.

crackkhaus:

Sorry, you can't take that one back.

Just making insinuations is equally as valid as explicitly stating what you think, especially when you typed out these insinuations instead of just leaving it buried in your thoughts.

Claim your prize, don't be shy...

It's not. Insinuations and valid statements are never the same in a court of law, so I won't claim one yeye prize

Besides, that I suggested he might be 'molesting' her isn't exactly encompassing. He could be initiating her into witchcraft, cannibalism or the extreme: brainwashing her to be against her mother. I don't believe these two instances are categorised under molestation. (Correct me if I'm wrong)

Davash222:
Your siblings that are your relatives doesn't want the boy but you want your husband that is not your relative to accept the boy
You should learn to attend to your responsibilities and mistakes. Don't drag your mistakes to that innocent man. He has done more than enough for you.

Marrying a Nigerian girl with two children(not even one) is not what every man can do. That man deserves peace and respect from you.

What is your advice in this case?

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children when I got married my husband had none and accepted them like his own children. B4 marriage we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to moved to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter whyle my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going thru hard times my sister in law has being maltreating him to an extent that he has being steeling he was caught and beaten like an animal my brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again he want me to come and collect him I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no he should stay there because he don’t want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

Madam,

I have gone through the thread and you have to stoop to conquer in this case.

Yes, your husband backed out of responsibility for your son or did he agree because your son was far away?

I see the whole 'I can fend for myself and I will rather be a single mom of four than let my son suffer bla bla'. Honestly? It is your pregnancy hormones talking.

If you really WANTED to be a single mother, you would not re-marry after having a 13yr old son and 9yr old daughter. You would probably have side boos.

What do you want to achieve? Your son living with you.

What are your husband's fears?
1. He has a girl and we know the awareness against child molestation. No matter how saintly you see your son, he is still your third daughter's step brother.

2. He clearly said he did not want your son to corrupt the girls.

Solution:
Acknowledge his fears and appeal to him that the boy needs you both as his parents right now. Let your husband see that your son is just acting out and enlist him to be his father figure. A father is not necessarily biological.

Also planning that you would solely fund your son while living with your husband is wrong. Your husband is not running a hotel service and might not want a boy under his roof he cannot be responsible for. I would not. Very young person under my roof would be accountable and cared for by my husband and I.

If you become single again as a result of this issue, you would resent your children from depriving you of what you are looking for in marriage.

In this case, you can have it 'all' if you married a reasonable man.

At OP, hurting people hurt others. In this case, you may very well be the first victim of your son's inevitable anti-social tendencies, in future if this situation is not quickly handled.
Please, look beyond everything right now and help this obviously hurting child. He didn't ask to be born, you are still primarily the one who should be there for him physically, emotionally etc. since his biological father absconded. I won't advise divorce, pls reach out to your husband again, and not as an entitlement this time. Be humble. Get people he respects to intervene. Don't let this child be destroyed.

Above all, Pray.

Vyvyanvyvy:

He will be 12 years in August , my daughter is 6 years, I have one daughter for my husband she is 2 years and I’m pregnant with another one. Their father is not in Nigeria and I don’t have his contact or his siblings. Yes I have a grocery shop I foot 70% bills in my house

Well sorry you are in such difficult situation...but you still need to plea with your husband the kids attitude might be due to the absence of someone to love him for him...Just keep pleading

Madam I am really sorry for what u r going through, I feel for u n ur boy, but I want u to swap places with ur husband and think about it can u accept anoda woman's children in ur home, u av to undastand, he loves u so he must love ur boy is easier said than done, him accepting 1 of your kids is an effort on his part, he his probably thinking he is too old for him to handle, listen meet him half way here, with social media n all u can't tell me u cant contact d boys dad or relatives, all d effort u r using begging ur husband, channel d energy in get ur boys relatives... Ur husband is not a bad man.. He is jus bin human..ur own siblings failed u, think more abt that

martowskin1:


Funny how u all attack the man, but not the father who ran away from his responsibilities. The man hold that child nothing. He have father and his father have families.

The boy won't answer his name, what are u guys saying

He tried enough to even accept one of the kids.

The solution is, send the boy to boarding school, during holidays he can come home spend few weeks and go back to school.

Just the way he has a father, the husband knew of his existence and chose to marry the mother. If you can't stand the heat, don't come near the kitchen.

sweetdude001:
Madam I am really sorry for what u r going through, I feel for u n ur boy, but I want u to swap places with ur husband and think about it can u accept anoda woman's children in ur home, u av to undastand, he loves u so he must love ur boy is easier said than done, him accepting 1 of your kids is an effort on his part, he his probably thinking he is too old for him to handle, listen meet him half way here, with social media n all u can't tell me u cant contact d boys dad or relatives, all d effort u r using begging ur husband, channel d energy in get ur boys relatives... Ur husband is not a bad man.. He is jus bin human..ur own siblings failed u, think more abt that

He met me when I was living in a room self contain with my 2 children he accepted them and has agreed that we will be together after marriage. I have suffered all alone with my children I wasn’t desperate for marriage and if I knew he would change his mind after marriage then I wouldn’t even be with him in the first place. Like I said earlier as long I’m alive none of my children will be living with relatives it was the difficult circumstances we had faced after marriage that was why I had to send my son to my brother or else I wouldn’t do it , nobody can look after my children better than me if my own brother and his wife are maltreating and do you think he will be better with his father relatives ? My children are my responsibilities they are not my relatives or their father relatives responsibilities

.

Vyvyanvyvy:

He is not in Nigeria

Doesn't he have family members?

Vyvyanvyvy:

He met me when I was living in a room self contain with my 2 children he accepted them and has agreed that we will be together after marriage. I have suffered all alone with my children I wasn’t desperate for marriage and if I knew he would change his mind after marriage then I wouldn’t even be with him in the first place. Like I said earlier as long I’m alive none of my children will be living with relatives it was the difficult circumstances we had faced after marriage that was why I had to send my son to my brother or else I wouldn’t do it , nobody can look after my children better than me if my own brother and his wife are maltreating and do you think he will be better with his father relatives ? My children are my responsibilities they are not my relatives or their father relatives responsibilities

Well I think its ur boy attitude ur husband is scared of, I mean ur own blood/brother want him out. U r looking out for your own he also is looking for his own daughter... There is a possibility ur son in ur home backfires.. A possibility I said.. I av feeling u r acting like he must coz he said he d accept he the first place, besides how is his relationship with ur other daughter? Pls be honest.

sweetdude001:

Well I think its ur boy attitude ur husband is scared of, I mean ur own blood/brother want him out. U r looking out for your own he also is looking for his own daughter... There is a possibility ur son in ur home backfires.. A possibility I said.. I av feeling u r acting like he must coz he said he d accept he the first place, besides how is his relationship with ur other daughter? Pls be honest.

My son has turned bad because of the way my sister in law has being treating him , a child who used to eat 3 square meal a day , now he is being deprived of foods and what do you expect him to apart from steeling ? I know what he did was wrong but he did it because he was hungry and his not a bad boy , that’s why I want him back with him because with me he will have his happy life back and he won’t go out there and steel

Vyvyanvyvy:

My son has turned bad because of the way my sister in law has being treating him , a child who used to eat 3 square meal a day , now he is being deprived of foods and what do you expect him to apart from steeling ? I know what he did was wrong but he did it because he was hungry and his not a bad boy , that’s why I want him back with him because with me he will have his happy life back and he won’t go out there and steel

You didn't answer my question.. Aw is ur husband with ur oda daughter?

Davash222:

He's already treating the girl as his own flesh and blood. He's only being careful to protect the girls.
The father of the boy is alive, isn't it wise for the woman to take the boy to his father??

Go sleep oga, you no make sense with this reply

sweetdude001:

You didn't answer my question.. Aw is ur husband with ur oda daughter?

He treats her very nice they are best friend , she is free with him and like him a lot. Financially he doesn’t buy anything for her but their relationship is perfectly fine

martowskin1:


See ur mouth, am ready to quit, na this man u want to form smartness for, why didn't u act smart for the one that ran away from his responsibilities.

Keep quiting, is obvious u are very bad with making decisions, that is why u could have kids for a !man who ran away from them.

Trust me, that man is better off from u and ur baggages

Cry more, you want her to abandon her son because of man, it won't happen!

Vyvyanvyvy:

He treats her very nice they are best friend , she is free with him and like him a lot. Financially he doesn’t buy anything for her but their relationship is perfectly fine

Which can stingy man be this?
My sister follow your heart, it seems you're not enjoying your marriage.

Test water before you dive inside, this man no be here o

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children when I got married my husband had none and accepted them like his own children. B4 marriage we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to moved to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter whyle my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going thru hard times my sister in law has being maltreating him to an extent that he has being steeling he was caught and beaten like an animal my brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again he want me to come and collect him I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no he should stay there because he don’t want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

Ma'am, kindly take him to his biological father's family or better still, involve your church elders... that's if you're a dedicated church member. The leaders in the church can adopt and take care of him.

Oyindidi:
Which can stingy man be this?
My sister follow your heart, it seems you're not enjoying your marriage.

Test water before you dive inside, this man no be here o

Thank you my dear for understanding my life but I decided to keep calm because not everything is good to say on this social media

justnock:


Ma'am, kindly take him to his biological father's family or better still, involve your church elders... that's if you're a dedicated church member. The leaders in the church can adopt and take care of him.

I will not take him anywhere why does he have to live like an orphan whyle im alive ? To be honest My son is more important than my marriage and it’s my responsibilities to protect him

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thank you my dear for understanding my life but I decided to keep calm because not everything is good to say on this social media

I don tey for the game. I understand you perfectly.

Vyvyanvyvy:

I will not take him anywhere why would he live like an orphan whyle im alive ? To be honest My son is more important than my marriage and it’s my responsibilities to protect him

If you can't convince your husband to take your son in, I don't know what to say to you, ma'am. Godspeed.

You goofed by telling him that you are bringing your son to your new home.
Your husband was aware of your children before you married him, therefore if he truly loves you he would not have declined to have your son live with you.

Going forward,go and get the boy and move him home ASAP and if he pushes your son out,pack your loads and go look for another accommodation and start living your life with your children.

You need to act fast now before that boy becomes hardened criminal.

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children when I got married my husband had none and accepted them like his own children. B4 marriage we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to moved to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter whyle my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going thru hard times my sister in law has being maltreating him to an extent that he has being steeling he was caught and beaten like an animal my brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again he want me to come and collect him I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no he should stay there because he don’t want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

Send the boi back to his real father. Your man understands that the boi will always go back to his real father no matter what you think.

samguru:
You goofed by telling him that you are bringing your son to your new home.
Your husband was aware of your children before you married him, therefore if he truly loves you he would not have declined to have your son live with you.

Going forward,go and get the boy and move him home ASAP and if he pushes your son out,pack your loads and go look for another accommodation and start living your life with your children.

You need to act fast now before that boy becomes hardened criminal.

You just typed my thoughts...lol

@op, your son living apart from you isn't an option and I'm glad you already know that.

Davash222:
Your siblings that are your relatives doesn't want the boy but you want your husband that is not your relative to accept the boy
You should learn to attend to your responsibilities and mistakes. Don't drag your mistakes to that innocent man. He has done more than enough for you.

Marrying a Nigerian girl with two children(not even one) is not what every man can do. That man deserves peace and respect from you.

Would you give the same advice to a nigerian man who's wife doesn't want his child from another woman to live with them?

Vyvyanvyvy:

I will not take him anywhere why does he have to live like an orphan whyle im alive ? To be honest My son is more important than my marriage and it’s my responsibilities to protect him

You are a good woman. Pls stand up for him no matter what. He needs a home and the love of a mother. Do all you can

Me, my children comes first no matter what.

Your Child over any man
Insist

i understand your situation and you just have to accept your son and give him the joy that he is being deprive of. God will see you through

samguru:
You goofed by telling him that you are bringing your son to your new home.
Your husband was aware of your children before you married him, therefore if he truly loves you he would not have declined to have your son live with you.

Going forward,go and get the boy and move him home ASAP and if he pushes your son out,pack your loads and go look for another accommodation and start living your life with your children.

You need to act fast now before that boy becomes hardened criminal.

Thanks am going to pick him up this Sunday I will bring him to the house and let him do his worst. I pay the rent if he is not happy then he has to leave me with my children . This thing has been stressing me my bp is already high which is not good for my pregnancy I need to be alive for my children and I won’t let him stress me anymore