Now, I know this is going to be controversial, but I really don't care for crowd cheering. For the sake of clarity, and so everyone is able to weigh their options carefully, I'd like to state a few things.

Marrying a woman who earns is really great, it would make life a lot easier. But there are so many things you must consider.

1. Most men marry in their early to mid-30s. Are you marrying a girl who's your age mate? If she's between 22 to 27, then she's probably just leaving school or rounding off with NYSC. Excuse me, Sir, did you did you get financially stable right after school? If not, please marry your mate who's in her 30s. Oh, wait a minute, y'all call them evening newspapers!

2. Do you realise that life is in stages, and these phases come at different times for different people? So she's not earning today, is that how things will be forever?

3. You must realise that you should marry a woman who can live within your means... who can be content with what you're able to provide. Anything other than that will simply frustrate you. Why do you think you commonly find men marrying below their status?

4. No matter how much you wish things were different, women are not naturally wired to be providers. From the beginning of time, it was Adam who was cursed to till the ground for his daily bread, not Eve. That one was cursed with tortuous childbearing. So if you make a woman do the things that you're supposed to do, you'll create anarchy in your home. She'll most likely be disgruntled and it will start manifesting in her actions.
If you're tired of being or don't know how to be a man, just come as a woman in your next life.

In a house she's paying rent for you want to start keeping late nights, or having shady movements, or having her tether to the needs of all your village people who troop in by the hour. Hahahahaa. She'll throw you out!

5. Some of you men talking about the women in your offices, did they tell you they split bills 50/50 with their husbands? I have lots of female colleagues, and women talk. You guys know nothing!

6. Even if she's gainfully employed or running a thriving business, I think the mindset that she must split bills with you is a problematic one. Yes, it is natural that when she earns, she would help around with bills in the home. But don't bank on it... don't make your plans around your wife's income. A man's primary responsibility is to provide for his home, anything else is support, assistance, and you know what those words mean, yeah? If the rent or kids school fees get due before you're able to pay it, no hassles l'll pay it ASAP, but I'll be expecting a refund!
My area of support without expecting reimbursement are;
If you bring 100k for monthly upkeep, and the foodstuff or things I want to do around the house require more than that, I'll make up the balance without stress.
If the gas runs out before you get to refill, I'll top up.
I'll fuel my car myself, buy all my weaves, and maintain my wardrobe myself.
I can give my children whatever treat I feel like, make them look good, without asking you.
If the utility bill comes when you're not home, I pay up.
I buy you random gifts, and throw surprise birthday parties for you.
If you need a loan, I give to you, and you pay back with interest!
Should you fall on hard times, and your income isn't coming in, I'll naturally step up and take care of everything until you get back on your feet.

Having said all that, a woman who earns tangibly is actually doing herself a world of good. Personally, I can't for the life of me fathom why anyone would want to be a fulltime housewife. But it's not in my place to criticise. Everyone's got their peculiar preferences. I understand the need to be very much involved in my children's lives.
Actually, I'm still wracking my head on how to get around that when the time comes... build a solid career, raise intelligent and very well-behaved Godly children, look after my home and husband...
So maybe some women simply see holding a job and achieving all these as an impossible task. Some men, too, simply prefer to have fulltime housewives for their unique reasons. Each man to his own.

All the long story summarily is;
1. You want to marry a woman who's earning money... think about her age and prospects.
2. Even if she's earning, providing for the family still remains your chief responsibility. That's what being a man is.
3. Stop condemning people who would rather be, or marry housewives. It's their call. Not yours.

How old is op

Nice points but I have a contrary view to your No 4 I see nothing wrong with a woman providing if she is in a better position to do so.

Money nor get gender.You spoke from the biblical point of view but in the 21st century reality some women have been providing very well.
If I were a guy I will definitely want to split bills with my woman call me whatever you want but I love that financial interdependability from the both of us.I will not want to marry any woman that has no prospect and must earn a reasonable amount.
Why will we not split bills why on earth did you go to school and you are working if you cannot bring out money.
I think it is high time we live those stereotypes that a man must provide first this pressure has led some men to do certain illicit things to provide.

These guys talks A and then go about to do B. Most of the ladies I know that are married right now are out rightly very jobless. Men love a woman they can lord over, that is why it is difficult for a well to do woman to see a prospective husband to marry.
They fear being in competition with a more financially stable woman. And in cases where the husband expect her financially stable wifey to contribute to the homefront then problem begin to happen. You want a wifey that can pay bills but also want to stretch your legs about the house because you're the husband and head of a family that you're not totally financially in charge of!
A woman can help you, that is what the bible said, a help meet. If i split the bills with husband then he should be ready to work around the house. Do the dishes, bath the kids, wash and clean. Since we want to share responsibilities that has been defined right from time.
You're just a very lucky man if you find yourself a woman that doesnt mind sharing the bills with you, yet doesnt even mind doing 90 or 100% of running domestic house works.

At 26 a lady should be earning an income. Most men earn income at that age. There is nothing denying a lady that opportunity.

Any man dating or marrying a lady that is not earning an income and paying part of the bills is either extremely rich or extremely unwise.

Nobody learnt how to provide from birth.

Just wondering why feminist also want to get married and frustrate marriage

Doing what you know how to do best... Preach sis
Cc ladylite

Ladyhippolyta88:
Nice points but I have a contrary view to your No 4 I see nothing wrong with a woman providing if she is in a better position to do so.

Money nor get gender.You spoke from the biblical point of view but in the 21st century reality some women have been providing very well.
If I were a guy I will definitely want to split bills with my woman call me whatever you want but I love that financial interdependability from the both of us.I will not want to marry any woman that has no prospect and must earn a reasonable amount.
Why will we not split bills why on earth did you go to school and you are working if you cannot bring out money.
I think it is high time we live those stereotypes that a man must provide first this pressure has led some men to do certain illicit things to provide.

There is no big deal splitting the bills, but can these men lower their standards and split house works with their wives? Will they come back from work and make dinner? Help around the house cos their wives are splitting bills with them? I believe all these should be defined before a woman and man enters marriage.

I don't see a need for long story; man, marry a woman with whom you're in synchronization, provided that she's conscientious and has altruistic interest towards you (and vice versa). A conscientious woman (or man) is a resourceful woman, whether or not she has money/earns money directly. Once you've a source of income/can provide for the family, every other thing is secondary, if not irrelevant in this regard - this doesn't make dual income from both parties bad in any way. Resourcesfulness is the ultimate sign of responsibleness, not money itself.

A husband and wife are partners, but they aren't in partnership/competition. So, the idea of a couple earning dual income for the purpose of sharing bills is nonsense as far as I'm concerned. Money remains what it's, a means to an end. It can never be an end. Whosoever that has it at any point in time should spend it cheerfully for the benefit of self and others around them.

Oneness remains the soul of marriage, and there can't be oneness where there's no mutual altruism.

BlueAir:
How old is op

36.

rockstarB:

There is no big deal splitting the bills, but can these men lower their standards and split house works with their wives? Will they come back from work and make dinner? Help around the house cos their wives are splitting bills with them? I believe all these should be defined before a woman and man enters marriage.

They should if they expect their wives to do such for them.One must give or take they can't eat their cake and have it.
Men should also help around in the house.I won't call it assist it is their house too so they should have a part in maintaining it.

Doesn't act like it

ojun50:

36.

[quote author=BlueAir post=87966591]Doesn't act like it[/quot
Some people are like that

Spot on

PrimadonnaO:
Now, I know this is going to be controversial, but I really don't care for crowd cheering. For the sake of clarity, and so everyone is able to weigh their options carefully, I'd like to state a few things.

Marrying a woman who earns is really great, it would make life a lot easier. But there are so many things you must consider.

1. Most men marry in their early to mid-30s. Are you marrying a girl who's your age mate? If she's between 22 to 27, then she's probably just leaving school or rounding off with NYSC. Excuse me, Sir, did you did you get financially stable right after school? If not, please marry your mate who's in her 30s. Oh, wait a minute, y'all call them evening newspapers!

2. Do you realise that life is in stages, and these phases come at different times for different people? So she's not earning today, is that how things will be forever?

3. You must realise that you should marry a woman who can live within your means... who can be content with what you're able to provide. Anything other than that will simply frustrate you. Why do you think you commonly find men marrying below their status?

4. No matter how much you wish things were different, women are not naturally wired to be providers. From the beginning of time, it was Adam who was cursed to till the ground for his daily bread, not Eve. That one was cursed with tortuous childbearing. So if you make a woman do the things that you're supposed to do, you'll create anarchy in your home. She'll most likely be disgruntled and it will start manifesting in her actions.
If you're tired of being or don't know how to be a man, just come as a woman in your next life.

In a house she's paying rent for you want to start keeping late nights, or having shady movements, or having her tether to the needs of all your village people who troop in by the hour. Hahahahaa. She'll throw you out!

5. Some of you men talking about the women in your offices, did they tell you they split bills 50/50 with their husbands? I have lots of female colleagues, and women talk. You guys know nothing!

6. Even if she's gainfully employed or running a thriving business, I think the mindset that she must split bills with you is a problematic one. Yes, it is natural that when she earns, she would help around with bills in the home. But don't bank on it... don't make your plans around your wife's income. A man's primary responsibility is to provide for his home, anything else is support, assistance, and you know what those words mean, yeah? If the rent or kids school fees get due before you're able to pay it, no hassles l'll pay it ASAP, but I'll be expecting a refund!
My area of support without expecting reimbursement are;
If you bring 100k for monthly upkeep, and the foodstuff or things I want to do around the house require more than that, I'll make up the balance without stress.
If the gas runs out before you get to refill, I'll top up.
I'll fuel my car myself, buy all my weaves, and maintain my wardrobe myself.
I can give my children whatever treat I feel like, make them look good, without asking you.
If the utility bill comes when you're not home, I pay up.
I buy you random gifts, and throw surprise birthday parties for you.
If you need a loan, I give to you, and you pay back with interest!
Should you fall on hard times, and your income isn't coming in, I'll naturally step up and take care of everything until you get back on your feet.

Having said all that, a woman who earns tangibly is actually doing herself a world of good. Personally, I can't for the life of me fathom why anyone would want to be a fulltime housewife. But it's not in my place to criticise. Everyone's got their peculiar preferences. I understand the need to be very much involved in my children's lives.
Actually, I'm still wracking my head on how to get around that when the time comes... build a solid career, raise intelligent and very well-behaved Godly children, look after my home and husband...
So maybe some women simply see holding a job and achieving all these as an impossible task. Some men, too, simply prefer to have fulltime housewives for their unique reasons. Each man to his own.

All the long story summarily is;
1. You want to marry a woman who's earning money... think about her age and prospects.
2. Even if she's earning, providing for the family still remains your chief responsibility. That's what being a man is.
3. Stop condemning people who would rather be, or marry housewives. It's their call. Not yours.

YourCoffin:
At 26 a lady should be earning an income. Most men earn income at that age. There is nothing denying a lady that opportunity.

Any man dating or marrying a lady that is not earning an income and paying part of the bills is either extremely rich or extremely unwise.

Nobody learnt how to provide from birth.

Men should only date graduate ladies who are 26 and above then?

missimelda01:
Doing what you know how to do best... Preach sis
Cc ladylite

ojun50:

36.

LOL!

ProtectMyMoney:
All this long story are mostly written by our women from this part of the world...Naija...i hardly hear of women from Europe and USA bringing this up as a topic for discussion... they are naturally wired up whilst growing up to share things 50/50.

It doesn't come as a big deal for them to split bills.

I hope it is also not a big deal for you to split chores.

That is what the OP is about.

Neither party should pick a side and run with it.

If you want a home with traditional duties, each party should willingly play their part.

If you want to switch things up, do so in a way that is fair to both parties.

You can't be doing commander in chief and expect your wife to share bills with you.

You also cannot claim 'we are equals' and yeri that his money is our money and my money is my money.

The above is a recipe for disaster.

Biko, pick a side and stick to it.

PrimadonnaO:


Men should only date graduate ladies who are 26 and above then?

It is even advisable to that given how ladies below that age behaves. Now add inability to earn income to that. Na correct suffer head be that.

bukatyne:


I hope it is also not a big deal for you to split chores.

That is what the OP is about.

Neither party should pick a side and run with it.

If you want a home with traditional duties, each party should willingly play their part.

If you want to switch things up, do so in a way that is fair to both parties.

You can't be doing commander in chief and expect your wife to share bills with you.

You also cannot claim 'we are equals' and yeri that his money is our money and my money is my money.

The above is a recipe for disaster.

Biko, pick a side and stick to it.

One can always get a house help to assist the wife with chores... that way, you wouldn't expect Oga of the house to be washing plates, sweeping floors, etc. Etc

I think the summary should just be to marry someone who is hard working and understands the value of money - no matter how little she earns. And most importantly, one who isn't stingy.

This life is in stages. There is a reason why we are broke in school, a reason why as we get older and matured, things begin to improve albeit gradually.

There will always be a time you may earn more than her by virtue of how long you've been working / age. A wife who understands the value of money and work will strive to be better at getting it by improving work input consistently.

YourCoffin:


It is even advisable to that given how ladies below that age behaves. Now add inability to earn income to that. Na correct suffer head be that.

Ehen. Since y'all know what to do, why are most men not doing it so they can stop complaining?

Ohh, let me see...babes at that stage are getting proud, they know they are hotcake so they don't even tolerate bullsh*t. And some men get easily intimidated, so they run off to the either young, or broke, or desperate who can suck up their excesses. Hmm. I see.

ProtectMyMoney:


One can always get a house help to assist the wife with chores... that way, you wouldn't expect Oga of the house to be washing plates, sweeping floors, etc. Etc

Get a house help. Great! And a chef... and a nanny. And you'll pay all their salaries.

Then we can split other bills 50/50.

Then both of us will be Head of the House! Yayy!!

@Op, In as much as it's ok to help your hubby when he's broke is cool, but expecting him to pay you back with Interest Is what I don't Understand.....

Madam, take am easy oooooo...

ProtectMyMoney:
All this long story are mostly written by our women from this part of the world...Naija...i hardly hear of women from Europe and USA bringing this up as a topic for discussion... they are naturally wired up whilst growing up to share things 50/50.

It doesn't come as a big deal for them to split bills.

And that is why they don't take nonsense. Any little quarrel is divorce straight.

Op, may God bless you for this.

missimelda01:
Doing what you know how to do best... Preach sis
Cc ladylite

Thanks maami

But this is a bit myopic, the major question is= IS MARRIAGE COMPULSORY?

Without a man, can a woman not be a provider.... What about women whose husband's are dead(yes o, research shows that men die first simply because they do most of the work)


If you are talking based on naija then you may be somewhat right, but this can NEVER be general. I finished university at 21, and my cousins in the UK finished at 19. See why I said this OP is a bit myopic?

To give the responsibility to the man and espect him to respect you later is just a mental dystopia. When u and the man agree 50/50 or even 70/30, there will be a Major form of mutual respect for each other.

Times have changed. Ladies who can not take care of themselves have no business dating a man else they will use him as an ATM unconsciously or consciously. Such ladies who have never grasped the concept of working hard and smart will always WASTE money and we know men are logically inclined, they would not want to wife such a devorer.

So in conclusion, sisters make your own money, we are wired to be able to multi task more than men, so what stops you from doing business online while in school?? Ehn, what stops you from using the lock down to learn digital skills and pursuing some one who is ready to teach you for free. Drop the pride and learn how to own your life.

My man loved me much more because he paid for the first date and I took him out the next month and paid, we are always trying to outdo each other till now.... That is a game TEAM, no dull moments.
Pls let's get it clear, corona virus has changed the game and many will now know the value of saving up rather than buying some expensive wig we can not eat during a lock down. Or a latest Phone that can not help anyone during such an outbreak, values and priorities have been shifted and shattered. Welcome to the new world.

PrimadonnaO

I have made a conscious decision to only allow Women with jobs into my life, Women who actually make money, Usually they range between 26 and above. Once I am on a date or start getting to know you & I ask what you do for a living, you start to stutter. In my mind I already know you're jobless.

If you don't have a job as a lady, while I will definitely sleep with you / knack you without being apologetic. I'm 100% sure I can NEVER marry you & I say it with my chest. When I say Jobs, I don't mean 30k Alawee, I mean a real 9 - 5 job with decent pay more than Alawee.

I noticed Men are always selling themselves short. Just in Lagos alone, I know many Women in their 20s, some I have worked with in the past, some are good friends between 25 - 29 who earn good income, know how to cook, tall & beautiful, Fair Oyinbo pepper.

So why will I go and settle with one Amaka that is depending on Alawee to survive. That will off Pant at the sight of iPhoneX.
God Forbid abeg!

PrimadonnaO:


Ehen. Since y'all know what to do, why are most men not doing it so then can stop complaining?

Ohh, let me see...babes at that stage are getting proud, they know they are hotcake so they don't even tolerate bullsh*t. And some men get easily intimidated, so they run off to the either young, or broke, or desperate who can suck up their excesses. Hmm. I see.

That is the essence of the thread: to advise them to start making wise decisions when choosing a partner going forward

Ladylite:


Thanks maami

But this is a bit myopic, the major question is= IS MARRIAGE COMPULSORY?

Without a man, can a woman not be a provider.... What about women whose husband's are dead(yes o, research shows that men die first simply because they do most of the work)


If you are talking based on naija then you may be somewhat right, but this can NEVER be general. I finished university at 21, and my cousins in the UK finished at 19. See why I said this OP is a bit myopic?

To give the responsibility to the man and espect him to respect you later is just a mental dystopia. When u and the man agree 50/50 or even 70/30, there will be a Major form of mutual respect for each other.

Times have changed. Ladies who can not take care of themselves have no business dating a man else they will use him as an ATM unconsciously or consciously. Such ladies who have never grasped the concept of working hard and smart will always WASTE money and we know men are logically inclined, they would not want to wife such a devorer.

So in conclusion, sisters make your own money, we are wired to be able to multi task more than men, so what stops you from doing business online while in school?? Ehn, what stops you from using the lock down to learn digital skills and pursuing some one who is ready to teach you for free. Drop the pride and learn how to own your life.

My man loved me much more because he paid for the first date and I took him out the next month and paid, we are always trying to outdo each other till now.... That is a game TEAM, no dull moments.
Pls let's get it clear, corona virus has changed the game and many will now know the value of saving up rather than buying some expensive wig we can not eat during a lock down. Or a latest Phone that can not help anyone during such an outbreak, values and priorities have been shifted and shattered. Welcome to the new world.

Interesting conclusion my lady

I wish all (both male and female) striving to earn a living or increase their earning power, all the best.

And let's respect each other while at it

StaySafe