Sunday so let me preach. The Bible did not ask women to love their husbands. They said women, respect your husband and submit to him, men love your wife. Your husband is fulfilling his part but your inhibitions is not allowing you fulfill your path. In every marriage the romantic feeling fizzles out. We have to work towards making it work. I've been married 11 years now, also to my friend. I was a tomboy and he was my 'egbon'. We still hail each other like friends, and believe me the friendship is the reason we are still together. We quarrel like siblings, the whole romance thing you are looking for doesn't just exist. It is a mirage, a smoke screen that covers the reality of marriage. You have to consciously make it work as soon as it fizzles out right around the first three years. In the later years, should your marriage survive the first 5 years, what you begin to have is an interdependence on each other. You have to grow into these things. The real romance lies in making his food, doing his laundry, being at his service and tending to his needs. For him, the romance lies in providing for the family, paying school fees, the whole race of life. If you want something different you need to MAKE IT happen. Sex is on appointment, there is nothing wrong in sending him a raunchy text message, I send mine messages like 'baba, wey you na!' (gosh I'm so horrible') and he's like 'iya, kilonshele', I reply 'come make we relate, drink ogidigida' he's like 'eh! Na you go run!', challenge accepted. We know that night, the kids will sleep early by fire by force. For baba, it is "ah, my shoulder is paining me, bring Ori come and help me rub it', shoulder fire. We know that from play it will enter dance. Or send the kids away to a sister's place or take a weekend off, rent a hotel room and dig it out like rabbits. Romantic dinners are a fantasy. You have to create it. All that "look into my eyes and tell me what you see" bullshit! I wear girdle and baba helps me zip it up. Life happens. Baba how do I look, instead of baba to say, oh, you look beautiful, baba will say, see this woman, you think you are 16. That's all the compliment I need. Life has taken over. You've only been married 4/5 years. You have only just started. You need to create love, define love and make it meaningful to you. All those expectations of marriage, somebody lied. Welcome to forever 9 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Igbodicool(m): 2:12pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
Have you exhausted all remedies? Just go to God in prayers, He never overlook earnest seekers and contrite spirit. May God of AG give you permanent solution, Amen! 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by urchcoded(m): 2:28pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
You have not had sex with your husband for 3 years. Does dat mean u haven't had sex in 3 yrs now?. WTF ever made u marry someone u weren't attracted to. You can say u are independent, have ur own money and all dat, but it's a lie. U needed dat man for something, period. Fvck you. Divorce d man and send him a link to dis post after u've divorced him. It will help him know he didn't lose u but he gained peace. Again, fvck u. 3 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Cateyes07: 2:39pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:your situation is not strange, so many people including pastor are in such situation but quiet and dying in silence the chemistry btw you both is not working because one of you is hiding something( dirty secret) from each other , could be your husband or you, simply confront your husband with the issue, You find easy and quick solution , am talking from experience 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Otunbastevo(m): 2:41pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:why wasting this innocent good man time? Why not save him & ur self all this trauma & free him... Please work to the next customery court tomoro been Monday & free this good soul, so that he can go look for a more compatible partner to marry? ur own husband is far deep in the oceanic drinking champaign, I wonder why most ladies are so full of confusion that they don't know what they want? bet me, u will cry so much in pains by d time u loose this man. I'm very sure someone somewhere is busy serving ur kpekus for u cos don't believe u stayed a whole 3years without sex, likewise d man. Pls free this man now, ur eye will clear when village people eventually release u. 2 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by bigpriik: 2:49pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
Vortex369: bro no need for long grammar you cannot force people to love you it happens naturally .you either fall in or out of love it's is not of logical occurrence people are wired differently.every body has their spec even you yourself have your spec respect that . 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by yoged(m): 2:50pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
Madam. You need to have yourself check at a mental hospital . please its very important |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by chinex104(m): 2:57pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
I don't understand ........ if u can't sort out ur differences wit ur husband then i don't see any meaning in d relationship :-( |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Segekesy(m): 2:57pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
God bless you, all i see is wisdom, so much love u. op if you need someone to help u without sentiment, talk with her, i believe God wil use her to guide you |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by bukatyne(f): 3:07pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
crackkhaus: @bold: Thank goodness you acknowledge all these are value even if untouchable |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by bukatyne(f): 3:14pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
healthserve: She and her husband are both victims. She dated a guy for 15 yrs and at marriage, her parents rejected him. She needed to purge herself of her ex so she can bring her heart and all she has to her current marriage. I don't know why her parents thought her husband is the man however he is suffering because he is married to a woman who cannot be a wife for him. It seems only her parents are benefitting from this marriage so far. 2 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Saintmary(f): 3:21pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:Yup, I can relate. Lots of sentimental counsellors out there. 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by suyamasta(m): 3:21pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:Is it that you are not attracted to him or he is not attracted to you? Love grows you can be the best lovers if you both are committed |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Kiddllc: 3:25pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
You knew his libido was on the low side before marrying him yet u come to NL to seek for help Madam the only thing u will get is lots & lots of pm's in ur inbox from jobless, useless, sods on this forum hoping to fvck another sex starved wife Talk to ur husband about it. Flare up and fight if u will, its human nature. Communicate!!! |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by NELLY1990: 3:31pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
I will suggest two things: 1 pray to God and tell him how you feel and that you need a change of life towards your marriage. 2 drop all material things aside including your phone which take must of our time away from family and friends and take a one week vacation with ur husband. Both of you need to talk to each other about how u feel and opt for a new greater beginnings. Initiate time for romance, time to talk to each other heart to heart eye to eye.When you return back home practice this two thugs whole heartedly and thank me later. The Lord heal your marriage. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by philip0906(m): 3:33pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
bukatyne:An adult female marries a man for reasons best known to her. How's she a victim? Did she marry him at gunpoint? Was she underaged to make her own decision? You're running from the obvious truth (as typical with women), the op is nothing but a witch. Tell her the damn truth and stop all this watered down talk. The man is the ONLY victim here. 3 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Emanodimo(m): 3:52pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
Otunbastevo: I read through comments... I find solace in urs. So allow me to support the motion by further question how possible they don't have sex for 3 years and she is sure and confident to say that.. If that is the case, then she failed in her responsibility sexually...and egoistic in nature... She is the one to suffer, if there is no sex between them.. Her sexual drive is acute low...If that's is her problem...She should fix her problem and stop being a stupid idiot.... Let her intimate sex by force on him, if the man will reject her for the next 3 years.... |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by vickimannia855: 4:01pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
Unfortunately I v same problems 2 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by philip0906(m): 4:02pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
GodLovingMe2020: 2 Likes
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Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by powerkey: 4:17pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: If you can't love him, then come and love me. case closed. On a serious note, you're the problem ma. Why marry a man who you don't love Blame yourself, Stop seeing that guy you think is making you happy now. you will lose in the end. Go back to your husband, confess to him and make amends. Find reasons to live for him and love him. Learn to love him like you loved your first love... 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Ajixegun: 4:22pm On Feb 23, 2020 |
Prec1ous:GOD is real, bro |
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