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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage (4670 Views)
Here Are 4 Essential Things A Man Must Possess Before Marriage. / Husbands Urged To Do This For Their Wives So Their Marriage Could Work. Photos / Sharing Responsibilities In A Marriage. (2) (3) (4)
Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by Belafonte(m): 1:53pm On Feb 09, 2020 |
Omar09: I’m not sure I know what a real man is o. But I’m sure nairaland women can give you the perfect definition 1 Like |
Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by bukatyne(f): 3:05pm On Feb 09, 2020 |
Belafonte: @Bold: I see. I wonder how many 'money' an average man has in Nigeria. I don't base my principles on what I read here, I have read a myriad of strange things. Let me ask you: In a traditional marriage where he feels he should be in control, the wife should shut up and let the man take 'charge', what value does the man have when he has no money? God give unto you as you desire. And please make a lot of money, sure you don't want small 'respect'. |
Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by bukatyne(f): 4:16pm On Feb 09, 2020 |
crackkhaus: 1. For the women that misbehave, why are they misbehaving? How did the man behave when he had money? We don't need to go far; on this thread, you told women to either pay their bills or be submissive to their husbands (I am thinking subservient) because submissiveness has nothing to do with who has the money. Let's assume the women take your advise and are opinionless, subservient and docile because the man is the breadwinner. Do you honestly think that they would remain that way when the husband no longer has the 'money'? If a family operates 'he would pays the piper, dictates the tune' model, why would someone who no longer play the piper want to dictate the tune? 2. As for the fiancee ish (she is actually his wife, they are married traditionally), what is their culture? If he is an Igbo man who knows the groom carries the bulk/all the wedding expenses, I would understand the wife's annoyance, I only frown at her reaction. I have attended Yoruba weddings where it was felt the groom did 'too much' and the girl's family are termed bad, uncultured, evil etc. I have seen cases where a Yoruba groom offers to do some stuffs and the girl's family says no out of 'pride' and 'self-respect'. The school fees one is a case; the one that wants to run to his mother's place because he did not tell his wife he was sacked and swindled of his severance pay by his sister. It would be good to know how they started. 3. I will agree with you for the type of 'pay the piper dictate the tune' marriage most people advocate here. If a husband and wife were living in love and harmony, keeping one purse and taking joint decisions before the husband loses his job, it will continue. Like they say, 'as you lay your bed, you lie on it.' You can now decide to gently 'straighten the sheets' in LewsThe.rin's words. Or a marriage where there was a clear divide that the husband provides while the wife takes care of the chores. Except you have dated or married all Nigerian women, you can't speak for them. Let us agree that only Nigerian mothers can take care of a man who is not contributing a dime. You will agree that this Nigerian mother was/is a Nigerian wife. It is either most of these sons are fatherless (that's why they enjoy the care of the mother alone) or it is just another stereotype about Nigerian women how it is believed no Nigerian husband can be faithful. 4. Maybe the mothers only took care of their sons abandoning the daughters else the sons and daughters should carry the mothers in high esteem if it was about providing or sacrificing. It is the duty of parents to care for their kids who will in turn care for them (without disrupting) the martial bond. Most of the mothers clinging to their sons (funny how they do not cling to daughters) do so because they have replaced an emotionally absent husband with the son. We Yorubas like to refer to kids especially male ones as the 'mother's husband' especially when the primary husband is irresponsible or absent. In a well grounded family, the parents would nurture their kids to become upstanding members of the society and go back to their pre-children martial state especially when they have the money/health/time. |
Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by Omar09(m): 5:01pm On Feb 09, 2020 |
Belafonte: I didn't ask them, did I? |
Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by crackkhaus: 6:55pm On Feb 09, 2020 |
bukatyne:Lol, Buka there are some arguments that are not even necessary because the reality is enough. There is NO woman that will take over the financial needs of her man indefinitely without getting fed up, not even YOU. Forget if I know you personally or not, the easiest thing you can do here to prove this wrong is to type it for everyone to see that you don't have any problems being the sole financial provider in your home for the next 5years - 5years is even too long, but I stretched it out given your Christian faith which might allow you to persevere than most. However, at the end of the day, even you don't want be the sole financial provider over your husband and home for the long term, there's no need to deceive ourselves here. As for you saying that because men talk about money a lot, then we should make sure we have plenty money (Dangote kind) to earn eternal submission from a wife, well, that is not a valid argument. Nigerian women don't need a man to be excessively "billions" rich before they behave humble around him, just have more money than she does and the magic is 100% complete - that's how you people roll. It's that easy. |
Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by Belafonte(m): 6:59pm On Feb 09, 2020 |
Omar09: Sorry sah |
Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by Belafonte(m): 7:04pm On Feb 09, 2020 |
bukatyne: My desire is to have plenty money, peace of mind and no fake love. So, thanks for your prayer. Now, to the issue of your question: in an ideal marriage, money is not the determinant of headship of the home but we do not dwell in ideal times. As the days go by, we see and even experience a massive shift in culture and even religious teachings. And we know culture to be “way of life”. At the end of the day, one must face reality and insure themselves against self delusion. 1 Like |
Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by bukatyne(f): 7:37pm On Feb 09, 2020 |
Belafonte: Please leave culture out of it. It is only my faaji at parties, dressing in my native attire for parties, dancing and spraying especially when there is live band singing your oriki with talking drum. O lawd! etc. that I align with culture. You now step down with Amala and Gbegiri or Pounded yam and Epogi soup! In an ideal marriage, the husband does not lord it over his wife or treat her shabbily because he is the head. He leads by example and with love. He genuinely loves his wife and only seek her greater good. They make decisions together and he does all he can to make her happy. His love makes her glow from within. A traditional man cannot behave traditionally and expect to reap the benefits of an ideal marriage. 'Nigerian' husbands and wives full ground so there is enough to go round. |
Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by bukatyne(f): 7:46pm On Feb 09, 2020 |
crackkhaus: When you or anyone else is really ready to have the discussion of husband/wife/money/headship/sole provider, I will be ready. You can't tell wives to be subservient to their husbands and do chores because he is the sole provider and wonder why they don't want to be sole providers when the husband loses his income and is not ready to switch roles. A housewife would keep the house warm and prepare a warm meal for her husband because he would be tired as he has gone out all day to toil. A non-earning husband (he doesn't deserve the honour to be called a househusband) would be home all day and wait for a wife who went out to toil to make his meal else she would be tagged 'disrespectful.' I raised a lot of points in my previous posts and if you really want to discuss this, would address them. Leave me out of this. You don't know me to assume what I would or wouldn't do in a certain situation. |
Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by Belafonte(m): 7:47pm On Feb 09, 2020 |
bukatyne: The attires and all are traditions and customs, I’m talking about how people actually live and relate with each other. The older generation men lorded it over there wives and had longer marriages, today’s men are more malleable and have shorter marriages. Today’s men are more romantic and they receive more disrespect even with better living conditions. Many men have been burnt. Why do you think red pill threads are being published with a vengeance? Go and read all the threads, it’s always a case of I thought she wanted an equal I was wrong. You talk like this because you are bound by your Christian faith, many women aren’t even the churchy ones. 1 Like |
Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by crackkhaus: 7:53pm On Feb 09, 2020 |
bukatyne:Nuances Bukatyne The arrangement (role reversal) a woman desires when she becomes the sole provider, is not the issue. The issue is that NO woman even wants to be sole provider in the first place...NONE. Even given the opportunity where a husband has decided to be the perfect househusband - submissive, do all the chores, cook, and be responsible for the childcare, NO Nigerian woman still wants that arrangement, NONE. 1 Like |
Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by bukatyne(f): 7:58pm On Feb 09, 2020 |
Belafonte: @ bold: I just told you that one I adhere to. Also add names to it. I so love love love our local names Hahhaahaha! @ bound by Christian faith. I find it funny. Hope you are not equating length of marriage to value? The same older wives that dump the men once their kids are stable enough to accommodate them? Haven't you seen the outcry of old men abandoned by their wives in the disguise of 'Omugho' and visiting children? For every man burnt, you do realize there are also women burnt? How many men are churchy? It is not even about Church alone; marry the person you genuinely love and loves you back. That is the first step. Of course, I know Red Pill and MGTOW is a response or reaction to toxic feminism that changes women from warm wives to monsters. Some of the girls also saw their mothers burnt and don't want to go that way. |
Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by Belafonte(m): 8:06pm On Feb 09, 2020 |
bukatyne: So, the older women don’t like their marriages with their ‘domineering’ husbands, the younger ones don’t like their marriages with their malleable husbands. What’s left? Maybe marriage isn’t worth it after all. No wonder many are opting out en masse. About marrying the person that loves you back, we don’t know who loves us back or if said love will last. I’m sure people who divorce didn’t think they’d be unmarried down the line. The redpill/mgtow is actually a response to what you just said above, women using men, at least, this is how men see it. Women complain and nag and make lists of what makes marriage last long and at the end the women aren’t satisfied. So, the men are like “well, f*ck it. Find your happiness elsewhere. I’m done tying to please you.” That is the root of the redpill. That nothing you do for a woman is neither appreciated nor worth the effort and so just do your own thing. |
Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by bukatyne(f): 9:38pm On Feb 09, 2020 |
Belafonte: The middle wives love their loving husbands I would be the first to agree with you that some wives don't like husbands who love them; there are also ungrateful wives, there are also wives who are selfish; some don't love themselves enough to pick a good man. I call them all 'Nigerian' wives. Marriage is beautiful when you marry your soulmate whom you love and loves you back. How you would find the person is your assignment. |
Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by Belafonte(m): 1:28pm On Feb 11, 2020 |
bukatyne: Now, you’re just stunting on the rest of us. I officially dislike you for rubbing it in |
Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by bukatyne(f): 7:18pm On Feb 16, 2020 |
Belafonte: Awwwwww! In another news, my Ozil just scored a goal! Gosh! see the pure joy on his face. I am so so happy for him. |
Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by Belafonte(m): 8:00pm On Feb 16, 2020 |
bukatyne: |
Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by Belafonte(m): 8:02pm On Feb 16, 2020 |
bukatyne: I’m not an Arsenal fan, even though Ozil is one of my favorite footballers. Congrats on your win against the farmers of Newcastle |
Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by kazyhm(m): 8:34pm On Feb 16, 2020 |
crackkhaus: This is what the real issue is 1 Like |
Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by Nobody: 7:41pm On Mar 30, 2020 |
crackkhaus: |
Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by frankkydee(m): 9:18pm On Mar 30, 2020 |
bukatyne: Reverse is the case these days |
Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by bukatyne(f): 9:23pm On Mar 30, 2020 |
frankkydee: Reverse of what? |
Re: Man Must Take All Financial Responsibilities In Their Marriage by frankkydee(m): 9:26pm On Mar 30, 2020 |
bukatyne: I mean what you wrote is the truth but things are no more going that direction in this dispensation |
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