Nwaelohim:
Madam, you don't fight authority, you appeal to authority.
your present husband is the authority as long as you have decided to remain his wife for now,
men naturally becomes hard when their ego is in a threat mode by this I mean, when you make a man feel less of himself he will make decisions to affect your pride, simply humble your self and talk and have a conversation
Forget the 70% bills you pay, negotiate your son into your house.
Most of people advising here are singles, they are using emotions to advise you.
You are in real life situations that needs real solutions. Humble your self and talk it over and don't expect it to end in just one conversation. The conspiracy of the universe will help you

TO HELL WITH AUTHORITY!
TO HELL!

Oyindidi:
Oga, what if the boy na your son, you go throway am? I no read your story

If the boy is my son, I will not throw him away cos he is my responsibility.
If he is another man's child, I have the option to either help or not to help.

Do you get the difference now.
Sometimes, you may have seen some children fighting and may be you are in a haste, you decides not to go and separate the fight.
If it was ur child that was involved in that fight, will you say u are in a haste and let the fight continue? No, you will not.

That is the same situation here. When you chose not to render help in a matter that is not ur responsibility, you have not commuted any crime. You can only say that it is not morally right but no the person is not guilty of any crime.

That you have a soft heart to take in a child that is not your should not be a standard for every other person to be judged.

The child is not his and moreover, the child in question has a bad criminal stigma attached to him. The man is not under any obligation to either take or not take in the child.

Vyvyanvyvy:

He will be 12 years in August , my daughter is 6 years, I have one daughter for my husband she is 2 years and I’m pregnant with another one. Their father is not in Nigeria and I don’t have his contact or his siblings. Yes I have a grocery shop I foot 70% bills in my house

You foot 70% bills and u still went ahead to get married after ur first 2kids. What were you thinking? The money u were suppose to save up and take care of ur 2kids to a level bfr even thinking of any marriage again...shooo!

Psoul:


Let me shock u a bit young man.

I am 22yrs in marriage. I have 3kids
1st child will graduate dis yr. 2nd is 3rd yr Architecture Student
3rd is just gained admission to study Law.

Then my wife have a younger sister.
Unfortunately she got pregnant. Everyone from the family was angry with her cos the parents are staunch members of Assemblies of God Church.
The girl ran away from the house.

I mandated my wife that they must trace where the girl is before anything bad happens to her.
The parents(my Inlaws) were not interested and even preferred her not bn around.
I insisted that they must trace where she was. With my help, my was was able to locate her in another town living with the young boy that impregnated her.
The boy was struggling to live.
I and my wife was providing for them till the girl delivered her child.
The boy abandoned them and ran away.
When I noticed this I told my wife that we must bring her sister back.
She told me that her parents will never allow her to come near the house.
I told her that I will take then to my house.
We brought them back to my house.

We got job for the young mother.
The baby is now 9years.
So many ppl don't know she is not my biological child.
She calls my daddy, my wife mommy and her mom, Aunty.

I have long reconciled her with her parents and all is happy now.

So when we all come here to exchange ideas or to while away time, don't think that all you see here are idle and useless youth. Most of us are responsible fathers. So park very well.

U have time ooooo....usung this long epistle to explain yourself .....

Miarose:
No he didn't.
By being dishonest about his intentions and separating she and her son with false promises, he has done her no good cos apparently, she will choose her son over the fake marriage.
.

If u r in the man's shoe... U house a woman... Ha daughter then u wil add a boy that steal to knowing that u av a daughter he could molest or teach bad stuff..

Sometimes we shld put ourselves in shoe of others...... Did u knw aw many thought the man had before e conclude no.... Definitely his only daughter is major priority... He Wil protect ha n the unborn baby at all cost..... The daughter she brought to him is nt a threat that why their was no issue but a 12 yrs old boy with such attitude..... I then do worst than this

Oyindidi:
Drop it here

Ode

Oyindidi:
Is he Nigerian politicians? Free the boy joor

Do not blame the husband
Is not easy to carter for kids that is not yours and yours
He might be going through alot especially when the woman contributes more to the family

PinkHealthGroup:


Priest and pastor to rape him? She needs to take responsibility and raise her child. The child didn't ask to be here but he is. Her husband needs to grow up and accept the child. Does he know what that child will be in the future?

Vyvyanvyvy:

I foot 70% of the bills , I pay my daughter school fee including my first child with my husband I pay half of her school fee ,all my son need is a place to stay, my husband won’t be the one paying his school fee

Since u are financially ok, quit that marriage and take care of your children

Sixfeetbelle:


Don't mention me if you didn't read my initial comment on this thread.

This particular response here is to reply a guy who was trying to be one-sided about the issue. One guy even suggested divorce and I shut him down.

Thank you.

My dear sister, I read most if not all ur comments.
Your response to the guy was that the man abandoned the agreement he had with the wife before getting into the marriage.
Yes, they agreed to bring the boy in when things improve.
The problem was that the boy the man agreed to take in turned out to be labeled a criminal.

You kept blaming the man for abandoning the agreement.
The agreement became null and void by that criminal attachment to that boys name. And the man gave his reason for that.
He has full responsibility on his child and may chose to extend same to other pple's children or not.

CsRockefeller:


Tears in my eyes right now.

God bless you Sir.

My dear brother, may it be well with you.

Vyvyanvyvy:

I foot 70% of the bills , I pay my daughter school fee including my first child with my husband I pay half of her school fee ,all my son need is a place to stay, my husband won’t be the one paying his school fee

Your husband could be right.I have seen my neighbour's wife daughter from a previous relationship come to damage his two younger daughters.From the point of view of a man,it's either your husband married you out of poverty, ignorance or a lack of foresight.You should be eternally thankful to him rather

xendra:
and there is nothing wrong with the mentality. dumb dick, if your mother did it for you; your ass will not complain.

But the OP that shares that mentality with her is here lanenting. Do you really mean that there is nothing wrong with it, goddamn feminist?

Psoul:


My dear sister, I read most if not all ur comments.
Your response to the guy was that the man abandoned the agreement he had with the wife before getting into the marriage.
Yes, they agreed to bring the boy in when things improve.
The problem was that the boy the man agreed to take in turned out to be labeled a criminal.

You kept blaming the man for abandoning the agreement.
The agreement became null and void by that criminal attachment to that boys name. And the man gave his reason for that.
He has full responsibility on his child and may chose to extend same to other pple's children or not.

You can't label.a 12 year old a criminal. Did he kill someone? He is an abandoned child who may have some behavioural issues. Kids are very malleable and can be reformed. On the other hand, God knows how that poor child has been mistreated by relatives. If her husband cannot accept a child he is fake. He needs to take himself and his 30% somewhere else. I keep forgetting that Nigeria is backwards and stuck in the 1950s.

liverpool72:
pls oga show us the one u have married let's applaud u, yeyenatu

Oh everyone, come and see the yeye husband's been spotted. Anofia

God bless you dear

For me, no woman who already has a child or children from a previous relationship/marriage should concern herself with another relationship. Those children need you more than that man.

janvier27:
Your son is not a thief. He's a small child who found himself in an unfortunate situation, and he'll surely get over it. He needs love and attention. It's difficult not to place blames. I think you should have allowed those kids to get older before marriage. Your elder brother has failed you. So also your husband. Keep appealing to your husband or take a break off to live with your kids and show them love so that they can grow properly. Marriage is not all about keeping a woman at home and raising biological children from her.

Amumaigwe:


Try harder. Your weak argument has not been able to create a hole big enough to wriggle your bulky self out. Next time you want to comment on a public forum, remember that not everyone is tolerant of dumb comments.

Hahahahahaaha.

Exactly my dear. She has bn ranting up and down and now want to counter herself even without admitting that she was wrong all these while.
She is not as smart as I thought she was.

You are not being fair to your husband
Respect his opinion if you have tried to make him see reasons
The fact that you contribute more to the family need does not mean he is not the man/husband
All i can say is, remain in your matrimonial home and do the needful.

Vyvyanvyvy:

I cannot do it I rather become a single mother with 4 children than abandoning him

Vyvyanvyvy:

I foot 70% of the bills , I pay my daughter school fee including my first child with my husband I pay half of her school fee ,all my son need is a place to stay, my husband won’t be the one paying his school fee

Live the poor guy alone, respect his decision. It's difficult for a man to accommodate a child that has been accused of stealing.
Take them to their father(s), else it will crack your marriage.

Psoul:


My dear sister, I read most if not all ur comments.
Your response to the guy was that the man abandoned the agreement he had with the wife before getting into the marriage.
Yes, they agreed to bring the boy in when things improve.
The problem was that the boy the man agreed to take in turned out to be labeled a criminal.

You kept blaming the man for abandoning the agreement.
The agreement became null and void by that criminal attachment to that boys name. And the man gave his reason for that.
He has full responsibility on his child and may chose to extend same to other pple's children or not.

This means you didn't read my first comment. There, I advised Op to have a long talk with her husband and find out why he backed out of the deal. I even added she should use people he's close to so they can beg on her behalf.


Let me say it clear now since I've seen you keep saying it as if it is the koko. The boy isn't a criminal until proven so. The criminal part is coming from her brother and his wife and their word of mouth isn't everything here. Some people are rarely nice to kids that aren't theirs.

See, like some people pointed out, what that boy needs is a father figure in his life, especially in a home where he feels welcomed. The next four years in that boys life will be very critical in determining how he'll turn out. He doesn't need a man who is skeptical about his presence. He needs love and warmth and if the man is doubtful, then the woman has to place her kids first.

BoboKush:


If u r in the man's shoe... U house a woman... Ha daughter then u wil add a boy that steal to knowing that u av a daughter he could molest or teach bad stuff..

Sometimes we shld put ourselves in shoe of others...... Did u knw aw many thought the man had before e conclude no.... Definitely his only daughter is major priority... He Wil protect ha n the unborn baby at all cost..... The daughter she brought to him is nt a threat that why their was no issue but a 12 yrs old boy with such attitude..... I then do worst than this

You sound like an animal. Taking out all your anger and frustrations on a 12 year old kid who needs love and stability. Some of you are real decayed in the brain. No wonder there is a stark difference between you and the modern world. Your brain is very archaic.

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

What is God telling you about it? Direct your request there.

Sarang:


TO HELL WITH AUTHORITY!
TO HELL!

Life has principles that governs it. Is not about your feeling or your decision.... Every solution is a new problem so you have to weigh your opinion properly. That's is life. She wants advise that will lead her to living with her son not some fight with her husband for who is in charge and not I charge

[quote author=Vyvyanvyvy post=87380932]
He traveled to Italy and abandoned me with the children I shouldn’t waste my time waiting for him because he had move on and I’m also free to move on with my life [/quote you both decided to move on at the expense of your son

Oyindidi:
Lol, men hate independent women see as e dey pain you.

Modified
O ye Nairaland men! I like the taste of your tears, keep crying in my mention
I said what I said with my chest
Donate your tears here the tank is here

WITCH!

cezarman:


WITCH!

WIZARD

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

Your son can not deny you or leave your life to suffer or leave you to another mother

Your husband can decides to pack out to another woman or even leave the marriage for good

Your son was behaving the way he was behaving because no one has a firm grip on him and he lost it all
He must have been suffering going through difficulties which lead him to start pilfering
He could as well be starved and am sure he has not experience love since you left him there

Pls get your son back to your home before he gets use to wild life and keep watching his behaviour, correct him with love as that's the only way to get him back to his good self

Let your husband react, just keep quiet and plead with him that tomorrow, this child will be you people's hope

If he refuses and insisted on him leaving the house, just keep quiet let him do his worst

You have not given birth to him and the one you have, you are not with him,

Who do you want to impress

Worst case he will pack out that's shows he loves you for what you have

Madam don't listen to the children on this thread that feels the "ego" of a man should be put before the need of a child.

My advice is, go and bring your son home and DON'T send him to boarding school, be a mother to that boy and mould him.

The people insulting you and giving you such silly advice and supporting your husband will still blame you when that boy turns out worst.

He's not a criminal all he needs right now is your care.

Vyvyanvyvy:

I cannot do it I rather become a single mother with 4 children than abandoning him

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thanks for nice advice. You are right my son has become a thief due to the way my sister in law has being treating him , depriving him from food and many bad things the boy had no other choice than to steel. Since I’m alive I want him to be with me and I will take good care of him

You're blaming every other person but yourself, for your son's troubles.

You should know you (and your baby daddy) are both responsible for him...

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thanks am thinking of going there this Sunday

God will see you through.

Pusyiter:
You are not being fair to your husband
Respect his opinion if you have tried to make him see reasons
The fact that you contribute more to the family need does not mean he is not the man/husband
All i can say is, remain in your matrimonial home and do the needful.

I cannot remain in my matrimonial home and seeing my son suffering like an orphan . I cannot put my husband over my son because he can abandoned me anytime soon but my son will always be there for me. I’m ready to quit and focus on my children alone

PinkHealthGroup:


You can't label.a 12 year old a criminal. Did he kill someone? He is an abandoned child who may have some behavioural issues. Kids are very malleable and can be reformed. On the other hand, God knows how that poor child has been mistreated by relatives. If her husband cannot accept a child he is fake. He needs to take himself and his 30% somewhere else. I keep forgetting that Nigeria is backwards and stuck in the 1950s

Thank you very much.
I love pple that read and understand words very well the way they are bn used.
Unfortunately, you failed to.
I never labeled that little boy a criminal.
I only said that there was a criminal stigma attached to him.
This does not mean that I have concluded that he is a criminal
It's just same as saying that he was alleged for stealing. It's not the same to say that he stole.

Then, you said that if the man refused to accept the child, then he is fake.
This is woefully thought out logic. It cannot stand any test.
The man is free to either accept or reject the boy. He has not offended any law if he refuses to accept. You can only accuse him of low morality.

Finally, you said the man can go away with his 30%....hahahahahahahahaha. Pathethic. Did you noticed in the Post that the woman does not have a comfortable life or earning before she marries that man? Whaooo....you did not see that.

If she was comfortable, she wouldn't have sent his boy to go and live with someone that was maltreating him.
Did you read the line where the woman said she told her husband that they will bring the boy back when things get better financially. Then he was living with her husband in his one room self content.
From there, they worked hard and improved their finance and was able to get a bigger house.

So you wholeheartedly accepted the 70-30% ratio? Hahahahahahahaha.
My dear, they jointly build that home. Even if the woman is making more money, there are other ways the man was supporting that has really helped the woman more than the financial side, but women hardly recognize this. They only see material things.