My sister nothing good comes easy... I will share a personal experience: A friend accommodated me in his room and parlour when I came to Lagos after my nysc. A year after I secured a room in face me, I slap compound. With my small salary as a teacher, though a mechanical engineering graduate! I invited my girlfriend from Enugu, to visit me and see my humble beginnings but she was sad when she arrived Lagos and decided to quit the relationship because she felt I still have a long way to go, my place of abode and salary are a sorry situation.... She left, I felt bad, I move on with my life...fast forward today, 7 yrs after I am happily married to my best friend, my pillar that stood with me , encouraged me, inspired me and all that stuff... You know what? We started our relationship in that one room... Today, we have our own house, two plots land, car and God has blessed us with two lovely kids...career wise... Working in one of the best multi-national FMCG in sub Saharan Africa..
So, my sister, if you love him, he has vision of where he's going and he is assiduously working towards it, then inspired him more...you will know a man can be greater with the right woman pushing him..
Sorry for typo/syntax error...was in a hurry...

So much has been said, perhaps you may not even see this. But I need to lend my voice.

First, I don't believe in you guys sleeping together since you are not married. This may be old fashioned, but it's my school of taught.

Having said the above, if all you have said about the guy is correct, you should have nothing to worry about. The guy told you he' s planning to move out of that apartment in May. You asked how much he has, he said about N30k, that's a start. May is still more than 30 days away.
I think you just need to ask for his budget for his prospective accommodation and evaluate his ability to meet up with the set target based on current realities.

While it is not wrong to rent the house for him, I won't advise that. I will suggest you support him by getting some basic household items for the house when it is rented.

Assumptions
My submission above is based on what you have said about him; and the assumption that he is not coming after you because of other interests like your money, class or connections etc.

My dear do not lose a good man coz of his current situation now coz nobody knows what the future we bring coz it's certainly pregnant now .but trust me if u hold on n support him you'll both build an empire for yourselves!gone are the days you see a man with some many qualities you just listed trust me .

Imagine your kids playing in the corridor + You donot know his true character until he has money which he may never even have. Abort mission now.

Lovely

Esthered:
Dearest OP, your concerns are valid as a woman that has a standard and know what she wants. I courted my husband for a year and have been married for about 4 months, I never visited him till this Friday as we live apart due to work. When I got to his place, it can't be compared to his parents place I stay in Lagos but I told myself that that's my matrimonial home and not where I live. We discussed plans to grow especially the cost-benefit analysis of getting a better apartment when we have no children yet. But when love supersedes everything, you'll be optimistic about your growth together as it's a step at a time.
Does he have a vision, dreams and you see his effort he takes in making them a reality? Never underestimate a man with dreams that gives you peace of mind and makes you a priority, with your emotional, moral and financial support he'll go places.
The choice is yours to make dear. Happy Sunday and endeavour to stay safe.

Nn3muka:
The day you start supporting a man to pay rent, will be the beginning of all your problems.
Be ready to continue paying rents for the rest of your life.

It's either you take a walk now, or support him.

Greedy and self centered person

But the man has been supporting her

What is his occupation?
How long have you known him?
What is your own occupation?
Educational levels?

If I know these, then expect my further contribution.

Jewessgratitudd:

Sincerely speaking, in this time and age, I wouldn't advise anyone to start a family in that condition. You'll end up regretting it.

As per his level, with not up to 30k to start with, OP, you might be wasting your time with such a guy except if you are ready to bear 90% of the cost.

Now, you didn't state the kind of job he does so I'll know if it holds any prospects for the future or you might need to exercise patience until he gets a better job.

If you truly love him and are ready to take the risk and damn the consequence, then go ahead with the relationship. Know that with your frequent sleeping over, belle go soon show. Hmm.. That is when you'll know the importance of comfortability.

This is just so factual. Some of these guys only have that love to offer and nothing more. Knowing we ladies, we can fall for that so helplessly not knowing that that's just a ploy to get you to be comfortable with their status. When you finally settle down with them and the financial stress weighs on them, they will blame you for being the cause of their misfortune

Ariza:
Upload a screenshot of the PM or forever remain silent! I'm a lady why would I send you a PM? Even if I will send a PM to a lady it would be someone I know. I don't even know you! And Ive never sent a PM to a nairalander! People mistake me for a guy because of my unbiased opinions and judgements. Sometimes I get fed up with questions and play along. As for your ilegend's thread I remember being summoned by OKNM to upload but I didn't because I wasn't in the mood so how you could claim that I uploaded a lady's picture or any pictures at all beats my imagination. Just stop your gibberish already okay? And to have mentioned my name on that scammer thread was very unintelligent of you!

People who know me offline know who I am. So next time you wanna feel fly and play the stupid "I got a PM " shiit you all do here, look for better candidates. Nonsense! I await a screenshot of my supposed PM.

so even ladies fight and accuse each other of sending pms .i thought it was only ladies who do it to guys

Stacyomolola:


A good man is Responsible, honest, tolerant, disciplined, encouraging and worth emulating
Unfortunately there aren't many these days but luckily my dad is there
That's my opinion tho

There is no really a formula for perfection, if you know what I mean.

Instead of you to exercise patience and pray for him too...you rethinking..how about this”do you hav the money to rent your desired house?...if you don’t and you can’t afford it..please hold you peace...don’t pressure someone too much for what you yourself can’t afford...

Stay with him if he's ambitious. If he's poor and no ambition, think twice. Love should not be blind nowadays.
Ambition Test:
Is a graduate?
Is he trying to further his education?
Is he looking for a job?
Has he tried a business?
Is he acquiring new skills?

Forget the little he's spending on you, it could be an investment. Guys dey wise o, na u ladies blood dey run with emotions. Remember, poverty won't stop a man from cheating especially if the highest bidder comes. We poor guys are even more risky cos money truly change people. We have not been tested with money before so you've not really seen the true colour. "Reason with me, reason with me". Women should only reason with hardworking and ambitious guys, not the rich ones. Someone who is hammering a spot daily, someday he will breakthrough.

God bless ur new home...some gals sha

AFONJACOW:
This apartment reminds me of rude boy hit song... Reason with me...


This is one funny thing about women, my ex also complain same because I share flat with my sister, imagine someone that born in public yard, face me I face you is telling me she's not comfortable sharing flat with my sister that she's above that class, she always dreamt of big sitting in front of nice car.. person her papa no even get bicycle tire, she later left for someone with 3 bedroom flat and Camry tiny light , when I found out she's going out with this guy I nearly ran mad, I regretted ever been born I thought mine was worst... 3 yrs fast forward Camry guy gone, flat gone , am in world of my own, selecting car I will drive, she noticed statue change from Facebook pix she start forming relationship.... Hehehehehe another suicide loading because nah marriage I go promise 2weeks to see her parents I gave her my wedding card... Women are gold harvesters

STARGREEN:

Been broke is temporal for every guy with plans.

pls read thread post carefully before commenting on other peoples post...I said "u cant know the true colour of a man until he has money"..so how does your comment tally with what we are saying here?

densiks:

You should be more worried about contacting Covid-19

Contracting

RisenPhoenix:
This is the worst dilemma of the modern female; meeting a beta who has the attitude of a fantastic provider, but not the means; just when she is about ready to settle down.

Should she stay and hope that he will one day acquire the means which she will then be able to fully control? Or should she leave him and risk meeting another man who has the means but is wiser about the ways of women and hence, less subject to her control?

A big problem; kind of like which team one should bet all his school fees on, between evenly matched football teams.

Lol you are something else, your analysis is on point but still, it goes both ways, every Male and female is mindful of who they end up with these days which makes it seem like love is dead and relationships/marriages is solely for benefits, I have personally decided to see things as it is cos we humans are evolving, what works years ago isn't working now and won't work tomorrow, everything is changing rapidly.

babalonimi:

I have live in this type of house bfr, my fiance nw my wife didn't even bother herself when I was trying to hide my place bt the day I reluctantly brought her to my place, she encourage me But today we lived like king n queen in our place. So stay madam. No condition s permanent. Till today she encourage me on many things even when my PHD tire m

Ur wife is a virtuous woman which is a quality lacking in alot of ladies theses days. Many r becoming evening news papers. May God give them wisdom.

blozzynonny:
This is just so factual. Some of these guys only have that love to offer and nothing more. Knowing we ladies, we can fall for that so helplessly not knowing that that's just a ploy to get you to be comfortable with their status. When you finally settle down with them and the financial stress weighs on them, they will blame you for being the cause of their misfortune

that is y I always blame guys that want to go out with all these slay queens. Slay them on the bed n go look for a down to earth girl n marry. All these ladies looking for the guy with d ride. At the end of the day when the ride is gone, they grow wings n fly.

Ariza:
If you can't rent house for him like he would do if reverse were to be the case , Aunty carry your bag and go!

You can't cook food in the passage but you can comfortably eat out making the guy spend more. Aunty you have eaten his accommodation money already nah.

Tell am again..

No be virtuous, na calcu. The lady saw he's ambitious and hardworking. She saw all his PhD dreams. She saw his will power. Some people are poor, drink alcohol all around and waiting for miracle money.

emonis88:

Ur wife is a virtuous woman which is a quality lacking in alot of ladies theses days. Many r becoming evening news papers. May God give them wisdom.

prettyaura:
my dear, PLS move on with ur life, forget loving and caring becos he is just being humble becos he is broke...you can only know the true colour of a man when he has money

Chai... see how u just siddon use phone tear that guy man work? Let the babe love if ahe wants to na & u don't know the guy isn't being true

saajus:
No be virtuous, na calcu. The lady saw he's ambitious and hardworking. She saw all his PhD dreams. She saw his will power.

Some women even see men with such traits n say, "seh na pali I go chop? " it takes a strong woman to support a man through thick n thin to get to a comfortable life. It is not easy.

This story just further asserts my opinion that love and money work hand in hand and are ever inseparable..in today's world there's no romantic love, there just attraction, the root of which is money.. The only category of ladies who can love you truly are the financially independent ladies

InvertedHammer:



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQ7FpYDQLOI

You're too harsh

Sadteen:

Contracting

Getting in ‘contact’ informs the need for social distancing and ‘contracting’ may or may not happen after one has made some form of ‘contact’

Jewessgratitudd:

You might want to redirect this your comment; I'm not the OP

No I wanted u to read it so u know that the lady is also part of his problem.

It seems everyone has a grace to grass story.

Op, I have said it before and I will loud it again- that he stays in a one room apartment today doesn't mean he can't own a duplex tomorrow, HOWEVER, it is not an excuse for him to swallow the spirit of poverty of his father's house.

Be wise

LadyBeee:
Since I started dating, I've never met a man like this. So caring, cute, neat, hygienic, generous but unfortunately, he doesn't have much but the little he has, he'll spend on you and make you feel like a queen.

He stays in one room face me I face u. Initially, when I found out, I said I was going to quit but the love he showed me was so overwhelming and I couldn't quit. He said he's making plans to move out and he won't be renewing his rent in may. I agreed.

I fell in love with him too and became comfortable with his room but I made it clear that I will never pass the night at his place. You know how love can be blind, I found myself pass the night once and again and again then I asked him about his plans to move out, how much does he have at hand to rent a new place because I was secretly planning to support him with some money to add and he said he doesn't have up to 30k. I was angry and so dissapointed at him.

Right now I'm thinking the whole thing over. I don't think I can continue. Please advise me


Photo for illustration

So he should go and do Yahoo or rob a Bank ?


Modified: Okay i jus realised that you're an attention seeker. Good luck to you .

My own small advice: if you truly love him because you think he is the right guy for you and he has career prospects, keep him, support him, be a part of his success story. A good man isn't easy to come by; believe me. Men are scum. Take it from me.

If he is a lazy bum with no prospects, dump him or suffer the consequence later in life.
The decision is yours to make. But from what you've mentioned he seems like a hardworking guy who is focused however hardwork doesn't guarantee success especially when you are working hard in a career that holds no prospect for you.

I'll advise you to tell him to pick up a skill in demand like software development/cybersecurity; cyber security preferably. It will take him about 6 months of consistent hardwork to break into the field and be on his way to making 6 figures.

brodalikeme:
My dear don’t allow the devil use you against yourself!

You have 95% of what every lady dream of and you want to throw it away for something trivial and temporary? He stays in a rented one bedroom apartment, he isn’t the landlord, he is not squatting with some friend, haba!
He loves you and is honest with you take that is all that matters!
If the plan is marriage, support him to grow in his career or business, the benefits will come back to you in the form of more love and comfort. If it’s not marriage, at least you would have helped your fellow human being. I know so many ladies that have gone the extreme length of giving their man money to pay their bride price(Dude should have borrowed from friends though).

Sister support him! If his a good man like you said, you’ll be better of for doing that.

Have you heard that great song by Cobhams Asuquo Ft Simi titled We Plenti? A part of it says “beans no dey cook forever”

A little patient, a little input, you guys will be fine.

how will he have up to 30k in his savings since he had shower all his life earnings on you just to make u feel happy and here you are planning and making consultations on how to dump him.

I don't blame you, I blame him he should have plan his life properly before trying to make a woman feel happy.


Young intellectual men are after themselves and wellbeing first.

Oyiboman69:
There is no really a formula for perfection, if you know what I mean.

U do know there is a difference between being good and being perfect. A perfect man has no fault and no one actually is perfect except our creator