LadySarah:


You are a good woman. Pls stand up for him no matter what. He needs a home and the love of a mother. Do all you can

Me, my children comes first no matter what.

Thanks my dear my children comes first too no matter what . I taught getting married will bring more happiness for us but since things are not working according to plans, it’s better for me to protect my children

Topleague:
i understand your situation and you just have to accept your son and give him the joy that he is being deprive of. God will see you through

Thank you my brother you are a true man

Vyvyanvyvy:

He will be 12 years in August , my daughter is 6 years, I have one daughter for my husband she is 2 years and I’m pregnant with another one. Their father is not in Nigeria and I don’t have his contact or his siblings. Yes I have a grocery shop I foot 70% bills in my house

Put him in a private boarding school immediately, and find a way to sort out where he will be staying during the holidays and half term

Please, for all the guys here who are apparently sympathetic to the Husband, I have a question for you...

How can a man marry a mother of two little kids who are not adults yet and NEEDS TO stay with their mom, would be so ungentlemanly after marriage to request a boy of 12 years begins looking for a relative to stay with whilst his mother is alive, well and capable to look after them?

I'm sure the woman lived with her son and daughter before the husband met them, why marry the mother only to push her son away? Why ask a woman to push her son away because of you?

Things took a hit financially, so you agree with the mother to take the boy to relatives pending improve conditions. Afterwards, the reasonable thing to do is to ask the boy back as soon as things improved. Common!

How can a man feel OKAY when his "marriage" separates his wife and her son?

If a husband CANNOT accept the children of his wife as his partial responsibility due to marriage, how can he then expect any relative whatsoever, to accept the children? Who can be closer to a child than a mom and a step-father?

Original poster @Vyvyanvyvy, if you were my sister, I'd be baffled as to why you'd marry a man who would refuse to allow a small boy stay with you guys. He cannot stay alone. Your husband's excuse that he will influence the girls negatively is simply some fake bullshiit I'd expect from an unthoughtful person.

If that boy were his, do you think he'll send him off to his own brother and leave him there because he's supposedly stealing #100 and biscuits? No! He'll never give up on his OWN CHILD. His own child will never run out of chances.

Besides, a 12 year old boy stealing is NOTHING NEW. Majority of boys did worse growing up. I Stole moms stuff too when I was younger. Majority of the guys or girls, men and women you see commenting here STOLE THINGS if they will be honest with you. But now is the time to straighten your son out. But you can only be sure the best training can be giving if he's with you.

In my short time existing, I've felt real pains when I see how some people treat their relatives who are not part of the immediate family.

I'd be honest to say I myself will not be keen to take in a relative who's not immediate nuclear family, that's the heart. But if I do (which is possible in all ramifications), I'm SURE I'll be Fair and just with them. So you'd understand me when I say I'll NEVER MARRY a woman who can't be fair with my wards. Even if she brought home that said relative, She must be fair and kind to them. And I'm ready to divorce them one after the other if need be.

Reason with your husband with respect and understanding. If he's still adamant, say your brother threatened to throw your son out so you have no other options than to go and bring him with you. If he's still insisting that NEVER means NEVER, I think you can be rest assured he's laying down the ultimate ultimatum, in no uncertain terms:

Son or Hubby? Choose!

movement2020:


From this, it is understandable why your husband is not accepting the boy. He might have learnt some attitude which may affect your litltle daughter putting into consideration the present incest and all sorts all around.

However, I would advise two options.

Try and get the contact of your ex or any of their siblings to hand over the boy to them.

Use your woman power to plead and assure your husband to accept the boy. You can also use his friends, relatives and parents to drive home your plea.

Why will she hand her son over to anybody.

It appears like aliens and not humans are typing on this thread.

rain21:
you were doing very well for yourself with two kids to cater for, and you still went ahead to remarry. what for??
and you are having two extra kids now, making a total of four, worse still with the kind of man you have as husband

it's complicated already

Very complicated

Human beings sha.
So quick to call a 12 year old boy a molester of younger children, but closing their eyes to the possibility of the husband being a pedophile eyeing his step daughter.
Why would you think a young boy would molest his sister?

And people saying he's a thief.
What has he stolen?
I'm almost 100%sure that majority of those labelling the child a thief also stole from their mother's purse at that age

worworbabe:


Why will she hand her son over to anybody.

It appears like aliens and not humans are typing on this thread.

I'm really baffled too. Guys or suppose real men talking like a 12 year old boy is some THING to ship off to anyone who would take him!

I almost couldn't believe it reading the first few pages of opinions, mostly from guys.

You can never know a person until you understand their thoughts process. And everyone's thought process basically classify them as thoughtful or unthoughtful.

I'd easily classify every commenter here into one of those two groups.

Vyvyanvyvy:

You want me to take my child to the orphanage whyle I’m still alive and in good health? You must be joking . I rather be a single mother and suffer with my 4 children than rejecting my son.

then do it

this is probably why the first man run away, you women nag a lot, give that man a breathing space or watch him ran away like the first one, we don't want too much liabilities, we need rest of mind, stop nagging him.

It shouldn't be a big deal nah.Couples like this should agree on how they should live and co-parent before and later after marriage. I knew a couple from work who the woman never wants to see his son.She prefers they send money to the boy's grandmom for upkeep and comes to their house like a guest and stay maybe 3days and leave.The man has had no problems with it even long after marriage til now.I think the boy should be 7yrs or 8yrs now.So my point is aint u people very strange.I'm sure it happens alot with Step mom's but it's not an issh.I think,Kids are so lucky only a few men would cut out their step kids this days or don't dad's need to live together with their growing kids

jelel6:
Please, for all the guys here who are apparently sympathetic to the Husband, I have a question for you...

How can a man marry a mother of two little kids who are not adults yet and NEEDS TO stay with their mom, would be so ungentlemanly after marriage to request a boy of 12 years begins looking for a relative to stay with whilst his mother is alive, well and capable to look after them?

I'm sure the woman lived with her son and daughter before the husband met them, why marry the mother only to push her son away? Why ask a woman to push her son away because of you?

Things took a hit financially, so you agree with the mother to take the boy to relatives pending improve conditions. Afterwards, the reasonable thing to do is to ask the boy back as soon as things improved. Common!

How can a man feel OKAY when his "marriage" separates his wife and her son?

If a husband CANNOT accept the children of his wife as his partial responsibility due to marriage, how can he then expect any relative whatsoever, to accept the children? Who can be closer to a child than a mom and a step-father?

Original poster @Vyvyanvyvy, if you were my sister, I'd be baffled as to why you'd marry a man who would refuse to allow a small boy stay with you guys. He cannot stay alone. Your husband's excuse that he will influence the girls negatively is simply some fake bullshiit I'd expect from an unthoughtful person.

If that boy were his, do you think he'll send him off to his own brother and leave him there because he's supposedly stealing #100 and biscuits? No! He'll never give up on his OWN CHILD. His own child will never run out of chances.

Besides, a 12 year old boy stealing is NOTHING NEW. Majority of boys did worse growing up. I Stole moms stuff too when I was younger. Majority of the guys or girls, men and women you see commenting here STOLE THINGS if they will be honest with you. But now is the time to straighten your son out. But you can only be sure the best training can be giving if he's with you.

In my short time existing, I've felt real pains when I see how some people treat their relatives who are not part of the immediate family.

I'd be honest to say I myself will not be keen to take in a relative who's not immediate nuclear family, that's the heart. But if I do (which is possible in all ramifications), I'm SURE I'll be Fair and just with them. So you'd understand me when I say I'll NEVER MARRY a woman who can't be fair with my wards. Even if she brought home that said relative, She must be fair and kind to them. And I'm ready to divorce them one after the other if need be.

Reason with your husband with respect and understanding. If he's still adamant, say your brother threatened to throw your son out so you have no other options than to go and bring him with you. If he's still insisting that NEVER means NEVER, I think you can be rest assured he's laying down the ultimate ultimatum, in no uncertain terms:

Son or Hubby? Choose!

??

You seriously need wise counsel on this matter. Too many lives at stake. Too many angles to this matter.

sapoyoro:

you are so stupiddd...so she should abandoned her boy because of marriage? reject him just like everyone else?
you're maddd

I don't knw where I insinuated that she should leave her child... I will ignore the insult coz I don't have to come to your level.

Alot of people are just quick to blame the man.
If the man accepts the boy and many years to come the useless guy comes back to take his biological son, lots of you here will still yab the man why him no born him own son.
It's already a complicated issue and should be handled carefully.
Madam OP born 2 pikin with a guy she can't have access to his relatives and you are blaming a man that is probably scared of allowing a 12yr old boy(who is stealing) to come be bad influence to his daughter? That stealing alone might be the reason the man changed his mind.

OP forget all these divorce them they tell you here and speak to your husband. While doing that, you must locate your babypapa relatives so they come take care of their own. no be when the boy grow finish now them go come claim am.

Find out why your man changed his mind about accepting your son(that did not just happen, something caused it).
This is not a we and them fight, it's your reality handle it carefully.

Again reduce the way you born pikin until you are stable. 4 children is enough for now.




Non of the people telling you to divorce your husband can handle a house help that is stealing(they normally send them to their parents.... including relatives that are stealing)

Vyvyanvyvy:

He treats her very nice they are best friend , she is free with him and like him a lot. Financially he doesn’t buy anything for her but their relationship is perfectly fine

Ur huSband is not a bad man, its apparent u Neva loved him u jus wanted someone that d marry u in d first, u r saying son, ur son, watching out for ur own which u do av a right to, he also as a right to watch out for is daughter too, ur son is more important to u, his daughter is more important to him too, in life always put ursef in peoples opinion before u judge, u cant abandon ur son but stop acting like ur husband does not have the right to have some reservation... To be honest d situation he is is not a very pleasant 1, I am sure had it been d boy stayed wit u from d onset he d not av a p... Stop thinking abt u, think about his feelings too, as a woman u wnt accept dis if reverse was d case, if u did u d make d childs life hell jus like ur brothers wife... That's d nature of u women.

@ Guys : Learn from this. Never , ever agree to marrying a single mother.

There is a reason why Male Lins kill cubs before they take over territories.

Its not emotions, its logic for your own good.

My 2 cents#

culturedboss:
It shouldn't be a big deal nah.Couples like this should agree on how they should live and co-parent before and later after marriage. I knew a couple from work who the woman never wants to see his son.She prefers they send money to the boy's grandmom for upkeep and comes to their house like a guest and stay maybe 3days and leave.The man has had no problems with it even long after marriage til now.I think the boy should be 7yrs or 8yrs now.So my point is aint u people very strange.I'm sure it happens alot with Step mom's but it's not an issh.I think,Kids are so lucky only a few men would cut out their step kids this days or don't dad's need to live together with their growing kids ??

It could work for some people I'm sure. I can't understand those who would change their minds on something as important as this afterwards.

If the kid is all grown up. Like 18-20 and Happy to stay alone, maybe. But I'm not personally going to say my own son or daughter should live elsewhere simply because of marriage. NEVER.

If my future wife agrees then later changes her mind on something like that thinking she's married now and I'm boxed, she's dreaming.

Divorce is allowed for me and I intend to use it as much as needed. My happiness is not really tied to anything talkless of woman. Happiness is a choice and state of mind for me.

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thanks am going to pick him up this Sunday I will bring him to the house and let him do his worst. I pay the rent if he is not happy then he has to leave me with my children . This thing has been stressing me my bp is already high which is not good for my pregnancy I need to be alive for my children and I won’t let him stress me anymore

Well I would advise your brother to bring him home ....while you technically distract your husband with love by cooking his best meal and prepare your son his best meal and let him know his daughter's half brother is coming to stay with his half sister .......by the way you know if you want to find your sons father you can put his name or picture on nairaland...I hope he is aware he has a son to start with.

Belafonte:


This is the entitlement we are talking about. How did her elder brother fail her? By refusing to house a thief? Do bear in mind that may have been the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Why doesn’t she send the boy to his father, after all, he’s alive

Yimu be doing as if you didn't steal when you are twelve.

Oyindidi:
I don tey for the game. I understand you perfectly.

which game madam. Oya confess

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thanks am going to pick him up this Sunday I will bring him to the house and let him do his worst. I pay the rent if he is not happy then he has to leave me with my children . This thing has been stressing me my bp is already high which is not good for my pregnancy I need to be alive for my children and I won’t let him stress me anymore

so you pay the rent your husband better have 1000 good reasons for keeping your son from the house.

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thanks am going to pick him up this Sunday I will bring him to the house and let him do his worst. I pay the rent if he is not happy then he has to leave me with my children . This thing has been stressing me my bp is already high which is not good for my pregnancy I need to be alive for my children and I won’t let him stress me anymore

It is well with you. God will surely see you through

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children when I got married my husband had none and accepted them like his own children. B4 marriage we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to moved to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter whyle my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going thru hard times my sister in law has being maltreating him to an extent that he has being steeling he was caught and beaten like an animal my brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again he want me to come and collect him I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no he should stay there because he don’t want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

The problem is your boy. He's such a bad influence. Your hubby didn't have problem with your girl living with you. Until the boy stop behaving irresponsibly like his father, he has no biz in the house.

jelel6:


I'm really baffled too. Guys or suppose real men talking like a 12 year old boy is some THING to ship off to anyone who would take him!

I almost couldn't believe it reading the first few pages of opinions, mostly from guys.

You can never know a person until you understand their thoughts process. And everyone's thought process basically classify them as thoughtful or unthoughtful.

I'd easily classify every commenter here into one of those two groups.

It sure is baffling. I have heard of men's jealousy and it shows itself on their opinion on this thread. He has a problem with the boy being from another man. If it was his own son misbehaving, would he send him out of the house?

I am glad that the woman made the right choice already. Once he starts to get his mother's care and love, he will behave better.

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thanks am going to pick him up this Sunday I will bring him to the house and let him do his worst. I pay the rent if he is not happy then he has to leave me with my children . This thing has been stressing me my bp is already high which is not good for my pregnancy I need to be alive for my children and I won’t let him stress me anymore

Good idea... please update the thread when you have done this.

Get a divorce lawyer while at it too, please.

Sixfeetbelle:

It's not. Insinuations and valid statements are never the same in a court of law, so I won't claim one yeye prize

Besides, that I suggested he might be 'molesting' her isn't exactly encompassing. He could be initiating her into witchcraft, cannibalism or the extreme: brainwashing her to be against her mother. I don't believe these two instances are categorised under molestation. (Correct me if I'm wrong)

I don't even understand all this your plenty talk or the others writing epistles on the thread.

The matter is quite straightforward - if her husband won't accept, she's left with two choices:
She can either go on her knees and plead with him until he changes his mind, or if this is too degrading on her person, she can end the marriage to have all her kids under one roof.

It's not rocket science.

Hmmmm...my opinion is quite different. Your brother really tried for helping you house and raise him all along, its really not an easy task especially since he's such a handful.

Why not just have the talk again with hubby, let him know its not a permanent arrangement and help him understand why it's really important to help him grow into a good young man, bring the boy home to integrate him into his loving family, counsel him like never before about his behaviour and how it affects the people around him ( at least he would know you love him and have your(his) family's support) then find him a good boarding school. He would be in school during school terms and at home with you and your family during the holidays. I just feel you should create a sort of win-win here. Remember, your daughters already love your husband as their father, breaking that bond may be bad for them too.

It is well, you should have brought the boy to live with you from the beginning regardless of the size of your space. Good luck.

worworbabe:


Why will she hand her son over to anybody.

It appears like aliens and not humans are typing on this thread.

Anybody.. Check the meaning. The boy still has a father but the wife has lost contact. So, giving the boy to the father's siblings is termed anyone. What about if the father is late and the family decides to take the boy so as to see their late child's face.

Your use of words if really wrong.

realtalk19:


It is well with you. God will surely see you through

Amen thanks

Go get your son and bring him home. He needs your love, care and attention.

Oyindidi:
You love the mother but you no want her son in your house. Yeye husband

why is the son not with his own biological father

OceanOfJoy:
Go get your son and bring him home. He needs your love, care and attention.

Thanks am going to pick him up on Sunday

chudyprince:
why is the son not with his own biological father

The father is not in Nigeria