sit ur husband down and let him see reasons with u, plead with him and let him know that its only u who can train the boy and bring him up in a Godly way, ur son cant be suffering in d hands of other people while u r still alive...

Oyindidi:
Lol, men hate independent women see as e dey pain you

Nor mind am..na die ee dey! If woman depend on them ,they will complain and let the world know what a reliability she is in the home. Ok, she kon dey independent, them go almost get BP and insecurity go almost kill them..only a few confident men do not allow their wives success to get to them.

Oyindidi:
How? The man promised to bring the boy in when they move to better place. Where your conscience dey?

He say him masquerade go dance and later he say him masquerade no go dance again.


Who da hell Wana hold him responsible

eyefordetails:

Don't mind him. He feels he's done her enough favour firstly by marrying her with the kids( baggage)...

u guyz are talking as if the man force her to marry him. she have every reason not to marry and stay put in taken care of her children. now that she got married to him, she have to keep begging him to consider her position on her son.

Belafonte:


This is the entitlement we are talking about. How did her elder brother fail her? By refusing to house a thief? Do bear in mind that may have been the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Why doesn’t she send the boy to his father, after all, he’s alive

Not every sperm donor is a father.
You are probably too young to understand that.

Acidosis:
Appeal to your husband's conscience. Most of the time, our manner of approach is what makes the difference. If he could marry you against all odds and public sentiments, this one wouldn't be too much to do. A man can be insecure over some s!!ly and petty reasons. Re-assure him about your love for him and don't make this all about "my son, my this and that". Your approach might consistently remind me of your ex in Italy. You may have given the notion you haven't gotten over your ex.

To correct that, continue to appeal. Make him understand that your son needs him too, a good father figure, to turn a new leaf. Give him the full sense of responsibility. It's not as difficult as it seems but your approach can ruin it all. At the end of the day, you can enrol the boy in a good boarding school after a year or two [staying with you for a while before sending him out again is necessary].

As per footing 70% of the bills, is this an arrangement agreed upon by both parties or your husband is just self-centred, stingy or not doing so well at his job?

Your contribution is quite helpful.

The man or husband feel insecure especially when he is traumatised with words from the wife such as my former husband, my ex etc

dozzybreezy:

What a dumb statement to make.

Do you know the emotional troubles men face to know that their wives had children for other men not to talk of accommodating them?

I hope you will have your own children out of wed luck and start looking for another man to house them. Only then you will understand.

Do you also excuse step moms who are wicked to the children of their husbands from another woman?
That is also very painful , you know.

Take him to his fathers relatives. He has tried for you oooo. Discuss with his father and tell him the challenges then you guys should reach a consensus

24kmagic:
No one is talking about how a woman will have two kids for a man whose family and relatives she doesn't know, and who she's not married to.
I no pity your condition one bit.

That your husband sef... How were you able to convince him to marry you? You said somewhere that you foot 70% of the bills, I think that's why he married you. I mean, wtf?
You foot 70% of the bills and you can't get your husband to accept your 12years old boy into his house.

Asin, e get wetin you never tell us.
Because something is not adding up.

God bless you sir/ma. That is the point. The woman is a wayward woman who do not have regard for her family or the family of whoever sample her. If she has a good relationship with her family, at least one person will accommodate her child. I will never marry a woman who do not care about knowing my family members. This woman doesn't deserve a man. Highly irresponsible

Take your son to school to be living in school

dozzybreezy:

What a dumb statement to make.

Do you know the emotional troubles men face to know that their wives had children for other men not to talk of accommodating them?

I hope you will have your own children out of wed luck and start looking for another man to house them. Only then you will understand.

If she truly told him about the kids and he accept but change his mind later he's a puss* he'd every opportunity to reject her with the kids at the beginning by now she would remained single and care for her son herself. Right now things are complicated for her having another baby for him plus the pregnancy. If her story is complete I blame the man.

You are a lady for crying out lout !

Oyindidi:
Na Alien you born with?

Acidosis:
Appeal to your husband's conscience. Most of the time, our manner of approach is what makes the difference. If he could marry you against all odds and public sentiments, this one wouldn't be too much to do. A man can be insecure over some s!!ly and petty reasons. Re-assure him about your love for him and don't make this all about "my son, my this and that". Your approach might consistently remind me of your ex in Italy. You may have given the notion you haven't gotten over your ex.

To correct that, continue to appeal. Make him understand that your son needs him too, a good father figure, to turn a new leaf. Give him the full sense of responsibility. It's not as difficult as it seems but your approach can ruin it all. At the end of the day, you can enrol the boy in a good boarding school after a year or two [staying with you for a while before sending him out again is necessary].

As per footing 70% of the bills, is this an arrangement agreed upon by both parties or your husband is just self-centred, stingy or not doing so well at his job?

He is very stingy man

Richy4:


I can just imagine what that boy will be thinking and going through at the moment psychologically

... he might be thinking that his mother is alive yet he was living as if he was dead... She prefer the other siblings and no one loves him
--- that might even be the reason why he was acting out the way he was doing.
---Try and sit your husband down and explain things to him in a cordial and rational way. if not, you gonna have a 'damaged Adult Young Man" in future with excess baggage.. Who might become a threat to the society. This is the right time to shape him.. he might be the pillar of your household some day.. tell your man not to right him off.. It is still early..

If your man was being unreasonable, then swallow your pride and send him to his own biological dad... Make out time and visit him every fortnight.. It's better instead of him being homeless or a street kid

Send him to go and die abi. Italy of all places

Mymynd4u:

Yes it's a favor... Can u marry such?

smh And you're supposed to be female?

omoharry:
Does he not have a father? where is the father of your children?

H lives in Italy

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

Your son can't live on the streets. He needs a home and he needs his mother. Your bother was only doing you a favour. Your husband should have refused to marry you if he doesn't want your kids. But what's done is done. Try to make your husband keep his promise to accept your son. If he does not, you have to decide between losing your marriage and letting your son be raised by the devil on the streets. Don't fail your son - he's innocent and a marriage is not worth that.

Madam, you are in a very dicey situation and u need to apply wisdom, tolerance, patience and diplomacy.

1) Hiw did u come about your calculation of 70%? This is totally wrong as it puts you in a position of who has more rights in the house. Kindly relegate that thought as it will only complicate things

2) Your son is young and can still change for the better but u do not need to justify his actions like saying he's being starved which is why he is stealing.

3) Nigerian men are scared of taking in Male children from other marriages as it causes a whole lot in the family which I cannot explain now

4) Not talking to your husband will only make matters worse. Show him love and understanding.

5) If he eventually agrees to have your son in the house against his wish, he may end up not showing him the much needed love and will make your son despise him which will put u in a tight corner.

6) I will suggest you enrol your son in a boarding school so he can visit during holidays. That will be a win win situation for everyone at the moment.

Lastly do not listen to all those saying they cant tolerate such nonsense cos most of them want what you already have.

Vyvyanvyvy:

I foot 70% of the bills , I pay my daughter school fee including my first child with my husband I pay half of her school fee ,all my son need is a place to stay, my husband won’t be the one paying his school fee

then you technically dont need this man telling you not to bring your child home.


My friend, go and take charge of your son who needs family love the most at this point in his life. Forget your need for a man for a second.
Your current child with your husband will be fine (atleast his father is around and not "in the abroad".
Go get your son. whatever it takes

Davash222:

How is she independent when she’s still living with a man
If she’s independent, let her divorce the man and rent a house for herself and her kids. That’s what I call independent.
She’s begging a man to accommodate her son and you’re claiming she’s independent.

una no suppose dey answer all these kind girls, that don't think before commenting

movement2020:


From this, it is understandable why your husband is not accepting the boy. He might have learnt some attitude which may affect your litltle daughter putting into consideration the present incest and all sorts all around.

However, I would advise two options.

Try and get the contact of your ex or any of their siblings to hand over the boy to them.

Use your woman power to plead and assure your husband to accept the boy. You can also use his friends, relatives and parents to drive home your plea.

Which woman power, from an ex mother of two.

No be even Virgin or babe wey still dey set with figure..


Woman power Don vanish after she don born jare

Be a wise woman and a humble one. Bring your son home, tell your husband he is just coming to greet, after 1 or 2days beg him like a woman, like his wife. He will never say no and he can stay with you all.

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thanks I will rather be alone with my children . I’m thinking of going there on Sunday to pick him up from my brother and I will let him do his worst. If he denied him access to the house then I’m ready to quit

The battle line is drawn

That's why a woman who has children from another man will never have children for me. Laye laye it cant happen.

LTRAVIS:


Lol...you got married to someone and you don't know their family house....are you sure you even married that person

I know his people and his family house because I lived with them when he left the country

Lifecanbeamazin:


My sister! Who do you see being there for you many years down the line? This man or your son? A man who does not love my child does not love me.

My son

crackkhaus:

I don't even understand all this your plenty talk or the others writing epistles on the thread.

The matter is quite straightforward - if her husband won't accept, she's left with two choices:
She can either go on her knees and plead with him until he changes his mind, or if this is too degrading on her person, she can end the marriage to have all her kids under one roof.

It's not rocket science.

Shebi it's you that wanted me to admit to sth I never said, now you don't understand it again. Smh


And we are saying the same thing. Finally.

all these people forming savage and commenting rashly so,to what enda lady in pains comes on a forum to seek advice and gets this??most of you think you are above mistakes..if you have nothing important to say why not keep shut?

madam the matter is critical, your son needs you and you can only be happy if hes back within your reach....plead with your husband again, and probably come to a compromise..your child will be better off for now in boarding school as the time he will be at home will be limited...that could be a perfect start, with time your husband might adjust...
if you are a christian be on your knees everyday for your son and your husband..thats the way out...

Vyvyanvyvy:

He will be 12 years in August , my daughter is 6 years, I have one daughter for my husband she is 2 years and I’m pregnant with another one. Their father is not in Nigeria and I don’t have his contact or his siblings. Yes I have a grocery shop I foot 70% bills in my house

you don't even need to
foot any bills before he provide a home for your son in this situation.

some family even raised children who are not related to them. I grew up with one in my family and he is all grown-up now and ended up being one of the most level headed kid I ever known.


your husband is being childish. you should involve his parents

Oyindidi:
You love the mother but you no want her son in your house. Yeye husband

Ode...
Can u hear yourself

Davash222:
Your siblings that are your relatives doesn't want the boy but you want your husband that is not your relative to accept the boy
You should learn to attend to your responsibilities and mistakes. Don't drag your mistakes to that innocent man. He has done more than enough for you.

Marrying a Nigerian girl with two children(not even one) is not what every man can do. That man deserves peace and respect from you.

Then when the boy becomes a success tomorrow you will encourage the man to identify with the boy shey.

The best thing you can do for your kid is to find the relative of your forgotten husband and take the kids there or you sacrifice your existing marriage and go and take care of your kid, because if you look at the man angle also its not easy taking care of another man child when you are still struggling to take care of yours and you saying that since she pay 70% of the bill that she should leave, i believe you are not married because if you are you will know the woman has a big ego and gigantic pride, if you pay 70% why bring it here and i only pity the husband because there is always two sides to every story

toprealman:
Why not take him to his father

,