letskeeptalking:


You foot 70% of bills in your house and yet you allow your husband to dictate to you what to do with your own son.

Madam, I don't think you are a serious person.

Personally I will rather be single than be with a man who will stand between me and my children. Even if I have to live in poverty. But you are financially capable, you just want to answer 'Mrs' at the expense of your child.

After bouncing him off relatives for years, you are now using your husband as an excuse to run from your duty.

Shame!

I believe u're one of those runs girl or baby mama that go about.

eyefordetails:

Don't mind him. He feels he's done her enough favour firstly by marrying her with the kids( baggage)...

pls oga show us the one u have married let's applaud u, yeyenatu

Belafonte:

Very yeye.

yeye likes

born2begreat:
Hmmm i don`t know what to say. But my advice to single mothers out there especially those with 2 or 3 or more kids, no matter the situation that made you a single mother never have the thought of going into a relationship or marriage with another man. Your priority should be your children, think of how they can grow up to become somebody in life. You said you have a grocery shop which in fact can in one way or the other sustain you and your kids even without you re-marrying. Being a single mom shouldn`t be a disease or bad as they needs to be loved too but all single mom should always consider their children before anything. One of the easiest ways nowadays for children to go astray is when they live very far to their alive mother, feel the love and care of their mother. And any man coming into your life claiming he loves you but can`t take care of your children did not love you in the first place it`s understandable if we are talking about provisions to take care of the child. A man should be able to love you and your kid(s) and he should know you won`t be happy seeing your children suffering because they live with someone else. All the best sha

I agree with you. I hv a cousin sister that had 2 daughters with a man. She got pregnant and the man was forced to marry her to cover up. But after having the second daughter, the center could no longer hold, the maltreatment was so much that it was the church that funded her transportation back home to her aged mother. At home there was nothing but suffering, as God would hv it, my dad got a federal job for her as his aide. There were two of them he put like that. For them to hv something doing and cater for themselves and family to some extent. Even further their education to grow in the job. The one with two daughters got into a relationship with a divorcee with 3kids already. Meanwhile she was living with her daughters and would join the kids of the man to hers, she was catering for all of them ooo since they were almost age mates with hers. We all frowned and advised her against it but to no avail. Mind you the man is a gateman somewhere so he doesn't bring in much financially. She married him. Like play she sent the first daughter back to the village to her mum, later the second daughter was sent home too, now only the man and his kids are living with her. She had another baby with the man. The main reason of securing that job for her has been defeated because the main beneficiaries had been sidelined for a total stranger not even in the picture to come and enjoy. Most men come with marriage proposal just to deceive women.especially the working ones.

crackkhaus:

I don't even understand all this your plenty talk or the others writing epistles on the thread.

The matter is quite straightforward - if her husband won't accept, she's left with two choices:
She can either go on her knees and plead with him until he changes his mind, or if this is too degrading on her person, she can end the marriage to have all her kids under one roof.

It's not rocket science.

Let me summarise this post.

Beg him to agree or tell him to Bleep off.

janvier27:
Your son is not a thief. He's a small child who found himself in an unfortunate situation, and he'll surely get over it. He needs love and attention. It's difficult not to place blames. I think you should have allowed those kids to get older before marriage. Your elder brother has failed you. So also your husband. Keep appealing to your husband or take a break off to live with your kids and show them love so that they can grow properly. Marriage is not all about keeping a woman at home and raising biological children from her.

gud one there I only blame some weakling who go ahead to marry women that have had kids,never in my life.

If he is 12years old and no relative wants him. You can look for a good boarding school and enroll him. This will give you the chance to visit your son and hopefully bond better with him.

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

Gernny:
If you love your son and don’t want to have regrets for not taking care of him,rent a small apartment even if it’s one room look for a guy that can stay with him,or better still take him to a boarding school you know u only have to worry during when he is on vacation and make sure u show him love take him out always explain things to him.That boy might be the bread winner for your entire generations to come.

Have already been paying rent for the house we are staying and why should I waste money again ? I have school fees and other bills to pay. my son should be with me , his father {my husband} and his siblings he doesn’t need to be living apart like an orphan when I’m alive and healthy

Madam,it's either you plead with your husband to accept your son or you separate from him an d stay with your children. Gudluck

hello

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

Sorry about that. In your next life don't give birth for different men. Call the attention of your pastor, beside how old is he? I could tell you that your siblings are angry because you had a child elsewhere before getting married. Beside, where's your first husband? Can't you contact him to take responsibility of his child?

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thank you I know his people we weren’t married we only did introduction . I stayed with his people when he left for Italy I left the house when my daughter was 2 weeks old because his mother and sisters maltreated me

Vyvyanvyvy:

My dear I’m tired of explaining to them the same thing over and over again . It’s better I stop replying to comments lol

Madam, you shouldn't be tired if you are seeking for a solution. Reading your posts, I saw a pattern.
Let me begin by saying the father of your son did an introduction. Are you sure no dowry were paid? Because this automatically makes those kids his even if another man raised them as you were the only one who left his family claiming you were being maltreated. So I guess you know the last location you left the family and you can go there to look for their whereabouts and possibly get their exact location except you decide not to. I say this because lots of females tend to alienate a dad from his kids thinking it's the right thing because you are obviously thinking on your own. Now this is the result of it all.
You now stopped talking to your present husband because he disagrees with you? You are making the same mistakes all over and I guess you are impatient. Sorry to say that. You left your first inlaws custody because you claim they maltreated you. Why can't you bear it, raise your kids while their father abroad gets stable and start sending you funds? But you chose to leave. Now living with someone else with kids again and you are starting same cycle again because I guess your next decision is listening to stupid advices like you did in the past and moving out of your current home because you don't want to be patient.
The best thing for you to do is locate your previous inlaws. Don't say you don't know where they are. You do. Take the boy to them because if you think you taking those kids away is to punish the family, you are making a big mistake. You are punishing those kids and ruining their lives with your selfishness and blaming it on your current husband who might have asked you to return those kids but you are being stubborn thinking you can manipulate him.
Go and return those kids so they can be properly taken care of and you should focus on your present husband and make your home a happy one.

Vyvyanvyvy:

It’s not by force to marry a man or woman with kids . They are single men and women out there Na why did he not go after them ? I was with my children I didn’t call him to come and ask for my hand in marriage if he knew he wasn’t ready to be a father to my children then he wouldn’t come with fake promises that he loves them and they are his children he will take care of them like his own

this is the problem with your kind. You're super deluded and can only see things from your narrow angle.



You can love someone and still choose to distance yourself from them. It doesn't mean you hate the person, it means you don't want their toxicity in your life. Deal with the truth! Your son is wild a d rogue. A child who steals is not the kind of child to raise alongside one's kids.


And your arrogance is baffling. Maybe and maybe that's why you're a single mother of 2 b4. What do you mean by you did not force him? Lol perhaps you are blind to your own reality. If truly you did not force him to marry you why not leave him now and go raise your thieving son by yourself?

Nonsense

Davash222:

I do this, I do that... abeg make we hear word.
Take the boy to his dad!

Feminist, na them. He is likely shutting the ex out of his children lives in to spite him, yet expect another man to perform the roles he is preventing her children's daddy from performing.

Belafonte:
You do not have the contact of the father of your children, but you think the problem is your new husband. I comment my reserve Biko.

Look, I always warn men to beware of marrying a woman with kids already. It's a BIG and Thankless job. Just loving kids is not enough. Especially young kids. Worse if the woman is divorced. Even if widowed, still difficult.

From 90% of such families I saw growing up. it's not encouraging at the end.

The man ends up losing out. Do 99% of fatherly responsibility, the 1% you didn't do they will blame you for. Even if their biological dad could never have done 25% of it for them.

A woman has two kids for a man and she has no contact with their dad. What kind of people have two kids together and do not communicate? A combination of a careless/irresponsible person and a vindictive person?

Also beware of the emotional damage people previously suffered. It can be a baggage they are coming with. You are not a psychologist or therapist to heal them. It ruin your carefree life. "Love" is not enough when push comes to shove.

Suddenly, people like Oyendidi are blaming a guy who's concerned about the friction that 12 years old boy could cause in his household. That's the truth even though he cannot tell his wife so. At some point if he tries to correct that boy more harshly, it will be thrown at him that it's because the boy is not his son.

This man is not a hypocrite to grudgingly accept the boy while unhappy about it.

OP should honestly try to know his fear. Can they take him to a boarding school for now? Any other way out?

Vyvyanvyvy:

I foot 70% of the bills , I pay my daughter school fee including my first child with my husband I pay half of her school fee ,all my son need is a place to stay, my husband won’t be the one paying his school fee

IN THAT CASE, SEND HIM TO A BOARDING SCHOOL ... ASAP

Oyindidi:
You love the mother but you no want her son in your house. Yeye husband

na him send her go born for outside. Beside, most of you ladies who had kids outside are very loyal to the core, just for them to get into another marriage, because they can't stay a year without sex. In her next life, she won't dare give birth to different men.

Oyindidi:
You love the mother but you no want her son in your house. Yeye husband

Her son should be in his father's house. It does not stop at winning custody suit in the law court. She cannot eat your cake and have it.

Oyindidi:
Lol, men hate independent women see as e dey pain you.

Modified
O ye Nairaland men! I like the taste of your tears, keep crying in my mention
I said what I said with my chest

What are you talking about? Is OP independent ?

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

I will advice,please if you are capable don't allow that boy to suffer.no matter what he is ur blood and your son.since he is 12 he should be in secondary school enrol him in a boarding house,get him a trusted guildian that should be monitoring him and that can always house him during the holiday period.....this too will pass away and keep begging your husband with time he will see reasons with you and accept the boy.

Exactly what I said to her and if she likes she should listen to stupid advices just like she did before and break up with her current husband thinking she can do it all alone. They will only mislead you while you are on your own. She should take that boy to her first inlaws because she is pretending not to know where they live. She knows. She is the one ruining that boys life

Amumaigwe:


Feminist, na them. He is likely shutting the ex out of his children lives in to spite him, yet expect another man to perform the roles he is preventing her children's daddy from performing.

Vyvyanvyvy:

I foot 70% of the bills , I pay my daughter school fee including my first child with my husband I pay half of her school fee ,all my son need is a place to stay, my husband won’t be the one paying his school fee

The tone of this reply shows you are arrogant,I don't need to be present at your discussion to know that your manner of presentation was bossy.
That Man did the right thing by refusing to let that innocent boy stay away.
You don't impose your wish on others,
Pleading and persuade your husband if you want result.

Richy4:
Your siblings that are your relatives doesn't want the boy but you want your husband that is not your relative to accept the boy
You should learn to attend to your responsibilities and mistakes. Don't drag your mistakes to that innocent man. He has done more than enough for you.

Marrying a Nigerian girl with two children(not even one) is not what every man can do. That man deserves peace and respect from you.



Haba!! U are acting as if he was doing her a favor by marrying her.. That mentality is so rustic in my opinion

Bro it a Favour. Taking care of another man's child when he's not financially buoyant, you think it easy? Who will marry second hand woman, unless the man has a kid elsewhere, then the marriage will be in a state of equilibrium.

Davash222:
Your siblings that are your relatives doesn't want the boy but you want your husband that is not your relative to accept the boy
You should learn to attend to your responsibilities and mistakes. Don't drag your mistakes to that innocent man. He has done more than enough for you.

Marrying a Nigerian girl with two children(not even one) is not what every man can do. That man deserves peace and respect from you.

ah! Nigerian men, if the reverse was the case you would be dragging women for not wanting their husbands family....but God wee punish u people sha

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thanks for nice advice. You are right my son has become a thief due to the way my sister in law has being treating him , depriving him from food and many bad things the boy had no other choice than to steel. Since I’m alive I want him to be with me and I will take good care of him

I really feel for your son and you. It's not your fault u are caught in between caring for ur children and husband. However ur Son needs you now than ever. He may end up hating you eventually if you can't risk all for him right now.

It is heartbreaking right now but the truth is you have to take care of all your children. Get him to go to boarding house, and only come home during break. Maybe your husband will accept that option.

Meanwhile, pray, there's nothing prayers cannot achieve

God be with you

Davash222:

I do this, I do that... abeg make we hear word.
Take the boy to his dad!

Lol. Don't be surprised if it was the man who funded the shop from which she says she pays 70% of the bill.

Women are just not cut out to contribute more to the household financially. If you like pay for her education, train, open shop for her, same thing.

To bring a difficult child you do not have the freedom to discipline like your own biological son is a nightmare. For any self-respecting man. I saw it around my neighbourhood growing up.

letskeeptalking:


You foot 70% of bills in your house and yet you allow your husband to dictate to you what to do with your own son.

Madam, I don't think you are a serious person.

Personally I will rather be single than be with a man who will stand between me and my children. Even if I have to live in poverty. But you are financially capable, you just want to answer 'Mrs' at the expense of your child.

After bouncing him off relatives for years, you are now using your husband as an excuse to run from your duty.

Shame!

@Bolded
This mentality may be why you are still single. Inninit?

Vyvyanvyvy:

He will be 12 years in August , my daughter is 6 years, I have one daughter for my husband she is 2 years and I’m pregnant with another one. Their father is not in Nigeria and I don’t have his contact or his siblings. Yes I have a grocery shop I foot 70% bills in my house

that's a lie. Having two kids for your former husband, you seems not to know the family of your husband? Or where you not legally marry, even though. You should know his grandmother, his sisters. Facebook is available, search for his family. Stop the lies here. Probably your former husband's family dislike you because of your bad character.

drnoel:


How does that make them shameless? Cos they married a women with kids? Pls children should avoid commenting on impt issues so they don't expose their ignorance.

"Adult " we have seen you. It is still my opinion that any man that decides to carry another man's baggage in the name of marrying a single mother is a shameless simp who settled for less because he couldn't get a better deal.

AreaFada2:

Look, I always warn men to beware of marrying a woman with kids already. It's a BIG and Thankless job. Just loving kids is not enough. Especially young kids. Worse if the woman is divorced. Even if widowed, still difficult.

From 90% of such families I saw growing up. it's not encouraging at the end.

The man ends up losing out. Do 99% of fatherly responsibility, the 1% you didn't do they will blame you for. Even if their biological dad could never have done 25% of it for them.

A woman has two kids for a man and she has no contact with their dad. What kind of people have two kids together and do not communicate? A combination of a careless/irresponsible person and a vindictive person?

Also beware of the emotional damage people previously suffered. It can be a baggage they are coming with. You are not a psychologist or therapist to heal them. It ruin your carefree life. "Love" is not enough when push comes to shove.

Suddenly, people like Oyendidi are blaming a guy who's concerned about the friction that 12 years old boy could cause in his household. That's the truth even though he cannot tell his wife so. At some point if he tries to correct that boy more harshly, it will be thrown at him that it's because the boy is not his son.

This man is not a hypocrite to grudgingly accept the boy while unhappy about it.

OP should honestly try to know his fear. Can they take him to a boarding school for now? Any other way out?

You are so right.

I have created a thread on my opinion.

Check it out = https://www.nairaland.com/5733643/no-man-should-encouraged-marry

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thanks for nice advice. You are right my son has become a thief due to the way my sister in law has being treating him , depriving him from food and many bad things the boy had no other choice than to steel. Since I’m alive I want him to be with me and I will take good care of him

Madam find a way to keep appealing to your husband and put it in prayers too. So many ppl will tell u different things mostly negative/positive but my advice is u know ur hubby , u know ur son , u need dem both so keep talking to ur hubby so u can bring ur son to stay with u.
Am glad I had a good step dad u willfully took me in when he married my mom infact wanted to adopt me but my mom refuse saying she cannot give another man's child to another taking me in was kind enough for her, my step siblings were the nay sayers but now thank God they are bless through me (It is the Lord's doing not my power o).
I also know a family the man refuses his step children to stay with his family these children became bad fruits but for God intervention they are now in good places while the wife is in the US living there with some of her children.
Madam God will continue to bless your business and ur family but bring ur child in. Look for ppl that can appeal to ur hubby he will change his mind along the line ...provided u talk to him calmly and make him see reasons, not being boastful about how u maintain the home to his face.
May God help u